The Zen Leaf

Calamity, by Brandon Sanderson

Posted on March 4, 2016 by Thistle

I won’t give any summary here, so as not to give away any spoilers for this book/series. Calamity is the third in the Reckoners trilogy, following Steelheart and Firefight.

Let me start this review with my emotional/engagement thoughts. I’ve had mixed feelings about this series. When I initially read Steelheart, I adored it. However, it faded from my memory quickly – likely because it was a real page-turner and I read it super fast. By the time I opened Firefight, I wasn’t nearly as excited for the sequel. Then, it turned out, I didn’t really like the sequel. The setting and world-building was awesome, and I enjoyed the plot, but I found the narrator (David) downright irritating in ways that I hadn’t noticed at all throughout Steelheart. I was therefore not exactly excited going into Calamity, fearing that it would have the same annoyances, even though I really wanted to see how the story ended. (Especially after listening to Sanderson’s story about where the premise for the series comes from.)

Turns out, the book was really good. I still found David annoying in places, especially in the beginning, but once again I was caught up in the world, setting, plot, and other characters. Not once in this entire series have I guessed a twist correctly, and Calamity was full of twists. Honestly, I didn’t even bother to try to figure them out this time. I just went along for the ride. Likely, I read this one too fast, like Steelheart, and so it will also fade from memory, but I really enjoyed the reading. Plus, there was the added bonus of some deeper-thoughts:

Outside of my person emotion/engagement reflections, I noticed a thematic element going through Calamity that echoes throughout other Sanderson books I’ve been reading lately. (I suppose that’s inevitable, when you read a bunch of an author’s works all in a row…) Without giving away spoilers, I started making connections between the mindset of a character in this book and a character from Words of Radiance. They aren’t the same person – no world-hopping here – but both say a few very similar things regarding the juxtaposition of intelligence and compassion. Paraphrasing it concisely here, there’s the implication that extreme intelligence or mental prowess can cause a person to lose touch with their humanity and compassion. This is a theme often explored in classic literature (in addition to wealth, power, or status causing a person to detach from their humanity/compassion), and seeing it echoed in multiple Sanderson books makes me want to discuss-discuss-discuss!

End thoughts: While the series might not be something I will love forever, I enjoyed the way it concluded, and I’m still mindboggled at the imagination and detail that went into the Reckoners’ world. I’ve read that there may be a future series set in the same world, with different characters, and yes, I do believe I look forward to reading that one, too.

Posted in 2016, Prose, Young Adult | Tagged POC, psychology, speculative | 2 Comments

Library Palooza 2016

Posted on March 3, 2016 by Thistle

It’s no secret that Brandon Sanderson is one of my favorite modern authors, and I’ve been sort of obsessed with rereading all his books over the last few months. My friend Karen (Books and Chocolate) noticed this, and asked if I’d heard he was heading to San Antonio for an event called Library Palooza. I hadn’t. When I looked up the event, I saw that not only would Sanderson be there, but Leigh Bardugo and four other YA authors. Boom. Sold.

I was supposed to go to an event to meet Sanderson last year, in Boston. The meeting-Sanderson part thrilled me, but the idea of trying to drive my way to an unknown area on streets filled with ice and snow when I had anxiety so severe that I could barely sit in a car (much less drive) did not thrill me. When his Boston stop was canceled due to blizzards, I was both disappointed and relieved. Now, I’m so glad that I didn’t go last year, because this year, I got to head out to Library Palooza with my good friend Stephanie, who is also a huge Sanderson fan (plus a Bardugo fan).

The two of us headed out early, got in line early, and got seats near the front center of the auditorium. Eventually, the authors arrived. In addition to the two mentioned above, the panel included Michael Grant, April Henry, George O’Connor, and Kiera Cass. While I’ve never read anything by these four authors, I enjoyed everything they all had to say during the morning Q&A session. They were all so funny! I wish I had a recording of the whole thing.

