Sunday Coffee – Zeroed Out TBR

Posted on February 7, 2016 by Thistle

IMG_3950Well, it’s been just over a month since 2016 began, and I’m super happy to say that I now have absolutely no books on my physical TBR pile! Granted, I didn’t start with tons – I only had six unread books on my shelves on January 1st – but some of those books had been there for quite some years. I’m glad to have either read or culled all of them! (With the exception of How Sex Changed – an academic book that Adam sent me last fall. This is the sort of book that I will read over a long period of time so that I can get the most from it.)

Additionally, I either read or culled all the books from my virtual TBR pile, except of course for books not-yet-published. Same for my to-investigate list, not including those books I’ve added since the year began. Altogether, even with new books I’ve added, there are only three currently-published books on my TBR or to-investigate lists at this moment. This, my friends, feels wonderful!

People talk a lot about never being able to get to all the books they want to read. I’m not sure why I don’t feel that way. I do know, however, that it’s related to an active choice of mine not to keep extensive TBR lists. Over the years, both before blogging and in my nearly-eight years of blogging now, I’ve used many methods for the way I approached books. Sometimes, I kept no TBR at all, simply grabbing whatever caught my attention. Sometimes, I’ve had hundreds of books lined up for reading. In the end, the right balance for me ended up on the smaller-TBR side. I only keep books there that I absolutely definitely want to read, and even then, I’m willing to change my mind on that! My to-investigate list is purely a way to track titles that have potentially interested me, to remind myself to look into them. If it gets too large, I tend to just delete the titles.

For me, the stress of having a long line of books waiting for me far outweighs the fear of possibly missing something I’d love. When I have books waiting for me, I have a difficult time enjoying the ones I’m reading now. With nothing demanding my attention, I can spend as much time with a book as I want, even if that means reading it ten times in a row. And it’s not like I ever run out of things to read. The library is a wonderful place, and if I find myself without something specific in my hands, I can browse! Not to mention I have tons of beloved authors always coming out with new books, and all you lovely bloggers telling me about books I’ve yet to explore, and the San Antonio Public Library Wowbrary system, which tells me all the new books ordered every single week…

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 11 Comments

Callback: Warbreaker

Posted on February 5, 2016 by Thistle

warbreakerWhen I read Words of Radiance last month, I was pleasantly surprised to run across characters from Warbreaker. I’d been thinking about rereading the book for a long time, so this was the perfect lead-in!

During my first experience with Warbreaker, I noted two things: First, the book was quicker to get into than other Sanderson books, so I was hooked immediately. Second, despite this, the book felt less polished and more gimmicky. By the end, I didn’t like it as much as other Sanderson books. In the years since that read, however, Warbreaker has stayed fairly fresh in my memory. Certain scenes and characters stuck with me. Periodically, I’d find myself reliving specific moments in my imagination. So while the book was not a favorite in the beginning, I grew very fond of it over time. (Hence my desire to reread.)

On second read, I had three significant experiences:

First, I once again found the book less polished, especially after Words of Radiance. Some of the writing, pacing, and plotting felt young. Not bad, just not as polished as I’m used to from Sanderson. Given that this is one of his earlier books, and (I believe) originally published as a serial, this makes sense.

Second, knowing the crossover character stories, I began to see the intricacies of multi-book, multi-universe world-building. Then I ended up spending a lot of time on the Wiki dedicated to Sanderson’s Cosmere, reveling in all the various ways plots and characters intertwine. (Sidenote: This is how I’ve always wanted to write, with coexisting books and book-hopping characters and cross-referencing…I take particular geeky pleasure seeing other writers do this too!)

Third, this book infused my dreams. Words of Radiance was already entering my dreams on a nightly basis (and what fun little plot-twists and side-stories my sleeping brain came up with!). Warbreaker seeped right on in with it, and stayed there for longer than a week. For someone who adores dream-life, this was glorious: book by day and booktwists by night. Hee.

Warbreaker still isn’t my favorite of Sanderson’s novels, but I quite enjoyed my reread!

Posted in 2016, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #22: Letting Go

Posted on February 3, 2016 by Thistle

buttonIn mid-2008, I spent an extended weekend at my in-laws’ house. I weighed myself the day I left, and the morning after I returned. In four days, I gained 20 lbs, for no reason whatsoever. This was back when I was extremely ill, and bizarre jumps up or down like this happened at alarming frequencies. This jump came a decade after the start of my illness, and honestly? I gave up. Succumbed to depression and bad habits. Two more jumps followed over the next year, landing me at my highest weight.

