WW – For Better Sleep: EverPillow by Infinite Moon

Posted on May 13, 2020 by Thistle

So it’s no secret that I suffer from major insomnia that has been ongoing since the fall of 2011. I’ve done sleep studies, seen every kind of doctor under the moon, and tried all sorts of things to get better sleep. What doesn’t work: lavender (I’m allergic), sleep rituals (my insomnia is can’t-stay-asleep), white noise, tea, meditation/yoga, melatonin or other supplements, nutrition changes…you know what, pretty much “what doesn’t work” equals “everything.” I basically get by using a combination of medications while making sure that outside factors (anxiety, body pain, light, noise, hunger, bladder, interruptions, etc) don’t wake me up more often than I already wake in the night. This is why Jason and I no longer share a bedroom, why I use blackout curtains, why Ash is quarantined in a different room than me, etc. It’s a delicate balance that doesn’t always work, but I do what I can to improve conditions so that the insomnia is the least disruptive it can be.

Enter: pillows. I’m a side-sleeper who had a neck injury at age 20 and was born with crooked feet. Consequently, my neck, upper back, and hips are easily locked up and kinked. I see a chiropractor monthly to help keep me straightened out, in addition to doing lots of yoga, stretching, and massage. Pillows, however, are the worst. It’s been years since I’ve found a comfortable pillow. (Literally, since 2006.) I’ve been getting by with what I can find and just replacing them monthly as they wear out. Yes, MONTHLY. I can easily go through 12 to 20 pillows in a year. I’ve also periodically tried out specialty pillows that are meant to help side-sleepers (pic above): boomerang-shaped, candy-cane shaped, pillows with a hole for your head in the middle, those memory foam ones with the bump for the neck (turns out I’m allergic to memory foam!). Nothing works. Too thick, or the filling becomes less supportive quickly, or it all bunches up on one side, etc.

For the last year or two, I’ve used crap-ass “cooling” pillows from Walmart, which sometimes last eight weeks and sometimes less than one. When Jason recently had to go to Walmart for a new router, he tried to get me a new pillow as mine was old enough to cause severe neck pain. They were all out, though – the entire pillow area was ransacked – so I began a new search for specialty pillows. Ironically, my search turned up no concrete results, but triggered ads on social media, which led me to Infinite Moon and their Everpillow.

The Everpillow comes in several varieties, but I chose the original with mixed latex and silk filling. The pillow is size-customizable by using only the amount of filling that works for you, and comes with an extra bag to hold the filling you don’t need. This extra filling can be added to the pillow over time as the used filling flattens out, and the package includes a coupon for extra filling in the future. I was wary of buying this pillow was it was really expensive ($89 pre-tax), but found out it had a 100-day trial attached and decided to go for it.

The pillow arrived on the 1st. It comes vacuum-sealed and with all the filling inside the pillow. Immediately on pulling it from the packaging, I laid down on the floor with it and felt immediate relief in my whole body. The thickness was perfect, the filling and cover were soft, and there was perfect support. The pillow was much heavier and denser than a normal pillow, while still remaining soft. On moving it to my bed, I found that the thickness was too much (since your body sinks into the bed in a way it doesn’t on the floor!). Over the next week, I stuffed and unstuffed the pillow until I found the perfect size (about half). My neck hasn’t felt this comfortable on a pillow since I was in college!

There’s still a lot of days to go in my 100-day trial, but I’m already considering this pillow to be a success. I can see myself using it for years, replacing filling as needed, rather than cycling through crap-quality $10 pillows every month or so. Definitely worth the cost (and cost-effective in the long run!) and I highly recommend this to folks who suffer from insomnia or neck pain while they sleep!!

Posted in Wellness | Tagged , | 2 Comments

A Wonderful Mother’s Day Weekend

Posted on May 11, 2020 by Thistle

Since Jason and the boys play D&D on Sundays, we decided to celebrate Mother’s Day a day early. Normally, we just do dinner out for Mother’s Day, but obviously that wasn’t happening during quarantine. So Jason asked me what I wanted to do, and then he built a day around it. As usual, he did an amazing job putting together an amazing day!

First, I woke up in the morning to the news that he’d signed me up for the RLGS Patreon! Then, after breakfast, the two of us went on a long hike at a local natural-trails park. While we were gone, Laurence cleared off the rest of the demolished deck area, and Ambrose made chocolate chunk cookies for me. We ended the morning with a delicious lunch of pancakes with blueberry compote and lemon mascarpone, modeling it on a meal from a local restaurant I love (but can’t go to right now).

In the afternoon, we watched some Great British Baking Show reruns and a fascinating movie called Wendy. (It was a reimagining of Peter Pan, and was really good until the last quarter, which became simultaneously contrived and inconclusive. But it had a theme of mother’s love, so it was very appropriate for Mother’s Day!) Then we had an amazing dinner of veggie lentil curry over rice noodles, and set up a fire pit on the driveway to roast s’mores. While we were out roasting, our former neighbors (by our old house) walked by and said hello!

