My wellness journey is a long, complicated, ongoing process. There have been many ups and downs along the way. My doctors and I have yet to figure out what is happening to my body, though I’ve seen so many specialists and been through so many procedures that I’ve lost count. All I know is that:
- my body doesn’t act like a “normal” body in terms of energy-management
- something we can’t identify is causing massive inflammation issues in my body
- it feels very helpless to have no control over very basic parts of my health, and
- all I can do is eat as healthy as I can, and exercise, and keep seeing doctors until we get to the root of the problem.
More details are available on my Wellness: Before page.
I absolutely do want to lose weight. However – and this is important to me – this is not just about weight loss. Instead, my focus is on all types of health – physical fitness, balanced and reasonable nutrition, positive body image, healthy relationship with food, good stress management, improved mental health, and good relationships with doctors that I can trust. This will help me with my ultimate goal: to embrace life, and embrace myself, and love me for who I am.
My old vision board from 2015 was very outdated, so I created this new one in 2021 to reflect the changes I’ve made in body, mind, and spirit over the last six years. My wellness goal remains the same: to strive for health, fitness, connection, kindness, strength, and confidence. Only the vision of that goal has changed.
Current Weight Progress
0 of 100 lbs lost – 0% (as of 10/29/21)
Resources and Inspiration:
• Alee and The Wellness Room, who taught me how amazing therapy can be
• Brittany Gibbons, aka Brittany Herself: her TED talk, her book Fat Girl Walking, and her general body positivity
• Molly Galbraith, especially her 28-Day Love Your Body Challenge
• Find What Feels Good – Yoga With Adriene focuses on building a positive relationship with your body
• Birthmarkings: the post-birth-body self-image documentary that started my journey toward body-positivity (particularly the mother who comes in at 16:48, whose belly looks a lot like my post-pregnancy belly looked before surgery in January 2014)
• Julia Kozerski‘s truthful photo-journey about the post-weight-loss body reality (note: photo journal at the first link includes male and female nudity)
• Katya Zharkova (a Belarusian plus-size model and actress) and her campaign to show straight-size and plus-size modeling for what they are. Examples available (with pictures, and nudity warning) at The Daily Mail and Styleite.
• Jessamyn Stanley and Amber Karnes for showing that yoga can be for every body and every size.
• Sarah Ramey‘s book on Mysterious Illnesses, which led me to the discovery of my poisonous Devil-Bed
• This article on the pitfalls of low/low-ish carb diets.
• Particularly helpful and/or inspiring books: Come As You Are, It Was Me All Along, Elena Vanishing, The Body Keeps the Score, The Case Against Sugar, Great Courses: Stress and Your Body
• All my loving friends and family, for believing in me, for cheering me on, for never judging me on my size or failures, for insisting that I’m worth it whenever I falter and forget. Thank you.
• More to come – and suggestions welcomed!
Particularly Significant Posts:
– My Weight Journey: Timeline
– The Great Bra Hunt
– On Starting A Brand New Journey (8/24/15)
– On Deferred Grief (9/30/15)
– On PTSD (10/21/15)
– On Abdominal Surgery (1/13/16)
– On Therapeutic Yoga (3/30/16)
– On Choosing Exercise You Love (2/8/17)
– On the Subjectivity of Longterm Loss (10/11/17)
– On Body Positivity (11/29/17)
– On the Problem With Calories (12/6/17)
– On Depression and Weight (12/13/17)
– On Returning to Basics (3/21/18)
– On Focusing on the Journey (6/21/18)
– On Doctors and Women (7/11/18)
– On Analyzing Patterns (12/12/18)
– On Letting Go (12/19/18)
– On Ending the War with my Body (2/27/19)
– On Eating More Carbs (4/3/19)
– On Hiding in Plain Sight (9/11/19)
– On Deciding Not to Hide Anymore (1/15/20)
– On Identifying Potential Roots (2/19/20)
– On Warm-Ups (7/15/20)
– On Coffee and Metabolic Syndrome (9/2/20)
– On the Limitations of Traditional Medicine (11/25/20)
– On the Devil-Bed (12/30/20)
– On Body Image (12/6/21)
– On Enjoyment vs Necessity (2/17/21)
– On Coffee, Continued (8/4/21)
– On Doctors and Fatphobia (9/8/21)
Last updated: 10/29/21