That illness is long since gone, so why bring it up? Because rapid weight gain – like rapid weight loss – plays tricks on your mind. It’s difficult to wrap your head around it, and you struggle to see yourself accurately. Unfortunately, 2015 was another depressed, resigned, giving-up kind of year, accompanied by another mass of rapid weight gain. Beyond those accompanying mind games, my brain issues have been compounded by the surreal nightmare I’ve lived in for the last two years. Everything has changed so much, and I find myself staring at myself, my body, my family, my life, without recognizing any of it.

5 wks stripesTwo years ago, I was 60 lbs lighter and feeling good about myself for the first time in years. My children were nine, eleven, and thirteen, in elementary and middle school. We’d lived in our then-house for eight years, and I had a whole network of people around me that I loved. I was healthy, happy, strong, secure, and confident. I had plans to start school the next fall and finally work toward finishing my bachelor’s degree.

I’m having a hard time letting it all go. The good and the bad. My reflection surprises me. I have to consciously remind myself to drive to my new house instead of the old. My  body can’t do any of the things it used to. My family has fractured chaotically with so many rapid changes. My oldest son has grown into a volatile high schooler with both legal and mental health troubles. I’m personally not stable enough to hold down a job, much less go back to school…hell, I can’t even write, and that’s my forever-passion!

books and catsThe reminders are constant – I can’t do what I used to, I’m not who I used to be, life is wholly changed – and still I expect to be able to run, to lift weights, to fit into certain clothes, to write, to finish to-do lists, to feel secure about the future. But I can’t. Everything is working against me. Injury. PTSD. PCOS. An extra 60 lbs of weight. Medicinal interference. Time constraints (so many doctor visits!!). Emotional baggage. Family baggage. And so on.

I want to let go. I want to forget the nightmares of the last two years, but when I start to, even my reflection reminds me. Then when I think of what I once was, once had, I remember what I’ve lost, and I cling to it as well. I don’t know who I am or how to be anymore. Letting go means losing all those things, good and bad, that make up the whole that is Manda. But holding on just makes me unable to grow into a new self. I’m tired of the catch-22.

The time to choose is getting close. I can feel it.

Posted in Wellness | Tagged , , | 14 Comments

Top Historic and Futuristic Settings

Posted on February 2, 2016 by Thistle

Originally when I read today’s topic, I thought I’d focus solely on futuristic settings. Then, going through some of my favorite books, I realized I had quite as many historic settings that I love in them, despite not really reading a lot of historical fiction. I decided to split my answers into the two categories, and give them equal weight!

walk on earthHistoric
1. Walk on Earth a Stranger by Rae Carson
2. Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather
3. Germinal by Emile Zola
4. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
5. The Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker
– Runners up: The Quick by Lauren Owens and The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

Futuristic
6. The Unit by Ninni Holmqvist
7. The Giver by Lois Lowry
8. the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld
9. the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins
10. The Host by Stephenie Meyer
– Runners up: the Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer and Nekropolis by Maureen McHugh

What are some of your favorite historic/futuristic settings?

topten

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 5 Comments

Sunday Coffee – January

Posted on January 31, 2016 by Thistle

IMG_3869I don’t have much to say in terms of wrapping up January. The month mostly consisted of two things. The first was in my personal life: depression. The second was in books: Brandon Sanderson. It’s this second I want to focus on here, because I have a feeling I’m going to be somewhat obsessed and in multi-read mode over the next couple months.

I didn’t expect Words of Radiance to inflame me so strongly. I’d put off reading the book since it came out almost two years ago. There was no way I could predict just how strongly I would fall in love with the book – the sort of falling in love that makes me obsessively read/listen to it over and over and over again, plus inspires me to revisit all my old favorites by Sanderson. As I said, I imagine this will continue for the next few months.

Really, WoR was really just that incredible. And you know what? I love when the year starts out with amazing books. Last year, it was All Joy and No Fun, followed by Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell – both books that became favorites for 2015. In 2012, I began the year with Howl’s Moving Castle, which (like WoR) I multi-read (about a half-dozen times). In 2011, it was The Host, another year-favorite. Starting the year off with amazing books just sets the tone right for the whole year! And hmmm…I notice a pattern…every single one of these is an audiobook! Audiobooks FTW!

How was your January?

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 8 Comments

Shadow Scale, by Rachel Hartman

Posted on January 28, 2016 by Thistle

shadowscaleWar is about to break out between humans and dragons, and Seraphina, as a half-dragon, is in a unique position to help stop the conflict.

