Little Eyes, by Samanta Schweblin

Posted on June 18, 2020 by Thistle

Translated from Spanish by Megan McDowell

Take Furbis, cross them with Alexas, and make them live-streaming to a single audience, then you have what’s known in this book as a kentuki: a robot “pet” that one person chooses to “keep” and one person chooses to “dwell” in. The voyeur and exhibitionist then find themselves in a twisted relationship. The technology is new, and exploding onto the scene all over the world. As you can imagine, this can lead down both positive and negative paths as people figure out what they can do with these kentuckis.

Little Eyes takes us down many of these paths. In fact, I’d say the book is less of a novel and more a collection of stories all on the same subject, with a few longer stories interspersed throughout. It is not a traditional beginning-to-end novel, and that may not sit as well with some readers. Because in the end, 85% of the book is made up of mini-stories that seem only to serve as “what if this is how the kentucki was used?” scenarios. Many (all?) of them are negative, from blackmail to aggressive, malfunctioning robots. There are only a handful of stories (five, if I remember right?) where we follow a longer narrative – and those are separate and individual from each other as well, with only a few chapters dedicated to each of their tales. I’m not saying this is a negative thing – personally, I quite enjoyed the formatting of this book – but I know some other readers may look back and be frustrated by the lack of story or cohesive narrative. I felt it was best to warn about the style up front.

As for me, I’d say that my thoughts are split at about a 30/70 ratio – 30% negative, 70% positive. Oddly, even though the split is more positive, I’m not sure that, in the end, I actually liked the book. I think the negative bits may have outweighed the positive. Without going into spoiler-details, here’s how I felt as I read Little Eyes:

  • I nearly stopped reading several times during the first chapter. It felt written in a way that was purely for shock value and to try to hook a different kind of reader than me. I found the concept of the kentukis interesting enough that I continued on to chapter two, but that first one irritated me a lot because it felt so unnecessary to begin that way.
  • A large chunk of the book was extremely engrossing. I found myself wanting to know more about all the little stories, and loved the way Schweblin explored the different paths that kentuki users took, both negative and positive. In the end, I couldn’t stop reading and finished the book in a single day.
  • There’s a great sense of time passing in the world and kentuckis becoming more and more commonplace despite not having an actual narrative time period in the book.
  • Schweblin basically built an entire world through individual stories, and I was split between thinking this was extremely clever and that this felt like polished notes on world-building rather than an actual narrative.
  • I was annoyed at the direction the longer narratives took. As each concluded, I began to feel like the author was pushing her own biases into the novel in a way that became too obvious and transparent. By the end of the last story – which I felt strained credulity for reasons I can’t give without spoilers – I was exhausted and irritated.

It’s this last part that makes me unsure if I liked the book or not. The book grew so heavy-handed in such a sickening and hardly-believable way that it basically ruined my previous experience, which as I said was mostly positive after that first chapter. I’m walking away from the book in two minds, praising it for its forethought and originality and world-building, and disappointed that the author had to twist everything into something dark and morbid in what felt, to me, like a unnecessary bid to point out the obvious dangers of overtly-intimate technology.

Posted in 2020, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Home Before Dark, by Riley Sager

Posted on June 16, 2020 by Thistle

Maggie has grown up in the shadow of her father’s book, the one that claims that – true story! – their family lived in a haunted house for three weeks when she was five. The book is utter nonsense, she knows. At very least, she’d have some memory of the insane things that happened to her if they were true. What she doesn’t know is why her parents stuck to these lies for her entire life, or why they insist she not return to the house, or that she’s about to inherit the haunted ruin that her father has apparently never sold…

Why oh why aren’t there more books like this one? Mystery with a touch of paranormal, or even potential paranormal – it’s just perfect, and it’s what I’ve been craving for months and months. Please, if anyone has recommendations of books similar to this one or the two Simone St. James books I read in May, send them my way. I adore this sort of thing!! I’ve been personally looking forward to this book since I first heard about it in February-ish, and I joined that Book of the Month club purely to get my hands on this book before it was available elsewhere. It’s been ages since I took the risk of buying an unread book that wasn’t written by a handful of long-time-trusted favorite authors, and it was totally worth that risk.

