The Zen Leaf

TBR Priorities of 2016

Posted on December 8, 2015 by Thistle

Last week, I talked about my most anticipated 2016 releases. These, of course, will be reading priorities in the upcoming year. Additionally, I have unread books on my shelves and on my virtual TBR shelf that will be high priority in 2016. I like to keep as close to a zeroed-out TBR pile as possible, especially when it comes to books on my shelves.

In 2015, I entered the year uncomfortable with how many unread books I had facing me. There were nine on my shelves, eight in audio queue, four on my virtual TBR, and over 30 in my “to-investigate” list. I’m pleased to say that of the nine on my shelves, only one remains unread. The rest were either read or culled. I also have no outstanding audio queue, very few “to investigate” books, and only three virtual TBR books (none of which were there last year). So I am in a much better place for starting 2016 than I was for starting 2015, and the following books, in addition to my anticipated 2016 releases, will be top priority for me in the upcoming year.

On My Shelf (fiction)
1. Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson – This was on my list last year. I need to reread the first book before I can read this one, and because they’re both around 1000 pages, I keep putting them off, even though I want to read them!

2. East Lynne by Ellen Wood – I first heard about this book at the conference I attended in New Hampshire this April and have wanted to read it ever since.

3 & 4. The Well of Lost Plots and Something Rotten by Jasper Fforde – It’s about time I continued this series!

On My Shelf (nonfiction)
5. How Sex Changed by Joanne Meyerowitz – Adam gave me this book in a bookswap earlier this year and I’m really looking forward to it!

6. the Qur’an – I’ve read the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and would like to add this to my list of theological texts.

7. Health and Wellbeing: Yoga by Charmaine Yabsley and David Smith – Not sure how much I can learn about yoga through a book, but hey, it’s worth a shot.

Virtual TBR
8. Shadow Scale by Rachel Hartman – like Words of Radiance, I need to reread Seraphina first and just haven’t done so yet.

9. Dawn by Octavia Butler – see description for East Lynne above

10. Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls by Jes Baker – This is the newest book added to my pile. I’ve heard great things!

That’s it! My ten TBR priorities of 2016.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged lists | 2 Comments

Sunday Coffee – November Plot-twists

Posted on December 6, 2015 by Thistle

Remember how I said November was going to be a quiet one on the blog? Yeah… Instead, there were three plot twists this past month:

1. I realized I couldn’t keep ignoring my health issues, and had to change priorities mid-month.

2. I read and listened to some really fantastic books, and by mid-November, I was finished with everything I want to read in 2016. For the rest of the year, I’m switching into quiet, relaxing reread mode, as I usually do sometime near December. It just came around a little earlier this year.

3. I discovered, once again, that realistic fiction is not my writing wheelhouse. My NaNoWriMo novel? Nope. I would love to read that book, but there’s no way in hell that I want to write it. I stopped trying early in the month, and decided it would be better worth my time to keep plodding slowly along with the current second-draft-in-progress I’ve had going all year. My total word count (on both manuscripts) only came to about 24,000 words for November, but I still feel like I won, because I stayed true to myself as a writer.

So the month didn’t really go according to plan at all. That’s okay, though. I learned some important things and made some good decisions, and that makes it all worth it. Cheers!

Posted in Book Talk, Wellness, Writing | Tagged Sunday Coffee | 6 Comments

Career of Evil, by Robert Galbraith (audio)

Posted on December 4, 2015 by Thistle

This is the third volume in the continuing series of Cormoran Strike’s detective agency. Strike’s assistant and business partner, Robin, has been sent a severed leg, and Cormoran immediately has a few ideas about who might have sent it. While his business dries up in the face of the inevitable nasty publicity, he and Robin follow the leads that the police aren’t taking as seriously as Cormoran would like. Meanwhile, the killer stalks Robin from place to place, and she’s so upset by the issues going on with her fiance that she’s just about walking into the trap…

Of the three volumes I’ve read so far, this is definitely my favorite. That could be because it didn’t have as many issues as I remembered from the first two books (overly long explanation at the end of the first book, and stilted dialogue in the first half of the second book). It could be because I’ve gotten to know the characters and writing style better by now. However, I think the reason this worked better for me than the first two books (which I did enjoy despite my issues with them!) was that I listened to it on audio.