Let me start by saying that I don’t really want to review this book. It was not what I was expecting, and not what I’d hoped for. I had a lot of issues with it, but feel bad about those issues, wondering if maybe it was just my mood while reading. I loved Seraphina, the first book in this series. I loved The Audition, a short story prequel with many of the same characters. I thought the writing and characters were just as well written in Shadow Scale…and still, I found myself dissatisfied by the end of the book. Despite continuing to read. Despite staying up late to finish. Despite loving these characters and needing to know what would happen next. That makes this a particularly difficult book to review.

I suppose I should simply express my particular qualms about the book. Perhaps in writing it out, and with some time and distance, I can view the book with fresher eyes and see it more in the light that it was intended. I’ll start by stating what I’d expected the book to be: a book of war, rising conflict, and eventual understanding between groups. In a way, that is what Shadow Scale was, but it was so much more than that:

A quest. A coming-of-age story. Huge swaths of backstory and religion and cultural study. A long exploration into Seraphina’s history with Jannoula. A pointed discussion of gender, sexuality, and race. Psychological exploration. Narrowed focus on a villain who barely existed in the first book. Long periods of the book where many of the main characters would drop out of sight completely as Seraphina drifted from one place to the next.

This, I believe, is the bulk of my reservation about the book – it was just too much. Too much history. Too many storylines. Too many themes. Too many issues. It felt like several books melded into one, like it could have been parsed out into two or three volumes, expanded so that the backstories and histories were less exposition-drop and more integrated. It’s not that any of the stories were bad. It’s that the book started in one vein, then moved to a different one, then another, then another, until an end where there’s a conclusion, but the stories don’t fully wrap up. In the end, I had a difficult time seeing the cohesive thread through the plot, and that was hard for me as a reader.

On the other hand, there were some very wonderful things here. I loved meeting the other half-dragons, and how Seraphina became more self-aware as the novel progressed. I thought Jannoula was fascinating, and wish I could have spent an entire book learning about her powers and psychology. I loved the revelations about the Saints, and the various cultures in this world, and getting to know the different kinds of dragons. As a whole, though, the book didn’t come together for me, and didn’t quite live up to what I’d expected after Seraphina.

Posted in 2016, Prose, Young Adult | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Top Ten Unusual Characters

Posted on January 26, 2016 by Thistle

I love when characters break the mold and don’t quite fit the normal parameters you see in books. Here are my favorites of them:

rochester1. Rochester from Jane Eyre – Rochester remains to this day one of my favorite fictional love interests. He’s arrogant, rude, ugly, insecure, jealous, passionate, and full of life, all at the same time. Extremely flawed, but so lovable too.

2. Winter from the Lunar Chronicles – Winter is extremely mentally ill, in part by choice, at is both strong and weak, empathetic and naive. A strange combination for a fictional protagonist.

3. Elisa from the Girl of Fire and Thorns – Elisa is far from the typical hero. She’s overweight, bookish, lazy, quiet, and absolutely does not want the responsibility of being the hero she’s forced to be.

4. Tiadone from Firstborn – Born female, raised male, feels like a female trapped in a male body, while knowing her body is not being cooperatively male…

5. Cornelia from Love Walked In – Effervescent and quirky, Cornelia is the kind of character I would expect to see in genre fiction, but instead makes up a round, deep character with a wide range of emotions.

6. the entire cast of Good Omens – It’s Good Omens. I can’t really explain it better than that. I mean, come on. The anti-Christ, not knowing he’s the anti-Christ, names the hellhound “dog,” and so it becomes doglike in nature. There are hellish orders of nuns and disobedient angels and all the rest. Yeah.

howl7. Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle – Howl is another of my favorite fiction love interests. He’s spoiled, immature, and cowardly, all the while trying (and failing) to cover up kindness, caring, and strength.

8. Pattern from Words of Radiance – It is fascinating to watch a non-human character trying to learn how the world works through humans.

9. the entire cast of City of Dark Magic – Ditto Good Omens, except with different kinds of characters.

10. Zuzana from Daughter of Smoke and Bone – Short, feisty, contradictory, grouchy, dangerous, and almost ridiculously romantic…

Who are some of your favorite unusual characters?

topten

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 4 Comments

Sunday Coffee – My Week as a Single Mom

Posted on January 24, 2016 by Thistle

IMG_3859Motherhood has always been difficult for me, but it’s especially difficult in those times when I’ve been the only parent home with my three boys. This was one of those weeks. Jason left for Nashville last Sunday for a week-long conference, with the intention of returning home Friday evening. Knowing that I was struggling with depression and starting on a new medicine, we prepared as best as we could. This involved two things: making sure we had little-to-no appointments during the week, and spending all of last Saturday cooking meals to freeze and reheat while Jason was gone.

