Callback: The Well of Ascension

well-of-ascensionRecently I’ve been re-listening to my favorite of Brandon Sanderson’s trilogies, the Mistborn trilogy: The Final Empire, The Well of Ascension, and The Hero of Ages. After finishing The Final Empire, I found I didn’t have much to say about the book beyond what I’d said in my first review. With The Well of Ascension, however, so much came to me to discuss. Fair warning, there will be spoilers in this review, as I plan to go in depth into several topics.

Identity
This is the first thing that struck me during both readings of this book. Several of the main characters are struggling with their identities in this new world. Vin was formerly a young member of the slave underground class, now infamous and even regarded as a kind of deity by some. She’s spent her life in the shadows, trying to stay as small and invisible as possible. Her entire world is focused on survival and the protection of a select few, and now she’s responsible for the protection of an entire kingdom. Elend grew up as a pampered nobleman, a sort of rumpled, disheveled scholar who loves to read and discuss philosophy. He wants to the world to be better, but he isn’t prepared to have kingship thrust upon him, and soon discovers that all his idealistic politicking won’t help against the ruthless men who want to take the kingdom for themselves.

The Well of Ascension is a middle book, and there’s a lot of focus on evolving characters and identities. The kingdom has passed from a tyrannical deity (book 1) and hasn’t yet stabilized into a sturdy government. There’s a lot of floundering, both in politics and characters. A lot of bad decisions are made. Vin and Elend, along with others, are easily manipulated by their naivety, innocence, idealism, and/or feelings of inadequacy. One of the big themes that goes through the book is the growth from those unsure, hesitant, easily-manipulable characters into people who make firm decisions and know who they are and what they want.

Power vs Responsibility
Through all this growth, there’s a careful balance needed between power and responsibility. Elend wants to maintain his crown, not because he necessarily wants to have power, but because he knows he will look out for the former slave class, whereas other leaders openly profess that they will reinstate slave conditions. He wants to give the people power. At the same time, he doesn’t want to be a tyrant, and so builds into his laws the power for his own assembly to overthrow him and choose a new king. All through the book, he falls mostly on the side of responsibility, not exercising his power enough. Vin, on the other hand, tends to fall on the opposite. She is the most dangerous force in the kingdom, mistborn, deadly. There is a part of her that wants to simply assassinate all of the other people vying for the crown, to keep Elend and the people safe. Only Elend’s refusal to take/keep the crown by force holds her back, and sometimes even then, she chooses poorly and later feels the crushing guilt of responsibility after assassinating hundreds of guards. Both characters must find the right balance between power and responsibility.

This comes into play even more when Vin enters the Well of Ascension at the end of the book, and has to choose between taking that power for herself to save the people she loves, or giving it away because it’s what her duty demands. I believe that it was only her development through the book allows her to make (what she believes to be) the right choice, giving that power away.

Moral Dilemmas
There are several very uncomfortable moments in this book, and some very disturbing scenes. I’m going to talk about two of them here, because they are related to the many moral dilemmas that come up through the course of The Well of Ascension. The first involves a small town that the character Sazed comes across in his travels. He searched the few buildings in the town, finding dozens of emaciated corpses, as if the people locked themselves inside and died of hunger, refusing to leave. In one building, a single man is still alive, wild and feral. The first thing this man says is, “There is no food. We ate it. All except…the food.” Then he glances at a pile of gnawed human bones. The man has been keeping himself alive by eating the other corpses in the room. His brain is so addled that he doesn’t even appear to realize he is doing this. It’s a very disturbing scene, but also one that made me think: trapped in a house, unable to escape, no food, the dead all around you, and you yourself are dying…would you die, or break down and eat “the food”?