After the Q&A, most of the rest of the day was split into “breakout sessions,” where each author got their own room to present however they wished. There were three breakout sessions during the day, and of course, Stephanie and I first went to Sanderson’s, then to Bardugo’s. Once again, I wish I could have these whole things recorded! These authors are so smart and funny and engaging.

My favorite part of the day, however, was the signing. You know, the part where I actually got to meet Brandon Sanderson. (Unfortunately, the line was too long to go to the back of Bardugo’s signing and wait, so I didn’t get to meet her personally…) Stephanie and I were fairly close to the front of Sanderson’s line (of course!). We’d both brought a handful of books – the limit was five – and I was just about out of my head by the time it was my turn. Stephanie took a picture while I talked with Sanderson. I’m not sure all the things I said – I was babbling – but I did get to ask him the question I’d been dying to ask: What is his Hogwarts house. He was signing when he answered: Slytherin! I was totally not expecting that to be the answer, and I let out this involuntary squeak of excitement (because hey, what’s a fellow Slytherin to do?). He misinterpreted the squeak at first, and started to say, “Now, don’t judge,” but looked up halfway through “judge” to see me with my hand raised for a high five. He high-fived me and said, “Oh, are you a Slytherin too?” Yes, Mr. Sanderson, I surely am, and I cannot tell you how happy knowing that you are, too. Even if you Hufflepuff in your books so very well.

Stephanie got her books signed after me, and I moved around to take a picture of her as well. Only Sanderson noticed that we were taking pictures this time, and looked up to pose at exactly the right moment. It was the perfect, perfect moment and the perfect, perfect picture, and totally captured how wonderful and exciting and happy the whole day had been. I really couldn’t have asked for anything better, and now, several of my Sanderson books are signed, including Words of Radiance, which says “Bridge Four!” across the title page. Woo-hoo!

Posted in Book Talk | 9 Comments

Hello, 37!

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Thistle

The loveliest thing about having a birthday on the first of the month is the double feeling of newness that comes with it. Not only is it a new year, but a new month. A double beginning. And just like with the first of each January, looking toward a new year, this kind of first tends to bring about a lot of reflection for me.

Two years ago, I was in a really good place. I was healthy, and I felt good about myself for the first time in a very, very long time. For my 35th birthday, I splurged on a spa-party for me and a few of my relatives (above), and we all went and got massages or pedicures. It wasn’t long afterwards that life took a distinct downward plunge. I barely remember my 36th birthday, the only one celebrated in Massachusetts. My pictures from it (below) show how haggard I felt at the time, mostly from severe anxiety and insomnia, but also from poor nutrition, too much alcohol, and extreme loneliness. It wasn’t the worst things had been, but it was close to it.

Now, a year later, I am in a much better place (below). No, I am not all the way recovered. My health (physical and mental) have suffered a lot. My family has suffered a lot. Our children are trying to recover from losing the only home they’d ever known, moving cross-country twice, and starting over in a new place. They all have mental health issues of their own. My marriage strained nearly to the cracking point and we are still recovering from that. Things were bad – but they are finally on an upward path, for all of us.

I start this year with tentative hope. After several really terrible years, I want 37 to be a good one for me. I want my life, health, and happiness, as well as those of the people around me, to improve. I want to blossom in this year, to go from being smothered by worry, depression, anxiety, and fear, into a place of peace, calm, happiness, strength, and confidence. I’ve made some personal (private) goals for this year – nothing like my 36 in 36 list from last year, which I nearly finished – to help along that path. My word for 2016 – healing – still applies, and my new goals (should) lend themselves in that direction.