Honestly, I felt okay Sunday morning. The new meds were starting to kick in just a little. I no longer felt like a zombie. Jason drove off to the airport, and we settled in for the day. Four hours later, my two younger kids started feeling sick. My oldest went off to a friend’s house overnight, at a few hours after that, the vomiting began.

Most of you know this already, but for those who don’t: I have a major vomit-phobia. Stomach illness is usually Jason’s domain, while I go hide in my room until people are better. No chance of that this time, of course, and so it was up to me to take care of the littl’uns. The good news: they were better by the next day. The better news: My oldest son and I didn’t catch anything from it. The bad news: Or so I thought, until four days later, when my oldest started throwing up. On the only day we had appointments and such scheduled. Sigh.

Honestly, I don’t know how you single parents out there handle this. Trying to run the house, do the chores, keep up with errands, take care of three sick kids, feed everyone, get everyone to school…not to mention all the things that I didn’t have to worry about this week because of preplanning…let’s just say I was really looking forward to having Jason home again. Then that major winter storm started threatening Tennessee, and we began to worry that he’d be stuck in Nashville over the weekend. Thankfully, though, the opposite happened: his company told him he could leave a day early to escape the storm, and he got back super late on Thursday!

And so my week of single momhood is over. Thank goodness…ha!

Posted in Personal | Tagged | 4 Comments

Seraphina, by Rachel Hartman

Posted on January 22, 2016 by Thistle

seraphinaFor nearly forty years, there has been tentative peace between humans and dragons. That peace doesn’t stop prejudice from both human and dragon, and tension builds as the treaty anniversary nears. Seraphina is stuck between two worlds, a half-dragon who can’t let her parentage be known. She tries to stay in the shadows, but she might be the only person who can stop the plot meant to throw the kingdom back into war and chaos.

I first read this book in 2012. I loved it, but never reviewed it, for two reasons. First, I wasn’t really blogging much at the time, and second, I really didn’t know how to express my thoughts on the book. Because I didn’t review it, and because it had been so many years since I read it, I didn’t remember enough from the book to go into the sequel, Shadow Scale, without getting completely lost. Hence, the reread, and the opportunity to finally review this book I loved so much.

Unfortunately, I still have no idea what to say about this book! I still loved it, yes. It was wonderful. I thought Hartman’s dragons were unique and interesting, and I liked the whole variety of reactions both humans and dragons had regarding each other. I loved the idea of dishonesty-as-necessity, because I usually find dishonesty of all kinds distasteful, and Hartman’s approach to the subject was unusual. The love story was gentle and sweet and subtle. The surprises were so well-hidden that I was taken by surprise even through my second read, despite remembering most of the book as I reread. Aaaaand that’s pretty much all I have to say about Seraphina. It was just as wonderful the second time around, and I’m looking forward to finally reading the sequel now!

Posted in 2012, 2016, Prose, Young Adult | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #21: Depression

Posted on January 20, 2016 by Thistle

buttonSo you know that metaphor I used, about edging over the peak of a mountain? Well. I kept feeling that way, until ten days ago, when I suddenly fell into a deep crevasse. Dazed, I spent four days just trying to make sense of the situation, before coming to the conclusion: I’m not getting out of here alone. Then I called for a ladder.

Out of metaphoric terms? I’ve been fighting depression for months. The main reason my physician took me off my anti-anxiety meds in September was that they were working too well, causing the depression to worsen as my anxiety sources disappeared. I put up a good fight, but last Monday, I was hurled into the worst kind of depression. The can’t-focus, no-energy, can’t-even-basic-hygiene kind. It took four days of wading through this to capitulate and call the physician. They got me in right away, and back on (a different) medication I go.

True Confessions
I hate medication. I grew up in a family that taught me to strive for absolute, total independence. Dependence on anything, including medication, makes me very uncomfortable. This is the second time in the last fifteen months that I’ve had to surrender and say, Nope, can’t do this on my own! My brain and hormones are completely off-balance, and I have to trust my doctor, therapist, medication, and support system to help me get back to Manda-normal.

I don’t know how long that will take. In the meantime, just to note, I may be a bit more absent from the blog (and social media in general) in the upcoming weeks, depending on how quickly my brain improves. I’m in good hands, though, surrounded by people who love me and will help to rescue me from the crevasse and get me started on my way again.

Posted in Wellness | Tagged , | 8 Comments