The Zen Leaf

Wellness Wednesday #13: Six Years

Posted on November 25, 2015 by Thistle

November 27, 2009. After over a decade of illness/infection and a net 130-lb weight gain because of them (plus medications, plus hopelessness), I embarked on a weight loss journey to lose 100 lbs. On that day, I bought an elliptical, and later met with some friends for ice cream (a propitious beginning, yes?), and learned about intuitive eating from one of them. Three years and three months later, after many trials and frustrations, I hit my 100-lbs-lost goal. And even though my weight loss journey didn’t really begin until January 2011 – having made little effort, and therefore little progress, in the year before – I’ve always counted November 27 as my weight journey anniversary.

(before, after one year, after two years – 2009, 2010, 2011)

Until recently. Last year, after working hard to lose what I’d regained over the summer, I managed to get almost back to that 100-lbs-lost line for my fifth anniversary (99 lbs), but the celebration felt fraudulent. Before then, my progress had been down, down, down, then steady. Suddenly, I’d had to re-lose the weight. But, you know, I was still close enough. One little blip wouldn’t break my anniversary. I was still on the same journey, I told myself.

(after three years, four years, five years – 2012, 2013, 2014)

I’m not on that same journey now. In the year since then, I regained 50 lbs, and my weight only stabilized recently as I’ve transitioned off my anti-depressant. I’m higher in weight now than I have been in any previous anniversary celebration (since I didn’t celebrate the first year). I have a long way to go. I’m starting over. And I was tempted to simply put an end to my original journey. Cross it out. Done. Start from scratch, with a new date to celebrate in the future. But then I read Elena Vanishing, with that wonderful quote about recovery being a path and not a destination.

(after six years, 2015, pics from the last month)

And you know what? I may have regained weight, a lot of weight, but that doesn’t mean I’m “starting over.” It means that I’m having to work, again, on something that was already part of my path. I didn’t “decide” to lose weight this time. I “decided” back in 2009. Sure, I may have had times when I’ve fallen off and fallen apart. I may have seen failures in addition to successes. I may be on a new leg of my journey – but it’s still the same journey. Six years now, and dammit, I’m going to celebrate. Because I could have given up any time in there. I did give up several times in there, and yet I’m still here, fighting. I may not be at my best today. It’s a process, one I once naively thought I could just be done with. I can’t be, and so it goes. On Friday, it’ll be six years. Happy anniversary.

True Confessions
This whole post is like a confession. It hurts to say that after six years, I’m still down 50 lbs total but I’m 50 lbs heavier than my anniversaries in 2013 and 2014, and 45 lbs heavier than in 2012, and 15 lbs heavier than 2011. It feels like I’ve gone nowhere, though I know I have – especially on the emotional/mental part, and the body positivity part. More on this in future posts. This, too, feels like a confession, to say that I’m healthier at this heavier, obese weight than I was at a healthy BMI. It feels like coddling, or condoning failure, and I know, logically, that it isn’t. But knowing something and feeling something are two different things. I’m working hard on internalizing the logic.

*****
Dear younger Manda,

The problem with being an overachiever is that you don’t see a lot of setbacks. This may seem like a good thing – until you finally have one of those setbacks, and don’t have a clue how to process it emotionally. You decide that it means 100% failure, when really, it’s the giving up that’s failure. Keep going, even in the face of setbacks. You’re good at continuing on in the face of adversity, and good for you on that. But you need to learn this skill, too.

When things fall apart and you mess up really badly – regardless of whether or not it’s your “fault” or “responsibility” – you can still learn to pull yourself together and struggle on. It does not mean “failure.” It’s just a different kind of adversity, and as I said above, I know just how good you are with adversity. You can do this.

Love, modern-day Manda

Posted in Wellness | Tagged Wellness Wednesday | 5 Comments

Top Ten Books I’m Thankful For

Posted on November 24, 2015 by Thistle

It’s another freebie, and it’s been a few weeks since I last did one of these top ten lists. I haven’t been able to think of things to write about for the last few topics, but this week is different. I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about, because there are some books that 100% changed my life, and I’m so thankful that I came across them when I did. I love many books, and I can’t even say the following list are the favorites of favorites. No. They’re just the books that made a vast, discernible change in the way I approached or viewed life. In no particular order:

1. Mrs. Craddock by William Somerset Maugham – After nearly a decade of not really reading outside of school because I couldn’t find books/genres I consistently liked, this book taught me to love reading again.

