Wellness Wednesday – Another Failed Doctor

I had a rather upsetting visit to the doctor last week. I hadn’t wanted to go to this doctor, because my first experience with her in June wasn’t great, but I went. For some context, my PCP referred me to a gastroenterologist back in May. She believed it was possible I was having some nutrient malabsorption issues because of some weird things that happen when I eat certain ways (specifically, if the carb content of my daily diet drops below 50% of my calories, I start experiencing extreme thirst, facial inflammation, peeing 3 dozen or more times per day, muscle/joint/bone pain, etc). The actual doctor she wanted me to see didn’t have any openings for months, but the other doctor in her practice, one Dr. Mallikarjun, had an opening in June. I went ahead and took that one, to my long-lasting regret.

June’s appointment was…unfortunate. The nurse was awesome, but Dr. M was HORRIBLE. The only questions she asked was if I had diarrhea, heart burn, or unexplained weight loss. Since the answer was no to all of those, she asked me why I was there. Um…okay. So I explained why my doctor sent me over, and before I even got halfway through the explanation, she cut me off, told me we could do an endoscopy and small intestine biopsy, and then left the room, leaving me to figure out what to do next. I didn’t even know what she’d be doing these procedures for! But I set the surgery up for the end of July, and a follow-up with the doc at the end of August.

Only then, I ended up in the hospital with colitis in July, and I didn’t want surgery so soon after sepsis. I called to cancel the surgery while I was still in the hospital, and figured that was that. Until I received a call from the surgical center a few days before surgery, calling to give me instructions for the surgery day. I had to explain to them the situation and got the procedure actually canceled. Meanwhile, I’d had an abdominal CT scan, and there were some troublesome spots on my liver that my PCP wanted the gastroenterologist to check out, in addition to following up on the colitis situation. I still had my f/u with her scheduled for the end of August, so I went back, even knowing it was going to be bad. I just…had a feeling. And my instincts, as usual, were right.

First, the office had no record of me ever having been there. Turns out, they’d changed systems and lost all their patient records. (This explains why they were trying to bill me for something I’d already paid, too, as well as them not actually canceling the surgery.) Dr. M had no idea who I was, and asked if she met me during my hospital stay. When I explained to her about the original biopsy plans, she again cut me off mid-sentence (she ALWAYS did this!) and said we could reschedule. I told her I wanted to wait until the hospitals weren’t filled to capacity with covid patients, and she LITERALLY ROLLED HER EYES AT ME. She turned back to her computer and told me that fine, follow up with her in six months. Then she asked me the same questions about diarrhea, heart burn, and unexplained weight loss, listened to my abdomen for half a second, and said I was fine. No follow-up on the CT scan at all, and less than five mins after she entered the room, she was done.

Only, as she was turning to leave, she suddenly paused, then turned to me and said, “Also? Lose weight.”

I wish I could get across her tone here. They were the cruelest, most dismissive words she could say, filled with absolute contempt and judgement. I’ve had doctors act condescending to me about my weight before, but never with undisguised contempt. In that moment, I was frozen in shock. Thankfully, I managed to get my mouth back in working order before she left, and I started stumbling out an explanation about that being why I was sent to her in the first place, nutrient malabsorption, etc. She cut me off – again – with another eye roll and said that yes, she remembered, if I ate too many carbs bad things happened. Clearly, she remembered wrong, because it’s the opposite, and I corrected her. She gave a dismissive wave of the hand and told me that it was “simple math” and that if I ate fewer calories than my body used, I would lose weight. If only it were really that easy, right? I began to talk about inflammation and hormones and autoimmune issues, and she again gave a dismissive wave. Those didn’t affect weight loss, she said. They only affected your metabolism, and if you eat at a calorie deficit–

By this point, I’d gotten over my shock, and I was ANGRY. I cut her off this time, and said, very slow and strong and clear, “I can be have a thousand calorie deficit every day for months and still be gaining weight.” It was the only non-yes-or-no sentence of the entire visit that I finished in completion. She looked at me for a second, clearly deciding that it wasn’t worth arguing about because I wasn’t going to take her “advice” seriously, and said, “There’s nothing wrong with your small intestine. Clearly you’re absorbing nutrients if you’re gaining weight, so it can’t be a nutrient malabsorption issue.” Then she stood up, told me to call the office to make a follow up visit in six months, and left.

This, my friends, is a complete and utter failure of the medical system, and of a doctor. Dr. Mallikarjun ought to be stripped of her medical license, or at least required to take some classes to get her up to date on science (and patient care!). You’d think a gastro MD would know that 1) weight loss and gain is far more sophisticated than “simple math,” and 2) nutrient malabsorption is not the same thing as “inability to take in calories.” I mean, you can take in calories but, say, not be absorbing potassium correctly, leading to low potassium levels. Just as one example. Then there is her “beside manner” so to speak. I’ve had plenty of doctors dismiss me or condescend to me, but the outright disgust and contempt is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced from a medical professional. They may not believe me – and they’ve ALWAYS been wrong when they don’t, because I ALWAYS find the root of the problem when they fail to – but the “suck it up you lazy b!tch” attitude is 100000000% unacceptable. And that’s exactly the attitude she had.