Home Before Dark is written with alternating chapters between Maggie’s story – an adult overshadowed by her father’s supposedly-true-story fiction – and her father’s book. Both are told in first person, and Sager does a great job of making the voices completely different. He does a brilliant job at making the Book’s chapters a bit cheesy and written in a way that shows its author (Maggie’s father, not Sager) is not an experienced fiction writer. It hits all the classic first-time-novelist not-quite-edited-enough buttons. At the same time, the story told in that cheesy writing is disturbing and thrilling and creepy. It’s very much a paranormal ghost story that builds to some horrific climaxes. (Oh, the snakes, the snakes!!)

On Maggie’s side, the story is more nuanced. She’s trying to sort out truth from fiction. So much of her scant memory of the house is colored and influenced by what’s in her father’s book. She balances between anger at her father for never telling her the truth, and constant love for him and the need to not disappoint him, even after his death. The psychological balance is excellent. And once she’s at the house, she struggles to sort out true memory from what she’s read. This becomes even more difficult once the same ghostly phenomena from her father’s story begins. Maggie’s thoughts circle with increasing paranoia as her sleep is interrupted, as objects from the house disappear, as she sees shadowy figures at the edge of the trees outside her window. She doesn’t know if she’s being gaslit, going crazy, or if her father’s assertions that this was all a true story weren’t lies after all.

I’m not going to discuss what plays out in either Maggie’s story or her father’s book. Everything I’ve said so far is from early on in the book, so no spoilers. What I AM going to say is that this book did a fantastic job of mixing a whole bunch of interplaying stories with a great twist of paranormal (the Book), the potentially-paranormal (return to the house), and psychology (Maggie’s relationship with the house, Book, and her parents). I loved the ending, and all the little conclusions and discoveries along the way.

Posted in 2020, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Covid Cut, plus Surgery

Posted on June 14, 2020 by Thistle

Well, it happened. I officially got tired enough of my current hair situation that I went the DIY route. Hey, I know, this is the whole meme-joke of quarantine, eh? I’ve reached the “cut my own hair” stage. But really, this isn’t actually a huge deal for me. I have massively curly hair and I’ve cut my own hair many times in the past. Usually people can’t even tell unless I really screw it up. (Ha!) I don’t do anything special with my hair or style it in any particular way when I cut it, either. Especially right now, when the goal is to grow it out long. The one thing I wanted right now but didn’t do because I’m not crazy is give myself bangs again. I stuck with trimming off the bottom couple of inches because they’ve gotten extremely damaged over the last two years. And then adding layers so that my head is not one giant ball of floof.

This first picture is when I had my hair (professionally) cut short in the summer of 2018. It was the first time in ages that I had bangs as well. Over the next year, I continued to grow it out long again, and in July 2019 (middle photo), I had the longer parts shaped to grow out and the undersides shaved really short. (It’s HOT in Texas!) The last photo is from late May this year. I wanted to see how long the shaved portion had grown out in the last ten months. Answer: a LOT. I was also happy to discover that this new growth is coming back with my lifelong spirals/curls rather than the waves that my hair has had since moving to Boston in 2014.**

My goal since 2018 has been to grow my hair really long again. The longest it’s ever been was back in 1998/1999 when it went almost to my waist. Back then, though, I was dying it and not taking care of it very well. Since then, I’ve managed to grow it out pretty long once, long enough to donate to Locks of Love in 2013. I’d planned for longer (and a longer donation), but my hair was getting difficult to handle. I thought this was due to length, but on examination of photos afterwards (right), I realized that I just needed to trim off the damaged ends (which appear to be a different color, because my hair lightens considerably when damaged). Note that this pre-donation photo in March 2013 is almost three years after any kind of cut and had grown out from a cut even shorter than the one pictured above from 2018.