2. The Egypt Game by Zilpha Keatley Snyder – A childhood favorite that pretty much solidified my bookish likes/dislikes and the things I’m interested in writing.

3. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo – Considering how often I’ve been talking about the KonMari process over the last few months, this should come as no surprise.

4. The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan – After I listened to this book, I developed a much healthier relationship with food, especially whole, real foods. I avoided processed foods for nearly three years afterwards, too. Perhaps it’s time to revisit…

5. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern – Before reading this, I’d spent ten months with the decision to never write again after a devastating writing incident. Morgenstern got me excited about writing again, and considering that writing is pretty much my main passion in life and has been since early childhood…

6. Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones // Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson – Two books, but I read them in the same short time period and together, they opened up the entire world of fantasy to me. I’d thought I didn’t like most fantasy, but it turned out, I was just reading the wrong things.

7. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath – Reading this was the first time in my life that I felt understood and not alone. Especially the combination of extroversion and severe depression. Because people tend to assume you don’t get depressed when you’re outgoing.

8. the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling – This series was my lifeline when my family originally moved to Texas in late 2005. For six months, we lived with extended family, and these were the only books that I had unpacked. Seriously. Lifesaver. And now, old friends.

9. All Joy and No Fun by Jennifer Senior – Read on the cusp of marital difficulties with three children going into preteen/teenage years, and struggling with that transition on all ends. Yeah. I absolutely needed this, and it helped me to understand a lot of parenting stuff.

10. The Return of the Native by Thomas Hardy – Technically, this wasn’t the book itself (though that was good!), but the audio version that changed my life. Thank you, Alan Rickman and Thomas Hardy, for turning me from an audio-phobe (or, honestly, an audio-hater) into a huge audiobook nerd.

Which books are you thankful for? Also: Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged lists | 12 Comments

Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski (audio)

Posted on November 23, 2015 by Thistle

Subtitled: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

In Come As You Are, Nagoski discusses what women’s sexuality is and isn’t, and talks about the many ways that culture and history has interfered with and influenced the way women see their sexuality and bodies. She also discusses ways to help come to terms with our bodies and how we react to various sexual contexts, in order to create more sex-positive environments for ourselves. There’s a lot of science (especially biology), though never too much that it becomes overwhelming, and there’s a lot of psychology and sociology.

What the book isn’t: Some sort of sex manual with instructions on positions and whatnot. I say this because 1) the cover is bright pink with semi-sexual imagery on it, so combined with the title, it gives off a bit of the wrong impression, and 2) I found my physical copy of the book displayed among the many iterations of modern-day Kama Sutra instruction manuals at Barnes & Nobles. No.

Instead, Come As You Are talks about how women’s sexuality has been studied (as “men’s sexuality, light”), and why that is inherently the wrong way to go about studying it. There’s discussion of anatomy and evolution, of inhibitors and accelerators and the various factors influencing brain-arousal (in the general sense), and of the messages women receive (moral, medical, media) about what their sexuality is/isn’t or should/shouldn’t be. The book is blunt and straightforward, with a couple oft-repeated messages: “Everyone is normal,” and “All the same parts, organized in different ways,” etc. There was historical discussion and debunking of pervasive theories on definitions of marriage, sex, orgasm, non-concordance, etc. There was also some geeky analogies referring to everything from Lord of the Rings (your emotional “one-ring”) to Jane Eyre (using one of my favorite quotes from the book to discuss attachment theory).

I feel like I’m doing a horrible job explaining this book. Let me switch into emotional mode: This was hands down one of the best books I’ve ever read. Life-changing. If you’ve ever had problems with sex, either in yourself or with a partner, this book has a lot to say on what might be causing those issues (and hint: it’s not because you’re broken or wrong or abnormal). Sex issues are a sticky subject and tricky to deal with, but Nagoski takes them out of the realm of emotion and puts them in terms of science. And once you remove the emotion, and take a look at the biological and psychological roots of various issues, it’s easier to view them without bias, and to come to understand your own sexuality without bias. That, I feel, is the biggest gain from this book.