The second extremely disturbing-to-me scene came when Elend and Vin visit Elend’s father’s war camp. Straff (the father) is threatening the city, trying to become the new king. In the course of the conversation, Elend uses Vin’s powers as Mistborn to threaten his father in return. She takes control of Straff’s emotions, forcing him to feel nothing but anger, then fear, then passion, then calmness. Lastly, she takes his emotions and blankets them away altogether, so that he feels absolutely nothing at all. An empty, hollow shell. The moments pass, of course – the change isn’t permanent – but still, that last move felt…too much for me. Crossing the line into the unacceptable. Straff is a terrible man in every way, and I feel no pity for him when he later dies, but the removal of all emotions feels akin to using torture as a weapon, and isn’t something I would wish even on the worst of men. The question of course brings up many moral implications – what is and isn’t okay in war?

There is more in here. Tons more. I haven’t even begun to talk about the kandra, or Zane’s very disturbing character, or relationships, or the relationship of this book/story to Sanderson’s Cosmere as a whole. It’s too much to cover in a single post, even for a book that is my least favorite of the three in this series (though still a favorite of books in general – the whole trilogy is amazing!).

Posted in 2016, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Energy!

IMG_4335I mentioned this past Wednesday that my new medicine has helped to regulate my body to a certain degree. I no longer feel like I’m fighting my body all the time. One major side benefit I didn’t realize would come up is an excess of energy. See, when you’re constantly battling your body, you don’t have the energy to do anything. Every day is a fight just to get the bare minimums done. I’m not talking about the fug of depression, or a lack of motivation. I’m talking about the need to be constantly vigilant, holding yourself together so your body doesn’t spiral out of control.

I didn’t realize just how much energy I was spending on keeping my body together. A single short trip out of the house would wipe me out. On the rare occasion that I managed to exercise three days in a row, I’d be flattened for a week. Sometimes I had to choose between setting rice to cook or calling to schedule a doctor’s appointment – I simply couldn’t do both. It was easier to skip scrubbing the bathroom or vacuuming the house because I just didn’t have the energy or time. And forget doing the things I wanted to do, like write. I blamed this on depression or the fifty million doctor appointments or my much-heavier body or many other things. I didn’t realize that the fatigue and lack of energy boiled down to the simple fact that I was fighting my body 24/7.

My first day on this medicine was March 4th. In the two months before that, I’d managed to write a measly 3322 words on my current manuscript-in-progress, most of them scrapped because they were just so bad. In the two weeks since I began taking it, I’ve written over 13,000 (good) words. This is despite several birthday parties, my kids being home from spring break, many doctors appointments, exercising nearly every day, getting all my chores done, running tons of errands, and taking time to crochet most days. I don’t have more time than before, and I don’t feel less depressed…but my brain has been freed from the prison of body-battle and can now focus on other things. And let me just be the first to shout HURRAH!!!!!

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March Minis (Crochet)

Yes, I am still totally obsessed with crochet! After finalizing the winter portion of my 2016 blanket, I decided to try a few smaller projects. The goal was to try out some new stitches, and to see if I could make something a bit more practical than a couple square coasters.

02 ravenclawMy first project was a Ravenclaw scarf for Jenna as part of a book swap. I expected the scarf, which was six feet of sand stitch, to take a long time to make, but this ended up being a super fast project, taking less than a week to finish. The sand stitch turned out to be both easy and beautiful! One thing I discovered, though: this was not my favorite kind of yarn. It was rougher than I think a scarf should be, and despite my two skeins of blue yarn being from the same lot, there was a slight color difference between the two. One half of the scarf looks a bit lighter than the other, grr. Jenna told me she loves the scarf, and I’m glad, but there’s part of me – the perfectionist part – that wishes I could have made it just slightly better for her!! Still, it was pretty, it was fun, and I enjoyed making it for her.

02 green hatNext up, I decided to try my first attempt at using an actual pattern. With my blanket and the scarf, I designed my own, and it was all just straight lines, no increasing or decreasing or fancy stuff. I have two books of crochet that Jason and my friend Stephanie gave me over Christmas, and I chose the above hat to work on next. I found a softer, smaller yarn, one that would be lighter (for Texas winters), and got to work. And while the beanie was a bit more complicated – especially that edging – it turned out so well! I actually wore this to Library Palooza, and will definitely be wearing it next time it gets cool enough out again (it’s currently in the 80s).

