Wellness Wednesday – Off

This summer has been very tough for me so far. First my uncle was diagnosed with late stage terminal cancer. Then we discover $20K worth of damage and enter a large legal fight with a construction company. Our house gets torn apart and we’ll be living in temporary accommodations for the next month or two. An online friend of mine passes away. The boys get out of school but immediately start an insane summer schedule involving summer school, drivers ed driving appointments, band camp, study abroad, and a whole lot of doctor visits. I think I’ve had something to do every single day since June began, never at the same time or in any consistent pattern.

No routine. This is not good for me.

Heat – over 100 most days, waking up to 80 degrees – is not good for me.

Construction supplies took over our house. There’s no place to exercise but outside, and it’s too hot out there. The kitchen barely exists. There’s no place to cook real food. There’s no place to relax, there’s no place to read, there’s no place to walk in circles to work off some energy. THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME.

I’ve eaten out almost every day this month, and for the first week, we ate out for every single meal. I’ve exercised only four times this month, including only one (short) yoga. I’m not bothering to count calories or make vegetables to go with meals. I’ve been drinking far more wine than is good for me, and indulging in tons of ice cream, Oreos, chips, and cereal. I’m just too exhausted and OFF to do anything. Nothing is happening. It’s all just a holding pattern, and the less routine, the less possibilities, the worse my mental health and willpower are holding out. My body hurts, I feel sick all the time from the gross food, and I just want the opportunity to get back to normal again. Summers are always difficult for me, but this is abnormally so. And I don’t see any changes in my external situation for at least another month, probably two.

Somehow, I’m going to have to internally regroup despite everything and at least stop making things worse.

About Amanda

Agender empty-nester filling my time with cats, books, fitness, and photography. She/they.
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8 Responses to Wellness Wednesday – Off

  1. Michelle says:

    Online friend? We run in mostly the same circles. Did I miss something?

    I completely get it. This is me from January through now. In looking at next year’s dance schedule, it starts even earlier so the craziness will start in November now. Ugh. I did sign up for Weight Watchers again as a desperate attempt to make myself accountable. However, using up all of my extra weekly points in one day has been a bit deflating. Plus, I struggle with body positivity as it is. I don’t want numbers to start making me feel even worse. But I do want to lose some weight to get healthier. Why is this so damn difficult?


    • Amanda says:

      No, not a book blogger. I don’t think you would have known her. I met her through MySpace back in 2006/2007 through mutual love for a little known NYC band. She’s been through so many health issues in the last few years, and the last couple months took a turn for the worse. Still, a couple months ago she was thriving, and then suddenly everything went bad, and her death was unexpected and surprising. She lived in Racine, and even when I was in WI, her health issues and my anxiety made it impossible for us to meet up in person. 😦


  2. Cherilyn says:

    Yikes, would it be possible to get exercise and keep from going stir crazy by going to a gym, a local YMCA, an indoor mall?


  3. Kristen M. says:

    I know this feeling. Z’s school ended last Thursday, we went to the movies that night, and then the next day my sister and her four kids came out to visit. Sis and the two little kids left on Tuesday but the two teens stayed and are here for another week or so. I just feel like I didn’t even get a chance to breathe between school and this. At least I get to be done in a bit though and we’ve kept the summer pretty open for some much needed rest. Still, I feel horrible whenever I put off exercising or eat junk food or whatever. I just want my structure back.
    I’m also very sorry about your friend.


  4. Pingback: Wellness Wednesday – Another Reminder | The Zen Leaf

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