The Zen Leaf

Wellness Wednesday #31: The World is Spinning All Too Quickly

Posted on October 12, 2016 by Thistle

I am wrecked.

The last few months have taken their toll. In the last five months, my (close extended) family has had over $25k of house repairs, a sudden cross-country move, multiple trips across the country, a wedding, an engagement, a new baby, a cancer diagnosis, and a serious crime that will head to court soon. In addition to all the stress and the difficulty of living in someone else’s house for the time being, I’ve dealt with three medicine changes in just since May, one of which caused a 10-lb weight gain in two weeks (whoops! They changed that one right away!), and one of which caused six weeks of major hellish side-effects when I got off it. I currently have no doctor, therapist, chiropractor, or friends in the area outside of family members. My oldest son turns 16 next week, the weather is turning cold out there, and my brain is still stuck in May when we first uncovered the house-issues that snowballed into most-of-the-above.

I chose Healing to be my one-word of 2016, and that isn’t going too well. I’m not healing in any way, mental or physical. It’s been nearly 14 months since I injured my ankle, and despite three rounds of physical therapy, it’s still giving me trouble. Thanks to medication shuffling, I’m up 12 lbs from where I started the year despite my best efforts to lose. My family is financially smashed and it will take a couple years for us to recover. I’m dubious about the psychological and physical health care I’ll have access to in this tiny rural part of Wisconsin, simply because there’s a limited choice of doctors available. And biggest of all, everything is pretty much on hold until we can move into our own place again. (Hopefully soon. We know where we’re moving now. Just have to do all the paperwork, loans, etc.)

It’s a bizarre situation when you feel like your life is both 1) frozen in place and you can’t wait to get started again, and 2) so rushed and packed full of Things that you can’t keep up with it. I’m so tired. In the last 2.5 years, I’ve moved across the country three times, nearly lost my marriage, regained 70 lbs, gone through hell in therapy to dig into my PTSD, spent hours upon hours fretting and worrying and trying to help my son-with-behavioral-issues, battled severe insomnia, developed an eating disorder, overcame binge drinking, and been on more medications than I can count. I keep wondering when the crap-pile dumping on me will run out of ammo. I want to be able to breathe again.

I need six months of absolute quiet, of 12-hour nights of uninterrupted sleep, of lots of hot bubble baths. I need to get my head above water. The cycle is vicious. I won’t feel/sleep better until I can move my body and eat decent food, but I can’t do that until I feel/sleep better. So I keep spiraling worse, and worse, and worse. And days when I don’t sleep – those are coming ever more frequently – compound the situation.

That’s why I’ve disappeared from Wellness Wednesday and personal talk for the last little while. It’s easier and safer to talk books and crochet. I haven’t really been able to talk about the guts of what’s happening. I’ve really missed having an outlet, though. I’ve been locked up inside my head too long. So here you go. One day – hopefully soon – I’ll be in a place (mentally and physically) to claw my way back to wellness again. In the meantime, I could use all the virtual hugs and positive thoughts y’all can send my way.

Posted in Wellness | Tagged house, Wellness Wednesday | 6 Comments

The Trespasser, by Tana French (audio)

Posted on October 11, 2016 by Thistle

Antoinette Conway is nearly done with the Dublin Murder Squad. The harassment has gotten to the breaking point, and Conway can hardly tell who is and isn’t out to get her anymore. The case that’s handed down to her and her partner, Stephen Moran, feels like the last straw. Aislinn Murray has been murdered, and other detectives want this wrapped up quick and easy with a nice little bow. Conway doesn’t think it’s so simple, though, and her paranoia comes up with all sorts of reasons everyone else is pushing her to shut down this case too fast.

One again, Tana French doesn’t disappoint! This book is brilliant, split between the chaotic psychology of Conway’s paranoia and the murky secret life led by the murder victim. Nothing is black and white, and the narrator isn’t exactly a likable person. Being inside her head, you come to question not just the case and the people around her, but the narrator herself. I can’t say more than that without revealing spoilers, but man this book was great. I’m already itching for the next in the series, and trying to guess who will be the detective to narrate it!

Performance: Hilda Fay reads this book. I’ve never listened to an audio production from her before and I’m happy to say that it was delightful!

Posted in 2016, Adult, Prose | Tagged audio, psychology, RIP-worthy | Leave a comment

Protected: Losing It, by Cora Carmack

Posted on October 10, 2016 by Thistle

Posted in 2016, Adult, Prose | Tagged comfort, mini-review | Enter your password to view comments.

