Quarantine Diaries – Week 7

Posted on May 1, 2020 by Thistle

This week was an exercise in anxiety. Local and state orders came to a clash, and with that, one particular member of my household began to argue that he should be allowed to go out and visit with friends again because the governor lifted Shelter From Home orders (never mind that the city extended local orders!). When Jason and I explained that we needed to be extra careful because I’m immunocompromised, he balked and said that I don’t really have an autoimmune disorder or any underlying conditions. In a nutshell, he claimed that I’m making up my health issues as a way to control his life. Dude, not everything is about you. One day, I know that he’ll start acting and thinking in a way that reflects his adult age, but these weeks have been a challenge! Only 3.5 more months to get through! Sigh.

To repeat: If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

Friday, April 24th
Local count: 1195, 43 deaths, 383 recovered. Most of those new cases are from the localized outbreak at the county jail. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to try to contain the virus in that kind of close quarters. // Today was the official first day that retail businesses could reopen via curbside service, and it appears as if folks in San Antonio were so excited for this that they were out as if quarantine never happened. Sigh. I’m so tired of hearing nonsense from shortsighted people, as well as support from our ridiculous, idiot president. (Seriously? Disinfectant injections? I thought that was an Onion headline the first time I saw it.) At least Jason’s employer put his team on WFH until at least the end of May. // I was out at my hiking trails today and was annoyed to find a bunch of people out in non-family couples/groups, taking up the whole trail side-by-side and refusing to move into single file when they crossed others’ paths. Makes me glad my running mask arrived today!! This is thin, breathable, and moisture-wicking – plus it’s made with recycled plastic bottles! Probably not the best protection for quarantine but at least it’ll be better than nothing while I exercise!

Saturday, April 25th
Local count: 1231, 43 deaths, 497 recovered. I read a terrifying article about the major strokes folks in their 30s and 40s are having after contracting COVID19 (symptomatic or not). (Source: Washington Post) We just have no idea what the longterm effects of this disease are going to be! San Antonio had a protest today which makes me want to Bang. My. Head. Over. And. Over. Seriously, people – statistical models say that if we stop social distancing, we’re going to have nearly a million cases in SA by August! Ugh! Mostly, though, I avoided the news today and spent my time listening to an audiobook and dying my hair with Lush rouge henna. It’s subtle – except on my temples where I have mostly white hair – and I’m quite pleased.

Sunday, April 26th
Local count: 1254, 43 deaths, 531 recovered. Ambrose and I went to donate blood today. Sadly, I was disqualified, so no donation for me today. Oh well. But Ambrose gave! And Jason made a trifle for the family as a celebration: Nilla wafers, homemade vanilla pudding, and homemade strawberry-lemon marmalade, mmm…

Monday, April 27th
Local count: 1275, 44 deaths, no recovery data. As expected, the TX governor made his announcement to open up Texas. On the 1st, restaurants, movie theatres, malls, museums, libraries, and retail businesses can open as long as they keep their capacity at 25%. On May 18th, bars, gyms, hair salons, swimming pools, and others will likely also open. Additionally, the governor said that no local community can require people to wear masks (or at least, can’t impose fines for not wearing them). All this, of course, is going to lead to an inevitable resurgence of the virus here. My family is going to keep acting as if none of this has happened – whether or not my eldest likes it – and will keep wearing masks and doing essential trips only. Unfortunately, one of our essential trips recently has been to Walmart for a last-min replacement of our router. Jason reported that the store was in awful condition – hardly any decals, no plexiglass at registers, half the employees without masks, much of the store ransacked (why are people bulk-buying TVs??). The employer in the electronics area was clearly very ill, feverish and sweating and wheezing, nearly falling over. Jason stayed as far back as he could, and immediately got out of his clothes and showered on returning home. UGH.

Tuesday, April 28th
Local count: 1307, 44 deaths, 574 recovered. No specifics yet on how the local community will incorporate the new statewide rules, but hopefully soon. I’ve been happy to see many businesses stating they won’t be opening even though the governor says they can now. My hiking group has stated that despite the new rules, they won’t be hosting any hikes or events in May. I miss them fiercely but I’m both happy and proud at the way they are handling all this. I can’t wait to see them all again, and not just on Marco Polo. Exercising alone, like today’s awful run, is just not the same!

Wednesday, April 29th
Local count: 1326, 46 deaths, 591 recovered. The city put in place an extension to their current shelter-at-home policy that’ll extend to May 19th (for now). It incorporates those businesses that the state says are allowed to open (malls, museums, theatres, etc) but still requires social distancing, face masks, no public gatherings, playgrounds closed, etc. Also, the city isn’t planning to reopen city libraries even though they could open under state guidance. Oddly, the state government says that childcare facilities are only open to essential workers but now says specific non-essential workers can go back to work, with no provisions for childcare for them…hm…I think perhaps they didn’t think this one out too closely…

Thursday, April 30th
Local count: 1374, 48 deaths, 638 recovered. Major jump in cases today – about a quarter of the entire week’s total cases – because a large number of tests from the county jail came back (asymptomatic carriers). More than half of the cases at the jail are asymptomatic, so this strongly shows just how underestimated our COVID19 numbers are when we’re only testing those with symptoms. Furthermore, we have enough positive cases among jail guards that the policy is now that asymptomatic guards can continue to work with an N95 mask. !!! Otherwise, there won’t be enough guards! // BiblioTech, the county’s all-digital library, will open for limited hours and capacity starting on Monday because it’s located in a low-income area that needs the library as a resource for school, work-from-home, job applications, etc. // At home, I’m ending April with more runs/walks, dressing in one of my favorite dresses, and some delicious gluten-free chocolate cake from HEB. Because it’s important for me to stop sitting paralyzed here. I need to start experiencing and enjoying life again, even under these new circumstances.