On Mother’s Day proper, Jason and Laurence gave me a really awesome gift: Pop dolls of the Griffin brothers from the Seahawks! Then Laurence – who isn’t playing D&D at the moment – and I went down to a local coffee shop called Mildfire. I don’t go there often because they’re a 15-20 mins drive, but they do have amazing coffee. Today, they were participating with seven other cafes in a fundraising drive hosted by Patty Mills of the San Antonio Spurs. All sales made at the eight total cafes would be matched and doubled by Mills as a donation to the battered women’s shelter. Mildfire has done a really good job to set up safe ordering, and we had to wait in line for a bit, but it was worth it. Plus, we got filmed by a news crew, saw our mayor leave the coffee shop with an order, and stood (six feet) next to Derrick White from the Spurs while we waited on our drinks! (Confession: We didn’t know who he was until after we left the shop. Bad San Antonians!) Afterwards, we drove to my dad’s house (he lives close to the cafe) and hung out with him, my stepmom, and my sister Julia in their front yard for a bit. All from a safe distance, of course. Made for a nice morning!

Most of the rest of Mother’s Day was spent on reading, blogging, and generally relaxing. Got to FaceTime my mom for a bit, and hopefully I’ll get to see her soon. We’re starting to plan a yard hangout like the one with my dad. It’s been too long since we’ve seen my mom! In the evening, Jason set up another fire and we roasted hot dogs and sausages for a silly dinner. Then we all played Telestrations as the fire burned down. Might be the last evening it’s cool enough to do this for six months, so we definitely needed to take advantage!

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend celebration despite the oddity of not being able to see my mom or to have a large family gathering. I hope y’all all weathered the weekend okay despite the bizarre current circumstances.

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Sunday Coffee – Release Dates

Posted on May 10, 2020 by Thistle

Last fall, when I sped my way through the first 11 books of the Ruth Galloway mysteries, I was just dying to get to the next release, The Lantern Men. Goodreads said that the book would release in February. The Lantern Men, along with Brandon Sanderson’s Rhythm of War, became my top two most-anticipated releases of the year. Then in February, I discovered that The Lantern Men was only releasing in the UK, and I’d have to wait until June for the US release. Sigh. And just a few days ago, I found that the June release date has been pushed back to July. That got me thinking.

How is our current pandemic circumstances affecting the release dates of books? I don’t know enough about the publishing process to know what can and can’t be done while sheltering at home, or how much of release dates depend on tours/promotion, etc. Should I be looking to see if other books I’d planned to read after their release this year have been pushed back, possibly to next year? Will I get to read my two most anticipated books, or will the November release of Rhythm of War get nudged into the spring? How will audiobook recordings work with social distancing and shelter-at-home orders, especially after we get a second wave of illnesses after opening up the country too soon?

It all feels like stuff we need to address as we work toward the “new normal,” if we can figure out what that new normal will be…

PS – Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!

Posted in Book Talk | Tagged | 7 Comments

Quarantine Diaries – Week 8

Posted on May 8, 2020 by Thistle

This week, we began to lose our collective heads as our state decided that just about everything in Texas can open again. People have gotten over the initial fear of this disease and decided that it’s not worth being cautious about. Or that it’s all a big conspiracy, but that’s an entirely different kind of crazy.

In any case, my family continues to stay home. We continue to be part of the population that doesn’t succumb to this idiocy.

To repeat: If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

Friday, May 1st
Local count: 1477, 48 deaths, 683 recovered. This is our largest case jump so far – 103 new cases – however, 91 of those are from the jail outbreak and so it’s actually the lowest community bump (12) that we’ve yet had. We also received word that (hopefully soon) Texas will be getting increased numbers of tests/test capacity. In sad family news, my mom informed us that my grandmother is not doing well. She’s having pains like before a previous heart attack (2015), and she feels that her brain is not working well any longer. She’s also finally admitted that taking care of my grandfather, who’s suffered from severe dementia and diminished physical/mental capacity for the last year, is now too tough for her alone. Hopefully soon she’ll be agreeable to getting some help in. In the meantime, she’s spending her energy on putting her affairs in order. We knew this day was coming, and we hope it’ll still be some time before either of them pass away so that we can come out of quarantine to be with family while we grieve.

(2018 at their 65th wedding anniversary party)

Saturday, May 2nd
Local count: 1585, 48 deaths, 725 recovered. Oy. Today’s jump was even bigger than yesterday’s, and 43 of those 108 new cases are in the community rather than the jail outbreak. I can only guess that these are coming from the folks who got sick of quarantine around Easter and began to defy orders. I see sadness in San Antonio’s future. But, as I said last week, I’m just trying to live my best life under these new circumstances, which today included a long run at the park (mask on when near others!), a Harry Potter Wizards Unite community-day-from-home event, a new book (finally found one that’s held my attention!), and lots of hanging out with my kitties.

(Clockwise from top left: Atticus, Ash, Gavroche, Nimi, Jojo)

Sunday, May 3rd
Local count: 1613, 48 deaths, 756 recovered. Not much news today. Still no word on when we’ll get testing for folks without symptoms. I spent the day reading with a break for yoga – a much-needed lazy day.

Monday, May 4th
Local count: 1652, 48 deaths, 756 recovered. Our local health authorities are claiming that all the epidemiological data says that we’ve flattened our curve here and have left our peak behind us, despite the new outbreak at the jail and the low number of tests. I guess we’ll see. Too many folks are out now without masks as a big f-you to the rest of us. My eyes keep rolling out of my head.