Sunday Coffee – Audible

Posted on October 9, 2016 by Thistle

More than once since I began listening to audiobooks in 2010, I’ve questioned whether or not to join Audible. I’m super picky about audiobooks and narrators, and I tend to only buy books after I’ve tried them from the library first. There were some audiobooks that I really wanted to own, but not enough to justify the expense and risk of Audible. I heard rumors that you could return books if you didn’t like them, and that piqued my interest. I wasn’t sure, though. Wasn’t sure if the price and risks were worth it.

Then Jason bought me a year’s membership for my birthday this past March. For the last seven months, I’ve explored, and I’m finally ready to make a report on my Audible experience. To sum it up in one word: glorious.

First, I was surprised at just how easy everything was to use. My credits just sat there waiting for me. I could buy audiobooks or use credits. (I discovered too late that I should only use my credits for books that cost more than a credit. My first two grabs were classics that only cost about $5 apiece. Whoops!) Once I purchased a book, I could download immediately. I can delete from my phone afterwards to save space, without deleting the books altogether, and re-download whenever I wish

Second, I fell in love with the specials and daily deals. There are some audiobooks that I enjoyed in the past but never would have spent a credit on if they hadn’t popped up for $3.95 one day. I’ve been glad to snatch up every single one. Then there are the periodic sales where tons and tons go up for under $5? !!! Right before we moved to Wisconsin, I bought 10 audiobooks for under $30. Some were ones I knew, some were roll-the-dice books, which leads me to:

Third, Audible does book-returns right! It is sooooo easy. There are two books now that I’ve started listening to and either didn’t like the story or didn’t like the narrator. Nervous that I’d be stuck with them because I’d gotten them for something like $2 on a special, I went online to try the return service. A couple of clicks and Audible swapped me book for money. Nothing could be simpler. I was super impressed.

Last, I’ve discovered pre-orders. There were several books coming out this fall that I wanted to have an audio. They are series that I prefer on audio, so even though I never pre-order anything, I pre-ordered them. A credit went to them, and I got a notification the day they came out that I could download. Perfect!

I’ve yet to run out of credits since I got a year’s in advance and I’ve learned to pay for sale-books with money. I only have a couple left, though, and so soon I’ll discover how buying credits works (because I’ve heard you can do this if you don’t have any left and it’s still a bit before your next monthly comes out?). I’m definitely going to keep my membership going once the initial year runs out. Totally 100% worth it, and I kinda wish I’d signed up years ago!

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged audio, Sunday Coffee | 7 Comments

Winter Wear: Hat Edition

Posted on October 7, 2016 by Thistle

I’ve moved to northern Wisconsin, and I have way too much yarn. It only makes sense that I create tons and tons of winter accessories to wear! Today’s post features hats, headbands, and other head-wear that I’ve crocheted over the last few months.

First up is a quinby, pattern from One Skein Wonders. This pattern called for chunky yarn and a fairly big hook, not in a size I had. I should have gotten the right hook, but instead I used one just slightly smaller than requested, and ended up with a green quinby that is more kid-sized. Of course, it turned out that my skein of green yarn – which I inherited from a friend – didn’t have quite enough meters to it, so I barely finished the hat. A larger hook would have meant for an incomplete project, so I’ll just give the green version away. I got the right hook for my burgundy yarn, and the hat came out awesome! [Yarn: Bernat Softee Chunky (green); Lion’s Pride Woolspun in Claret]

The next hat I attempted was a puff-stitch beanie from The Hook Nook. Once again, my first attempt came out unsatisfactorily. Most of that was my own fault. I built the band to fit a man’s head, because women’s hats usually fit tightly on me and it was only an inch difference between the two. Only by the time I finished the puff stitches, the band had stretched another three inches. !!! So it was way too big. Then the skein I used, which had the amount of yarn called for by the pattern, ended up being much less than I needed, probably because of the band issue, and so I had to either cut the beanie short or buy a new skein. Since the band was too big anyway, I cut it short. Lastly, I wasn’t a fan of the way the beanie closes in the pattern, and will tweak this the next time I attempt the hat. I’d really like a good hat from this pattern, because the puff stitches are so much fun, especially with color-changing yarn. But yeah, not this one…call it a practice round! [Yarn: Caron Simply Soft Ombre in Grape]