This is one of those books that I just want to recommend to everyone. If you’re interested in human sexuality or women’s studies or psychology, or if you’re involved in the fight for body positivity or the equal treatment of women, or if you’ve ever wondered what’s wrong with you or why you react the way you do to sex, this is an especially good choice. Partway through the audiobook, I already knew it was going to be a book I needed to own, and I didn’t even wait to put it on a wishlist and see if I got it for Christmas. I had to own it now. And I didn’t regret that decision as I went through the rest of the book. I know I did a horrible job summing it up. Just trust me. Read it.

Notably, there is some discussion of trauma and sexual violence. Nagoski is very good to give trigger warnings before each section and tell you how far to skip, and she tries to minimize the discussion of actual violence, focusing instead on the long-reaching psychological effects. Some of it was difficult to read – for someone who hasn’t experienced sexual violence, but has experienced sexual trauma – but not so difficult that I fell to pieces or had to quit reading. I think Nagoski handled these sections well.

Performance: The audio was read by the author. Normally I’m not a fan of this, but Nagoski did a fabulous job. Also, the audiobook came with a PDF so that a listener can participate in the same questionnaires and worksheets as a readers of a physical copy of the book.

Posted in 2015, Adult, Prose | Tagged audio, body image, favorite, gender studies, health, memorable, nonfiction, psychology | 8 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Why I Review Books

Posted on November 22, 2015 by Thistle

…er, tea this morning. Hot herbal tea with lots of lemon for this awful throat illness that blew in with the latest cold front…boo…

Back when I was in Dallas, perusing shelves at Half Price Books, my eye landed on a random title. That title reminded me of a hyped book from this summer: Emmy & Oliver. I remembered wanting to read Emmy & Oliver, but also knew it was no longer on my TBR list. Though I didn’t remember previewing and rejecting it, I figured that must have been what happened.

Later, while reading Six of Crows, I remembered I’d read another heist book this summer, but couldn’t remember the title. While scrolling through my 2015 folder on GoodReads, I passed the cover of Emmy & Oliver (not the heist book). Turns out, I read the book barely two months before, and reviewed it. Kinda. What I actually did was write a single paragraph about how the book was just okay for me. I didn’t actually review it, and the book just didn’t stick in my brain. I didn’t remember a thing about it!

Would it have stuck, had I done a full review? I don’t know. There are a few books from over the years that I can’t remember even after reading my in-depth reviews. Mostly, though, my reviews help me to trigger some memory of a book, if I don’t already remember it, as well as my at-the-time experiences with it. It’s kinda like how scents can be deeply tied to memories and nostalgia.

It makes me sad to go back and see just how many books I didn’t review over the years, particularly in 2012 when I took an extended leave from blogging. Of course, I prefer for books to be so amazing that I don’t need reviews to jog my memory. Not all books are like that, though, and reviews are my way of solidifying my book thoughts and feelings.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged Sunday Coffee | Leave a comment

Winter, by Marissa Meyer

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Thistle

And finally, the Lunar Chronicles conclude. Happily, they conclude without the series falling apart (as too often happens), and I love them even more now that they’re all written and published and read. I imagine sitting down with the entire series at some point and rereading, considering that I’ve been reading, without ever going back, since January 2012, and I know there are some inside-things to revisit and rediscover.

Now, it’s hard to review the end of a series without giving away spoilers for earlier volumes. So instead of reviewing, exactly, I’m going to talk about the title character of this book. Winter.

Princess Winter is the Lunar queen’s stepdaughter. She had two defining characteristics: she’s unsurpassed in beauty, and she’s batshit crazy. The first, she inherited from her mother, and is the primary reason her stepmother hates her. (After all, for those who didn’t know, this book is a retelling of Snow White, just as previous books were retellings of other fairy tales.) The second is because Winter refuses to use her Lunar gift of mind-control, and repressing the ability causes brain dysfunction and eventual full-on insanity. So I meant it when I said she’s batshit crazy. The opening chapter has Winter in the midst of one of her hallucinations, trying not to panic as her body becomes encased in imaginary ice.