Posted in Personal | Tagged goals | 11 Comments

Sunday Coffee – A Short But Explosive Month

Posted on February 28, 2016 by Thistle

Well. February was a brutal month here. I think probably half a year’s worth of happenings was stuffed into these few short weeks. To give you some idea:

Social
February began right after a whirlwind trip to Dallas to celebrate my nephew’s second birthday. The next weekend involved shopping for wedding dresses with my sister, followed by a Super Bowl party I held for my cousins, and Jason’s dad arriving from Wisconsin for a few days. There was, of course, Valentine’s Day celebrations, then a giant birthday celebration for one of my uncles, and then a few other health- and book-related events that will be discussed below. Beyond all that, I think I spent half of the month heading out for one doctor’s appointment or another (the five of us had a total of 21 doctors appointments this month!!), and the other half running errands. By the last half of the month, I couldn’t even fit in time for my daily walks!

Construction
We discovered mold behind one set of kitchen cabinets back in November, and have been saving up to replace them (saving up more in time than money – we have been BUSY!). With Jason’s dad coming in from out of town, we thought it would be a good time to work on them, since he and Jason often did this kind of project. Ambrose is also interested in this kind of thing, so Jason took a few days off work, and the three of them worked on ripping out the old cabinets, killing off the mold, and putting in new stuff. It’s not entirely done yet. We have a few little touches (like handles for the drawers), and in all the construction, we discovered that our soffit cabinets were held up with finishing nails, with no studs to attach them. So we had to pull those down, too, and are still trying to figure out what to do with the damage left to the ceiling and wall. Not to mention the loss of a lot of cabinet space. Sigh.

Health
I already talked about all the health stuff I’m going through, but you know how I mentioned those bajillion doctor appointments above? Many of them were Laurence’s. The poor boy inherited from his mother the tendency to get badly ingrown toenails. He already had surgery on them once, back in the fall, but it was through Urgent Care and they didn’t do a good job. We had to shuffle through several podiatrists (really, if you don’t treat children, you shouldn’t make appointments for them and then call an hour beforehand to cancel…), and then we had to make three different attempts at surgery before it actually happened. Laurence is still recovering, but he’s doing much better than in the beginning, and thankfully had no poor reaction to surgery/anesthesia!

Books
I didn’t read much this month – or rather, I read a lot, just a lot of the same book! My book-world wasn’t suffering much from this, though. Book Blogger Appreciation Week and my eight-year-blogoversary kept my blog busy, and I had a couple big book events outside the blog as well. I hosted a book club to discuss Howl’s Moving Castle, which was awesome, and I hope the group continues to grow and flourish. I needed a book club again! The second was an event called Library Palooza, where I got to meet Leigh Bardugo and Brandon Sanderson!! More on this in a forthcoming post of its own.

So it’s no wonder that a big chunk of my brain just wanted to read/listen to the same books over and over and over again, often while crocheting! Those were sometimes the down-moments I got! I’m looking forward to this month being over, to my birthday on Tuesday, to having a fresh (and hopefully less stressful) start to a new-to-me year!

Posted in Book Talk, Personal | Tagged house, Sunday Coffee, travel | 11 Comments

Project: 2016 Blanket (Crochet)

Posted on February 26, 2016 by Thistle

Not long before Christmas, I got the crazy notion that I should learn how to crochet. Honestly, I couldn’t say why. I’d learned how to knit twice in my life and I’d never really enjoyed it, giving it up both times. I’d been briefly taught how to crochet twice and never really picked it up. Some part of me wanted something to do with my hands, I suppose, and so I picked up some yarn and a hook. A couple youtube tutorials followed, and I made my first projects.

These were simple, and I hadn’t learned any complicated stitches or how to read patterns. I’d pretty much made different kinds of squares! The new year approached, and I was unsure if I would keep going with crochet. Then an idea popped up in my FB feed and I got excited.

This is (supposedly) a crocheted blanket based on temperature, one line per day of the year. If you study the picture closely, it’s really nothing of the sort, using far more colors than indicated by the gauge on the side. However, I liked the idea, and as usual for me, I decided to complicate things a bit more. Not only would I use color to represent temperature, but I would use different kinds of stitches to represent different kinds of weather, plus I’d use specific patterns (holes, ribbed lines, etc) to represent different moods. My goal was to make a blanket to represent the year, with all the bizarre artistic swirls that would be brought in with mood, weather, and temperature. Kind of like those sand-jar thingies.