Ooh, these are better. Tweaked the design, played with colors, now I have two I like! [Yarns: Caron Simply Soft Camo in Snow, Caron Simply Soft Camo in Mash, Caron Simply Soft Paints in Peacock Feather]

Next up was my favorite kind of beanie, from One Skein Wonders. It’s my third time making this beanie in different colors, and remains my fave pattern ever. I was longing for fall when I made it, and so made it candy corn colored. Despite not actually liking candy corn! [Yarn: Caron Simply Soft Ombre in Gold]

This stylish flared hat is from Crochet That Fits, which I checked out from my local library. Super easy pattern with cute results. I added a pompom at the top for a little extra flare! Honestly, I think the yarn I chose was a bit soft/floppy (original pattern calls for a stiffer tweed yarn) but I still liked the results. I can see myself making a companion hat with this pattern in the future, and I’ll know to choose stiffer yarn next time! [Yarn: Lion Brand Woolspun in Pumpkin, Lion Brand Heartland in King’s Canyon]

Next up, I got a bit silly and decided to make kinda-sorta matching hats for Jason and me. These two patterns – Speckled Ridge Beanie (Jason) and Northern Lights Beanie (me) – are both from Northern Knots. I made Jason’s first, and absolutely adored this particular pattern! The end result came out so well. Mine came second, and I admit, I had a bit more trouble with this one. I kept wanting to tweak the pattern, but figured I should follow it completely the first time. My middle son wants a similar hat (he loves rainbows), so I’ll tweak a bit when I make his. Added bonus: Jason and I look so cute in these semi-matching hats! [Yarn: Lion Brand Woolspun in Cranberry, Linen, and Oxford Grey; Lion Brand Landscapes in Desert Spring]

And finally, these are my two younger boys. Originally when I started making winter accessories for everyone, all my boys said no thanks. Ambrose and Laurence changed their minds, though, and asked for hats around the end of September. Ambrose wanted a rainbow hat that’s a combination of the two Northern Knots patterns above, and Laurence wanted a puff-stitch beanie. They picked out their own colors and buttons – I take no responsibility for that, and I did refuse to put all five cat-buttons on Ambrose’s hat. They ended up really cute, and hopefully the boys will end up liking them as winter comes. [Yarn: Lion Brand Woolspun in Aquamarine, Lion Brand Landscapes in Desert Spring, Caron Simply Soft in Dark Country Blue]

Posted in Crochet | Tagged I made a thing., Yarn Art | 6 Comments

Crooked Kingdom, by Leigh Bardugo (audio)

Posted on October 4, 2016 by Thistle

Crooked Kingdom is the followup to Six of Crows. As far as I’m aware, this is a two-book series and there won’t be further volumes. (There are, however, some indications that there might be more books coming in this world – hints that never panned out, stories with no endings, etc. So we’ll see.) I will avoid spoilers both for this book and the series in this review.

To Begin: Last year, I read Six of Crows and had mixed feelings on it. I’m not generally a heist or vigilante justice or criminal-protagonist fan, and this series had all three. I did like some characters and I grew to understand others, so I’d planned to read Crooked Kingdom, though with a wary eye. However, earlier in the month, I revisited Six of Crows on audio. Either my foreknowledge of the book/characters or the audio production changed my mixed feelings into positive ones, and I was excited to experience Crooked Kingdom on audio.

The Story: Six of Crows had a very specific plot arc. There were lots of intertwined stories, but there was one big thread – the heist – to pull it all together. Crooked Kingdom had a more general thread (revenge) and so it felt less like a full story and more like a bunch of disparate stories all in the same book. I think perhaps when I reread it after some time/distance, it’ll all come together a bit better for me, the same way Six of Crows did. For now, though, I felt like there wasn’t enough cohesion throughout. I often felt like I was drifting, even when everything came back together by the end.

The Characters: That’s not to say I didn’t like the book, however. Honestly I think perhaps my drifting was due to reading the book way too fast. That often happens to me, and I do plan to revisit – particularly because I enjoyed most of the characters. The main character, Kaz, is the one exception to this. I feel sorry for him, because instead of watching him grow as a person, we get to watch him become identical to his archenemy. I wanted more redemption for him, but at the same time, I’m glad I didn’t get it. It would have been too unrealistic to ask for him to become a better person after he’d spent so much of his life becoming the thing he hates. That was probably my favorite thing about the book: there were no unrealistic character transformations. Jesper still struggles with his addictions. Wylan doesn’t miraculously overcome his particular affliction. Inej is permanently scarred by her time in the Menagerie. Etc. Even as they grow, they are all hindered by their pasts, choices, and traumas.