So why, exactly, am I focusing this post on Winter as a character? Because I think she’s literally the most fascinating character I’ve read since back in 2008, when I was introduced to Rochester in Jane Eyre for the first time. That’s not to say she’s anything like Rochester – just that she’s different from the typical book character, the way he is. Winter is nothing like anyone I’ve read before. In some ways, she’s creepy, like the way she calls everyone “friend” with every sentence, and almost never uses contractions. In some ways, she’s disturbing, like when she has the dream about the plates shattering when she touches them, but she’s still desperate to finish washing the dishes. And in some ways, she’s endearing (if a bit creepy or disturbing), like when she begins howling with the wolves when she “joins” their pack.

The thing about Winter is, she holds nothing back. Everyone knows she’s crazy, and so she’s adapted by acting crazy even when she’s not in the midst of a hallucination. Easiest way to get people to do things? Fall apart. Then there’s the fact that she’s genuine and sweet to those she cares about. She cares so much about not manipulating people with her gift, even if they’d agree to it for the sake of a group as a whole. She’s this bundle of contradictions who manipulates those she doesn’t trust into doing what she wants, with her crazy-fits, as a coping mechanism, while at the same time refusing to just control people with her Lunar gift. She’s optimistic and terrified and so very strange, and Meyer wrote her so, so well. This book, which is essentially a war campaign like you see at the end of many series, was made unique through Winter.

It’s Winter who doesn’t let us gloss over the horrors of war. So many people are focused on the aims of the war effort, on what they need to do or who they need to protect, but Winter sees the chaos and violence and blood, regardless of which side is winning. There isn’t a distinction anymore whether the walls are bleeding due to hallucination, or due to the number of freshly-dead bodies piled up against it. “I am destroyed,” she says. “I do not know that even a sane person could recover from this. So how can I?” Winter brought humanity and light into a book of violence and death and cause. And that is what made this book so great, and what brought the conclusion to the series to such a powerful end.

Posted in 2015, Prose, Young Adult | Tagged dream-invader, POC, psychology, revisiting, speculative | 2 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #12: Skin

Posted on November 18, 2015 by Thistle

This week, I want to talk skincare, following on the heels of yesterday’s Ipsy review. Because it may seem a little strange that someone is learning about things like skincare and makeup for the first time in their mid-30s. I have reasons for the delay: namely, I have the Worst. Skin. Ever.

Example #1: Unidentifiable Rashes – I can’t tell you how many rashes I’ve had in my life that have no identifiable source, treatment, or logic. Even as an infant, newly born, my mom would rub honey into the soles of my feet because it was the only thing that even slightly made a difference to the random rashes I was getting there.

face Example #2: Acne (and not the normal kind) – I broke out in regular acne as a tween, like many folk. I have it to this day. It’s a constant struggle. Nothing makes a difference to it, not changing foods, not changing skin routines, not chemical or topical treatment from dermatologists. Granted, my mother is nearly 60 and she still has acne, so likely this is just never going away.

Unfortunately, when I got pregnant with Laurence in 2003, my acne changed over from “normal” to that deep-rooted infectious kind that hurts and is scary to look at, and which can only be treated with Accutane. (Pic to right is only the beginnings of it – it got much, much worse.) So a couple years later, when I was cleared to undergo the treatment, I spent nine months on Accutane (much longer than normal, because I could only handle the lower dose – the higher dose gave me severe bone pain, and whoops, turns out that’s a deadly side effect, bone weakening!). I thought, hey, this’ll clear up my skin. Guess who still has acne, eight years later…

Example #3: Eczema, and Dyshidrotic Eczema – Eczema has been part of my life since babyhood. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve been on every topical and steroidal cream on the market over the last thirty years. But what’s worse is the dyshidrotic eczema, or what used to be called “bad sweating.” It’s a kind of eczema that manifests in tiny water-bubbles under the skin that itch like crazy. They pop up without warning, especially in warm weather, and don’t go away again until they feel like it. Nothing helps. Usually, they crop up in ten different places on my hands and fingers all within a day or two. Ugh.