Recently, the same trouble I was having in 2013 with my hair has come back. Now, I know better than to think this is just due to length! The ends were damaged. I needed a trim. But there was no way in hell I was going to a salon with San Antonio in its current covid state. After dealing with the worsening damage for the last few months, I decided to take the plunge and give myself a DIY trim (though again, I didn’t attempt bangs, even though I’d like those back!). I probably took off more than I needed to – four to six inches, instead of two to three – but the cut went fairly well. In the photo (left), not much of the curl shows yet because it takes a few days for my hair to realize that it’s not as heavy. In any case, I’m really happy with the way it came out, and I don’t feel like I need a professional to do anything to it at this time. Plus, it’s still long enough that I can wear it in a ponytail, AND it’s not so long that said ponytail lays on my neck and makes my skin too hot. It’s a San Antonio summer win-win!

In other news, Gavroche finally had his dental surgery this week. His whole life, he’s had problems with gingivitis, no matter how often he gets dental treats and such. He’s a cat, and cats don’t exactly let you brush their teeth! Several of his little teeth have fallen out on their own, and back in January, he was scheduled to get several molars removed. With Ash getting sick, though, we had to postpone the surgery. Then there was covid. Finally, when Gavroche’s lip swelled up again last week, we couldn’t put it off any further. He didn’t seem to be in pain and he was having no problem eating, but we didn’t want the situation to worsen. He went in Friday and came home that afternoon. The poor guy doesn’t like the stitches in his mouth, nor does he like being quarantined to the recovery room with Ash, but he began eating again right away and has been fine other than some mouth soreness and the irritation of stitches!

**Unrelated side note: I began drinking alcohol around the time I moved to Boston, and the alcohol changed the composition of my hair, causing it to grow wavy instead of spiraled. I very rarely drink alcohol anymore, especially in the last year, so my hair is returning to its former structure. This is a real thing that happens – I had no idea until I did some extensive research! I thought it was just age-related before. So just a little PSA: alcohol can do some really weird things to your body even if you’re not drinking it to excess!

Posted in Personal | Tagged | 6 Comments

Quarantine Diaries – Week 13

Posted on June 12, 2020 by Thistle

So. I didn’t plan to be writing this week. I said I was going to start grouping these into several weeks at a time. We were doing relatively well here, though the spike in numbers during Week 12 was alarming despite the city leaders saying that these were due to backlogged tests. Unfortunately, the numbers kept growing. And growing. And growing. Last night, during the second city covid brief that we’ve had since the daily briefs stopped, the head of Metro Health came right out and said it: We are in a spike and at the beginning of a second wave.

Honestly, it’s not much of a surprise. I saw the photos from Memorial Day, the gatherings at beaches and rivers and tourist areas. I cringed with each new restriction the governor lifted in May. I’ve seen businesses grow lax with masks, some that were doing well a month ago not caring so much if people are wearing them now. People got complacent, and distracted, and involved with other things. Covid doesn’t care. And now, we’re in a spike. This time, unfortunately, San Antonio isn’t in a position to do anything about it, because all of our authority has been stripped by the state. So here we go.

With all the bad news re: covid, this notice is especially important:  If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

This week in numbers
We began the week at 3018 cases with 78 deaths. Week 12 had a massive 435 cases – our highest so far – but we were told the bulk of these were from state and local lab backups (due to universal testing of nursing homes throughout Texas). But as I said above, the numbers just kept rolling in.

  • Friday, June 5th: 3143, 78 deaths (+125 cases)
  • Saturday, June 6th: 3290, 78 deaths (+147)
  • Sunday, June 7th: 3311, 78 deaths (+21)
  • Monday, June 8th: 3333, 78 deaths (+22)
  • Tuesday, June 9th: 3518, 80 deaths (+180) <– No more backlog
  • Wednesday, June 10th: 3648, 80 deaths (+135)
  • Thursday, June 11th: 3840, 82 deaths (+192)

Altogether, we had 822 new cases this week and four new deaths. That’s almost double our previous highest week in terms of cases. Furthermore, during last night’s update, we were told that the last few days did not include any backlog. That means that in three days, we had 507 new cases – also higher than our previous highest week.