I decided my stitches and patterns, assigned colors to different temperature decades (different from the above “pattern”), and got to work, one line a day. The blanket is 200 stitches across, to be slightly larger than twin-sized, made for one person. However, I quickly discovered that if I did a line for every single day of the year, the blanket would end up around 16 feet long. That’s twice as long as needed! Oops! I guess this is what happens when you’re winging it, haha.

My solution was to chop the year into four quarters, roughly corresponding to the seasons (starting a few days after the each new season begins). I’d crochet my lines until I reached almost two feet of blanket, then crochet in a cream-colored border to mark the end of that season. For winter, my last day of the (crochet) season was Feb 20th, so almost two months of recording. I imagine each season will vary in number of lines, depending on the height of the stitches chosen by the weather patterns. You can see, however, how volatile the last two months have been around here. We’ve had everything from highs in the 40s to highs in the 80s, five colors represented. It’s been a really hot winter around here!

I’m happy with how this has turned out. And honestly, I’m glad to be taking a break from the blanket and moving on to new projects. My enthusiasm for this hobby hasn’t died out yet, and I’m excited to make a few things that are more useful than squares, and useful sooner than sometime late in the year when this blanket is finally finished!

Posted in Crochet | Tagged I made a thing., Yarn Art | 17 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #23: Tests

Posted on February 24, 2016 by Thistle

Yesterday, I had nine vials of blood drawn at my doctor’s office. The good news: The nurse working with my doctor caught that they misscheduled the time of my tests, making one of them invalid, and called the day before to rearrange so it would all be done properly. Yay for on-the-ball doctor’s offices! Additional good news: Despite needing nine vials of blood, the nurse taking it was fantastic, and I only felt the barest prick at the beginning and end of the ordeal, not a thing in between! Now, for the bad news…actually, there is no bad news. Only more good news. Huh.

I saw my doctor last week to follow up on my new anti-depressants. We talked quite a bit about not just that, but the other health things that have been frustrating me. For those of you who followed my original weight loss journey, you might have seen signs of this. I committed myself 100% toward that journey. I was on-plan every day. I taught myself to eat produce. I cut out all processed foods. I tracked calories. I exercised almost every day, both cardio and strength training. I drank tons of water. Etc. I didn’t have “fall off the wagon” time periods, and yet, it took me 3.5 years to lose 100 lbs. It took me over a year to lose the last 20 lbs, and once I reached the very top of the healthy BMI line – or sometimes not quite there, depending on the scale – my body said nope, no more, not happening!

(July ’09 vs Feb ’13)

This is very unusual. People who commit the way I did, with sensible eating and exercise habits, usually lose that amount of weight in a year or just slightly more. Weight loss always seemed to be much harder for me than for other people. To bring it to the present, it is now impossible. I’ve worked my butt off for the last two months – not to mention working my butt off about 75% of the time for the four months before that – and I just keep gaining. I am not okay with this!! So I brought this all to my doctor last week. Already, I’d talked to my OB/gyn in January, after she questioned me for a time about the symptoms of PCOS (which she believes I have). Originally, we were scheduled to have tests for both doctors in April, but due to last week’s visit, all the tests were moved up.

My nine vials of blood are providing answers to extensive tests in all sorts of places: hormone stuff, metabolic stuff, thyroid stuff, glucose stuff, lipid stuff, cortisol stuff, and more that I can’t remember. Some of it is so specialized that I won’t get the results back for a month, but the tests for my OB/gyn should be here within a week, and I follow up with her next Thursday to see if, indeed, I have PCOS. If I do, that will explain a lot about my body’s resistance to weight loss, as well as many of my other symptoms. It will also give my doctors a path to follow to try to help my body regulate itself properly, in a way it currently isn’t doing.