I started to look at overall weekly trends locally and I’m pleased with what we’ve been able to do, even with the giant outbreaks at the one nursing home (75+ cases) and the county jail (130+ cases including 70ish asymptomatic). A weekly snapshot had us peaking around Week 4 and 5 (if social distancing continues and we don’t have a second peak).

  • Week 1: 29 cases, no deaths
  • Week 2: 84 (additional) cases, 5 deaths
  • Week 3: 141 cases, 4 deaths
  • Week 4: 361 cases, 13 deaths
  • Week 5: 303 cases, 15 deaths
  • Week 6: 249 cases, 6 deaths
  • Week 7: 207 cases, 5 deaths

Those are good numbers and we want them to get smaller, not go up again. This is a long-term illness that’s going to be hanging around for at least the next year until we can develop a vaccine and some adequate treatments. That sucks, but the worst thing we can do is stick our heads in the sand and allow the numbers to skyrocket until our health care system is overwhelmed. It feels like that’s exactly what Texas as a state (and frankly, the US as a country) is doing, and our local government – thank goodness for good leadership here! – is doing the best they can to prevent a tidal wave of illness from devouring us.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
It was honestly not the best week for me, but I’ve tried to pick out a few nice highlights from my week:

  • several really good runs and walks, including some leisurely ones where I got to observe a lot of beautiful wildflowers as well as some really odd things left behind by people –>
  • online coffee dates
  • a lovely cool front these last few days
  • a fun event on HPWU
  • dying my hair red with Lush henna!
  • Lush bath bombs
  • walking through the neighborhood with Jason
  • finding the best filter for iced coffee so that making my own becomes much easier!
  • a new accountability group for May, created by my hiking friends
  • I learned how to create a custom workout on RunKeeper
  • amazing gluten-free cake from HEB, mmm…

How are the rest of you doing in this crazy, mad world?

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Wellness Wednesday – Inspiration

Posted on April 29, 2020 by Thistle

Recently, I signed up for a five day course in improving body image put out by Molly Galbraith and Girls Gone Strong. I’d previously taken a 28-day Love Your Body Challenge from Ms Galbraith back in 2014, and it really helped me to change the way that I viewed my body. I’d been skeptical, and was thoroughly impressed by the end, and so I went into this five-day program without reservation. I’m not going to talk about the entire program here – it’s free, and available at the link above – but it was a good refresher course and did teach me some new things. Also, it made me realize just how well that course from six years ago penetrated my thought patterns and permanently improved my body image, because there were some activities in this five-day course that I’d already completed and had no more to do. Woohoo!

I took more than five days to do this program. Some days are pretty intense, and the actionable items took a lot of thought. What I want to talk about today is an item from Day 2, which was the biggest and toughest day for me. Essentially, we were asked to cleanse our environment of items and images that make us feel bad rather than inspiring us. Personally, I don’t read magazines and I don’t follow social media accounts with unrealistic and/or professional body images. Most of who I follow online are friends, with a few accounts of folks who inspire me (everything from body positive folks to animal rescue shelters). However, there was one place I immediately knew that I needed to clean house.

A few years ago, I set up an image folder on my computer that I labeled “insp.” In it, I put roughly 150-200 photos from 2011 to 2014, all of a thinner, fitter, happier me. It was meant to inspire me rather than shame me, but as time has passed and I’ve seen those hundreds of photos over and over, I’ve grown numb to them, if not discouraged by them. Clearly, they didn’t help me as I originally intended. I spent two days, then, curating a new image folder for my computer wallpaper. There are 400+ photos in there, and growing as I get new ideas. They include:

  • photos of myself during happy times of my adult life, regardless of body size
  • photos of gatherings with friends and family
  • photos of proud moments and accomplishments in my adult life
  • photos of family and friends (pic –> is my sis-in-law Emmy, who has the best style ever!)
  • photos of Jason and the boys
  • photos of actresses and celebrities that I find particularly inspiring, especially those who have body types and/or faces outside the typical norm of beauty
  • runners of all shapes and sizes
  • overweight and obese women confident in their bodies
  • different ideas of beauty from all around the world
  • trans, androgynous, and gender fluid folks
  • women of multiple ages, skin colors, body types, and abilities
  • an array of postpartum bodies
  • plus size yogis and yoga poses
  • particular locations that I love, with or without people in the photos
  • places I’ve traveled and things I’ve seen in my adult life
  • moments of laughter in those around me
  • girls’ nights out
  • acts of service
  • meeting authors and other people I admire
  • interesting faces

And more.

The best thing about this new, curated “insp” folder is that I made a personal discovery as I put it together. This discovery should have been obvious to me long ago, but wasn’t. I’ve been an adult now for a bit over 20 years, and I feel like most of that time, I’ve done nothing. I never finished school, never had a career, never published one of my books, and spent most of my time taking care of my house and children. But the thing is, I have done a lot in my life:

I gave birth to three children and raised them. I traveled to so many places: France, Italy, Bermuda, Puerto Rico, Canada, Mexico, Honduras, Colombia, Costa Rica, Panama, Israel/Palestine, Niagara Falls, many of the smaller Caribbean islands. I’ve traveled to a giant chunk of the US as well. I’ve ridden a camel, gone ziplining, swam with dolphins and manatees, ran a 10K, published several short stories, written over a half-dozen novels and countless stories, kept a book blog for over 12 years, attended ALA and BEA, was a speaker at Book Blogger Con, met bloggers from around the world, kayaked, hiked mountains, learned (a bit) of several languages, taught myself to read tarot, ran a book club for six years, xeriscaped a yard, learned how to crochet, ran multiple writing groups over the last decade, done mud runs and color runs, rescued six cats, volunteered at the library and humane society, gotten several tattoos, taken three cruises, done unassisted pull-ups, been an LGBTQIA+ activist, tried out a fish pedicure, learned calligraphy, took classes in stained glass and ballroom dancing, read thousands of books, and donated my hair to Locks of Love. To name a few.