And it’s not just case numbers. In early April, we’d gotten hospitalizations down to around the high 70s/low 80s on average. Those numbers began to creep up in late May, and for the last few weeks, they’ve been skyrocketing. As of last night, we had 122 people in the hospital for covid with 54 in ICU. Both of those numbers are WAY up. The rest of our warning indicators in SA are also trending the wrong direction. Positivity rate (percentage of positive tests) has jumped up from last week. The epidemiological curve used to average daily cases based on date of first onset has gone from a downward trend to a neutral line, and we’ve been told that when the next batch of data goes through, it’ll be upward.

(hospitals as of 6/11)

It’s not just San Antonio. This is statewide (not surprised, given the governor’s orders). Daily cases in Texas are averaging 50+% more than they were a few weeks ago – in fact they just saw a jump from a previous daily high of 1940 up to over 2500 on 6/10, when it used to be news if they hit over 1000 several days in a row – and hospitalizations are up 36% since Memorial Day (as of June 9th – probably higher now). Health authorities in the large metro areas across the state have conferred and confirmed that they’re all seeing the same spike and upward trends as San Antonio. Unless people/government get their act together, this is going to get really, really bad.

This week in San Antonio
Our city leadership said at the end of our first 12 weeks dealing with COVID that we’d done a good job flattening the curve and were shifting into “repair the economy” mode. The shelter at home order expired and wasn’t renewed. I’ll be honest – the city leadership didn’t really have a choice in this matter with the governor taking control, and they certainly had other issues to tend to over the last couple weeks. But call it what you will, San Antonio has put forth a four-phase reopening plan for the little they can still control (aka city-owned properties and facilities). The library curbside opening (June 16) will be part of that, and city pools are set to open in early July (phase 3). Eventually, park playgrounds, basketball courts, etc will open in phase 4, but we don’t have a date for that yet. I don’t know if these dates/phases will change now that we’ve “officially” entered a spike/second wave.

A few points of interest outside our numbers this week: The local blood bank announced that from June 8 to August 31, anyone who donates blood will be eligible for a free covid antibody test. // HEB, our local grocery store chain, expanded its store hours (not all the way back to normal yet, though). // The Alon HEB, where my father and stepmother shop, disclosed that one of their employees was tested positive for COVID. Generally, HEB has been good about announcing when they’ve had employees test positive, which is good because state law says businesses are not required to disclose this at their establishments. !!! Ugh.

This week at home
Like the city, we’ve been shifting into longterm mode here, though we’re going about it a lot more carefully! Morrigan began working a full time summer job at Taco Bell (where they’re actually doing a great job taking care of their employees!) on Monday. My hiking group resumed hikes with a max of seven people per and all social distancing/mask rules in place. I had my first group hike with them on Friday and have several others lined up. Laurence and I signed up at Planet Fitness on the Sunday after reviewing their safety procedures and how crowded they were (aka not crowded at all) and have been going there to exercise now that it’s 100+ degrees out. I returned to my chiropractor for a second visit since quarantine began, and hesitantly (and after checking safety procedures) went in for a much-needed massage. Jason finished his dental procedures that started IN JANUARY finally. Gavroche is going in for his dental surgery today. Morrigan will see the eye doctor next week. One of these days – probably after this spike is under control – we might actually go get haircuts.

Again, we’re continuing to be careful. We scope out businesses before we use them and stick to those that are taking good care of their customers and employees. We consolidate errands and try to go out as few times as possible. Jason remains our household designated grocery shopper to protect as many HEB employees as possible. We always use masks in situations where social distancing isn’t possible, and we avoid crowded places. If we want to eat out, we use curbside pickup, and we’ve been trying to patronize as many local small businesses – especially black-owned businesses – as we can. Sadly, some of our favorites (like Instant Donuts) are permanently closed. (They made the BEST donuts and kolaches, and the family who owned it were so nice. Boo.) But we do what we can. And if things get too bad out there again, we’ll shut even that down. This is the new reality. The disease isn’t going away any time soon, and people need to adjust or it’s just going to keep getting worse.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
Looking back on the week, I realize that quite a lot of stuff happened, much of it good. I’m still feeling a lot of quarantine-fatigue and heat-depression (it got up to 105 here one day this week!), and I would give just about anything to have one day home alone in silence. But all in all, I’m okay. We’re okay. Happy things:

  • first group hike since March
  • ordering fun things from small online businesses like Lipslut and Superfit Hero
  • printing photos for several photo frames that I’ve needed to fill for MONTHS
  • Ash gained a little weight this week, getting up to 10.8 lbs for the first time since he got sick in December!
  • trying out the Eritrean-Ethiopian restaurant here in SA (fairly new, and delicious!)
  • conquering my fear of running on the treadmill in public
  • my friend Stephanie closed on her new house and became a first-time homeowner!
  • discovering a fun visualization for a mileage goal (color in the numbers/miles shoe)
  • a fun and silly new patchwork bucket hat
  • Ambrose made us crepes with homemade lemon curd for dinner one night
  • zuppa inglese from a local small business (pictured above)
  • watching all the changes coming in wake of the protests worldwide, and doing all the things I can do from home to help

Y’all – I don’t know what’s going to happen this week. I don’t know if it’ll be like this week, so much stuffed into it that I need to post again on Friday rather than grouping together several weeks of quarantine diaries. I’m going to take this one as it comes and just see what feels best at the end of Week 14. Hope you’re all doing well. So many states have cases back on the rise again. Please keep yourselves safe!

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Favorite Photos of May

Posted on June 7, 2020 by Thistle

Last month, I lamented how difficult it was to get a good spread of photos while in quarantine. I entered May determined to see more. Consequently, I had a lot more photos to sift through to choose my favorite dozen, and the choice was far more difficult.

As always, these photos were taken by me with no filters on them. They are not necessarily the best photography – they are simply photos that appeal to me for one reason or another.

Top left: a majestic photo of Jojo. Bottom left: a multicolored blooming in the garden. Right: an array of bags I’ve crocheted in the past (I just really love the colors in this photo)

Top left: s’mores over the firepit. Bottom left: native flowers at Eisenhower Park. Right: Atticus in ultimate love-mode

From left to right: shadows on an evening walk; layered lemonade cold brew; Morrigan and me after we finished digging up the first xeriscaped section of the yard

Top left: Mildfire Coffee, the first business I’ve personally gone to since quarantine began (love their colors AND their coffee). Bottom left: Nimi sleeping in the sink (a habit she’s picked up this month!). Right: hipster soup (aka homemade vegan, gluten-free, coconut-ginger-lime sweet potato soup with lentils and kale)

As a bonus, I’m including my three favorite photos of May taken by Jason.

From left to right: the family sheltered in the bathroom during a tornado; boxing in a dress (ha!); a grad photo that seems to get the real feel of the quarantined-class-of-2020

*****
I might be absent from the blog for a little while to focus on other things. There will still be an occasional post or two, and I’ll be keeping track of covid-related happenings for my next quarantine diaries post. But generally I feel like my voice and time would be better spent in other places right now. Stay safe out there.

 

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Quarantine Diaries – Week 12

Posted on June 5, 2020 by Thistle

It was a tough week, not as much for me personally as it was for others because I have the privilege of pale skin, but as a whole in our country. This is only compounded by the potential threat of additional covid spread through protests – protests that I believe are absolutely necessary and right, but I also know just how difficult the decision has been for some people to weigh potential exposure against standing up for justice and the rights of all black Americans. I’ve been trying to be mindful as I post this week here and on social media, and I wanted to address that from the start. I hope that you are all safe. From covid, from the police, from homegrown white-nationalist terrorists, from the chaos that is being incited in cities across the country by agitators that don’t care about George Floyd or any of the million others suffering daily under this burden and injustice. Please be as safe as you can be. Get tested if you’ve been out. My thoughts are with you all. (And yes, more than just my thoughts, but I don’t feel the need to air all my personal contributions because this is not about me.)

Especially important in a hard week:  If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

This Week in Numbers
We ended last week with 2583 cases and 71 deaths, plus the highest daily numbers of hospitalizations we’ve seen in San Antonio so far.

