Wellness

My wellness journey is a long, complicated, ongoing process. There have been many ups and downs along the way. My doctors and I have yet to figure out what is happening to my body. All I know is that:

1. my body doesn’t act “normal” in terms of energy-management, likely because
2. something we can’t identify is causing massive inflammation issues in my body;
3. it feels very helpless to have no control over very basic parts of my health, and
4. doctors mostly try to treat symptoms without addressing causes, so for now
5. all I can do is eat as healthy as I can, exercise when I can, and keep trying different doctors until someone can get to the root of the problem.

More details are available on my Weight Journey Timeline page.

Life became even more complicated in November 2021, when I lost all mobility due to a severe allergic reaction to a new medicine. That mobility never fully came back, and I lost my lifeline of exercise that I’d relied on since all this began in 2014. Add in the horrible American healthcare system, which makes it financially impossible to afford the necessary meds for my 3+ autoimmune disorders, and I give up.

As I close in on two full years of specialists, medicines, ever-shifting diagnoses, surgeries, imaging, labs, and procedures totaling well into the hundreds (not to mention tens of thousands of dollars), my primary physician and I have decided to refocus specifically on weight loss. Long history has taught me that my body will not lose weight per cals-in-vs-cals-out when something is wrong, and attempts to induce weight loss medicinally have previously had really horrific results (like severe weight gain). We are now trying a new medication, Mounjaro, at a very slow rate, and so far, it seems to be helping – slow weight loss, not cutting my appetite to dangerous levels, not causing too many side effects. The hope is that as I lose weight, I can also regain mobility, while my specialists continue to puzzle out what’s wrong with my body.

My old vision board from 2015 was very outdated, so I created this new one in 2021 to reflect the changes I’ve made in body, mind, and spirit over those six years. My wellness goal remains the same: to strive for health, fitness, connection, kindness, strength, and confidence. Only the vision of that goal has changed.

Current Weight Progress
Mounjaro start date: 8/30/22
16 of 125 lbs lost – 12.8% (as of 1/3/23)

Resources and Inspiration:
• Alee and The Wellness Room, who taught me how amazing therapy can be
• Brittany Gibbons, aka Brittany Herself: her TED talk, her book Fat Girl Walking, and her general body positivity
• Molly Galbraith, especially her 28-Day Love Your Body Challenge
• Find What Feels Good – Yoga With Adriene focuses on building a positive relationship with your body
• Birthmarkings: the post-birth-body self-image documentary that started my journey toward body-positivity (particularly the mother who comes in at 16:48, whose belly looks a lot like my post-pregnancy belly looked before surgery in January 2014)
• Julia Kozerski‘s truthful photo-journey about the post-weight-loss body reality (note: photo journal at the first link includes male and female nudity)
• Katya Zharkova (a Belarusian plus-size model and actress) and her campaign to show straight-size and plus-size modeling for what they are. Examples available (with pictures, and nudity warning) at The Daily Mail and Styleite.
• Jessamyn Stanley and Amber Karnes for showing that yoga can be for every body and every size.
• Sarah Ramey‘s book on Mysterious Illnesses, which led me to the discovery of my poisonous Devil-Bed
• This article on the pitfalls of low/low-ish carb diets.
• Particularly helpful and/or inspiring books: Come As You Are, It Was Me All Along, Elena Vanishing, The Body Keeps the Score, The Case Against Sugar, Great Courses: Stress and Your Body
• More to come – and suggestions welcomed!

Particularly Significant Posts:

– My Weight Journey: Timeline
– On Starting A Brand New Journey (8/24/15)
– On Deferred Grief (9/30/15)
– On PTSD (10/21/15)
– On Abdominal Surgery (1/13/16)
– On Choosing Exercise You Love (2/8/17)
– On Body Positivity (11/29/17)
– On Depression and Weight (12/13/17)
– On Returning to Basics (3/21/18)
– On Focusing on the Journey (6/21/18)
– On Doctors and Women (7/11/18)
– On Analyzing Patterns (12/12/18)
– On Ending the War with my Body (2/27/19)
– On Eating More Carbs (4/3/19)
– On Deciding Not to Hide Anymore (1/15/20)
– On Identifying Potential Roots (2/19/20)
– On Warm-Ups (7/15/20)
– On the Devil-Bed (12/30/20)
– On Enjoyment vs Necessity (2/17/21)
– On Doctors and Fatphobia (9/8/21)
– On Loss of Mobility and Inflammation (12/15/21)
– On Gluten (2/2/22)
– On Daily Movement (6/8/22)
– On Life as a Spoonie (9/4/22)
– On the Fatphobia of “True Loss” (9/28/22)

Last updated: 1/3/23