Tuesday, May 5th
Local count: 1677, 52 deaths, 802 recovered. Our governor, in his infinite wisdom, bowed to political pressure and is opening up hair salons and other cosmetic businesses on this coming Friday despite it being only a week past the first wave of reopening and the two-to-three-week lag time in virus data from that reopening. This is absolutely insane. Hair cuts. Really, this is the thing people are concerned with. How first-world-spoiled-brat can you get? I guess if you’re going to die, you should have nice hair and nails for the funeral, eh? It was not a good day.

Wednesday, May 6th
Local count: 1761, 53 deaths, 834 recovered. The city is finally opening up walk-up testing sites that don’t require an appointment. It’s unclear whether or not asymptomatic folks can get tested here, and city leader kinda keep dodging the question as if they’re not sure either. // Discovered today that Ambrose isn’t doing the class work for at least three of his classes, one of which (English) he has to pass or he won’t graduate. The kid despises online school and he’s just putting off everything. I hate getting involved and contacting the teachers directly, but that’s the way it’s going to have to be. In better news, I ventured out into the wide world today to see my chiropractor for the first time in two months, and was very pleased at how well they’re keeping people apart, requiring masks, wiping stuff down, etc.

Thursday, May 7th
Local count: 1805, 54 deaths, 867 recovered. It was a big news day locally for COVID19 reports. The city passed a resolution calling slang terms for COVID19 (like “Kung Flu”) hate speech. Ted Cruz, our lovely senator, blasted our city council for doing so. (I despite Cruz with a passion, and this is only another reason to do so!) Our governor, continuing in his infinite wisdom, decided that public pools could open tomorrow at 25% capacity, as if lowered numbers IN WATER would keep this virus from spreading. As if people are going to keep six feet apart at a pool. Thank god the city is choosing not to open city-owned public pools!! Lastly, schools are starting to think about what they’re going to do in the fall given the uncertainty of this pandemic. Rotating schedule for students so it’s partly online and partly in person? Expand and hire more teachers for smaller numbers in class? Continue to do distance-only? Very tough questions.

This is not a good graph. I know that it includes asymptomatic tests from our jail outbreak, but I really feel like it’s premature to open up hair salons, pools, and so many other businesses. We had a total increase of 431 cases this week, by far our largest weekly increase including our previous outbreak at the nursing home. We also had an increase in total weekly deaths this week (6). I don’t know what our local metro health is talking about in saying that we’re on the other side of the curve. It feels a bit like we were actually in a small dip before the larger climb of a mountain.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
Trying hard to see positives when our state is f-ing crazy and May is my own person relive-trauma-month, oy… So here goes:

  • a new pillow that feels amazing and will hopefully help me improve my insomnia
  • fresh pineapple
  • HPWU community day
  • Jason made the most delicious soup that we dubbed Hipster Soup: vegan, gluten-free, coconut-ginger-lime sweet potato soup with lentils and kale. Ha! Despite the ridiculous name, this was an amazing soup and there were homemade gf crackers to go with it.
  • binge-watching Upload
  • my weighted blanket arrived!
  • enjoying my last run of Week 7 of Couch to 5K
  • finishing a book I enjoyed and moving on to another book by the same author that I’ve also enjoyed so far

So what’s happening in your part of the world? I hope all your states are being smarter than Texas.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , | 5 Comments

The Sun Down Motel, by Simone St. James

Posted on May 6, 2020 by Thistle

In the late 70s and early 80s, there were a string of murdered/missing girls from a small town in New York called Fell. In late 1982, Viv is working the night shift at the Sun Down Motel, putting together details of the crimes that the police don’t see (or don’t want to see). Then she becomes the latest disappearance. Fast forward to 2017, and Viv’s niece Carly comes to Fell on a quest to figure out what happened to her estranged aunt. She takes the position of night shift clerk at the Sun Down Motel, following in her aunt’s footsteps and finding herself in a den of age-old ghost stories and modern-day revenge.

Hey!!!!! I read a book!!!!! A book I wanted to read, a book I enjoyed all the way through, a book I get to review and say good things about! It’s like a miracle!

Seriously, though. I’ve struggled for almost three months to find a book that caught my attention and that I really wanted to read. I knew that I was craving ghost stories, between my binge-listening of the Real Life Ghost Stories Podcast and rewatching old episodes of Unsolved Mysteries and such. But for me, it’s so difficult to find spooky ghost stories in books. I can find paranormal/supernatural books with witches and vampires and werewolves, or literary fiction with ghosts-as-metaphors, or horror novels that don’t appeal to me (not a fan of gore!). I just want straight up scary ghost stories that creep me out and aren’t normal in the world of the novel and aren’t explained away. And if it was paired with a mystery at the same time? Even better! (I’m also just dying to get the newest Ruth Galloway mystery, but still have two months or more to wait for its release, hence my craving for non-thriller mysteries.)

Okay. So now that I’ve babbled all about what I’ve been craving for all these months, unable to find what I was looking for in book, let me tell y’all just how much this book ticked all the boxes and delighted me from the very first page. The Sun Down Motel has it all: ghost phenomena that most folks in the book would never believe and can’t be explained away; a double mystery with alternating stories from Viv and Carly’s points of view; and a perfect setting in both the motel and the general layout of run-down small-town Fell. The writing was atmospheric and wonderful, and the mystery unfolded slowly over time. I loved it!