  • Friday, May 29th: 2636, 72 deaths
  • Saturday, May 30th: 2825, 73 deaths (highest daily increase to date, re: backlog)
  • Sunday, May 31st: 2830, 74 deaths
  • Monday, June 1st: 2839, 75 deaths
  • Tuesday, June 2nd: 2882, 75 deaths
  • Wednesday, June 3rd: 2953, 78 deaths
  • Thursday, June 4th: 3018, 78 deaths

Total of 435 cases this week – our highest weekly total ever – and 7 new deaths. Early in the week, we were told that there was a heavy backlog of tests (~6k) from mid-May that were just now coming through, which were reflected in a few days of major number spikes this week. The high case number this week isn’t necessary reflective of current cases. However, the fact that our hospital numbers have remained at record highs is definitely worrisome, especially now that the state is essentially 100% open again.

Additionally, I’d like to address the racial disparity among COVID cases here, especially as our mayor stated outright that any lack of change (regarding equality, police brutality, and other race-based differences in our city) should lay on his shoulders. The disproportion is particularly striking when it comes to this virus. Our city is a majority-Hispanic city, with 64% of the population, while we’re 25% white and 6% black as our three largest racial groups. Our COVID cases, however, split as 67% Hispanic, 22% white, and 9% black, and our death rates are 54% Hispanic, 21% white, and 22% black.  THIS IS NOT OKAY. There is a lot of reasons behind the disproportion and I’m not going to go into them all here (that would be several blog posts!), but this is a disparity that needs to be addressed not just in San Antonio, but across the nation.

This Week in San Antonio
My favorite news of the week is that the libraries have announced their initial reopening plan! On June 16th, book drops and curbside pickup of holds will begin. There are a few other services open at specific locations by appointment only as well. As books begin to circulate in and out of the library, hold lists will start flowing again. There still won’t be indoor service at this time, but I’m happy to have the partial opening!

San Antonio passed the 60k mark of tests this week (roughly 2.5 million folks in the general area), and they say they have a 60% recovery rate now, the highest it’s been. (Not sure how they’re counting recoveries with asymptomatic folks, though.) It’s another good sign to counter the continued increase in hospitalizations. The city is also on the lookout for the new spikes that are all but inevitable given the close proximity of those out protesting (masks on – yes for most – but social distancing impossible) and the discovery of the first positive case of an employee at an HEB meat-packing plant (a major congregate setting that will now undergo universal testing).

Metro health began a study this week to try to determine how widespread asymptomatic cases are in the city. They’ve chosen randomized addresses within each city district and are asking those households if they’ll participate in voluntary testing. The goal is to finish by Monday and test the percentage of asymptomatic community spread. It looks like they’ll be testing roughly 700-800 people, a very small sample, but it’ll give them an idea of what they’re facing in the community at large.

In the meantime, the state made new changes and announcements again this week. In the next couple weeks, the few businesses that couldn’t open before can now open up. Most businesses can have 50% capacity, and restaurants are moving up to 75%. I believe all capacity limits have been removed from essential businesses including grocery stores (?), and from salons and beauty care businesses as long as they keep up social distancing rules. Groups outside the home are now allowed to congregate again with a max of ten people to a group.

This Week at Home
Life seems to be moving almost back to normal here. Jason is officially on work-from-home until at least September, but that’s not all that different from normal given the nature of his job. The local grocery store has given up making masks mandatory for customers because of the small percentage of selfish assholes that continue to make trouble. People are using park playground equipment despite signs, caution tape, and other barriers erected to prevent use and a city order of closure. Morrigan interviewed for and got a job at Taco Bell that he’ll begin on Monday. My friend Stephanie came over to hang out a few hours, inside the house rather than out in the yard. I’ve scheduled some appointments next week that aren’t strictly necessary. Everyone is still taking all the precautions, but we’re personally starting to loosen up our home’s restrictions a bit.