The Audiobook: Crooked Kingdom, like Six of Crows, is read by different performers. With the first book, I mostly liked the performances, with some minor dislikes. Some of the cast changed from the first book to this one, however, and there was one performance that I really, really disliked (Wylan). This was contrasted with a few I really loved (especially Jesper!), and a few consistency things that were strange. Van Eck’s first name was pronounced differently by different performers. Genya’s name was often pronounced in different ways (with a hard or soft G) by the same performer in the same section – sometimes only a sentence apart! Added up, the audio version of Crooked Kingdom wasn’t nearly as good as the audio of Six of Crows. Ironically, when I revisit this book – which I will likely do in the next year – I’ll probably revisit in print! How’s that for full circle?

Posted in 2016, Prose, Young Adult | Tagged audio, dream-invader, LGBTQIA, RIP-worthy, speculative | 1 Comment

Sunday Coffee – Moving Along

Posted on October 2, 2016 by Thistle

September was a crazy month. As I mentioned before, we’ve had a bit of a tough time settling in here due to multiple circumstances. I’m really hoping October is quieter. Jason is home after two weeks down in Texas, and I realized with amusement that that’s the longest we’ve been apart since we got married nearly 17 years ago. We’ve accepted an offer on our San Antonio house and are currently in the option period. Cross your fingers that all goes well to close in early November! We’ve also started looking at houses here. We now have Wisconsin licenses and license plates, and soon we’ll be able to register to vote here (yay!). So we’re moving along.

Some things, though, are going slowly. We’re currently living with my in-laws, mostly out of boxes. My computer is in a corner of the guest room, and it’s much harder to spend time on it, whether that’s socializing, blogging, or writing. I’m going to miss the readathon this month, and NaNoWriMo next month, and I haven’t been able to look at my feed reader more than once or twice since we moved here. And I imagine that’s going to stay the situation until we settle into our own house, and who knows how long that’ll take?

I’m hoping, now that Jason is home and we’re settling into a more solid routine, that I’ll have a bit more time to spend on things I love. I’d like to be able to blog and read all your posts. I’d like to write again. I’d like to exercise! Hopefully October will see an improvement in all those things.

September was at least a good month for books. I read 8 books, all but one of which was on audio, and a good chunk were RIP-related. There was a good mix of rereads, highly-anticipated series continuations, and new-to-me books. The surprise book of the month was my reread of Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. I liked-but-didn’t-love it the first time around, but the audio version tipped me over into love. It was just so much better on audio! As for my favorite of the month? That is The Creeping Shadow, though honestly there are a lot of contenders for the top in September. Let’s hope October proves to be just as entertaining!

Aaaand that’s about it to wrap up my month. I hope you’re all well, and look forward to the day I can more regularly visit your blogs, interact on comments, etc etc. In the meantime… *waves hello*

Posted in Book Talk, Personal | Tagged Sunday Coffee | 4 Comments

September Yarn Art

Posted on September 30, 2016 by Thistle

If you’ve been watching my Instagram or Facebook at all, you know I’ve been crocheting a lot over the last few months. It’s been a good way for me to deal with stress while all this moving business has been going on. Mostly, I’ve concentrated on winter accessories (hats, scarves, gloves), and I have dedicated posts for these in the upcoming weeks. I’ve worked on some other projects as well, though, and those are the ones I want to feature here.

So okay, yes, technically this is a hat and cowl, so could be featured under the hats and scarves posts mentioned above. This was a matching set, though, and I didn’t want to post about it twice. It goes here instead! This was my first-ever cowl, taken from a pattern called an Apple Crisp Cowl from Little Monkeys Crochet. It used a stitch I hadn’t tried before (ribbed HDC or a modified crocodile stitch) and I loved the way it came out. I didn’t think my original skein would be long enough for the full project, and honestly, I thought it would be nice to have a bit of softer, gentler-on-the-skin yarn for the top and edging. The bamboo yarn I chose worked perfectly and it feels so very nice! Then, after it was all done, I had enough of both skeins leftover to make myself a matching hat! No pattern, just doodling, and it came out quite nice. [Yarn: Lion Brand Scarfie yarn in Oxford/Claret; Bamboospun in Cream]