Ironically, after all this started happening, I heard from one of my sisters because her doctor has started to suspect PCOS for her, too. Our other sister has a history of ovarian cysts as well, so this is a real possibility. A real possibility for an answers to WHY. I can’t tell you how hopeful that makes me. I’ve fought and fought and fought to do this on my own for years. I’ve been locked in this battle with my body, thinking that if I could just do things RIGHT, I would win. But I can’t. This is not a fight I can do alone. It has been a very humbling realization, and difficult for me as someone who clings to independence, even from doctors and medicines. I’m putting my health into their hands now, scary as that is, and I hope that they will find the answers to help me.

Posted in Wellness | Tagged health, Wellness Wednesday | 15 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Transitions

Posted on February 21, 2016 by Thistle

I’ve mentioned in the past that I have reading mood swings, where my brain suddenly switches from devouring one kind of book to craving an entirely different kind. In late 2014/early 2015, I switched out of a three-year fantasy kick to what ended up being the longest nonfiction swing I’d ever had. I craved nonfiction for almost a full year. Over the last two months, however, I’ve felt a definite shift happening, and still have no idea what kinds of books it will lead me to.

The transition has been long, much longer than normal. During the transition, I’ve found that I really don’t want to read anything new. Mostly, I just want to listen to the same audiobook(s) over and over again. I’ve listened to Words of Radiance three times now, and am beginning a fourth after a short break to listen to Howl’s Moving Castle and The Host (three times). All I want to read and listen to are rereads, in fact. More than just rereads, but multi-reads. I want to read/listen to the same book on repeat…and I’m not sure how long that will last.

Multi-reads often mark the beginning of a transition for me. Sometimes that’s in life, sometimes that’s a reading mood swing. The longest transition I’ve ever had was in 2005/2006, when I spent nine months reading nothing but the Harry Potter series on repeat. I read those six books – the seventh wasn’t out yet – two dozen times apiece in that nine months. When I was done, I wrote my first novel (as opposed to the short stories I’d been writing for a decade at that point).

Maybe this transition, too, is unrelated to reading. Certainly, I feel no particular urge toward books right now, beyond the multi-reads. Instead, I’ve started writing again this week, just tiny bits, a couple hundred words at a time. It’s the first time in months that writing hasn’t felt forced for me. I’ve also started listening to music regularly again for the first time in two years. And of course, there are life-changes going on, as usual, trying to deal with a new job (Jason’s), a new blood tests and diagnostics (yay doctors!), a new medication (yay depression!), etc. Then there are the vivid semi-nightmares I’ve been having on a nightly basis for the last two months, which often mark the period right before a huge internal change for me. So I don’t know what will come next.

In the meantime, though, don’t be surprised if no books pop up on my blog for a bit. I’m not going to force my brain to read through anything else while it wants to multi-read. It wouldn’t do those books justice, and I couldn’t give them the attention they deserve. So if the blog is quiet for the next little while, that’s why. I’m still here. I’m just…transitioning.

Posted in Book Talk, Writing | Tagged Sunday Coffee | 15 Comments

BBAW: The Dreaded Burnout

Posted on February 19, 2016 by Thistle

Well, it’s the last day of this lovely celebration, and today we discuss the dreaded burnout: One of the unfortunate side effects of reading and blogging like rockstars seems to be a tendency toward burnout. How do you keep things fresh on your blog and in your reading?

I’ll be the first to admit it – I didn’t handle burnout very well when it hit me. When I started blogging eight years ago, my reading posting pace increased exponentially. By 2010, I was reading and reviewing over 200 books per year. A few months into 2011, I slammed into a wall. What followed was a messy and chaotic untying of threads, jostling through non-book topics and shuffling through blog after blog after blog. Only after I disconnected completely for nearly a year was I able to find balance.

I never want to experience that kind of burnout again. For me, avoiding it involves a couple things.