Example #4: Pityriasis Rosea – This is a disease so rare that it has no known cause, treatment, effect, or cure. Basically, it involves lopsided oval rashes that pop up wherever on your body, all at once, and then they stick around for six weeks before disappearing again. They don’t hurt/itch, but they certainly make people look at you funny (especially when you’re a swimmer and they think you’re contagious). But it’s not contagious, doctors don’t think. Then again, it’s so rare they have no real data. Bizarre thing is that when I got it, so did my mom, my two sisters, and my aunt (who didn’t live with us, and hadn’t been in our house recently). My brother (who did live with us) did not get it, nor did any of the extended family my aunt lived with (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins). Nor did any of the people I swam with on a daily basis. Weird.

Example #5: Hives, warts, bizarre skin-clump growths, moles, and more! – This just scratches the surface of my plague of constant skin issues. Hives because I went outside in the rain, hives as big as dinner plates that moved around my body until I took days of steroids. Warts and athlete’s foot despite precaution. Moles as a reaction to an anti-depressant! Some sort of skin growth on my finger that looked like a wart but wasn’t, and had to be cauterized. The inability to wear earrings because the holes are continuously infected (even now, when I haven’t worn earrings in 15 years), and even when I did wear them, I had to wear special materials if I didn’t want to die from the pain. Only recently did makeup stop causing me to break out in hives. I can only use lotions and toiletries with natural ingredients/scents. Etc.

In other words, my skin is a freak-show nightmare that has no end in sight. I just have to learn to live with it.

True Confessions
The worst advice I ever got from a dermatologist involved precautionary skincare. To keep from breaking out in eczema, he suggested I use special creams on my skin twice a day to keep it hydrated. First off, this only helps normal eczema, and not the special super-duper Manda kind, and second, the “creams” he wanted me to use were…disgusting. In the morning, I had to put on super-thick prescription cream (because regular lotion was too thin). It left me feeling oily and gross all day. At night? Straight up Vaseline, all over my entire body, face to toes. In the month or two I actually followed this regimen (without any improvement, I might add), I probably went through more Vaseline than any person goes through (or should go through) in an entire life. It. Was. Disgusting. Needless to say, I quit that regimen.

Unfortunately, what that dermatologist taught me was that skincare was pointless. Why bother with my skin if 1) the “care” makes me feel terrible all the time and 2) doesn’t make a significant different anyway? What I’ve discovered in recent months is that not all creams are made equal. Palmer’s cocoa butter is very, very thick, but it soaks in fast, and leaves me smelling lovely all day while keeping my skin moisturized. Naobay oxygenating cream (thank you Ipsy!) is perfect for my face twice a day. There are good products out there. I just had to find them, and that doctor gave me a 20-year delay in finding them.

*****
Dear younger Manda,

Skincare is important, but please, ignore that damn doctor. Find stuff you love, and take care of your skin. It may not make a huge difference, but it makes some, and believe me girl, you need all the difference you can get.

Love, modern-day Manda

Posted in Wellness | Tagged health, Wellness Wednesday | 2 Comments

Ipsy Reviews: October, November

Posted on November 17, 2015 by Thistle

I forgot to talk about my Ipsy glambag last month, so I thought I’d do a little joint review of October’s and November’s glambags. And, just as a shameless plug, if you want to sign up for Ipsy after reading all this, please use my referral code. It wins me points. Hee.

October
1. Eva NYC Therapy Session Hair Mask – With an argon oil base, this isn’t much different from, say, Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine conditioner. Slightly different scent, but not something I’d pay for extra. Three stars.

2. MicaBeauty Cream Eyeshadow (Bronze) – I’ve never used cream eyeshadow before. This was awesome. Loved it, loved the color, loved how easy it went on and how long it stayed without clumping, without even putting a base down first. Five stars.

