My wellness journey is a long, complicated, ongoing process. There have been many ups and downs along the way. My doctors and I have yet to figure out what is happening to my body, though I’ve seen so many specialists and been through so many procedures that I’ve lost count. All I know is that:

  1. my body doesn’t act like a “normal” body in terms of energy-management
  2. something we can’t identify is causing massive inflammation issues in my body
  3. it feels very helpless to have no control over very basic parts of my health, and
  4. all I can do is eat as healthy as I can, and exercise, and keep seeing doctors until we get to the root of the problem.

More details are available on my Wellness: Before page.

I absolutely do want to lose weight. However – and this is important to me – this is not just about weight loss. Instead, my focus is on all types of health – physical fitness, balanced and reasonable nutrition, positive body image, healthy relationship with food, good stress management, improved mental health, and good relationships with doctors that I can trust. This will help me with my ultimate goal: to embrace life, and embrace myself, and love me for who I am.

(my wellness journey vision board)

My old vision board from 2015 was very outdated, so I created this new one in 2021 to reflect the changes I’ve made in body, mind, and spirit over the last six years. My wellness goal remains the same: to strive for health, fitness, connection, kindness, strength, and confidence. Only the vision of that goal has changed.

Current Weight Progress
0 of 100 lbs lost – 0% (as of 10/29/21)

Resources and Inspiration:
• Alee and The Wellness Room, who taught me how amazing therapy can be
• Brittany Gibbons, aka Brittany Herself: her TED talk, her book Fat Girl Walking, and her general body positivity
Molly Galbraith, especially her 28-Day Love Your Body Challenge
• Find What Feels Good – Yoga With Adriene focuses on building a positive relationship with your body
Birthmarkings: the post-birth-body self-image documentary that started my journey toward body-positivity (particularly the mother who comes in at 16:48, whose belly looks a lot like my post-pregnancy belly looked before surgery in January 2014)
Julia Kozerski‘s truthful photo-journey about the post-weight-loss body reality (note: photo journal at the first link includes male and female nudity)
Katya Zharkova (a Belarusian plus-size model and actress) and her campaign to show straight-size and plus-size modeling for what they are. Examples available (with pictures, and nudity warning) at The Daily Mail and Styleite.
Jessamyn Stanley and Amber Karnes for showing that yoga can be for every body and every size.
Sarah Ramey‘s book on Mysterious Illnesses, which led me to the discovery of my poisonous Devil-Bed
• This article on the pitfalls of low/low-ish carb diets.
• Particularly helpful and/or inspiring books: Come As You Are, It Was Me All Along, Elena Vanishing, The Body Keeps the Score, The Case Against Sugar, Great Courses: Stress and Your Body
• All my loving friends and family, for believing in me, for cheering me on, for never judging me on my size or failures, for insisting that I’m worth it whenever I falter and forget. Thank you.
• More to come – and suggestions welcomed!

Particularly Significant Posts:

My Weight Journey: Timeline
The Great Bra Hunt
On Starting A Brand New Journey (8/24/15)
On Deferred Grief (9/30/15)
On PTSD (10/21/15)
On Abdominal Surgery (1/13/16)
On Therapeutic Yoga (3/30/16)
On Choosing Exercise You Love (2/8/17)
On the Subjectivity of Longterm Loss (10/11/17)
On Body Positivity (11/29/17)
On the Problem With Calories (12/6/17)
On Depression and Weight (12/13/17)
On Returning to Basics (3/21/18)
On Focusing on the Journey (6/21/18)
On Doctors and Women (7/11/18)
On Analyzing Patterns (12/12/18)
On Letting Go (12/19/18)
On Ending the War with my Body (2/27/19)
On Eating More Carbs (4/3/19)
On Hiding in Plain Sight (9/11/19)
On Deciding Not to Hide Anymore (1/15/20)
On Identifying Potential Roots (2/19/20)
On Warm-Ups (7/15/20)
On Coffee and Metabolic Syndrome (9/2/20)
On the Limitations of Traditional Medicine (11/25/20)
On the Devil-Bed (12/30/20)
On Body Image (12/6/21)
On Enjoyment vs Necessity (2/17/21)
On Coffee, Continued (8/4/21)
On Doctors and Fatphobia (9/8/21)

Last updated: 10/29/21