02 water bottle holderThese projects made me even more excited about the possibilities of what I could do, so I tried a slightly more difficult project, which used a few techniques and stitches I hadn’t yet attempted. My stepmom’s birthday was coming up, and I wanted to make her a water bottle holder for when she’s on long walks or hikes. Additionally, I wanted it to be big enough to serve as a gift wrap for a nice bottle of red wine, which both she and my dad enjoy. My yarn choices were limited, and I wanted a color she loved, so I ended up with a very soft baby yarn that, admittedly, was super difficult to use. The result was nice, though, and she loved it, too!

water bottlesAnd, I’ll admit, I loved the project so much that I went on to make two others, using a different (easier) yarn choice. The smaller one is for my mother at Mother’s Day (good thing she never gets online!), for the ever-present water bottle she carries with her, and the larger is for me for long hikes. To give an idea of how different the yarns were to use, what took two days in purple took less than two hours in each of the others…

After that, I decided to learn some more advanced, raised stitches. I had so much more bronze-gold yarn from the Ravenclaw scarf, and this was only meant to be a practice, so I decided to make a posted-stitch hat with it (which, heh, still didn’t use up the yarn). I didn’t expect anyone to actually use this hat, but when I was done, Laurence fell absolutely in love with it. Sure, kid, it’s yours!

03 posted hatI’m off to a longer-term project now, which will likely take a few weeks, probably ending just in time to start the spring section of my 2016 blanket. In the meantime, I’ve learned a few things about crochet:

  • Type and quality of yarn is super important.
  • Some of those fancy, pretty stitches are deceptively easy in practice.
  • Crochet is so much more versatile than I expected, and takes far less time than I thought.
  • I hate starting projects with that “magic circle” thing.
  • It’s okay to modify a pattern to fit your needs.
  • If you crochet too long too often, you start getting sore along your shoulder and back, not to mention hands and wrists!
  • Audiobooks are the perfect accompaniment to crochet projects.

Til next time!

**All patterns, except for the scarf, from One Skein Wonders (adapted where necessary).

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Wellness Wednesday #25: Goal Outfit

buttonNote: Much of the early part of this post will be medical/technical.

I mentioned a few weeks back that I was having some tests run. Some of those tests will take a full month to hear the results, but the initial round came in after a week. The bad news: my doctor does indeed think I have PCOS. The good news: Because I’ve been really good about paying attention to my body and knowing what it needs, I’ve managed to keep my numbers mostly in a normal range, though on the extreme edges of normal. There was a lot of “progesterone is almost too low” and “testosterone is barely normal, but low enough that a hormone that binds to it is too low.” Etc. Additionally, while my glucose and diabetes tests came out normal, my insulin levels are way too high. I’m definitely insulin resistant, though I’m controlling it as well as possible without aid.

My doctor said we had three choices for treatment: start by addressing the insulin, start with the progesterone, or start treating both together. The last isn’t recommended, as we wouldn’t know what causes which results. Together, we decided to tackle insulin first, because 1) it’s the abnormal result, and 2) fixing the insulin might help the hormone levels to fix themselves. She decided to start me on Metformin, though only a half-dose because my glucose is normal and she didn’t want my blood sugar to drop too low. The goal is to try that out for three months and get retested, to see where to go from there.

Metformin is one of those medications that kicks in right away. During my first day taking it, I felt like hell. I was shaky and weak all day, like my blood sugar was waaaaaay too low. I decided I would keep going for a week, and if I still felt like that, I’d call in and let my doctor know, like she asked. The second day, however, I felt fine. More than fine, actually. I felt stable. I’ve spent the last who-knows-how-long feeling like I constantly needed food, fighting off hunger and shakiness no matter how many calories I consumed. After one day on Metformin, that was gone. I feel like I can eat normally again, the way I used to. Which is awesome.