My life has been very full, and somehow, with day upon day of the mundanity of being a stay at home mom, I’ve somehow failed to realize this…until putting together this new photo folder. I’ve spent most of my life judging myself a failure because of the things I haven’t done – finished college, built a career, kept the weight off, published a novel – rather than seeing all the things I have done, and all the good I’ve built and brought into the world. So this was a wonderful project – not only did I get to curate images that would broaden my exposure to all the different kinds of bodies and faces in the world, but I created a place to celebrate personal achievements and happy moments, rather than just skinny ones.

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Giving Blood

Posted on April 27, 2020 by Thistle

I mentioned in yesterday’s Sunday Coffee that Ambrose and I were going to a blood drive. It was the first time for either of us to give blood. We filled out the paperwork beforehand and headed out to the megachurch where the drive was happening. (Ironically, we at first forgot our masks and had to turn around about two minutes from our house to go back and get them! It was the first time I’d left the house except for exercise since mid-March, and only Ambrose’s second time, so we both forgot!) It was just Ambrose and me because my two other kids didn’t feel comfortable with the blood donation process, and Jason has previously been disqualified from giving due to living in Europe as a child. (That might have changed now, because the questionnaire asked if we lived in Europe for a total of five years, and he didn’t. He’s excited about that because he used to give blood all the time.)

Our appointment was at 9:30. The megachurch isn’t far away, but I knew we might have trouble finding the right location, so we left at 9:00. We followed my phone’s instructions and ended up in the parking lot where clearly a bunch of other folks were there for church. Cars were lined up bumper to bumper in rows – how someone would get out if there was an emergency, I have no idea – and no one was in the cars, so the people must have been inside the church despite the pandemic danger. (People!!!!!!!!!) Anyway, our instructions said to go to the prayer center, but none of the signs – there were actual directional signs like you’d see in a major hospital facility or airport parking lot – listed it. The “courtesy center” outdoor help area was vacated, and there was no one around. We also didn’t see any indications of a blood drive. This was what I’d feared and why I left early.

The church is described in Texas Monthly as having a 17,000-membership congregation (and that was in 2006), with “a large (5,400-seat) sanctuary, classrooms and office buildings, a prayer chapel and garden, a gymnasium and racquetball courts, and acres of parking.” (again, 2006). In the above picture, everything surrounded by the black line is part of Cornerstone (I included a little section for the pastor’s personal ministries building, too.) Ambrose and I parked around the star area. We needed to be in the building where the yellow arrow is.

Eventually, we found two guys getting out of their car – both without masks, sigh – and asked them for directions to the blood drive. They told us to drive around the surrounding block and look for the hotel, and the praise center – not the prayer center – would be in front of it. It took twenty minutes of driving and looking because the hotel was hidden mostly behind trees, but Ambrose spotted someone pushing a hotel cart, and then I spotted an understated building that was the praise center. So yeah, getting to the drive was a harrowing experience, and if I’d been alone, I would have given up! This is the sort of experience my agoraphobia is particularly anxious about!

(Photo courtesy of Cornerstone Church facebook page. This is the only blood drive sign we saw and the one I eventually spotted.)

Anyway. We made it, roughly three minutes before our appointment time. We checked in and were taken back into individual cubicles for testing. I was extremely nervous about the finger prick. Every finger prick I’ve ever had has hit a nerve of some kind and then hurts for weeks afterwards. Between the nerve-racking attempt to find the place and my nerves about the prick, I wasn’t surprised when my blood pressure showed up higher than normal. However, the numbers were SO off the charts that I couldn’t fathom them being real. I was last tested in my doctor’s office just a few weeks before quarantine, and my bp was 123/82. Higher than I like, but still normal. The machine at the drive said I’d somehow gone up to 165/116. !!! That’s an extremely alarming number! The tester said we’d take it a second time, and I let him do the finger prick just in case my nerves were affecting the test. (It hurt. It still hurts and my entire fingertip is bruised. Sigh.) When they tested me a second time, my bp came back at 117/102. A vastly different number. Also, the first test squeezed my arm so tight I thought I was going to faint, and the second test didn’t hurt at all. I can only guess their equipment was faulty (especially since I tested myself, three times on each arm, after I got back home, and averaged 129/80).

(Photo courtesy of Cornerstone Church facebook page; blood donation area in the praise center)

So I was disqualified from giving blood. Sigh. Ambrose, however, was able to give. I sat in the waiting area while he gave, and we watched the end of one Star Wars movie (Ambrose informs me it was the first one released), and the beginning of Big Hero 6. He got his snacks and rewards, and we headed home.

I admit that the whole experience was both frustrating and disheartening. I’d really felt good about donating blood for the first time, and I know my blood pressure shouldn’t have disqualified me. But it is what it is, and at least I tried, and Ambrose got to give. Maybe Jason and I will go to another drive sometime after my waiting period from this one is up.

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Sunday Coffee – What We Do To Support

Posted on April 26, 2020 by Thistle

Jason and I are lucky. His job is in no danger, and he can easily work from home. His employer is staying on the conservative side and not bringing employees into the office immediately even if the Texas governor announces open-up orders for the state. Our kids can school-from-home, and we have all the resources they need to do that. As far as all that goes, we are really lucky during this time where so many other individuals and businesses are suffering.

I don’t believe the best plan is to open everything up to get the economy restarted. That’s going to lead to catastrophic infection numbers and more crashing medical systems. What we really need is more community and governmental help in terms of finances, both at state and federal levels, but let’s leave that aside for political debates. As individuals, Jason and I can’t do much in the wider scope, but as people who are on the luckier side of the current situation, we’re trying to do what we can to support as many people and businesses as we’re able.

This morning, Ambrose and I are donating urgently-needed blood. (Jason would donate, too, but he’s not allowed to because he lived in Europe as a kid.) If we order out, we try to patronize local restaurants like Salsalitos or Mildfire that are open for curbside pickup. I’ve been making orders from local or small businesses like Fleet Feet and Alamo Drafthouse. We’ve avoided getting things via Amazon whenever possible. Since Ambrose is a senior this year and had about $30 left in his lunch account at school, we had the option to request a refund or donate the remainder to families with negative lunch balances. We chose the latter, as we know so many families have reduced or no income right now. We’ve also tried to give to a few GoFundMe accounts of families struggling with medical expenses.

