My wellness journey is a long, complicated, ongoing process. There have been many ups and downs along the way. This page will be dedicated to my journey beginning in 2021, right after I replaced what shall be known as the Devil-Bed. After 6.5 years of regain – first due to a year of trauma, then due to 5.5 years of sleeping on a bed I’m allergic to – my body is starting over from scratch. I gained 90 lbs in that time, and if my body will allow (because I don’t know yet the extent of longterm damage from massive allergy-induced inflammation), I’m beginning a journey to lose them in 2021. Details available on my Wellness: Before page.

Because I’m starting from scratch, I’m going to begin with the basics that have helped my body in the past:

  • lots of exercise! I lose primarily through exercise and prefer this to extreme calorie-cutting. I enjoy a lot of types of exercise, including yoga, hiking, walking, running, dancing, boxing, and circuit training
  • a healthy-but-reasonable diet with a wide variety of produce and as much whole, real foods as possible
  • continued work on my mental health to keep a positive relationship with food and my body (and body-image)

However – and this is important to me – this is not just a weight loss journey. Instead, I want to be truly healthy – in mind and heart as well as in body. I want to celebrate my body no matter its size. I want to embrace life, and embrace myself, and love me for who I am.

(my wellness journey vision board)

My old vision board from 2015 was very outdated, so I created this new one in 2021 to reflect the changes I’ve made in body, mind, and spirit over the last six years. My wellness goal remains the same: to strive for health, fitness, connection, kindness, strength, and confidence. Only the vision of that goal has changed.

Current Weight Progress
0 of 90 lbs lost – 0% (as of 2/1/21)

Resources and Inspiration:
• Alee and The Wellness Room, who taught me how amazing therapy can be
• Brittany Gibbons, aka Brittany Herself: her TED talk, her book Fat Girl Walking, and her general body positivity
Molly Galbraith, especially her 28-Day Love Your Body Challenge
• Find What Feels Good – Yoga With Adriene focuses on building a positive relationship with your body
Birthmarkings: the post-birth-body self-image documentary that started my journey toward body-positivity (particularly the mother who comes in at 16:48, whose belly looks a lot like my post-pregnancy belly looked before surgery in January 2014)
Julia Kozerski‘s truthful photo-journey about the post-weight-loss body reality (note: photo journal at the first link includes male and female nudity)
Katya Zharkova (a Belarusian plus-size model and actress) and her campaign to show straight-size and plus-size modeling for what they are. Examples available (with pictures, and nudity warning) at The Daily Mail and Styleite.
Jessamyn Stanley and Amber Karnes for showing that yoga can be for every body and every size.
Sarah Ramey‘s book on Mysterious Illnesses, which led me to the discovery of my poisonous Devil-Bed
• This article on the pitfalls of low/low-ish carb diets.
• Particularly helpful and/or inspiring books: Come As You Are, It Was Me All Along, Elena Vanishing, The Body Keeps the Score, The Case Against Sugar, Great Courses: Stress and Your Body
• All my loving friends and family, for believing in me, for cheering me on, for never judging me on my size or failures, for insisting that I’m worth it whenever I falter and forget. Thank you.
• More to come – and suggestions welcomed!

Particularly Significant Posts:
**Note: Many of these posts came prior to my discovery of the Devil-Bed on 12/26/20. They were a journey to try to find the source of my illness, and often went off on side quests that led no where. Still, I feel it’s important to represent them here.

My Weight Journey: Timeline
The Great Bra Hunt
On Starting A Brand New Journey (8/24/15)
On Deferred Grief (9/30/15)
On PTSD (10/21/15)
On Abdominal Surgery (1/13/16)
On Therapeutic Yoga (3/30/16)
On Choosing Exercise You Love (2/8/17)
On the Subjectivity of Longterm Loss (10/11/17)
On Body Positivity (11/29/17)
On the Problem With Calories (12/6/17)
On Depression and Weight (12/13/17)
On Returning to Basics (3/21/18)
On Focusing on the Journey (6/21/18)
On Doctors and Women (7/11/18)
On Analyzing Patterns (12/12/18)
On Letting Go (12/19/18)
On Ending the War with my Body (2/27/19)
On Eating More Carbs (4/3/19)
On Hiding in Plain Sight (9/11/19)
On Deciding Not to Hide Anymore (1/15/20)
On Identifying Potential Roots (2/19/20)
On Warm-Ups (7/15/20)
On Coffee and Metabolic Syndrome (9/2/20)
On the Limitations of Traditional Medicine (11/25/20)
On the Devil-Bed (12/30/20)

Last updated: 2/3/21