Of course, I’m also hoping this means that I can lose weight again. I’m tired of gaining despite everything I try, especially as I know REALLY WELL how to lose. To start myself off, I decided to give myself a short-term goal outfit.

collageThis outfit currently looks terrible on me. The pants are the same brand/size I normally wear, but for some reason this particular pair is way too tight. The shirt was a birthday gift from my friend Stephanie, and while you can’t see it here, it includes about 40,000 words from Jane Eyre across it. !!! Like the pants, I can wear it, but it’s too small to wear comfortably, and that makes me super sad because I love it so much. I imagine both will fit well after about 10-15 lbs of loss.

Of course, I can’t know for sure how well any of this will work in the long run. There’s still a lot to figure out about why my body is rebelling. More and more, though, I’m trusting this team of doctors I work with, and I hope that together, we can get me back into good health!

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Spring Book Swap

It’s that time again – book swaps! I love my little book swap group. I have so much fun prepping and sending out packages, and awaiting what comes in return. My package from Jennifer at The Relentless Reader came late last week, and it was wonderful! See:

03 book swapFunny story: A year ago, in a completely unrelated swap, I barely got a package also from Jennifer because the box was half-buried in the middle of a blizzard. This year, I left my house for an appointment, and discovered the box there, soaking wet from all the rain we’ve been having. Thankfully, everything was prepped super well and nothing was damaged! But seriously, there must be a curse when it comes to Jennifer sending me packages. Ha!

03 cat in boxBonus: Gavroche fell in love with this box. He pretty much spent an entire day like this. After it faded to damp instead of wet, of course.

Thank you so much, Jennifer! 🙂

Posted in Book Talk | 4 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Happy Birthday, Laurence!

IMG_4309Twelve years ago today, I finally went into labor, five days overdue. My third child entered this world several hours later at a whopping 9 lbs 12 oz. Thanks, Laurence! (ha!) From the beginning, he was an old soul, the quietest and calmest of my three boys, the one who communicated earliest, and was the most afraid to try new things. Today, in sixth grade, he loves forensics (of both the debate and body kind), being outside, manga, cats, fashion, superhero movies, cars, musicals, eggs (cooked in just about every form), history, talking/hanging out with adults, and listening to music. He’s a bit of a pack-rat, though he tries not to be, and gets very attached to items that most people would never think of (like the cheap wall clock we’ve had since before he was born that finally died last fall). He’s extremely intuitive and empathetic, and wishes middle school wasn’t so…middle school-ish.

twelveMy youngest baby is growing up. Love you, Laurence. I hope twelve is a good year for you!

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The Children’s Home, by Charles Lambert (audio)

childrens homeMorgan is a disfigured recluse living in a large manor home with only a housekeeper, Engel, for company. Then the children begin to arrive on the grounds, their origins mysterious, and they are welcomed into the home. The family grows with more children, and the taking-in of a local doctor who cares for them all.

This all sounds like a pleasant and homey kind of story, from that description, but this is misleading. This book is strange. Surreal. Think “Children of the Corn” meets The Supernatural Enhancements. There are kids who don’t act like kids, wax statues that are too realistic, masks that may or may not be real, and the strange warping-the-air ripples that Morgan suspects is related to how the children arrive. Mixed in with this is the horror of Morgan’s childhood and disfiguring, the extreme isolation of the manor, and the bizarre visits from government agents that don’t exactly seem to align with modern-day agencies. In some ways, the book is a tale of family and trauma. In others, a dystopia. In others, something supernatural. There is mystery, and horror, and definite creepiness with a fairy tale edge. The GoodReads description says that the book defies genre, and I would have to agree.