It’s not a lot. It doesn’t feel like a lot. And it’s a frustrating to be in a system/country where people are struggling to get unemployment or health coverage or small business support. But we’re doing what we can, when we can, and I know others are too. I’ve known folks making masks to send to people across the country or to donate to homeless shelters. I’ve watched friends and family grab groceries for those who can’t get their own, or volunteer with Meals on Wheels, or join car parades to celebrate birthdays at a distance. I appreciate businesses stepping up to make connection services free, or who change their production lines to make much-needed equipment/medication, or lift paywalls on important news about COVID19.

There are all sorts of articles out there right now on what we want the world to look like post-virus, and it’s this that we’re trying to keep in mind as we navigate each new day under quarantine. I don’t know where things go from here and I’m scared of what’s going to happen under incompetent leadership in the US, but on an individual level, Jason and I are doing whatever we can to support those people/businesses who need it. It may not be enough, but if everyone capable does the same, maybe it will be.

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Quarantine Diaries – Week 6

Posted on April 24, 2020 by Thistle

Six weeks now. Six weeks of chaos and uncertainly and fear. I worry that people are becoming complacent, and restless, and that we’re going to start opening the state next week (ie way too early). My family will continue to stay at home as long as we possibly can, and we’re just thankful that school is online for the rest of the year and that Jason’s employer plans to keep folks working from home for a few more months (if not permanently, regarding his particular team).

To repeat from previous weeks: If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

Friday, April 17th
Local count: 959, 37 deaths (17 NH), 196 recovered. Well…a less exciting week in the Gignacery? The world thinks not. Jason had a teledoc appointment which confirmed his suspicions: he has shingles. He’s had them once before, when Morrigan was an infant, and they’re internal at this point rather than with an actual rash. But COME ON can we get a break here?? Ugh.

Beyond that, it was a big day in news today. For better or for worse (probably worse), the Texas governor decided to begin “opening up Texas.” Any and all retail businesses can now offer to-go services, starting on April 24th. State parks will open on the 20th (with a group limit of five), and elective surgeries can resume on the 22nd. This is way, way too soon, especially with the ominous announcement that more businesses (like restaurants and movie theatres) will likely open as of April 27th. To give some scope on this: Texas isn’t even supposed to hit its peak infection rate until mid-May!! We’ve been doing well trying to start flattening that curve, but we’re no where near flattening yet, and Abbott is telling us that we’re “tailing off” already. No! The data doesn’t support this! At least he also ordered for all schools to remain shut down for the rest of this school year. While I’m sad about this for my boys’ sake – they’ll miss the rest of UIL, prom, awards ceremonies, graduation, months with friends, etc – it’s definitely the right and safe thing to do. I understand that we need to balance the crashing economy with health and safety, but perhaps some of those million-dollar-bailouts we’re giving to rich folks and big businesses can go toward the rest of the country instead? Ugh.

In better news, our family got our small stimulus check, which immediately went toward debts, and I had a fun morning with Laurence as we brainstormed his current theatre assignment: recast a movie of your choice. He chose Clue, and we created a masterpiece:

(If they are too small to see: Daniel Craig as Wadsworth; Michelle Dockery as Mrs White; Rufus Sewell as Prof Plum; Hugh Jackman as Col. Mustard; Mark Wahlberg as Mr Boddy; Imelda Staunton as Mrs Peacock; Zoe Saldana as Miss Scarlet; Sean Murray as Reverend Green; and Emilia Clarke as Yvette)

Saturday, April 18th
Local count: 992, 38 deaths (17 NH), 256 recovered. Libraries extended their closure to the end of April to be in line with the rest of the state. Large crowds took to Austin streets to protest the continued shelter-at-home order despite the insane amount we just opened up. Our mayor didn’t mince words, calling them reckless and careless, and their actions “pure ignorance.” Jason and I went out for several walks while playing HP Wizards Unite – a special Community Day made for social distancing, thank you Niantic! – and accidentally ran into a fellow hiker, Jennine. We had a bit of socially-distant conversation and a quarantine-selfie. She was the first person outside my family or Stephanie (who brought us groceries and masks when Jason was sick) that I’ve seen in over five weeks.

Sunday, April 19th
Local count: 1015, 39 deaths (18 NH), 296 recovered. Our daily update from the city (mayor and county judge) was a smackdown tonight. The judge in particular went off on the federal government, the Texas government, and the idiots out protesting right now. Literally the following words were spoken at times: “their dense little heads” (federal) and “Hard for me to conceive that people can be that stupid!” (protestors). Whoa. Spot on, but whoa. In other news, I overcame my agoraphobia today and entered onto a Zoom call with the podcast hosts from Real Life Ghost Stories and a half dozen of their other fans. One of the facebook members set it up and I nearly didn’t dial in because I was extremely nervous about speaking to a bunch of folks I didn’t know. But I did it. And it was wonderful.

Monday, April 20th
Local count: 1029, 39 deaths (18 NH), no recovery data for today. In good news: This is the lowest increase we’ve seen, and hospital numbers are starting to go down. If we can avoid opening up too quickly, we might get through this okay. In bad news: Over the last week, there’s been a slowly increasing outbreak at the county jail, which is up to 28 cases now. Also, there are apparently local protests planned for the weekend. *rolls eyes and stays safe at home* Ambrose and I signed up to donate blood this weekend, because there’s an urgent need for our blood type. It’s the first time for us both.

Tuesday, April 21st
Local count: 1080, 39 deaths (18 NH), 325 recovered. The TX Lieutenant Gov said that “there are more important things than living” with regards to opening up the state ASAP. He’s one of those idiots who believe we overreacted because social distancing worked. UGH. I went out running today, saw way too many people in the park – about a half-dozen, which was too many in the small park for me! – and also avoided stepping on a coral snake. Fun! I ordered a running mask from a local business and I hope that it actually works while running. Too many folks in the park weren’t bothering to wear masks or to stay six feet apart!!