I won’t say that the book was perfect. There were a few side characters that didn’t seem to get as much fleshing out as they needed, and some motivations that didn’t feel quite as explored as they could have been. But you know what? This was exactly what I needed and I’d happily read ten more books in this same vein. So if anyone has any suggestions of more atmospheric ghost story mysteries like the Sun Down Motel, please send them my way!! (Or frankly, any thickly-written ghost stories or non-cozy mysteries will do!)

Posted in 2020, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

April 2020 in Review

Posted on May 4, 2020 by Thistle

Gah it’s been a tough month. April is nearly always a tough month for me because this is when the weather starts to transition into “summer” (aka “torture”) and we start hitting temps in the 90s and above. This year was particularly difficult, though, because of quarantine and the five of us stuck in one house 24/7 and worrisome illnesses flying around etc etc. I look back on the month and see that it was an exercise in waiting around, sitting here twiddling thumbs…

Reading and Watching
I’ve still been unable to get into anything to read. It’s the worst book slump I’ve had in years. Nothing sounds appealing. I’ve tried books from all over the spectrum in terms of genre and age group, and I just can’t get into anything. Eventually, I went back and chose one of my favorite books to re-listen to, and was drawn into that, but when I went to listen to the sequel, I couldn’t get into it, either. It’s been a weird time for me in books. As for TV and movies, Jason and I watched Dark Waters on Easter, which was a fabulous movie and made me quite paranoid about the use of teflon and other related products in our home! Otherwise, Jason’s been catching up on old episodes of the Great British Baking Show, and those have been fun to see again.

Goals
Nearly all my goals are on hold because of COVID19 right now. I did manage to get through a few more weeks of Couch to 5K this month, and am up to 25 mins running. It’s broken some personal records – first time running that long in both time and distance since 2014 – and I feel good about that. I also broke my current one-mile PR this month! Additionally, Jason and I took our stimulus check and immediately put most of it toward our consolidation loan. It’s a four-year loan that began in the fall, and that one extra payment alone took four months off the end of it.

Health
Ha. Ha. Ha. I’ve got one kid struggling with school, one kid aggressively claiming that because he’s an “adult” he should be able to go out and risk his life (and ours) however he wishes, and a husband that has had multiple major illnesses this month. I’ve been mostly trapped not just in my house but sequestered to my bedroom because the rest of the house is being used for school/work. My only contact with other people is via technology, and San Antonio has now transitioned from “summer anywhere else” weather to “welcome to the gates of hell” weather. We’ve had days when it’s nearly hit 100 degrees this month. I’ve spent a lot of time doing crap jigsaw puzzles on my phone, watching SVU reruns, trying to nap because my insomnia <– has been terrible, and generally not doing particularly well in terms of anything. I barely worked out 14 days this month, only ate well on the rare days I managed decent sleep, and didn’t bother to keep up with my schedules or bullet journal. I feel like I’m swimming in an infinite sea of nothingness, and I know I have another 3.5 months of this to go. At least. So…yeah. Not the best month in health.

I am going to try to turn things around in May. I’ve joined an accountability group that my hiking friends have started. From May 2nd to 31st, we have a 30 day challenge to exercise 30-60 mins five days per week. We have to specify in advance our plans, and then post each day to check in. This is definitely what I need right now. I’d built a good routine around exercising outside or in my living room, and I haven’t yet transitioned into the smaller area of my bedroom for exercise. Hopefully this challenge will help with that, as the heat is only going to get worse.

Things that worried me
This is a new section to my monthly wrap-up, but there have been so many fears and worries going on right now that I didn’t want to stuff them into the month summary above. Particularly because as things go, my family is very fortunate in the current situation in terms of housing, finances, etc. But there have been worries and concerns and fears, and I felt that I needed a place to address them. Feel free to skip past to the highlights if you need/want to.

