Sunday Coffee – Happy Thanksgiving!

img_6845It’s that time of year! Halloween has passed, Christmas is coming, and we spent this week gorging ourselves on turkey and stuffing and pie. Especially stuffing, in my case, because it’s honestly the best food in the world and I need to avoid it if I ever want to lose weight again, haha.

Thanksgiving is very different for me up north than it is in Texas because of a few things. First, there’s already snow on the ground here and my brain rebels against that. To my brain, winter and summer should both be balanced by spring and fall, and yet I seem to keep living in places that are either six months of summer or six months of winter. It’s been a super warm winter here compared to normal – apparently there’s normally a foot of snow on the ground by Thankgsiving, I’m told – but there’s still been snow and days when it doesn’t get above freezing even in mid-afternoon. To me, that’s December through February weather. It feels very strange to have Thanksgiving when it’s that cold out, the same way it felt strange the years in Texas when it was nearly 90 degrees for the holiday.

Second, I had this Thanksgiving with an entirely different set of relatives. That isn’t a bad thing of course, just different. We hosted the event at our house this year, with my in-laws and some extended family joining us. I tried to bring a few Texas traditions to the table, like my Aunt Lenny’s special cornbread-sausage-poblano stuffing. Mostly, though, the tradition leaned Midwest instead of Southwest. Very different for me.

thanksgiving

The holidays make me a bit homesick. I wish I had the time and money to go visit in December between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I don’t this year. The plan for next year is to spend Christmas break down in Texas with family. (Hopefully.) This year, we’ve already decorated for Christmas and I’m incorporating as many of my family’s traditions as possible for all the holidays to help me stay close to my loved ones back home.

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Wellness Wednesday #36 – Goals

buttonOne of the hardest things in my current wellness journey is conflict of differing goals. Prioritizing them is difficult, but generally, this is where I’m at.

1. First and foremost, I want to be able to sleep well. Insomnia is a huge problem, and several things will help to minimize it: controlling my insulin (so a crash in the night won’t wake me), healing my ankle (so that pain on movement doesn’t wake me), and caring for my mental health (because anxiety is anathema to sleep!).

2. My second goal is related to this: to improve my health numbers and get PCOS and insulin-resistance under control. For this, I need to eat better and exercise regularly, but (ironically) I also need good sleep!!

3. I also want to improve my overall physical strength, both muscular and cardiovascular. I’d like to return to a regular training program (without a stupid injury messing me up!).

4. Which leads to: I want to regain self-discipline, both food-wise and in exercise. I don’t want to go overboard, though, making either food or fitness the focal point of my days. That’s a difficult balance to achieve, but an essential one!

5. Additionally, I want to make some major improvements in my mental health, especially with regards to PTSD triggers, self-sabotage, body image and shame issues, anxiety, depression, and the simultaneous fear of failing and succeeding.

6. And while this should be the last of my goals, I admit it’s the easiest goal to see and quantify. I want to lose weight and look more like myself again and feel comfortable in my body. I want to fit back into my nice clothes, and to be able to shop in whatever stores I want, and generally feel good about my body and how I look again.

Really, if I’m working on all these goals, they all should come together. They’re all inter-related. Eating better and exercising regularly will lead to all the results I want, and working with doctors and therapists on mental health and injury repair will assist me along the way. It seems to simple and straightforward when I write it down. I wish it was that simple in practice!

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Top Ten Food-and-Family Titles

Hello everyone! Today’s Top Ten Tuesday is a Thanksgiving-related freebie. Gratefulness is the first thing that comes to mind, but I’ve already done books I’m grateful for in the past. I decided to go with something a little sillier. Thanksgiving is all about food and family for me, so I’m going to give my top ten books focused on these two things!

whatI eatFood
1. The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan
2. The Belly of Paris by Emile Zola
3. Around the World in 80 Diets by Peter Menzel and Faith D’Aluisio
4. Relish: My Life in the Kitchen by Lucy Knisley
5. Baking Cakes in Kigali by Gaile Parkin

Hmmm…those are mostly nonfiction, heh…

tapestry-of-loveFamily
6. Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson (and really, most of Sanderson could fit here)
7. The Unit by Ninni Holmqvist
8. The Tapestry of Love by Rosy Thornton
9. Firstborn by Lorie Ann Grover
10. The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yoko Ogawa

Well, family doesn’t have to be bound by blood, right?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

topten

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 6 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Small Town Library

img_6827Guys? I miss my library. The San Antonio Public Library system was awesome. You could order books from anywhere in the library system and have them transferred to your branch, and you could return them to any branch. Once a book was in transit, it only took a couple days to arrive. The branches all held awesome events, book clubs, book sales, and more. They based their ordering on the estimated popularity of books, and almost always, they ordered books well before they were scheduled for release. Additionally, they use the Wowbrary system, which is an RSS feed of all the books ordered that week in multiple categories. This allowed me to see immediately when a book I was waiting for entered the system, and I could immediately put it on hold (before the hold list went up to several hundred!).