Wednesday, April 22nd
Local count: 1126, 39 deaths (18 NH), 350 recovered. A second person in town has recovered from near-death after receiving convalescent plasma (with COVID19 antibodies), so this seems like it might be a viable treatment for severe cases, assuming we can get enough of the right kind of plasma. I’m really wary of the plan to reopen Texas, even more than at the beginning of the week, because the governor has now come out and said that hair salons would be among the businesses possibly opening on Friday. Somehow he thinks that masks and social distancing are possible in a hair salon. Really??

Thursday, April 23rd
Local count: 1167, 43 deaths (18 NH), 361 recovered. Not much news in the local vicinity – we’re all waiting for the governor’s announcement on the 27th to see how much damage we’re going to be subjected to. I did hear that a third person has recovered using convalescent plasma, so that’s good. And Jason’s medications – anti-virals and a lysine supplement – seemed to have really helped his shingles, because he can’t even feel them anymore. Yay!

Second graph is from the city’s website, with daily reports of numbers and deaths, rather than cumulative like my graph. Every time I think we might be starting to flatten, we have another couple high days. I have no idea how so many people think this is “under control” enough to go back to the way things were pre-quarantine…

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
COVID19 notwithstanding, I actually had a pretty good week. Here are the highlights:

  • Niantic made it possible to have a HPWU Community Day from home
  • Got to briefly see a friend by accident!
  • that Clue project – priceless!!
  • got to Zoom with the hosts of Real Life Ghost Stories Podcast and other fans!
  • all the wonderful pictures my sister is sending of her foster kitties (mother and four babies that she’s had since they were two days old!)
  • a lovely five-day body image improvement course from Girls Gone Strong
  • awesome video of my sister’s foster kittens on their first day of uncoordinated play (14 days old)
  • surpassing current-to-me running records
  • Lush order arrived (hair dye, two bath bombs, shampoo bar)
  • The Knight Bus has arrived in HPWU, so we can do fortress battles from home!
  • my mom saw my grandparents and they’re both still doing well after my grandmother’s stroke and hospital stay last week
  • Jason has recovered quickly from (internal) shingles using anti-virals and lysine supplements and no has no more pain, and never broke into the external rashes

How has everyone else’s week been?

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App Reviews: Run-Trackers

Posted on April 22, 2020 by Thistle

For years now, I’ve used a paper journal and a bare-bones app called Runner’s Log to log my runs. Runner’s Log – and a companion app called Walk Log – has been great. It’s the sort of app that is so basic that it doesn’t even have in-app purchases. You hit start and stop, with an option to pause, and it tracks your distance, time, and overall pace. You can track your stats weekly, monthly, or yearly for distance/pace, and view a calendar that stamps every day you ran/walked. In Runner’s Log only, it also tracks the miles on your shoes so that you know when they’re getting old.

While this has always worked well for me, there’s one little thing that Runner’s Log won’t do, and that’s track current pace as well as overall pace. I can’t look at splits, or look at how fast I was going at minute-five verses minute-twenty, or how long it took me to complete a specific mile. (It also doesn’t track elevation, but I don’t care.) With wanting those stats, I began looking at other running apps. There were several that I knew were regularly used: Map My Run, RunKeeper, Runtastic, and Nike Run Club. Without any research at all, I downloaded Map My Run and began to compare apps.

(how I felt about MMR)

Map My Run
I’ll keep this short, because I already discussed what happened the one time I used MMR on my Shamrock Shuffle Race Report. Essentially, the GPS function was crap. The stats certainly looked good, but since the distance was WAY off, it didn’t help me at all.

At this point, I asked Facebook what they suggested. Immediately, several friends recommended RunKeeper, while one mentioned Nike and another Garmin. I’ve not found the Garmin GPS to be terribly accurate in the past (I’ve written several posts on that), not to mention I wasn’t looking to buy a new device. And since I had more votes for RunKeeper, that was next on my download list.

RunKeeper
The next time I went out to walk/run, I first turned on Runner’s Log, and then switched over to start RunKeeper. When my workout was over, I stopped both apps. The distance on them was nearly identical. RunKeeper was different by 0.02 miles – absolutely no problems with that at all! Furthermore, RK had a bunch of stats to look at, including steps per minute, elevation, pace over time, etc. It also has a social component, so that I can be friends with others using RK. While I was doing my workout, I got regular updates on my distance, current pace, and average pace. The initial settings (every five minutes) were a bit much for me, but I was able to change them to something more manageable (every half-mile for now). In all those ways, the app was great and I could see myself quitting Runner’s Log altogether except for one specific thing:

(how I felt about RK)

I’m not sure what’s up with this, but RK doesn’t seem to do shoe-tracking very well. I can’t add miles to the shoes that were on there prior to me using the app, nor does it let me choose my shoes if I go for a walk. I took a one-mile walk around the neighborhood as my second RK test (GPS was perfect, btw), but because I marked it as a walk, there was no shoe option. So if I really want to track my shoe condition, I’ll have to keep that on Runner’s Log. Thankfully, RL has a section for “unlogged miles” that I can add to the overall total, so this should be easy. But still, I hope RK fixes and/or cleans up this feature in the future.

Because RunKeeper worked so well, I never tried Runtastic or Nike Run Club. No reviews for them. Just a big fat NOPE for Map My Run and a thumbs up for RunKeeper. (Plus a shout-out to Runner’s Log, which has been trusty and wonderful and absolutely what I needed over the last decade!!)

***Note: After later workouts using RK, I’ve found that the GPS does fluctuate more than I like. I can do the same route five times and have it give me a distance up to a tenth of a mile off. That’s a huge discrepancy and very frustrating. I may or may not decide to try other trackers and do a further review in the future. Strava is one that comes to mind that I’ve heard good things about, one I didn’t know about when I began this process. We’ll see.