  • Jason got sick on the 4th and had all the signs of COVID, though after four days his test came back negative and he felt pretty much healed up after a week
  • Ash’s condition is not improving. The steroid pill we force him to take daily is probably the only reason he continues to have energy and appetite, and I’m starting to worry that we’re needlessly extending a life of pain for him, as difficult as it is to say that. He remains at 10 lbs (should be 12 lbs) and the shaved areas from January have hardly grown any hair back (very unusual after so much time).
  • Furthermore, whenever Ash does leave his quarantined room, Jojo attacks him quite violently. Ash was previously alpha of our little pack and strong enough to force all the other cats into line. Jojo has taken over that role, and either he’s trying to protect the others from what he considers a foreign presence (Ash has been in quarantine for four months now, rarely leaving), or he’s showing Ash that he’s boss now
  • Ambrose has missed the award ceremony for summa graduates and the senior award ceremony. He’s going to miss prom, where he was likely going to be on prom court (and wearing a cloak, because he’s Ambrose), and graduation is going to be virtual. Of all my kids, Ambrose is the one who cares the least about these things, which is one blessing. At the same time, this is his last year of high school, and he isn’t going to see any of his friends to say goodbye. His last day of in-person school was the day before spring break. None of the kids ever went back. He tells me this is all fine, but I also remember my fifth-grade Ambrose who cried –> all the way through the graduation ceremony because he was going to miss his teacher and friends.
  • My grandmother had multiple strokes and multiple ER/hospital visits. She’s now exhausted and putting her affairs in order, and has finally admitted that my grandpa has not really been himself since his long hospitalization last year. Neither are likely to make it much longer.
  • the Texas governor has opened up too many businesses too quickly, which will result in a major increase in cases/deaths and probably longer lockdown
  • additionally, too many folks are ranting about stuff they clearly don’t understand like herd immunity and fake news and the death rate “only” being 2-3%
  • major insomnia, which has a major negative effect on my health and immune system
  • the crash of the postal system, which the idiot-in-chief refuses to help
  • Jason getting shingles
  • coral snakes coming out in the park where I run !!!
  • Ambrose is starting to fail his classes. He’s never been very good at distance education and this was his experience back in Wisconsin when he tried for one year to attend school online. Before this transition to home, he was a summa student, but now I’m receiving calls from teachers about him not turning in any assignments and missing so much work that he’s going to fail. Ambrose doesn’t show depression or struggles in a tradition way, and this is a strong sign that he’s not doing well. And since the teachers are no longer using the school portal that Jason and I can monitor for grades, we have no way of determining how either Ambrose or Laurence are doing right now on assignments. This whole situation has been a mess.
  • Morrigan arguing that since the governor is opening up businesses, he should be able to go out whenever with whoever, to hell with the consequences for the rest of us
  • Furthermore, he’s decided not to attend any of his online classes because they’re “optional” and is spending nearly all his time playing video games. This doesn’t bode well for his future…

Highlights of April
In contrast to my worries, these are the things that have kept me afloat in this month of personal and worldwide crisis:

  • virtual game night with friends (thanks Jackbox and Zoom!)
  • reaching several personal milestones and goals on completion of C25K W5D3, and then further milestones during later days of Couch to 5K training
  • friends who help out in a time of need
  • honeysuckle –>
  • shoutouts/nods from RLGS Podcast and the artist Red Yong Hi
  • finishing the deconstruction of the top of our back deck, and making plans for the xeriscaping in the front yard
  • helping Morrigan to dye his hair for the first time
  • virtual group birthday party with hiking friends
  • recasting Clue with Laurence – best school assignment any of the boys have ever come home with!
  • photos and videos of my sister’s foster-kittens (and their mom) – they’re so cute and she brought them home when they were only two days old!
  • accidentally meeting up with a hiker friend
  • GGS Body Image Improvement project and some personal revelations
  • Zooming with a bunch of fans of RLGS, plus the podcasters themselves
  • Lush products! Including the henna dye that gave my hair a rich, auburn color
  • Ambrose giving blood for the first time

Coming up in May
I imagine we’ll have a major spike in illnesses here and have to go back into full quarantine, since we can’t be sensible enough to STAY HOME at least until the peak has passed. Otherwise, I’ve joined that exercise accountability group that my hiking friends are hosting, to hopefully get myself back on track this month. Beyond that, I would LOVE to read a book that isn’t a reread…

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Sunday Coffee – Favorite Photos of April

Posted on May 3, 2020 by Thistle

You know what? It’s seriously difficult to try to take daily photos while in quarantine and staying in your house. Make that double difficult when you spend one week of the month literally unable to even go out for a walk because your spouse might have COVID19. It’s been a weird and crazy month, and with the exception of the blood drive, my world has been confined to my house, neighborhood, and two nearby parks. My pictures consequently haven’t varied much throughout April!

I did manage to find my dozen favorites of the month. Truth be told, only eight of these are ones I’d consider favorites in a non-quarantine month. However, I’ve been choosing a dozen per month since 2020 began and didn’t want to vary that for April. So, in no particular order, here are my favorites(ish):

Left to right: lovely photo of my Jason; Texas wildflower known locally as an “Indian Blanket;” shadow workout.

Left to right: dressed up for Zoom; purple wildflower with tiny wasp on top; someone left their glasses on the park bench…

Left to right: coral snake seen on my run; Gavroche works at Jason’s computer; “life finds a way” (grass growing out from a crack in the rock)

Left to right: Nimi “helps” Jason work; someone is leaving messages on all the benches at the park; windy workout selfie

Note: All these photos were taken by me with no filters on them. Also, I think I need more cat photos in May. Cats make everything better.

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Quarantine Diaries – Week 7

Posted on May 1, 2020 by Thistle

This week was an exercise in anxiety. Local and state orders came to a clash, and with that, one particular member of my household began to argue that he should be allowed to go out and visit with friends again because the governor lifted Shelter From Home orders (never mind that the city extended local orders!). When Jason and I explained that we needed to be extra careful because I’m immunocompromised, he balked and said that I don’t really have an autoimmune disorder or any underlying conditions. In a nutshell, he claimed that I’m making up my health issues as a way to control his life. Dude, not everything is about you. One day, I know that he’ll start acting and thinking in a way that reflects his adult age, but these weeks have been a challenge! Only 3.5 more months to get through! Sigh.