I haven’t decided whether or not to file a formal complaint. I did see my PCP, who was very upset that I was treated this way, plus that Dr. M didn’t even bother to investigate the spots on my liver. She’s sending me to a different gastro doc to start from scratch, because that was completely ridiculous and a waste of months of time. She also said that she will never refer another patient to their office, and she’ll be spreading the word around the rest of the practice (which is a multi-office clinic with dozens of doctors and PAs). Good. No one needs to see Dr Mallikarjun and her horrible judgmental and blind practice.

Each time something like this happens, I get a little better at advocating for myself. I hope to do better in the next situation, not allowing myself to get cut off every sentence, standing up to the doctor when they make dismissive comments about my weight or health practices. I work HARD for good health. I eat well, I eat moderately, I exercise as often as I can, I get good sleep, I take care of my body. I do all the right things, even if my body doesn’t respond the way it’s expected to. And I don’t want to be involved with any doctor who doesn’t understand and respect that.

About Amanda

Agender empty-nester filling my time with cats, books, fitness, and photography. She/they.
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14 Responses to Wellness Wednesday – Another Failed Doctor

  1. You don’t have to take crap from anyone. Like you said, you can interrupt her interruption and tell her to listen to what you have to say. Also, bring a notebook with you and, with pencil ready, ask for the name and number of the patient advocate. Document your visit (as you did here) and look into filing a discrimination complaint. Glad you are feeling more empowered.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amanda says:

      It is a very difficult thing, especially as a woman – you often end up labeled as “hysterical” or “a hypochondriac” or a plain ol’ “karen.” You interrupt, you stand up for yourself, and then you’re treated even worse, as if you were the problem in the first place. It’s tough. But I’m getting better at it.


      • I understand. Generally what you say may be true. But in the medical field, there are specific rights that a patient has. There is the Patient Advocate, whose job it is to make sure patients’ rights are respected. It is tough, and I am so glad you are getting better at it!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh dear. Doctors whose answer to everything is “Lose weight” are a nightmare.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Alexx's Keto Avenue says:

    My gosh I am extremely sorry this happened! There is no way in the world anyone should be treated this way and while I believe you should for give I firmly believe you should never forget! You should absolutely report the doctor who knows how many other people she has treated so poorly. I wish you all the best while you deal with this situation but just know that you are not alone and you can and will find answers but I say sound the alarm loud and clear that that behavior to another human being is just not acceptable at all!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amanda says:

      Alexx!! I haven’t seen you in forever! How are you doing these days? I saw you’d taken down your blog but I didn’t know if you were writing anywhere else. You’ve been missed!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Big Boy Koncepts says:

        I apologize I have been dealing with alot and you know the writing is the first thing to go with me and I really must do better.lol You are awesome Amanda and I appreciate you alot. I’ve been working alot and dealing with family issues but all seems to be getting back to good now! Hopefully I’ll get into a ryhthm with writing gain because I really do miss it very much!


      • Amanda says:

        Well it’s good to see you even after a long gap! I know what you mean, though. I’ve taken off a lot of the summer and had to force myself to write even the small amounts that I did! I’ve had times when I took off completely for months too.


  4. gricel d. says:

    FFS. What a nightmare. I’m sorry you had to go through all that and got no answers. I hope the next doctor is a genuine professional and treats you with the care you need. Insist on all the tests, diabetes, fatty liver, kidneys… anything that might be causing that sort of inflammation.


    • Amanda says:

      Agreed! I mean, I’ve had all the normal tests – fatty liver levels are normal, a1c and glucose normal, thyroid normal, etc, but there are deeper-dive tests out there that they can do, that’s what specialists are for!!


  5. Lisarae says:

    This breaks my heart. No one will ever know our bodies better than us. We may not know the diagnosis, we may not be as educated, but we know when we don’t feel “right.” And weight and health are not always the same thing. We have control over what we put in our bodies, what we do with our bodies, but we don’t always have control over what our bodies do with that food, with that movement.

    I’m so proud of you for advocating for yourself, even if you wish you had done it sooner. NO ONE ever has the right to shame you for ANY reason. We are all human, and we are all doing the best we can.

    Living with diagnosed chronic illness is hard. Living with undiagnosed chronic illness can be terrifying. It takes so much strength to continue to get out of bed each day, to continue to exercise, to take control of your diet. I hope you give yourself some kudos for all of that. I hope you are proud of yourself. I know I certainly am ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amanda says:

      Thanks for your kindness. I’m happy to say that I saw a different GI doctor who took me seriously, and who has scheduled a huge round of tests and procedures to try to figure out what’s wrong (or what’s NOT wrong, as the case may be). I’m not particularly looking forward to all of that, but it is what it is, and hopefully it’ll bring me one step closer to being diagnosed.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lisarae says:

        I can absolutely relate, but I do agree that I think the fear of the known is just a smidge less terrifying than the fear of the unknown. When we know, we can take action. I have found that uncertainly is not very healthy for my idle mind 😊

        I’m so thankful you found the right doctor, and I’ll be keeping my fingers (and my toes!) crossed for you. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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