3. Emite Professional Slant Tweezers – I don’t use tweezers often, and this seemed at first glance to be much better quality than the ones I have. Unfortunately, in trying to use these, it turns out they aren’t good for fine hair, and just break the hair. Nope. They’ve gone into the first aid kit for splinters. One star.

4. theBalm Cosmetics Meet Matt(e) Hughes Long-Lasting Liquid Lipstick (shade: Committed) – I was leery of this one, because my first experience with liquid matte lipstick was Revlon’s ColorStay, and that dehydrated my lips so badly that they were bleeding (literally) within a few minutes. This one, thankfully, wasn’t like that. Went on smooth, stayed smooth without any stickiness (Revlon was sticky), and after it dried I couldn’t even tell it was there. Nice color, and a faint scent of peppermint. Awesome. Four stars.

5. Peter Lamas Exfoliating Pumpkin Facial Scrub – My thoughts were, “Autumn, pumpkin, I guess?” But this did not smell like pumpkin. First off, it was better than any scrub I’ve ever gotten in stores, with more of those little exfoliating scrapper dots (I’ve no idea what they’re really called, and yes, I know I’m ignorant) in much smaller sizes. After scrubbing, my face feels fresh and new in a way no other product has ever made it feel. Bonus: The scent is amazing. Not pumpkin, like I said, but something reminiscent of walking into a Dunkin Donuts when all the pastry has just come out from the oven. Mmm… Five stars.

The bag as a whole: While I didn’t like the actual bag (bronze one one side, black on the other), I did enjoy most of the products within. And even bought a full-size version of that Peter Lamas scrub.

November
1. Be a Bombshell Mechanical Eyeliner (shade: Wild Child) – This eyeliner is waxy and while it seems like it’s supposed to be a kind of black, instead it’s a weird grey that doesn’t go on smoothly. I’m not very familiar with eyeliner, so maybe that’s just the way it’s supposed to look. In any case, considering this is the third eyeliner Ipsy has sent me, I never see myself needing to buy more! I have three colors now. Yay! Two stars.

2. Jesse’s Girl Eye Shadow Primer – I have some primer, but it doesn’t hurt to have more, and this seems better quality than the kind I have. Less powdery, more liquid. Does its job, too. Four stars.

3. tre’Stique Mini Matte Crayon (Chile Red) – The crayon itself is a good texture and easy to apply. The color is WAY too bright for me (brighter in real life than it is in the pic). However, I found that if I pair it with a layer of L’Oreal’s Sandstone (sort of a bronze, shimmery neutral), it transforms into something I can use. Cool. Three stars.

4. Smashbox Full Exposure Mascara (Jet Black) – Not too thick and the wand is easy to use, and gives a slightly different effect from my normal mascara. I like it! Four stars.

5. Figs & Rouge Hydration Cream – I can’t quite identify the fragrance of this one. Something light and floral, like lilies, barely noticeable, and not chemical at all. The cream soaks in fast, so it doesn’t leave me feeling greasy afterwards, and a little bit goes a long way. Definitely my favorite part of the bag this month! Five stars.

The bag as a whole: I really like the actual bag this time. It’s soft and pliable, whereas all the others I’ve gotten so far have been plastic or stiff. It’s also very pretty. It’s the first one since my first hounds-tooth Ipsy bag that I’ve kept. And while this month’s shipment wasn’t quite as good as October’s, it still have a product I love in it, and no products I hated. Yay!

Once again, please use my referral code above if you’d like to sign up. Personally, after four months with Ipsy, I’m super pleased with what my $10/month gives me. I don’t always enjoy everything, but I often enjoy a lot, and I learn so much that I didn’t know beforehand (about brands, products, colors, etc) using all these little samples. It’s fantastic.

Posted in Personal | Tagged lists | 7 Comments

Six of Crows, by Leigh Bardugo

Posted on November 16, 2015 by Thistle

Six underworld criminal-types attempt a near-impossible heist for an outrageous sum of money that will help them escape their underworld lives (if they should so wish). What follows: love-hate relationships, constant betrayals, impossible feats, lots of violence, and the setup for a series.