To repeat: If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

Friday, April 24th
Local count: 1195, 43 deaths, 383 recovered. Most of those new cases are from the localized outbreak at the county jail. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to try to contain the virus in that kind of close quarters. // Today was the official first day that retail businesses could reopen via curbside service, and it appears as if folks in San Antonio were so excited for this that they were out as if quarantine never happened. Sigh. I’m so tired of hearing nonsense from shortsighted people, as well as support from our ridiculous, idiot president. (Seriously? Disinfectant injections? I thought that was an Onion headline the first time I saw it.) At least Jason’s employer put his team on WFH until at least the end of May. // I was out at my hiking trails today and was annoyed to find a bunch of people out in non-family couples/groups, taking up the whole trail side-by-side and refusing to move into single file when they crossed others’ paths. Makes me glad my running mask arrived today!! This is thin, breathable, and moisture-wicking – plus it’s made with recycled plastic bottles! Probably not the best protection for quarantine but at least it’ll be better than nothing while I exercise!

Saturday, April 25th
Local count: 1231, 43 deaths, 497 recovered. I read a terrifying article about the major strokes folks in their 30s and 40s are having after contracting COVID19 (symptomatic or not). (Source: Washington Post) We just have no idea what the longterm effects of this disease are going to be! San Antonio had a protest today which makes me want to Bang. My. Head. Over. And. Over. Seriously, people – statistical models say that if we stop social distancing, we’re going to have nearly a million cases in SA by August! Ugh! Mostly, though, I avoided the news today and spent my time listening to an audiobook and dying my hair with Lush rouge henna. It’s subtle – except on my temples where I have mostly white hair – and I’m quite pleased.

Sunday, April 26th
Local count: 1254, 43 deaths, 531 recovered. Ambrose and I went to donate blood today. Sadly, I was disqualified, so no donation for me today. Oh well. But Ambrose gave! And Jason made a trifle for the family as a celebration: Nilla wafers, homemade vanilla pudding, and homemade strawberry-lemon marmalade, mmm…

Monday, April 27th
Local count: 1275, 44 deaths, no recovery data. As expected, the TX governor made his announcement to open up Texas. On the 1st, restaurants, movie theatres, malls, museums, libraries, and retail businesses can open as long as they keep their capacity at 25%. On May 18th, bars, gyms, hair salons, swimming pools, and others will likely also open. Additionally, the governor said that no local community can require people to wear masks (or at least, can’t impose fines for not wearing them). All this, of course, is going to lead to an inevitable resurgence of the virus here. My family is going to keep acting as if none of this has happened – whether or not my eldest likes it – and will keep wearing masks and doing essential trips only. Unfortunately, one of our essential trips recently has been to Walmart for a last-min replacement of our router. Jason reported that the store was in awful condition – hardly any decals, no plexiglass at registers, half the employees without masks, much of the store ransacked (why are people bulk-buying TVs??). The employer in the electronics area was clearly very ill, feverish and sweating and wheezing, nearly falling over. Jason stayed as far back as he could, and immediately got out of his clothes and showered on returning home. UGH.

Tuesday, April 28th
Local count: 1307, 44 deaths, 574 recovered. No specifics yet on how the local community will incorporate the new statewide rules, but hopefully soon. I’ve been happy to see many businesses stating they won’t be opening even though the governor says they can now. My hiking group has stated that despite the new rules, they won’t be hosting any hikes or events in May. I miss them fiercely but I’m both happy and proud at the way they are handling all this. I can’t wait to see them all again, and not just on Marco Polo. Exercising alone, like today’s awful run, is just not the same!

Wednesday, April 29th
Local count: 1326, 46 deaths, 591 recovered. The city put in place an extension to their current shelter-at-home policy that’ll extend to May 19th (for now). It incorporates those businesses that the state says are allowed to open (malls, museums, theatres, etc) but still requires social distancing, face masks, no public gatherings, playgrounds closed, etc. Also, the city isn’t planning to reopen city libraries even though they could open under state guidance. Oddly, the state government says that childcare facilities are only open to essential workers but now says specific non-essential workers can go back to work, with no provisions for childcare for them…hm…I think perhaps they didn’t think this one out too closely…

Thursday, April 30th
Local count: 1374, 48 deaths, 638 recovered. Major jump in cases today – about a quarter of the entire week’s total cases – because a large number of tests from the county jail came back (asymptomatic carriers). More than half of the cases at the jail are asymptomatic, so this strongly shows just how underestimated our COVID19 numbers are when we’re only testing those with symptoms. Furthermore, we have enough positive cases among jail guards that the policy is now that asymptomatic guards can continue to work with an N95 mask. !!! Otherwise, there won’t be enough guards! // BiblioTech, the county’s all-digital library, will open for limited hours and capacity starting on Monday because it’s located in a low-income area that needs the library as a resource for school, work-from-home, job applications, etc. // At home, I’m ending April with more runs/walks, dressing in one of my favorite dresses, and some delicious gluten-free chocolate cake from HEB. Because it’s important for me to stop sitting paralyzed here. I need to start experiencing and enjoying life again, even under these new circumstances.

I started to look at overall weekly trends locally and I’m pleased with what we’ve been able to do, even with the giant outbreaks at the one nursing home (75+ cases) and the county jail (130+ cases including 70ish asymptomatic). A weekly snapshot had us peaking around Week 4 and 5 (if social distancing continues and we don’t have a second peak).