Before the SAPL, I’d never really used the library much. When we lived in rural southwestern Wisconsin, I never bothered. I knew it would be difficult to find anything. I didn’t even have a library card then. Only after we moved to San Antonio in late 2005 did I become a library convert and zealot. In the year we lived in Boston, I wasn’t a huge fan of the library system, but they did have a lot of availability, so I didn’t have too many complaints. (Mostly that the hold system was weighted based on what library you belonged to, so you could never tell how long it would take to get a book or what number you were in line.) I was definitely relieved to come back to SAPL, and now…

Well. Small town libraries are very different. I’m happy that there’s a network of several dozen libraries in this part of Wisconsin that we can order holds from, and that the hold line isn’t weighted like in Boston. On the other hand, all the small-town libraries have some distinct disadvantages. Most the time, when I put a book on hold and it’s finally in transit, it takes several weeks to arrive. Then there’s the the hold lists themselves. Because all these libraries are individual instead of one library with multiple branches, they each order their own books. They order small batches of books, and so the demand for some books is much, much greater than the supply. This is true of physical and digital books. For example, I recently saw Me Before You and decided to try the audiobook. The physical copy was too damaged to use – another problem I’ve had with every single audiobook I’ve checked out here – so I put the electronic copy on hold. I’m somewhere in the high 300s of that list, because there are less than ten copies belonging to the several-dozen libraries. At SAPL? I’m second on the hold list there. (Thank goodness my library card is still valid for e-copies there!)

I remember why I never bothered with the library before SAPL. This makes me so sad, because I don’t like to buy books before trying them from the library first. Borrowing is an integral part of my reading. There’s a reason I’ve been reviewing mostly audiobooks (via Audible) since August. Sigh.

PS – No Wowbrary here either. Needless to say, I kept my SAPL feeds going. Wowbrary is one of my primary sources of discovering new books to try!

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 12 Comments

Aerie, by Maria Dahvana Headley

aerieThis book is the sequel to Magonia. I thought this was going to be a trilogy, but the second book wrapped up so well that now I wonder if it’s a duology instead. In Aerie, it’s been a year since Aza’s original death, and both she and her boyfriend/best friend (Jason) are worried what the anniversary will bring. Which is chaos.

So. This is another case, sadly, of right book wrong time. My brain is not functioning right now, and I don’t think I comprehended 90% of what happened here. It felt like reading a dream, and not because of the very creative fantasy elements. Honestly, I couldn’t say if I would have loved this book as much as Magonia if I’d been in the right place to read it, either. There seemed to be too much focus on the love story, too many new fantasy elements, and too much conspiracy theory. Then again, that might be because I wasn’t really taking in much of the story. This is another one I’ll probably have to go back to reread in the future.

On a related note: I think it’s time for me to take a break from books for awhile until my brain is ready to read again. This is one I was really looking forward to and I think I ruined the experience for myself. I don’t want to do that to a few others that I’ve been looking forward to forever!

Posted in 2016, Prose, Young Adult | Tagged , | 3 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #35 – Clothes

buttonThe four rollaways pictured below contain 70 lbs worth of wardrobe. My goal is to go through them one by one: the top, which holds the “almost fits” clothes; then the next size down, and the next, until I get to that bottom rollaway. That rollaway is the fullest, holding my wardrobe from 2013-2014, the years I was at a healthy weight, 70 lbs less than I currently weigh.

10-goal-clothesEverything I owned before then – except for a few pieces kept for nostalgia – was donated before I started gaining weight back. Optimism, perhaps, or just the fact that I’d been in control of my body for so long and expected to remain so. The increase up to my current size was so rapid that honestly, my piles of clothing at each size up consist of whatever cheap I happened to find. I don’t really look forward to most of what’s in those rollaways, until I get to the bottom. Really, I just look forward to getting to each of them, then through each of them, until I’m back to the clothes I truly love.