The Book Itself: Crime fiction, mysteries, and thrillers aren’t really my thing. I only read them rarely, and if I get into a series, like this one, it’s because of the writing and the characters. Tana French’s Dublin Murder Squad series is a good example of a crime series I plan to continue reading. The Cormoran Strike books are another. I like Cormoran, I adore Robin, and I like how wide-ranging and varied are the people they encounter. I think Galbraith (*coughRowlingcough*) does a lot of fantastic research on psychology, poverty (urban and rural), physical disabilities, inter-country variations in culture, and crime procedure. Furthermore, as the series goes along, I see improvements in writing and characterization, with overall growth of characters over time. So thumbs up on all of that.

The Audio Enhancement: Listening on audio helped me to hear the dialogue a bit better, and to deal with the constantly-shifting point of view. I’m still not a huge fan of the way the narrative switches in and out of various characters’ heads, sometimes on a sentence-by-sentence basis. I know it’s supposed to be omniscient, so I’m not sure if that kind of point of view just doesn’t work for me, or if it’s so rare that it’s unfamiliar when I hear it, or if it’s just hard to write and doesn’t come across well in this case. I did find it easier to understand on audio, though, because the narrator (Robert Glenister) had a way of making it very clear who was doing/thinking the action/thought at each moment. I definitely think I will listen to these books on audio from here on out – even though the audio sucked me in so quickly that I ended up listening to all sixteen disks in under two days, when I probably would have taken a week with the physical book. Totally worth it!

A Very Important Note: There is a lot of sexual violence, both historically and ongoing, discussed in the book. There is really no way to avoid it, either, as several of the suspects have histories of sex crimes. For the same reason, there’s also a lot of domestic abuse and child abuse (and child sexual abuse), so if any of those things are triggers for you, you’ll want to steer clear!

Performance: I mentioned that Robert Glenister did a great job of helping me to not be confused during all the point of view shifts. He was also a fantastic narrator in general. I loved his voices – listening to Cormoran was like listening to Hagrid, ha!! – and he did a great job making me feel the tension of the novel without ever pulling me out of the story. Last but definitely not least, all his various accents/dialects felt real instead of approximates. I generally have difficulty with accents and dialects in audiobooks, but I didn’t here, because Glenister did such a convincing job with them. It was almost like listening to a full cast, which is kinda awesome from a single narrator! Makes me want to revisit the first two books on audio!!

Posted in 2015, 2016, 2017, Adult, Prose | Tagged audio, dream-invader, memorable, psychology, reread, RIP-worthy | 4 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #14: Epic Battle

Posted on December 2, 2015 by Thistle

(Post title courtesy of my middle son.)

A month ago, I talked about how I could trust my body, about how my body is good at self-regulation. This is true. However, I cannot trust my brain.

Simple solution, right? Go with body instincts and ignore the brain. Except, it’s not the logical brain that I can’t trust. The logical brain is mostly fine. It knows I need to be healthier, and what steps will take me that direction. The problem is with the “lower” brain, the part where instinct lives, and where logic does not penetrate. This is the part of the brain stuck chewing on trauma and fear and anxiety and depression, and the part of the brain that bypasses the body’s instincts, turning the usually trustworthy body into a weapon.

Body vs Brain, the ultimate epic battle!

I can tell myself until I’m blue in the face and I’ve lost my voice that I can trust my body, that I used to rely on that trust, that I should be able to rely on it still. But it’s not my body that’s the trouble. It’s my brain, mired in a thousand disordered bits, and the brain-trouble is going to take a Very Long Time to untangle. In the meantime, telling myself to trust my (brain-hijacked) body is tantamount to ignoring the physical crisis taking me over.