  • Week 1: 29 cases, no deaths
  • Week 2: 84 (additional) cases, 5 deaths
  • Week 3: 141 cases, 4 deaths
  • Week 4: 361 cases, 13 deaths
  • Week 5: 303 cases, 15 deaths
  • Week 6: 249 cases, 6 deaths
  • Week 7: 207 cases, 5 deaths

Those are good numbers and we want them to get smaller, not go up again. This is a long-term illness that’s going to be hanging around for at least the next year until we can develop a vaccine and some adequate treatments. That sucks, but the worst thing we can do is stick our heads in the sand and allow the numbers to skyrocket until our health care system is overwhelmed. It feels like that’s exactly what Texas as a state (and frankly, the US as a country) is doing, and our local government – thank goodness for good leadership here! – is doing the best they can to prevent a tidal wave of illness from devouring us.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
It was honestly not the best week for me, but I’ve tried to pick out a few nice highlights from my week:

  • several really good runs and walks, including some leisurely ones where I got to observe a lot of beautiful wildflowers as well as some really odd things left behind by people –>
  • online coffee dates
  • a lovely cool front these last few days
  • a fun event on HPWU
  • dying my hair red with Lush henna!
  • Lush bath bombs
  • walking through the neighborhood with Jason
  • finding the best filter for iced coffee so that making my own becomes much easier!
  • a new accountability group for May, created by my hiking friends
  • I learned how to create a custom workout on RunKeeper
  • amazing gluten-free cake from HEB, mmm…

How are the rest of you doing in this crazy, mad world?

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Wellness Wednesday – Inspiration

Posted on April 29, 2020 by Thistle

Recently, I signed up for a five day course in improving body image put out by Molly Galbraith and Girls Gone Strong. I’d previously taken a 28-day Love Your Body Challenge from Ms Galbraith back in 2014, and it really helped me to change the way that I viewed my body. I’d been skeptical, and was thoroughly impressed by the end, and so I went into this five-day program without reservation. I’m not going to talk about the entire program here – it’s free, and available at the link above – but it was a good refresher course and did teach me some new things. Also, it made me realize just how well that course from six years ago penetrated my thought patterns and permanently improved my body image, because there were some activities in this five-day course that I’d already completed and had no more to do. Woohoo!

I took more than five days to do this program. Some days are pretty intense, and the actionable items took a lot of thought. What I want to talk about today is an item from Day 2, which was the biggest and toughest day for me. Essentially, we were asked to cleanse our environment of items and images that make us feel bad rather than inspiring us. Personally, I don’t read magazines and I don’t follow social media accounts with unrealistic and/or professional body images. Most of who I follow online are friends, with a few accounts of folks who inspire me (everything from body positive folks to animal rescue shelters). However, there was one place I immediately knew that I needed to clean house.

A few years ago, I set up an image folder on my computer that I labeled “insp.” In it, I put roughly 150-200 photos from 2011 to 2014, all of a thinner, fitter, happier me. It was meant to inspire me rather than shame me, but as time has passed and I’ve seen those hundreds of photos over and over, I’ve grown numb to them, if not discouraged by them. Clearly, they didn’t help me as I originally intended. I spent two days, then, curating a new image folder for my computer wallpaper. There are 400+ photos in there, and growing as I get new ideas. They include:

  • photos of myself during happy times of my adult life, regardless of body size
  • photos of gatherings with friends and family
  • photos of proud moments and accomplishments in my adult life
  • photos of family and friends (pic –> is my sis-in-law Emmy, who has the best style ever!)
  • photos of Jason and the boys
  • photos of actresses and celebrities that I find particularly inspiring, especially those who have body types and/or faces outside the typical norm of beauty
  • runners of all shapes and sizes
  • overweight and obese women confident in their bodies
  • different ideas of beauty from all around the world
  • trans, androgynous, and gender fluid folks
  • women of multiple ages, skin colors, body types, and abilities
  • an array of postpartum bodies
  • plus size yogis and yoga poses
  • particular locations that I love, with or without people in the photos
  • places I’ve traveled and things I’ve seen in my adult life
  • moments of laughter in those around me
  • girls’ nights out
  • acts of service
  • meeting authors and other people I admire
  • interesting faces

And more.

The best thing about this new, curated “insp” folder is that I made a personal discovery as I put it together. This discovery should have been obvious to me long ago, but wasn’t. I’ve been an adult now for a bit over 20 years, and I feel like most of that time, I’ve done nothing. I never finished school, never had a career, never published one of my books, and spent most of my time taking care of my house and children. But the thing is, I have done a lot in my life:

I gave birth to three children and raised them. I traveled to so many places: France, Italy, Bermuda, Puerto Rico, Canada, Mexico, Honduras, Colombia, Costa Rica, Panama, Israel/Palestine, Niagara Falls, many of the smaller Caribbean islands. I’ve traveled to a giant chunk of the US as well. I’ve ridden a camel, gone ziplining, swam with dolphins and manatees, ran a 10K, published several short stories, written over a half-dozen novels and countless stories, kept a book blog for over 12 years, attended ALA and BEA, was a speaker at Book Blogger Con, met bloggers from around the world, kayaked, hiked mountains, learned (a bit) of several languages, taught myself to read tarot, ran a book club for six years, xeriscaped a yard, learned how to crochet, ran multiple writing groups over the last decade, done mud runs and color runs, rescued six cats, volunteered at the library and humane society, gotten several tattoos, taken three cruises, done unassisted pull-ups, been an LGBTQIA+ activist, tried out a fish pedicure, learned calligraphy, took classes in stained glass and ballroom dancing, read thousands of books, and donated my hair to Locks of Love. To name a few.