Posted in Wellness | Tagged | 8 Comments

Top Ten Literary Adaptations

Today is a movie freebie on Top Ten Tuesday! Here are my favorite book-to-movie adaptations.

anna-k1. Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen – I once tried reading this book but gave up two chapters in. Watching the movie changed my mind, and the book became one of my favorites of Austen’s.

2. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy – I hated this book with a passion. The movie, on the other hand, is fantastic!

3. The Hours by Michael Cunningham – I saw this movie before I read the book, and then I read the book, thinking it would be better than the movie. Nope. Didn’t like the book at all. The movie remains my favorite to this day, though.

jane-eyre4. The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins – The adaptations of these are fantastic!

5. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte – I’ve seen lots of adaptations of this novel, though only one has made my list of favorites: the adaptation with Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens.

6. Chocolat by Joanne Harris – Honestly, I can’t say if I like the book or movie better! The movie convinced me to try the book, though.

7. Silver Lining’s Playbook by Matthew Quick – Can I be honest? I haven’t read the book. I want to, but I’m worried the same thing will happen as when I read The Hours.

jsmn18. “Eisenheim the Illustionist” (The Illustionist) by Stephen Millhauser – The movie was adapted from a short story in this case, and so it’s far more in depth. Love this one!

9. Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke – I guess technically this is a TV series, but that counts, right? It’s not exactly the same as the book, and I do like the book better. The show/movie is good also!

10. Me Before You by Jojo Moyes – Honestly, I tried to read this once and decided nope. Recently I saw the movie and fell in love, so I’m going to be trying the book again soon!

topten

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 13 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Settling In

img_6784It’s now been three weeks since we moved into our new house. We closed on our Texas house earlier this week (yay!) and soon we’ll close on this one. In the meantime, pretty much everything is unpacked, and we’re getting the house together how we like it.

There are so many things I love about this house. The living room is sunken, which is one of my favorite things in the world, and has a big bay window that could one day become a window seat. There are enough bedrooms for everyone to have their own, plus an office/guest room, and down in the basement, there’s easy setup for a rec room and a game room. Plus tons of storage. After a year of not having a bathtub, I think I’ve taken a bath nearly every day that I’ve been in this house.

bookshelves

(Bookshelves are up! Decorated for Halloween)

After only three weeks, it still feels like I’m living in someone else’s house, of course. That’s exacerbated by some of the furniture and such coming with the house. The previous owners, who haven’t lived here for a few years, left us with couch, loveseat, coffee table, entertainment center, dining room table, and a few other pieces. They didn’t need them and didn’t want to move them, and they are all high-end pieces in great condition. We’re not complaining, considering we had to leave a lot of our (crappy) furniture behind! There are still a few things we either need to get or have already bought, because the moving truck destroyed several of our things, grr, but for the most part, we’re in a good place to start. That does strengthen the feeling of living in someone else’s house, though, like we’re renting again.

gordo

(Gordo is hanging in the kitchen. He’s been in all our kitchens since 1999. It must be our house now.)

Is it weird that after a week here, I began to grieve for my old house? Not the one we just left behind, which caused too many problems to have positive associations, but the one we sold when we moved to Boston in 2014. We’d lived in that house for nearly nine years, longer than I’ve lived in any other house in my entire life. I loved that house more than I could say from the second I laid eyes on it. I didn’t care that it was small and had tons of little problems and a couple of big ones. I just loved that house, and I loved my life in that house. All the moving around of the last 2.5 years, living in four houses since that one, has been rough on me. I loved this house the second I walked into it as well, and I know that one day it has potential to be loved as much as the last, but it’s early days still, and there’s some grief involved.

photo-wall

Still. I can see the good. I love having a large living room to run in again, and having a place for my elliptical and boxing area and the weight bench the previous owners left us. I love my bathtub, and my cozy bedroom, and having an office instead of shoving the office area into the living room. I love our big lot with tons of room for the boys to play outside (which they’ve been doing constantly). I love that while the basement isn’t 100% finished, it’s 100% finishable, and I’m not afraid to go into any part of it the way I am with some basements. I love having a basement again, period.

ashbaby

(My big baby loves me again!)