This summer, I ran across a really good yarn sale featuring mostly Caron Simply Soft and Lion Brand skeins all for sale for $1-$2 each. This is the big reason I’m so stocked on yarn and trying to use stuff up! This particular pale green yarn is one of the skeins I got a great deal on – three skeins for less than $5. Because there was so much of it, I decided to make a matching winter accessory “outfit” for my sister-in-law, and chose some intricate patterns that would benefit from solid-color yarn. First was the Peacock Hat from One Skein Wonders, followed by a Fan-Centered Scarf from the same book. Last, I rounded off using Key Tab Fingerless Gloves by Calleigh’s Clips & Crochet Creations. The two from OSW were both patterns I’d wanted to try for a long time, and while neither would work me (scarf too short, wrong hat shape for my head), they were perfect for Tenille. The gloves? I’ll have to make a pair for myself, too!! Love pattern, especially with a picot edge added to the top. And hey, all three projects used less than two skeins of yarn, so I still have some for the future! [Yarn: Caron Simply Soft in Woodland Heather]

I have tons and tons of cotton skeins in my yarn box right now. Right before we decided to move this past July, there was a huge sale on cotton – skeins for $1 each – and I grabbed nearly three dozen. I knew I wanted to work on place-mats for my family and some general kitchenware (towels, washrags, pot holders, coasters, etc). I’ve tried to be more disciplined this month in using up older yarn (and not buying too much new yarn), and so I’ve dug into all that cotton. Above is a sample of the kitchenware projects I’ve completed so far. Double-thick pot holders. Textured washrags. A couple coasters for me and the beginnings of a baby shower coaster set. Silly, but I’m having fun! [Yarn: Lily Sugar ‘n Cream in many different colors]

A couple months ago, I started work on an afghan consisting of clusters of mini-granny squares. I only made a couple before September, and decided that I wanted to put some real effort into the project. The pattern calls for over 400 grannies total! I’m currently up to just over 100 grannies, trying to make about 30-50 per week. I won’t go into yarn/pattern details until the afghan is complete. I will say that this is going to be an absolutely amazing project when it’s over. The grannies are a bit tedious, but I love the way these colors work together and I love the design.

So that’s it for September! Lots more crochet projects in the near-future.

Posted in Crochet | Tagged I made a thing., Yarn Art | 4 Comments

Ross Poldark, by Winston Graham (audio)

Posted on September 28, 2016 by Thistle

Earlier this month, I watched the first season of Poldark and rather enjoyed it. So of course, I had to start reading the books. I’ve finished the first book on audio, and here are my thoughts in handy little bullets:

– The TV series stayed remarkably faithful to the story. Some timelines are condensed and a few things left out, but I was very impressed.

– I didn’t realize the series was started in the 40s. I was expecting it to be more modern historical fiction, which isn’t my favorite genre, and was glad to discover I was reading a classic!

– Of course, because I was reading a classic, and historical fiction at that, there was some iffy morality involved. There was, for instance, a lot of talk about how if you love someone, risking or taking a beating is no big thing. You’d rather continued to be married to your husband, even if he drinks himself into a stupor and then knocks you around. Um, no. As with most classics, though, I try to place both the characters and authors into their respective time periods for evaluation, and therefore don’t condemn the book for that.

– I’m not sure how much I would have enjoyed the book if I hadn’t seen the series and gotten to know the characters beforehand. It’s a novel where not a whole lot happens – people live and struggle and scheme through the years, but there’s no real rising action or climax. I might have been bored if I didn’t already know and love the people in the story.

– The audio, read by Oliver Hembrough, was fantastic.

Posted in 2016, Adult, Prose | Tagged audio, classics, historical, place-character | 6 Comments

Top Ten Books on my Fall TBR

Posted on September 27, 2016 by Thistle

It’s been a while since I made myself a seasonal TBR! There’s a ton of excellent books coming out over the next couple months, though, and there are others waiting for me to begin ASAP. I have a very definite top ten:

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo (today!)
Like a River Glorious by Rae Carson
Aerie by Maria Dahvana Headley
Heartless by Marissa Meyer
A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir
The Swan Riders by Erin Bow
The Trespasser by Tana French
Demelza by Winston Graham
Sandlands by Rosy Thornton
My Unscripted Life by Lauren Morrill

For the first time, I actually think I’ll get through the majority of one of these seasonal lists! Normally I only get through about three, heh. What’s on your list?

Top Ten Tuesday is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged lists | 7 Comments