My life has been very full, and somehow, with day upon day of the mundanity of being a stay at home mom, I’ve somehow failed to realize this…until putting together this new photo folder. I’ve spent most of my life judging myself a failure because of the things I haven’t done – finished college, built a career, kept the weight off, published a novel – rather than seeing all the things I have done, and all the good I’ve built and brought into the world. So this was a wonderful project – not only did I get to curate images that would broaden my exposure to all the different kinds of bodies and faces in the world, but I created a place to celebrate personal achievements and happy moments, rather than just skinny ones.

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Giving Blood

Posted on April 27, 2020 by Thistle

I mentioned in yesterday’s Sunday Coffee that Ambrose and I were going to a blood drive. It was the first time for either of us to give blood. We filled out the paperwork beforehand and headed out to the megachurch where the drive was happening. (Ironically, we at first forgot our masks and had to turn around about two minutes from our house to go back and get them! It was the first time I’d left the house except for exercise since mid-March, and only Ambrose’s second time, so we both forgot!) It was just Ambrose and me because my two other kids didn’t feel comfortable with the blood donation process, and Jason has previously been disqualified from giving due to living in Europe as a child. (That might have changed now, because the questionnaire asked if we lived in Europe for a total of five years, and he didn’t. He’s excited about that because he used to give blood all the time.)

Our appointment was at 9:30. The megachurch isn’t far away, but I knew we might have trouble finding the right location, so we left at 9:00. We followed my phone’s instructions and ended up in the parking lot where clearly a bunch of other folks were there for church. Cars were lined up bumper to bumper in rows – how someone would get out if there was an emergency, I have no idea – and no one was in the cars, so the people must have been inside the church despite the pandemic danger. (People!!!!!!!!!) Anyway, our instructions said to go to the prayer center, but none of the signs – there were actual directional signs like you’d see in a major hospital facility or airport parking lot – listed it. The “courtesy center” outdoor help area was vacated, and there was no one around. We also didn’t see any indications of a blood drive. This was what I’d feared and why I left early.

The church is described in Texas Monthly as having a 17,000-membership congregation (and that was in 2006), with “a large (5,400-seat) sanctuary, classrooms and office buildings, a prayer chapel and garden, a gymnasium and racquetball courts, and acres of parking.” (again, 2006). In the above picture, everything surrounded by the black line is part of Cornerstone (I included a little section for the pastor’s personal ministries building, too.) Ambrose and I parked around the star area. We needed to be in the building where the yellow arrow is.

Eventually, we found two guys getting out of their car – both without masks, sigh – and asked them for directions to the blood drive. They told us to drive around the surrounding block and look for the hotel, and the praise center – not the prayer center – would be in front of it. It took twenty minutes of driving and looking because the hotel was hidden mostly behind trees, but Ambrose spotted someone pushing a hotel cart, and then I spotted an understated building that was the praise center. So yeah, getting to the drive was a harrowing experience, and if I’d been alone, I would have given up! This is the sort of experience my agoraphobia is particularly anxious about!

(Photo courtesy of Cornerstone Church facebook page. This is the only blood drive sign we saw and the one I eventually spotted.)

Anyway. We made it, roughly three minutes before our appointment time. We checked in and were taken back into individual cubicles for testing. I was extremely nervous about the finger prick. Every finger prick I’ve ever had has hit a nerve of some kind and then hurts for weeks afterwards. Between the nerve-racking attempt to find the place and my nerves about the prick, I wasn’t surprised when my blood pressure showed up higher than normal. However, the numbers were SO off the charts that I couldn’t fathom them being real. I was last tested in my doctor’s office just a few weeks before quarantine, and my bp was 123/82. Higher than I like, but still normal. The machine at the drive said I’d somehow gone up to 165/116. !!! That’s an extremely alarming number! The tester said we’d take it a second time, and I let him do the finger prick just in case my nerves were affecting the test. (It hurt. It still hurts and my entire fingertip is bruised. Sigh.) When they tested me a second time, my bp came back at 117/102. A vastly different number. Also, the first test squeezed my arm so tight I thought I was going to faint, and the second test didn’t hurt at all. I can only guess their equipment was faulty (especially since I tested myself, three times on each arm, after I got back home, and averaged 129/80).

(Photo courtesy of Cornerstone Church facebook page; blood donation area in the praise center)

So I was disqualified from giving blood. Sigh. Ambrose, however, was able to give. I sat in the waiting area while he gave, and we watched the end of one Star Wars movie (Ambrose informs me it was the first one released), and the beginning of Big Hero 6. He got his snacks and rewards, and we headed home.

I admit that the whole experience was both frustrating and disheartening. I’d really felt good about donating blood for the first time, and I know my blood pressure shouldn’t have disqualified me. But it is what it is, and at least I tried, and Ambrose got to give. Maybe Jason and I will go to another drive sometime after my waiting period from this one is up.

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