We’re adjusting. There have been a great number of head colds because our bodies are not yet used to the weather, and we’re still gathering winter wardrobe. The boys love their schools, though, and we’re falling into a good daily routine. Plus – and this is a huge one for me – my Ash-kitty is finally coming out of his depression. Gavroche came into our lives just days after we moved to the last house, and Ash was angry and upset about that. He stopped sitting in my lap, stopped sitting in my chairs or sleeping on my bed, and he stopped purring altogether. Ash always saw me as his person, was constantly either in my lap or in one of my chairs (office chair, dining room chair, where I sat most often on the couch, etc). I didn’t hear him purr once the entire year we lived in our last house. Only after we moved to Wisconsin did he start to open up, spending hours in my lap and purring for me again. I’m taking this as a sign of good things to come!

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The Motion of Puppets, by Keith Donohue (audio)

motion-of-puppetsTheo and Kay Harper are newly married and spending the summer in Quebec when Kay goes missing. Theo frantically tries to find her, but Kay has been turned into a puppet, and while it’s possible for him to rescue her from that state, he would have to recognize and believe to do so.

This book is a conundrum for me. I honestly don’t know if I can say I liked or disliked it. The writing was fine, the premise was interesting, and I generally enjoy magical realism. Though my brain is not currently processing deeper layers of books, I could tell there were many currents here, symbols and metaphors and questions about existence. There was fascinating character development, the magic was worked in seamlessly, and the audio performance (Bronson Pinchot) was amazing.

At the same time, I spent the entire audiobook wanting to abandon the book without really knowing why. I kept thinking maybe it was just my reading mood, which has been turned toward far fluffier books, thrillers and romances and candy-books. There is too much real in my life right now to deal with, and reading is less about learning and growing these days than about escape. The Motion of Puppets was not an escape book. I kept wanting to abandon it, and at the same time knew that it was a good book that I should finish. Probably, I ought to have put it aside until my brain is in a different mental space. I would have done so, I think, if the audio had been just okay instead of great. Pinchot did a fantastic job of keeping me listening. Even after finishing – with a presently-unsatisfying ending because it wasn’t neat, tidy, or clear – I didn’t return the book to Audible. I have a feeling this is one I’ll want to go back to someday, the sort of book that nests in my brain and grows into something I love. A case of right book, wrong time.

ETA from Aug 2018: I was wrong. The further I got from this book, the less I liked it. In the end, I did return the audiobook about six months later, and I remember this as a well-written book where nothing happens, a book which was totally unsatisfying in every way.

Posted in 2016, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Wellness Wednesday #34 – When the World Crumbles

buttonOriginally I had another post drafted for today, but I’ve pushed it forward to next week. This morning, I need to express my utter despair. I don’t talk politics often here, and I’ve mostly tried to stay out of the political arena everywhere in my life over the last year. Last night just killed me, though. I’ve spent the last two days in a state of heightened anxiety, on the verge of panic attacks, because I knew this was going to happen. It didn’t matter what the projections and polls were saying. Our country is in love with reality TV and talk shows and the general nastiness that Trump embodies, and it doesn’t surprise me at all that he won.

img_6794Still, there was a part of me that hoped, a part of me that did my part at the polls and slowly died last night as the results came in. I finally went to bed around 11pm central because I couldn’t keep watching the nightmare unfold. I spent a restless night tossing and turning, dreaming about election stuff, fruitlessly hoping that I’d wake up to find that the winds had changed and Clinton pulled off a last second win. I knew it wouldn’t happen, but there was some part of me that believed we couldn’t really elect someone as dangerous as Trump.

I’m a fairly liberal person, but I’m not anti-republican. I’ve liked republicans in the past, and respected some of their candidates even if I didn’t vote for them. I even voted in the republican primary this year because I knew that race was going to be more important than the democractic one. I wanted two decent candidates this November. I wanted a choice I could live with no matter which side won. Now, I just feel vulnerable and in danger, because my family and I embody so many of the things Trump says he’ll destroy. Too many of my friends and family members are gay, trans, non-binary, non-white, not-Christian, and/or female. It’s not okay that we are all unsafe now.

Also not okay: the electoral college. For the second time since I became eligible to vote – and I’ve only been eligible for five presidential elections now – the electoral college has gone one way while the popular vote has gone the other. (At least as of 8am central – results not entirely final yet.) The system is outdated, and it’s not helping voters to feel like their votes matter. Not okay.

Alright. Rant over. I’m out.

Note that I do not publish or keep argumentative or degrading comments. This is my space and I will express myself how I wish. If you disagree, feel free to express that in your own space, not mine.

Posted in Personal | Tagged | 4 Comments