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A Tiny Story of Triumph

Posted on April 20, 2020 by Thistle

Yesterday, I was browsing Facebook and came across a post from a fellow Real Life Ghost Stories Podcast fan in their FB group. She’d set up a Zoom conversation for fans with the podcast hosts, Emma and Dan, at what would be 2pm my local time. That was roughly an hour from when I saw the post.

You can believe I was excited and immediately said that yes, I would attend. But one hour is both not a lot of time, and a loooong time, when it comes to anxiety and agoraphobia. It’s not enough time to mentally plan and prepare yourself for every possibility, and it’s definitely long enough to realize you NEED to plan and thus talk yourself out of attending. There will be other chances, you tell yourself. You don’t really know the other fans. You’re very new to the podcast. You have a tendency to over-ramble and make an ass of yourself when you’re nervous. And so on.

The host of this particular event (Carly) had some computer troubles and it took maybe 10-15 mins after 2pm to post the Zoom link. Those last few minutes were the final break for me, and I decided I was too anxious (read: terrified) to dial in. When my agoraphobia is at its worst, I can’t make outgoing phone calls to anyone but Jason and (sometimes) my mom. I knew it had been getting bad, and I knew that my decision in this particular case – to dial in despite anxiety, or to pass by the opportunity – was going to make or break the next phase of the disorder. Jason was in the room with me, and I told him what was going on. I didn’t frame it in terms of agoraphobia, but I’m sure he knew. And he just said, “Do it.” When I began to protest, he said, “Doooooo it!” It’s a particular funny voice he uses, and it made me smile enough to take a deep breath, put in the Zoom dial code, and hit Join before I could think any further.

I did it. And omg was it ever nerve-racking, especially in the beginning when it was literally just me, Carly, and the podcasters. But then we were all swapping stories – scary stories, wedding stories, cat tales – and a half-dozen other people joined the call, and I met so many interesting folks: a marathon runner with a pacemaker; an older woman with tattooed eyebrows; a man who always has bare feet, even with shoes, because he tattooed bears on both his feet (ha!); and more. I’ve never spoken with any of these guys before, but it felt as natural as a Zoom conversation can be. Everyone was so nice and accepting of each other, some more talkative and some more quiet, a small enough group that it didn’t feel overwhelming but large enough to bring all sorts of perspectives to the conversation. We were on Zoom for about 1.5 hours and already there are promises that we’ll do something like this again. And I know that next time, my agoraphobia won’t have nearly so much chance keeping me (virtually) at home.

There’s always a moment, a precipice, when I teeter on fighting against this disorder or falling back into my comfort zone. Go to that writers’ dinner celebration, or go to the bookstore and get yourself a treat there instead. Fly up to NYC to see your favorite singer perform, or stay home out of self-consciousness. Drive to a new-to-you place, alone, to celebrate with friends, or tell yourself it’s okay to miss the event because it’s your birthday and you’d rather not drive. And always, ALWAYS, when I land on the side of doing, of going outside my comfort zone, of confronting the harder thing when it’s so easy to convince myself I’d be happier if I didn’t – this is when I win. This is when the happiest memories are made. These are the moments that give my life joy. It doesn’t make it any easier to fight the next time, but each time I win the battle, it’s another point of proof: I’ve never once regretted Doing the Thing, and I’ve always regretted declining.

Yesterday, I won. Even after nearly six weeks of lockdown and the snaking tendrils of agoraphobia that get bigger and longer and stronger every day that I don’t leave my house, I won. It may not seem like much to someone else – all I had to do was enter a code into a Zoom screen and say hello to strangers – but for me, it was a battle. As my favorite singer sang – my favorite singer who I regret to say that I never got to see perform – No one knows the battles we survive. Tattooed onto my skin, to help me remember. It may not seem like much to someone else, but for me, it was a tiny story of triumph.

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Sunday Coffee – Top Ten Things I Miss

Posted on April 19, 2020 by Thistle

It’s been almost six weeks since COVID19 hit San Antonio, almost five weeks since Morrigan returned home from Kansas and the city went to shelter-at-home protocols. We’ve been fortunate as a family in terms of finances, job security, our kids’ abilities to school-from-home, etc. The one major illness that hit us so far, the one that worried us, turned out not to be COVID19 after Jason’s test results came through. San Antonio has done really well implementing protection orders here and current models predict that we’ll reach our peak sometime in the next month (late April to mid-May). The model for Texas generally estimates April 29th, but of course even after we hit our peak, it’ll be some time before restrictions are lifted** and life can be resumed more normally.

On Tuesday, I had a day of mourning. I’ve watched other people have these days over the last week, as the number of days trapped at home snowball and we all reach moments of personal crisis. During my heart-heavy day, I missed all these little things: being able to go to the grocery store to pick up something we’ve unexpectedly run out of; meeting up with folks to exercise; bumping into friends at stores or the library and hanging out for a bit; not debating whether or not to wear a mask if I plan to take a walk around the neighborhood for some exercise and fresh air. Etc. I made a “top ten things I miss from pre-quarantine” list that day, and here it is. In no particular order, I miss:

  1. the library!!!!! I miss my local library, my second home. I miss the librarians and other employees there. I miss browsing for books and movies, and picking up stacks of hold books, and seeing what events are forthcoming. I’m also sad that I didn’t get to begin volunteering there like I’d planned.
  2. hiking with friends – or more generally, exercising and get-togethers with my hiking group. They have made me so happy, and I’m relieved to be seeing folks via Zoom events and Marco Polo, but those hikes and walks and dinner dates were the best, and I can’t wait until they’re back in my life.
  3. coffee dates – I have a couple friends I used to meet with for iced coffee in the afternoon, about once every week or two. I’ve been able to have facetime coffee dates in exchange, but it really isn’t the same!
  4. having the house to myself while everyone is at work/school – This is a HUGE one! I’m transported back to the early days of being a stay at home mom, when my job becomes 24/7 because everyone is home 24/7. And while it’s not the same having three teenagers vs having three toddlers full time, there are a lot of similarities: chaos and mess and illogical arguments and the assumption that Mom will clean up after everything…I go through this every summer break, and I’m definitely mourning that “summer break” will be at least five months long this year.
  5. my chiropractor and massage therapist – I desperately need both an adjustment and a massage (or three)
  6. grocery shopping without masks and shortages – The last time I went grocery shopping was on March 12th, the day before our first case here, and when shortages were already beginning. The last time I’ve visited the grocery store (for the pharmacy) was on March 16th. Since then, Jason has been our designated grocery shopper (the stores have asked to have one designated person per household for social distancing protocols). I can’t pop down to HEB for an item we’ve run low on or weren’t able to buy due to shortages. In fact, I can’t pop down to ANY indoor location other than my house. I haven’t been inside any building except  my home for the last however-many weeks.
  7. Alamo Drafthouse – In March, I received a free movie ticket to use that month for my birthday, but of course, businesses shuttered their doors midway through the month. I don’t really mourn the free ticket I lost – I’d rather be able to support this local business monetarily – but I miss that experience of going to Drafthouse with family or friends, ordering a meal or joining one of their quote-along parties. I didn’t go to the theatre often, but I really enjoyed the opportunity.
  8. seeing my extended family – The last time I saw anyone in my family (outside my household) was on March 15th, when my dad, stepmom, and half-sister came over for Laurence’s birthday party. My mom was unable to make it because she was still recovering from some kind of flu she never had tested, and we didn’t want to risk the rest of us catching it. The last time I saw most members of my family was in mid-February, when my cousin got married, or at Christmas.
  9. non-virtual 5Ks – Just not a fan of the virtual format, and I miss the excitement and camaraderie and fun of real 5Ks.
  10. exploring new-to-me places – On March 8th, five days before our first case, I went to a state park that I’d never been to before for a six-mile hike. Afterwards, a friend and I went to brunch at a restaurant neither of us had been to. Both places were awesome. Over the previous few months, thanks to my hiking group, I’d been able to visit so many different parks and hiking trails that I’d never been to before. I was discovering so many things about this city that I’d never known. And so many more were planned, all canceled now. Dinners and hikes and karaoke nights and so much more.

On a more general note, I miss being able to plan for the future. Whether that’s planning for a vacation, or the possibility of going to school in the fall like I’d hoped, or even whether or not Ambrose will be able to start college at normal time in August – I’d just like to be able to think about the future without wondering when/if COVID19 will be a factor.

I asked Jason and the boys what they missed most from pre-quarantine. Morrigan said that he missed being able to go out with friends, and not living at home. Ambrose said he missed real school as opposed to online school (which he learned that he really dislikes back when we lived in Wisconsin!). Laurence misses his theatre class, rehearsals, theatre friends, his theatre director, etc. Jason misses being able to go for walks wherever at the spur of the moment.

What is it that you’re missing most from life pre-quarantine?

**written before our overzealous governor decided that this week, before we’ve even reached our peak, is the week when we should begin opening things up again…

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Quarantine Diaries – Week 5

Posted on April 17, 2020 by Thistle

Okay. Before I begin this post, I need to have a little rant. This is copied from my social media, so I apologize if you’ve seen it more than once.

I’ve seen too many people lately suggesting we fight COVID19 through “herd immunity.” This makes me very angry for two reasons. First, we know so little about this disease that we don’t even know if “herd immunity” will work. We don’t know if the antibodies our bodies create fighting it will be sufficient to prevent multiple infections, nor do we know its mutation vectors yet. Second, “herd immunity” relies on exposing everyone to the disease and letting a certain percentage of the population die. Frankly, I don’t want friends and family members to die due to this kind of stupidity, and I don’t think anyone else would, either. The whole point of social distancing and shelter-at-home orders are to keep everyone from getting this damn disease all at the same time, because if everyone gets it at once, our health care system won’t be able to care for them. Flattening the curve means that we all get exposed gradually in a way our hospitals and health staff can handle. So stop suggesting that “herd immunity” is a plausible, non-catastrophic solution!!

Repeating: If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

–Friday, April 10th
Local count: 665, 24 deaths, 92 recovered. The two new deaths today are both from the nursing home outbreak, taking their total to 12 of our 24 deaths. We also had our first confirmed case in the county jail today, which is really worrying. At home: With Jason’s negative test results back, I was able to leave the house today and go for a run. It felt soooo nice to get out and move my body after five days inside and with no exercise. Plus, the honeysuckle is in bloom! <– Jason continues to improve and hasn’t had a fever in two days. He didn’t need any kind of Tylenol/etc today either.

–Saturday, April 11th
Local count: 723, 27 deaths (14 from nursing home outbreak), 119 recovered. I woke up – at 4:40, no less – and had body aches all over. Insomnia dulled my brain, and anxiety had me freaking out…until I remembered that I went out running for the first time in over a week yesterday. Of course my body is stiff and sore. (insert face palm and eye roll here) Otherwise, it was a fairly uneventful day.

–Sunday, April 12th
Local count: 772, 30 deaths (15 NH), 135 recovered. The morning started with another 4:40 wakeup, ugh. After three large cups of coffee, we began our Easter celebrations. The boys did an egg hunt indoors, and then a cascarone fight out in the front yard. We got to Polo the entire thing for the family to see, which was nice. Unfortunately, around noon, things got really bad. My grandmother was rushed to the ER for what appeared to be a series of strokes, and due to COVID19 protocols, no one could stay with her. My mom went out to stay with my grandpa, who lacks the capacity to care for himself since his hospitalization last summer. The local (small town) hospital couldn’t find anything wrong in brain scans or bloodwork, so my grandma was transferred to San Antonio for further tests. This is incredibly worrisome for all the regular reasons, plus no one can stay with her, plus she might come in contact with COVID19 (and is a very vulnerable member of the population).