I had no idea, when I began this, that this book would be perfect RIP-season material. The audio, read (wonderfully) by Todd Haberkorn, gave me chills all throughout. You know that delicious spine-creeping feeling of watching a doll in the background of a movie-room turn its head slowly toward an unsuspecting character? That. That’s what this book was all about. However, it wasn’t just a horror book, or something to read for thrills. There were deeper themes, with very real (if strange) characters, making it a lot meatier than I would normally expect from this kind of book. It was also completely spellbinding. I started the audio and didn’t put it down until I’d listened to the whole thing. It was so very good!

I highly recommend this one, though if you’re a RIP fan, I definitely suggest holding off until you start feeling those autumn winds coming on. I might just revisit it myself come September!

Posted in 2016, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #24: Run 4 Hope 5K

buttonThis year for my birthday, I wanted to do something a little different. Instead of having a party or gathering, and instead of getting gifts, I asked my friends and family for something a bit more interactive. Since 2013, I’ve participated in a 5K that supports the local Rape Crisis Center. Every year, I’ve run or walked this with friends or family. Last year, I even flew to San Antonio from Boston to participate. I asked all my friends and family to either come out to participate, or sign up as a virtual participate to support the Center, in lieu of gifts.

Gignac SuperherosJason and the boys were the first to sign up with me, and all five of us ordered superhero shirts (the Run 4 Hope 5K theme is superheroes). Ambrose’s Gandolf shirt, sadly, didn’t come in by the race, so he wore the race t-shirt, but the rest of us got ours. Thundercats, Daredevil, Watership Down, and Space Ghost. Some more obscure than others, ha!

group 2The three friends I’ve walked this with for the last two years – Sarah, Zach, and Stephanie – also signed up. We took our traditional four-of-us picture, Zach making his “facebook face.” Yes!

on the trail 1My dad and stepmom also signed up, and my cousin Jen as well. We all set off at different paces. Morrigan was hoping to finish in 22 mins, despite not having run for years (heh). Laurence wanted to walk/run the 5K. Jason and Ambrose planned to walk together. My dad and stepmom were both going to run the whole thing, through at different speeds, as my stepmom has been training and my dad hasn’t. The other five of us were going to walk together. That was the plan, and some of us stuck to it, but others changed plans partway through. Long story (kinda) short:

M gets 1st1) Morrigan finished in 27:19, which he was a little disappointed by. Despite the fact that he got first place in his age group. 2) Laurence and Ambrose came in 7th and 8th in their age group, respectively, only two minutes apart, because Ambrose kind of jokingly ran his way through most of the 5K. Jason eventually let him go on ahead about two miles in, because he hadn’t been planning to run and was getting tired. 3) Jen and I split off from some of the others after about a mile, because we both wanted to do some jogging sections. We ended up coming in at 49 mins even. Woot! 4) My dad and stepmom both jogged the whole 5K, and my three friends, whose goal was to finish under an hour, came in over seven minutes faster than that. Yay!

Really, though, the best part of this whole thing was the group of eleven of us all hanging out together, all these people who came out to support the Center with me. It felt like being in a big hug, and had me smiling for the rest of the day!

IMG_0615-LETA: Some of the official 5K photos were posted this morning, and I found this lovely one of Ambrose as he crossed the finish line. I just have to take a moment to tell you all about this lovely child who had no interest in running, making a good time on the race, or anything competitive. He began running as a joke to motivate a little girl, and then continued in the spirit of, “Wouldn’t it be fun to tease Mom by passing her?” “Do you think we could pass that dog up there?” Etc. He enjoyed himself the whole time, never pushing to where he felt bad, and finished the 5K with characteristic flare because he knew they were taking photos. I so rarely see anyone, much less a nearly-14-year-old boy, approach life with such a sense of enjoyment and fun and happiness.

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Classics That Fooled Me

It’s been awhile since there’s been a Top Ten topic that I could really participate in, so I thought I’d do a book-list of my own this week!

