April 2012 – Cozumel, Mexico – 185 lbs (the line between overweight and obese for my height). Jason took this picture of me. I’d been so happy about my progress – down 75 lbs – but I hated this picture the moment I saw it, as I hated many pictures from that particular vacation.
It looked to me in that moment that all my hard work wasn’t reflected at all in my appearance. I felt huge. Especially my abdomen, which was always a difficult part for me before surgery because of all the pregnancy damage. Taking a closer look:
The thing is, now I look at this picture and I don’t even notice my stomach. I see a person who may not be the thinnest in the world, but who looks fairly in shape and average-sized. Back then, I let myself get tunnel-vision, unable to really see my body accurately. It wasn’t the first time I’d done that, and it won’t be the last, I’m sure. But I wanted to give myself a reminder right here on my blog that focusing on flaws, large or small, detracts quite a bit from the whole. Sometimes it’s good to step back and see from a wider perspective.
The Zen Leaf 
You look great why didn’t you like this picture? You looked super relaxed and happy. I’m proud of you and what you said was so true it’s very important to focus on the totality of our health.
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It was really silly of me. I could only see flaws and not enough progress. I’m glad I can see it better now.
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This is something that, for me, never goes away. You’re an inspiration to me — the way you so openly share yourself, your feelings, your journey. I’ve never been able to do that (except when I make HUGE progress and want to celebrate it). I’m back on the journey again after having gained 30 pounds while working on my dissertation/job-hunting, etc. I thought, for some strange reason, I would be able to get out here to Nevada and get back in shape in a few months, no problem. It has, of course, not worked out that way. It feels like the slowest, most painstaking progress I’ve ever made. Frustrating. But your posts are always such wonderful reminders about reality and positivity and common sense, and about self-perception. Thank you.
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Thanks, Adam. I always feel like with my lack of progress and my slow progress (when I do manage something), I can’t really be an inspiration until I’ve actually gotten toward the end of my journey. I’m glad I can help people out along the way. You’ll get there. Slow but sure.
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Love this post. It’s a great reminder to me as well. ❤
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❤❤
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Great reminder!
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