–Monday, April 13th
Local count: 794, 33 deaths (16 NH), 135 recovered. That is the smallest step up we’ve seen in several weeks and I really hope it’s a good sign (rather than labs backed up over Easter). No new news about my grandmother. Tests continue to come back normal. Strong possibility she’s had TIAs (like mini-strokes that don’t cause permanent damage) but we won’t know for sure until the MRI results come in. Other than that general worry, it was a pretty good day today: a 5K in the morning, and a virtual party for the March/April birthdays – fancy dress suggested! – for our hiking group in the evening.

–Tuesday, April 14th
Local count: 815, 33 deaths (16 NH), 141 recovered. I saw an article today that says the WHO doesn’t know if covid-antibodies are enough to prevent a second infection with the virus later on, which is one of the big things I mentioned in my rant above (written several days earlier). This is extremely worrisome and we need to continue to stay safe at home until we get on the other side of this! We have some models out in San Antonio that predict we’ll hit our peak in late April to mid-May, which is definitely further out than originally predicted. We’re really doing a good job here, despite our high death rate percentage (which is mostly due to the unfortunate nursing home outbreak). As for my grandmother, MRI confirmed that she’s had a minor stroke with only minimal permanent damage (some mild vision loss in one eye), and she’s on new medications and regimens to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Definitely a relief! I need a few less exciting days!!

–Wednesday, April 15th
Local count: 890, 37 deaths (17 NH), 147 recovered. Sad to say that this is the second-highest daily increase in cases that we’ve seen in San Antonio. Most likely the low numbers these last two days were a backlog from the holiday weekend. There also is an increasing number of cases breaking out at the county jail, despite all the precautions the city has taken. At home: The boys have started getting info on their modified, at-home AP tests, which’ll be interesting. We have no vegetables because the selection has been scant and going bad quickly, so my body is craving some good nutrition. At least the cold front means I’ve been able to do a lot more walking. Though I did encounter a family of eight, half in masks, at the trails today, ranting about how we need to start opening things up again because “They” (the media? WHO? Democrats? Lizard folk?) are deliberating trying to destroy America…

–Thursday, April 16th
Local count: 918, 37 deaths (17 NH), 176 recovered. I decided to add the recovery data to my spreadsheet/graph. The numbers didn’t start to come in until March 30th, but it helps me to see them in conjunction with the other numbers. We did get a few local updates today. San Antonio decided to make face masks mandatory (rather than suggested), effective immediately. Thankfully, outdoor exercise is exempt from this requirement as long as you’re practicing good social distancing measures. I’m relieved, because if it was required during exercise, that’d be the end of running for the next few months…

It was a rough week, given my grandmother’s stroke and a bit of snowball emotion for me regarding how long we’ve been stuck inside. I know we have another few months to go, and that’s tough.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
With the world a mess right now, I need a place to look at all the good things. Here are some highlights of my week:

  • honeysuckle!
  • time and endurance improvements on my runs
  • Laurence finished pulling off the planks of our deck, so we can begin the next phase of building
  • Morrigan dyed his hair for the first time (red, though didn’t end up as red as he’d have liked)
  • Since we couldn’t make true grass baskets for Easter, we had a lot of fun with makeshift materials. (see photo above)
  • Jason and I watched Dark Waters, which is both a phenomenal and terrifying movie.
  • restaurants that allow curbside pickup so our family can still have “eating out” nights
  • cards received from friends
  • virtual birthday party night with my hiking friends
  • crossing off another box on my running bingo!
  • a new one-mile PR
  • a lovely cold front for a few days this week

How are all of you holding up right now? Is your state or local community looking out for you?

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Race Report: Race Across Morocco 5K (Virtual)

Posted on April 15, 2020 by Thistle

A couple months ago, I stumbled across a virtual 5K called Race Across Morocco. I’d never signed up for a virtual race before and had no experience with that sort of thing. Since I had 5Ks planned and purchased for March and May, this virtual one in April seemed exactly what I needed. I hadn’t anticipated coronavirus or events being canceled, moved, or made virtual. Last month, I did the Shamrock Shuffle 5K as a virtual event and wasn’t particularly a fan of the “format” as you might call it. But still, I’d ordered and received my packet for Race Across Morocco, so I decided when it was cool out on Monday morning to just go for it.

I did this 5K once again at my local hiking trails. The problem with doing a 5K in that location is that there’s this one giant hill toward the summit. You either go up a very steep trail, or you go up a long, meandering, constantly uphill trail. When I walk these trails, I prefer to stay on the upward track as long as possible. If I’m going to run, though, I want to walk up the steep hill so I can have my running mostly downhill. Because running uphill sucks. This is the same location/route where I’ve been running full miles and slowly improving my time, but not the same park where I practice Couch to 5K (it has mostly level ground).

The morning was beautifully cool and I decided to push myself a bit. Honestly, it’s hard to know just how much of my difficulty during this 3.1 miles came from that extra push (which of course started by speed-walking up a giant hill in the first mile!) and how much came from a combination of prolonged insomnia and massive amounts of oak pollen in the air. Either way, I was breathing hard and the air felt thick even though the humidity was low. My legs hurt, feeling a bit battered and almost to-failure fatigue toward the end. I did run the entire second mile, and beat my current mile-PR by 24 seconds. It was still only a 15:07-minute-mile, but I’ll take it! The first time I ran a full mile since all this weight regain, it was almost a 17-min-mile, so that’s some major improvement!

Anyway, I finished the 5K in 51:47, or a 16:42/mi pace, with about half the race run, half walked. I opened up my medal afterwards and was excited to see and wear it. I was also excited to cross off my third running bingo square, labeled “international.” While I’d love to actually run an event in another country one day, I don’t want to bank on ever being flush enough to do so (puns intended), so a virtual international 5K will have to do!

I do look forward to real live 5Ks again one day!

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