Six of Crows is set in the same world as Bardugo’s Grisha trilogy, taking place after the Ravkan civil war. Some of the former characters are referred to, but mostly these are all new people from many different races and countries: Kerch, Zemeni, Suli, Ravkan, Fjerdan, Shu. My expectations going into the book were mixed. I loved the Grisha trilogy – right up until the very end of the third book, when a specific thing happens that felt like cheating, like the book/series had been robbed of its power. So on the one hand, I knew Bardugo created characters and worlds I loved, and on the other, I worried about feeling let down again. Now that I’ve read it, my experience was equally mixed.

The Bad
I don’t generally like books involving protagonists who are criminals or con artists. Some circumstantial situations can make that setup okay – like Kelsier’s thieving crew in Mistborn, trying to overthrow an oppressive government – but usually, no. As each of these characters’ backstories were revealed, I felt sorry for them. I knew they hadn’t landed in the underworld by choice. (Mostly.) But all the same…some of their motives were driven by vengeance, and I don’t find that to be honorable in any way. That made it difficult to like or connect with several of the players (like Kaz, the crew leader and book’s main protagonist). Even after finishing the book, I’m not yet sure I’d care if he, or certain others, died in later volumes.

The Good
On the other hand, I really did grow to love and care about several of the characters. The two women on the crew, in particular, felt like rounder, more realistic characters. Nina just tickled me, and I care quite a lot about what will happen to her (and Inej, the other woman on the crew). They were the backbone of this group, and really, I think they were the most crucial to the mission. I also think they were the most honorable of the crew, with motives I could understand and relate to. They made this book for me. (Jesper, though we rarely hear from him, eventually won me over, too.)

As for the story itself, there were some suspension of disbelief issues for me, and I preferred learning the character histories (which probably made up at least a third of the text). I wished the book had gone deeper, thicker into the individual psychologies and world-building, more the way the Grisha trilogy had. Still, Six of Crows kept my interest, and I do want to see what happens next, even if it didn’t blow me away the way that Shadow and Bone did. I honestly didn’t expect it to, given the setup was pretty much not-my-thing, but I admit, I did want a bit more from it.

This sounds like I’m just ripping apart the book, and that’s not my intention. It was well-written and well-paced. My negatives are purely personal pet peeves (how’s that for alliteration!) and I plan to read further volumes in the hope of more wow-ing ahead.

Revisited via audio in September 2016: This audiobook was read by seven different narrators, some better than others, but all mostly good. In fact, on audio, this book was about a hundred times better. I can’t say for sure if it’s because I knew all the character backstories before going in, or if it was the media that did it, but I really enjoyed this reread. I’m now looking forward to Crooked Kingdom (which I also plan to read via audio).

Posted in 2015, 2016, Prose, Young Adult | Tagged audio, reread, speculative | 2 Comments

Sunday Coffee – When All the Best Comes at Once

Posted on November 15, 2015 by Thistle

October was one of those months. One of those months when every single you book you read is great. More than that: it was one of those months when you manage to find books that were phenomenal, not just great. When you read many of them in a row.

It’s not my first time experiencing clumps of greatness when it comes to books. Back in 2010, my year of reading-everything-regardless-of-feeling (also my year of reading-way-too-flippin’-much-217-books-really-Manda???), I made note of how rotten the year had been in terms of reading quality (note to self: see the 217-books comment). I also made note, in my 2010 reading wrap-up, that my few wonderful books were concentrated around specific moments during the year, when I seemed to run into a bunch of them all at once. Sometimes, that’s just the way it works. I said this on facebook a few weeks ago:

I’ve read some good fiction over the last few months, but it’s been awhile since I read a phenomenal, can’t-stop-smiling, hug-that-book-so-hard kind of novel, and now I’ve read three in a row with a likely fourth to follow. I guess this is what happens when a bunch of your favorite authors all have new releases at the same time.