True Confessions
I only made it two weeks into No Number November before I looked at the scale. It wasn’t fear that drove me to look. It was the need for confirmation. Some of my new jeans stopped fitting, and a new symptoms I haven’t seen in years cropped up. I started waking up with random numb limbs and joints. This was common when I was very obese, but went away completely when I lost enough weight. Now it’s back, and sure enough, when I looked, the scale had continued to climb.

Tracking food (without calories or measurements) wasn’t helping. Eating mindfully wasn’t helping. Making daily food plans wasn’t helping. Eating by hunger cues wasn’t helping. I was, pretty much, ignoring everything and eating whatever the hell my body-brain asked for. And I can’t keep doing this! Yes, in the past, I’ve lost weight without needing to track calories or restrict certain triggery foods. However, just because something worked when I was in a much better brain-state doesn’t mean I can rely on it now. I need all new techniques for an all new situation.

So, Jason and I came up with plans for the second half of November (and beyond). I will discuss these plans more fully in future posts, but generally, they created a (hopefully sustainable) path toward better nutrition and physical health.

*****
Dear younger Manda,

Learn to adapt!! Things change, and so old methods that worked so well aren’t going to keep working. Remember that, and be flexible. It’ll serve you well in the future, I promise.

Love, modern-day Manda

Posted in Wellness | Tagged food, health, psychology, Wellness Wednesday | 5 Comments

Most Anticipated 2016 Releases

Posted on December 1, 2015 by Thistle

Today’s Top Ten Tuesday topic asks about the 2016 debuts we’re most looking forward to. As usual, I have no idea what debuts are forthcoming. Not a single one.** So instead, I’m using today’s topic to list out my most anticipated 2016 releases (non-debut). (Yes, I know there’s an upcoming topic where I can address this. However, I have something else blog-planned that day.) In order of my anticipation anxiety:

1. The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater – Does this surprise anyone? It was my most anticipated released for 2015, too…then it was delayed, and delayed again…sigh.

2. Bands of Mourning by Brandon Sanderson – Until Shadows of Self, this wasn’t high priority for me. Now I’m glad the wait will be short.

3. The Shadow Hour by Melissa Grey – Loved the first in this series, can’t wait for the second!

4. Something New by Lucy Knisley – More Knisley? Yes, please!

5. A Drop of Night by Stefan Bachmann – I first heard of this one in 2013 and have been waiting (through multiple delays) ever since!!

6. The Hunt by Megan Shepherd – see description of #3 above

7. Calamity by Brandon Sanderson – I hope the end of this trilogy is brilliant.

8. Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo – I hear this series will just be a duology, so hopefully this wraps up well!

Other possibilities with 2016 listed as tentative release year on GoodReads:

the second Goldseer book by Rae Carson
the second Magonia book by Maria Dahvana Headley
the next Lockwood & Co book by Jonathan Stroud

Also, this isn’t actually listed, anywhere, but can we please, please, please have more Tana French soon??

**Oh! I just realized, I do know a 2016 debut after all: Dreamology by Lucy Keating. I have no idea where I heard about this book, and it’s not in my most anticipated 2016 books (on a to-investigate list instead), but hey, I know one this year! That’s highly unusual for me, haha.

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged lists | 5 Comments

Sunday Coffee – On Nonfiction

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Thistle

This year is peculiar for me in terms of reading habits. Since I began to track my books in 2008, my nonfiction reading rate has averaged 10% per year. This year, I’m steady at almost 30%. That is a huge jump, and beyond that, my best-of-2015 rankings currently include twice as many nonfiction titles as fiction titles. In all my combined six pre-2015 blog years, only three nonfiction titles made it into my best-of lists, and two of those only as runner-ups. This year? There will be six.

Back in January, I talked about my reading mood swings, and hypothesized that I was on a very short trend toward nonfiction. This is because I’ve never been tempted to read nonfiction for longer than about four to six weeks at a stretch. An extended mood like this one is a brand new experience for me.