While I’ve not really read many classics over the last few years, classics are really the foundation of my reading. For years, I didn’t read anything at all, and then as an adult, I discovered classics and fell back in love with reading for the first time since childhood. Still, there were certain classics that I avoided, for one reason or another. When I finally got to them, I discovered I’d been so very wrong. So here goes – the best classics that totally fooled me:

grapes1. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck – Back in 2008, my book club chose this one, and I was not looking forward to it. I’d avoided it for years. But then I started reading, and I sped through it in less than three days. I couldn’t put it down. It was like reading family history! My family came from Oklahoma, and so the cultural mindset is super-familiar to me. Love this one!

2. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo – I was terrified of this book, and had been told about all the long side-chapters that had nothing to do with the book. Everyone always mentions the Paris sewers. You know what? I loved those chapters. The sewer chapters were extremely interesting. Yes. I never once got bored here.

penguinillustratedeyre3. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte – Very wary going into this one, because I’d hated Wuthering Heights. In the end, this became one of my favorites of all time. And I’m still impressed that somehow, despite being almost 29 years old, I’d never been spoiled on this book. I’d never heard of Rochester, or the madwoman in the attic…

4. Middlemarch by George Eliot – I had reason to be wary of this one. Silas Marner, while a good book, was very difficult for me to read. But Kate Reading – my favorite audio narrator – read the audio, and so I decided to give it a try. At first, I suspected I wouldn’t like it, because the beginning is a bit of a slog. After awhile, though, it picked up, and I loved it. Glad I stuck it out.

Germinal5. Germinal by Emile Zola – I have to laugh knowing that I expected this one to be dull as sticks, and that I would give it up after fifty pages and say oh well. This book is funny, smart, exciting, scandalous in places, and is literally one of the only books I’ve ever read that has made me involuntarily react by screaming out loud at a character while I read.

6. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier – Jason suggested I read this one all the way back in 2000. Boring, I scoffed. Then, through RIP, I began to reconsider. Ten years after I scoffed, I ate my words. This book is one of the best pieces of atmospheric writing I’ve ever encountered!

goodearth7. The Good Earth by Pearl Buck – This was another book club selection, and I worried that it would be excruciatingly depressing. I cringed as I read, just waiting and waiting for it to get worse and worse and worse. Instead, it was balanced and beautifully written and powerful and fantastic.

8. The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson – Different kind of fooling this time. I read this book back in the late 90s, after seeing the movie based on it. I was hoping the book would be better, you see, and was disappointed. So many cliches! So predictable! Fast forward over a decade, and Ms Manda discovers that Shirley Jackson had written this book 40 years earlier. Ms Manda had thought that the book was new, recent, current. Those cliches and predictable twists? Well, Jackson invented them. I went back to read with fresh eyes, and discovered the awesomeness within. Perspective. It’s important!

How about you? Are there classics you love that you thought you’d hate?

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Sunday Coffee – All Too Disturbing

IMG_4222Everyone these days seems to be reading You by Caroline Kepnes. Reading it and praising it. And this book…I just can’t read it. I tried. I picked up the audiobook and began to listen, but it wasn’t long before I had to turn it off. I tried the print version, thinking perhaps it was just the audio. Nope. I shut the book. In the end, the narrator was just too disturbing for me to continue.

I admit, I’m kind of a wuss when it comes to certain kinds of disturbing books. I can handle something like Lolita just fine, when I know others have the same squeamish reaction I had to You. But some books are just too much for me. Even when I really want to read them. Like Sandra Brannan’s Liv Bergen mysteries. I love Brannan – she’s an awesome person and I’m super happy to have met her at BEA in 2010 – but every time I’ve tried to read through the first in that series, I’m so disturbed that I have to put it away. Brannan, like Kepnes, just writes so frickin’ well that the creep-factor shudders right through me!

This is totally a recommendation of both the above books, btw, even if I can’t make it through them…

Do y’all have books that are just NO!!! books for you, because they’re disturbing or something similar? What are your creep-boundaries?

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 15 Comments