Now that reviews of all those books are finally up, I can finally write this post. Because here’s the thing. I read eight books in October. Two of them were right-to-my-core nonfiction books focusing on disordered eating. Three of them were fantastic RIP reads. And three of them – the last three – were the books mentioned on facebook. Shadows of Self, Walk on Earth a Stranger, and Carry On. (The fourth, upcoming book mentioned in that post was Six of Crows, which I purposely waited to start reading until November, and which didn’t end up being quite as good as I’d hoped. Ah well…)

Every month, I pick a favorite of the books read that month in my year’s reading list. Some months, it’s really easy, because one book has dominated my brain and stood out from the rest. Some months, it’s difficult because none have been particularly noteworthy (especially if I only read one or two books). And some months are difficult because I just want to say ALL OF THEM READ THEM ALL. That was October. For October’s “favorite,” I had to pick from the best of the best, from a list that likely contains several 2015 favorites, from a list that would all be 4-5 stars if I still rated books. That was hard! I’m not even sure my choice will stick over time – maybe one book will stay with me longer and overtake the rest? Maybe?

Now, don’t misunderstand – I’m totally cool with having a month with reading so good that my biggest trouble is picking out a favorite for the month. If all months were like this? Bliss! And honestly, it was a wonderful change, after several months where I gave up more books than I finished. Wonderful to read so many great books, to revisit so many favorite authors, to have new books to put on my wishlist. Like a little gift from the book world to make me smile. 🙂

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged Sunday Coffee | 6 Comments

KonMari Round 2: Photos

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Thistle

This is my very last KonMari post. I promise.

I mentioned during round one of this whole process that I skipped the digital versions of my photos. Back in fall 2013, I’d spent months with my 25+ photo albums, culling, sorting, and scanning into my computer (see pic <– ). I also did some minimal culling of the previously-existing digital files (pretty much 2006 onwards). When all was said and done, I had over 10,000 photos on my computer. I didn’t mind such a large number. I’ve said in the past that I love photos, and love seeing them as a way of indulging in nostalgia. They aren’t taking up physical space, and I have plenty of digital space. I figured that over the last two years, I’d increased to around 11,000 photos, and didn’t even bother to check.

I should have. Because my friends? I have a problem.

There I was, going through photos. Miscellaneous folder, babyhood folder, childhood folder, high school and college and through the births of my first two children. Right up through the end of 2002, and probably about a third of the way through my picture folders. I’m not sure what made me check – perhaps it was because I was culling much more than expected – but I was surprised to discover exactly how many photos remained: about 12,500. !!! How many photos had I added in the last two years??

Best I can estimate, I’d added something like 4,000-5,000 photos. I don’t know exactly. I don’t know how many I started with. All I know was that those 12,500 that remained were after culling several thousand photos. And I still had everything from late 2002 to present to go through, including three cross-country moves, the birth of my third son, and far more than I can possibly recount in the years going forward. There were significant bumps in the numbers both in 2010 (when I got a camera phone) and 2012 (when I signed up on Instagram). Some years – everything from 2006 onward is separated by years – had around 1,500 pictures! Apparently, I had my work cut out for me.

It took weeks to go through all the files, and would have taken longer if I hadn’t gotten sick in late October. I spent two days going through 2010 to present, deleting 3,500 photos from those almost-six years alone. By the time I was done, I’d culled my photo collection down to 7,500, probably almost half of where it started.

But wait! I wasn’t finished yet! For those who have read Marie Kondo’s book, one of the things she talks about is learning more about what sparks joy as you get more practiced. I’ve practiced culling clothes and books many times, long before this process, but I’ve never really practiced culling photos. As I worked through them, I did get a clearer sense of yes vs no, and realized that with so many photos, I was drowning them all out. With fewer photos, I see more photos. (Hopefully, that makes sense. There were literally photos I didn’t recognize in there!) In any case, I knew that I needed to go back through the early folders one more time.

In the end, I got rid of nearly another 1500 photos, leaving myself with just over 6,000 altogether. Every single one is loved, and full of memories, and brings me joy when it pops up on my screensaver or desktop background. I’m sure I’ll keep taking thousands of pictures each year, but as time passes, those years will be culled out as well, until I’m left with that small center of joy to surround me. And that, my friends, is lovely.

Posted in Book Talk, Wellness | Tagged KonMari, photography | 6 Comments