And yet, I find that not all titles work for me, and that as usual, I’m super picky about what I choose and finish. This month, at Jason’s suggestion, I tried to read Unfamiliar Fishes by Sarah Vowell. The book didn’t work for me. It was too much like reading a history book. I don’t find history dull…in the right context, and this context is hard to explain. Jason, in suggesting the book, thought it would be a good one for me, because of the cultural and sociological history (which I normally love). But to me, it felt too big-picture, and I couldn’t get hooked into the narrative. Was that because I had no personal connection to the subject, and no personal interest that drove me to the book? Or was it because of the way the author approached the subject and the methodology of the book? No clue. I can’t adequately describe why some nonfiction works and some doesn’t. That makes it really hard to find titles when I’m in this kind of mood!

Still, I’m grateful for what I have come across this year. Some of the books I’ve read have been life-changing on multiple levels, and I feel that I’m starting to understand what does/doesn’t work for me, which hopefully will make it easier to find good nonfiction Manda-books in the future. Maybe next year, I’ll officially participate in Nonfiction November. I was sorely tempted this year!

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged nonfiction, Sunday Coffee | 8 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #13: Six Years

Posted on November 25, 2015 by Thistle

November 27, 2009. After over a decade of illness/infection and a net 130-lb weight gain because of them (plus medications, plus hopelessness), I embarked on a weight loss journey to lose 100 lbs. On that day, I bought an elliptical, and later met with some friends for ice cream (a propitious beginning, yes?), and learned about intuitive eating from one of them. Three years and three months later, after many trials and frustrations, I hit my 100-lbs-lost goal. And even though my weight loss journey didn’t really begin until January 2011 – having made little effort, and therefore little progress, in the year before – I’ve always counted November 27 as my weight journey anniversary.

(before, after one year, after two years – 2009, 2010, 2011)

Until recently. Last year, after working hard to lose what I’d regained over the summer, I managed to get almost back to that 100-lbs-lost line for my fifth anniversary (99 lbs), but the celebration felt fraudulent. Before then, my progress had been down, down, down, then steady. Suddenly, I’d had to re-lose the weight. But, you know, I was still close enough. One little blip wouldn’t break my anniversary. I was still on the same journey, I told myself.

(after three years, four years, five years – 2012, 2013, 2014)

I’m not on that same journey now. In the year since then, I regained 50 lbs, and my weight only stabilized recently as I’ve transitioned off my anti-depressant. I’m higher in weight now than I have been in any previous anniversary celebration (since I didn’t celebrate the first year). I have a long way to go. I’m starting over. And I was tempted to simply put an end to my original journey. Cross it out. Done. Start from scratch, with a new date to celebrate in the future. But then I read Elena Vanishing, with that wonderful quote about recovery being a path and not a destination.

(after six years, 2015, pics from the last month)

And you know what? I may have regained weight, a lot of weight, but that doesn’t mean I’m “starting over.” It means that I’m having to work, again, on something that was already part of my path. I didn’t “decide” to lose weight this time. I “decided” back in 2009. Sure, I may have had times when I’ve fallen off and fallen apart. I may have seen failures in addition to successes. I may be on a new leg of my journey – but it’s still the same journey. Six years now, and dammit, I’m going to celebrate. Because I could have given up any time in there. I did give up several times in there, and yet I’m still here, fighting. I may not be at my best today. It’s a process, one I once naively thought I could just be done with. I can’t be, and so it goes. On Friday, it’ll be six years. Happy anniversary.

True Confessions
This whole post is like a confession. It hurts to say that after six years, I’m still down 50 lbs total but I’m 50 lbs heavier than my anniversaries in 2013 and 2014, and 45 lbs heavier than in 2012, and 15 lbs heavier than 2011. It feels like I’ve gone nowhere, though I know I have – especially on the emotional/mental part, and the body positivity part. More on this in future posts. This, too, feels like a confession, to say that I’m healthier at this heavier, obese weight than I was at a healthy BMI. It feels like coddling, or condoning failure, and I know, logically, that it isn’t. But knowing something and feeling something are two different things. I’m working hard on internalizing the logic.

*****
Dear younger Manda,

The problem with being an overachiever is that you don’t see a lot of setbacks. This may seem like a good thing – until you finally have one of those setbacks, and don’t have a clue how to process it emotionally. You decide that it means 100% failure, when really, it’s the giving up that’s failure. Keep going, even in the face of setbacks. You’re good at continuing on in the face of adversity, and good for you on that. But you need to learn this skill, too.