On the book side, I read what I want, when I want. Sometimes, that’s ten books in two weeks. Sometimes, I don’t read a word for a whole month. Sometimes I read the same book six times in a row. If I can read however my brain desires, the reading tends to stay fresh, which helps me to feel fresh, and the blogging to feel fresh.

On the blog side, the most important thing for me was to quit caring about stats. When I worried about page views and comments, I felt compelled to come up with content and write more often, thereby pushing myself to read more and stick to detailed schedules. However, when I disconnected completely and posted my reviews in a completely private location with no stats to see, I was much happier. Now, I can post generally on a schedule, but not so rigidly that I feel trapped by it, and I’m not compelled to read or post at any particular pace.

This balance has helped both books and blogging to stay fresh for me, and honestly, I think that counts most when it comes to avoiding burnout!

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged BBAW | 16 Comments

BBAW: Community

Posted on February 18, 2016 by Thistle

For Day 4 of Book Blogger Appreciation Week, we discuss my favorite part of book blogging – community! Our prompt: How do you stay connected to the community? Examples: social media, regular commenting, participation in blog events, etc. Tell us your faves!

For me, blogging began and continues to be about friendship. I started blogging when I was a stay at home mom of three small boys with little adult interaction. Social media was how I survived that time, and discovering that there was a whole world of online bookworms just blew me away. I started without worrying about stats or page views or posting schedules, all those details that tend to consume, and instead focused solely on community interaction. I had long conversations with fellow bloggers in their comment sections and my own comment sections. I participated in events, got involved in reading challenges, went to conferences, became active on Twitter, accepted books for review, and advocated for various causes.

Most of that enthusiasm died away when I hit my burnout wall (discussed in tomorrow’s post). I dropped mostly out of sight for a few years, wishing to be invisible to everyone except the handful of good blogging friends I’d made over the years. These days, I still consider myself to be on the fringes of the book blogging community. I don’t know a lot of the newer blogs. I haven’t taken a book for review in years. I rarely participate in events, with a few notable exceptions, and I don’t really go out looking for new blogs and bloggers.

Part of this, of course, is that my life has changed drastically. My boys are teenagers now, so I’m not quite tied at home full-time, and I strive for a lot more balance between my interests now than I did back in the early days of blogging. Part of it is that I’ve made many good friends, and keeping up with those friends is more important to me than widening the circle. Plus, I simply don’t have the time that I had back then! I can’t comment on fifty blog posts a day anymore, and that was the main way I kept my toes in the proverbial pond.

(just a few blogger meetups from my blogging years)

Still, though I don’t feel like I’m really in the thick of the book blogging community as a whole, I enjoy my personal little blogger community, with all my lovely friends around me, on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and GoodReads, every bit as “real” as my “in real life” friends. The best part of this community for me over the years have been as each of these online friends become in-person friends as well. These meetups bring me great joy, and I hope to have many more of them in the future!

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged BBAW | 26 Comments

BBAW: Thanks to Bloggers

Posted on February 17, 2016 by Thistle

Day 3 of Book Blogger Appreciation Week asks: What have you read and loved because of a fellow blogger?

After eight years of blogging, there are literally hundreds of books I’ve read due to blogger influence. Picking a single book is hard, but I’m going to go with The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. This book was hyped like crazy in 2011, and I tend to avoid books that receive so much attention. So many people told me how good this one was, however, and the book became more than just a great read for me when I gave in.

See, I’d given up writing ten months before, due to circumstances too long to explain here. Writing had been a lifelong passion, and I’d dropped it, determined to never go back. The Night Circus changed my mind and reignited my love for creation, and that has meant far more to me than I can adequately express. So, once again, thank you bloggers for all that you’ve given!

ETA: Being the numbers geek that I am, I just went back over my eight years of blogging and counted up the books I read based on specific blogger recommendations. The total comes to 46% of my reading over the last eight years. That doesn’t even include all the books I never would have thought of on my own without blogger influence! In other words, y’all are awesome!

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged BBAW | 12 Comments