When things fall apart and you mess up really badly – regardless of whether or not it’s your “fault” or “responsibility” – you can still learn to pull yourself together and struggle on. It does not mean “failure.” It’s just a different kind of adversity, and as I said above, I know just how good you are with adversity. You can do this.

Love, modern-day Manda

Posted in Wellness | Tagged Wellness Wednesday | 5 Comments

Top Ten Books I’m Thankful For

Posted on November 24, 2015 by Thistle

It’s another freebie, and it’s been a few weeks since I last did one of these top ten lists. I haven’t been able to think of things to write about for the last few topics, but this week is different. I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about, because there are some books that 100% changed my life, and I’m so thankful that I came across them when I did. I love many books, and I can’t even say the following list are the favorites of favorites. No. They’re just the books that made a vast, discernible change in the way I approached or viewed life. In no particular order:

1. Mrs. Craddock by William Somerset Maugham – After nearly a decade of not really reading outside of school because I couldn’t find books/genres I consistently liked, this book taught me to love reading again.

2. The Egypt Game by Zilpha Keatley Snyder – A childhood favorite that pretty much solidified my bookish likes/dislikes and the things I’m interested in writing.

3. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo – Considering how often I’ve been talking about the KonMari process over the last few months, this should come as no surprise.

4. The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan – After I listened to this book, I developed a much healthier relationship with food, especially whole, real foods. I avoided processed foods for nearly three years afterwards, too. Perhaps it’s time to revisit…

5. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern – Before reading this, I’d spent ten months with the decision to never write again after a devastating writing incident. Morgenstern got me excited about writing again, and considering that writing is pretty much my main passion in life and has been since early childhood…

6. Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones // Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson – Two books, but I read them in the same short time period and together, they opened up the entire world of fantasy to me. I’d thought I didn’t like most fantasy, but it turned out, I was just reading the wrong things.

7. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath – Reading this was the first time in my life that I felt understood and not alone. Especially the combination of extroversion and severe depression. Because people tend to assume you don’t get depressed when you’re outgoing.

8. the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling – This series was my lifeline when my family originally moved to Texas in late 2005. For six months, we lived with extended family, and these were the only books that I had unpacked. Seriously. Lifesaver. And now, old friends.

9. All Joy and No Fun by Jennifer Senior – Read on the cusp of marital difficulties with three children going into preteen/teenage years, and struggling with that transition on all ends. Yeah. I absolutely needed this, and it helped me to understand a lot of parenting stuff.

10. The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy – Technically, this wasn’t the book itself (though that was good!), but the audio version that changed my life. Thank you, Alan Rickman and Thomas Hardy, for turning me from an audio-phobe (or, honestly, an audio-hater) into a huge audiobook nerd.

Which books are you thankful for? Also: Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged lists | 12 Comments

Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski (audio)

Posted on November 23, 2015 by Thistle

Subtitled: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

In Come As You Are, Nagoski discusses what women’s sexuality is and isn’t, and talks about the many ways that culture and history has interfered with and influenced the way women see their sexuality and bodies. She also discusses ways to help come to terms with our bodies and how we react to various sexual contexts, in order to create more sex-positive environments for ourselves. There’s a lot of science (especially biology), though never too much that it becomes overwhelming, and there’s a lot of psychology and sociology.

What the book isn’t: Some sort of sex manual with instructions on positions and whatnot. I say this because 1) the cover is bright pink with semi-sexual imagery on it, so combined with the title, it gives off a bit of the wrong impression, and 2) I found my physical copy of the book displayed among the many iterations of modern-day Kama Sutra instruction manuals at Barnes & Nobles. No.

Instead, Come As You Are talks about how women’s sexuality has been studied (as “men’s sexuality, light”), and why that is inherently the wrong way to go about studying it. There’s discussion of anatomy and evolution, of inhibitors and accelerators and the various factors influencing brain-arousal (in the general sense), and of the messages women receive (moral, medical, media) about what their sexuality is/isn’t or should/shouldn’t be. The book is blunt and straightforward, with a couple oft-repeated messages: “Everyone is normal,” and “All the same parts, organized in different ways,” etc. There was historical discussion and debunking of pervasive theories on definitions of marriage, sex, orgasm, non-concordance, etc. There was also some geeky analogies referring to everything from Lord of the Rings (your emotional “one-ring”) to Jane Eyre (using one of my favorite quotes from the book to discuss attachment theory).

I feel like I’m doing a horrible job explaining this book. Let me switch into emotional mode: This was hands down one of the best books I’ve ever read. Life-changing. If you’ve ever had problems with sex, either in yourself or with a partner, this book has a lot to say on what might be causing those issues (and hint: it’s not because you’re broken or wrong or abnormal). Sex issues are a sticky subject and tricky to deal with, but Nagoski takes them out of the realm of emotion and puts them in terms of science. And once you remove the emotion, and take a look at the biological and psychological roots of various issues, it’s easier to view them without bias, and to come to understand your own sexuality without bias. That, I feel, is the biggest gain from this book.

This is one of those books that I just want to recommend to everyone. If you’re interested in human sexuality or women’s studies or psychology, or if you’re involved in the fight for body positivity or the equal treatment of women, or if you’ve ever wondered what’s wrong with you or why you react the way you do to sex, this is an especially good choice. Partway through the audiobook, I already knew it was going to be a book I needed to own, and I didn’t even wait to put it on a wishlist and see if I got it for Christmas. I had to own it now. And I didn’t regret that decision as I went through the rest of the book. I know I did a horrible job summing it up. Just trust me. Read it.

Notably, there is some discussion of trauma and sexual violence. Nagoski is very good to give trigger warnings before each section and tell you how far to skip, and she tries to minimize the discussion of actual violence, focusing instead on the long-reaching psychological effects. Some of it was difficult to read – for someone who hasn’t experienced sexual violence, but has experienced sexual trauma – but not so difficult that I fell to pieces or had to quit reading. I think Nagoski handled these sections well.

Performance: The audio was read by the author. Normally I’m not a fan of this, but Nagoski did a fabulous job. Also, the audiobook came with a PDF so that a listener can participate in the same questionnaires and worksheets as a readers of a physical copy of the book.

Posted in 2015, Adult, Prose | Tagged audio, body image, favorite, gender studies, health, memorable, nonfiction, psychology | 8 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Why I Review Books

Posted on November 22, 2015 by Thistle

…er, tea this morning. Hot herbal tea with lots of lemon for this awful throat illness that blew in with the latest cold front…boo…

Back when I was in Dallas, perusing shelves at Half Price Books, my eye landed on a random title. That title reminded me of a hyped book from this summer: Emmy & Oliver. I remembered wanting to read Emmy & Oliver, but also knew it was no longer on my TBR list. Though I didn’t remember previewing and rejecting it, I figured that must have been what happened.

Later, while reading Six of Crows, I remembered I’d read another heist book this summer, but couldn’t remember the title. While scrolling through my 2015 folder on GoodReads, I passed the cover of Emmy & Oliver (not the heist book). Turns out, I read the book barely two months before, and reviewed it. Kinda. What I actually did was write a single paragraph about how the book was just okay for me. I didn’t actually review it, and the book just didn’t stick in my brain. I didn’t remember a thing about it!

Would it have stuck, had I done a full review? I don’t know. There are a few books from over the years that I can’t remember even after reading my in-depth reviews. Mostly, though, my reviews help me to trigger some memory of a book, if I don’t already remember it, as well as my at-the-time experiences with it. It’s kinda like how scents can be deeply tied to memories and nostalgia.

It makes me sad to go back and see just how many books I didn’t review over the years, particularly in 2012 when I took an extended leave from blogging. Of course, I prefer for books to be so amazing that I don’t need reviews to jog my memory. Not all books are like that, though, and reviews are my way of solidifying my book thoughts and feelings.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged Sunday Coffee | Leave a comment