Now that it has been 12 weeks of quarantine, the daily COVID briefings from the city leadership are moving to twice-weekly updates. I’m also going to be moving from weekly posts to every few weeks unless things get crazy again.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
The world doesn’t feel like a very good place right now. It’s been hard to see that many bright spots, but I’m trying:

  • lemonade cold brew, my new favorite drink that I just discovered this week
  • finishing Couch to 5K!
  • Zoom party for my nephew’s first birthday
  • Zoom party for Ambrose’s graduation
  • joining and being welcomed wholeheartedly into a slow runner’s community
  • making a new PR mile time on level ground (as opposed to mostly downhill) on Global Running Day (pic above)
  • hanging out with Stephanie (and watching all our cats run to her when she arrived because they’ve really missed her, especially Jojo)
  • a funky giant mushroom in our yard – I’m always so tickled by these things

Take care of yourselves, everyone.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , | 7 Comments

Wellness Wednesday – Two Miles

Posted on June 3, 2020 by Thistle

When I made my goals for 2020, the biggest was focused on running. I wanted to really commit to running this year the way I did back in 2011-2013. Back then, I completed Couch to 5K in my living room – it was a big living room, with lots of space to run circles – and then transitioned outside. It took about 15 months to get to where I could run a full 5K, which I finally did at the end of March 2012. My plan for 2020 was to follow the same process: C25K indoors, then outdoors, then beyond (since I’ll probably never run an actual 5K in the 30-min run time given at the end of the program). And then instead, on January 1st, Jason and I went down to a nearby park and completed Day 1 of C25K.

(Day 1)

The program is eight weeks long, but I didn’t complete it in eight weeks. Not even close. This is not due to repeating weeks or anything. Mostly it’s due to two factors: 1) weather preventing me from using the specific park where I completed these runs, and 2) my lack of focus when it comes to exercise. I love too many kinds of fitness, and I’m happy to flit around from hiking to yoga to running to dancing to strength training. Sometimes it got hard to fit regular running in when I was doing so many other things! Additionally, I did some running outside of the C25K workouts, including several 5Ks, interval training, speed work, and indoor runs while I watched craptastic TV.

In the end, though, I got it done. May 30th – 33:22 min nonstop run – two miles total. Not a 5K. Not fast. But the longest nonstop run in both time and distance that I’ve done since 2014. I did the entire program without first doing it indoors. Plus, I could have easily continued running for another mile on that last day, a full 5K, if weather and circumstances hadn’t dictated otherwise. I’m more than 50 lbs heavier than I was when I first ran a nonstop 5K, and being able to run this whole thing while carrying so much extra weight makes the accomplishment feel that much greater.

(last day!)

Jason completed that first day with me back on Jan 1st. He completed the last day with me on May 30th. The rest of those runs I did alone, as work/time/schedule/etc conflicts made it impossible to train together. (Plus, Jason doesn’t really like exercise or running, and he can walk at the same pace I run…) It has been wonderful to have someone support me throughout this process.

I’m not sure what’s next. It’s summer now, the days of misery, and I’m not going to be able to do a lot of outdoor running over the next three to four months. Really wish I had a treadmill (or access to one) now, but I guess we’ll see how it goes. Who knows? Maybe even if I don’t go out for long runs, I’ll mix up my walks with some run intervals. Maybe my next goal will be to run in my neighborhood instead of at the park, an intimidating prospect due to body image issues. But something I can learn to be comfortable with, if I try hard.

Things I learned over the last five months of Couch to 5K:

  • it’s a lot easier to jump from five mins to twenty mins nonstop running if you’re not pushing for speed
  • pushing for speed generally feels much worse than staying at a steady pace for my body, even if that’s super slow
  • “max heart rate” actually means something now that I’m over 40…
  • stretching immediately after a run is more effective and feels so much better than waiting until I get home
  • Buff makes awesome masks that I can still breathe in while running, when necessary
  • I don’t like virtual 5Ks and I really miss in-person events
  • people are really kind when I post pictures and slow pace/times on public social media, and not once have I had someone say something negative to me about running slowly or my obese body
  • there are some really good social communities out there for slow runners that are so welcoming and open and accepting!
  • it’s good to try out new brands of shoes (I fell in love with Hoka One One after using Saucony for years)
  • I don’t actually need size 8.5 to 9 running shoes. If properly fitted, I fit into my normal size 7.5 to 8 – as long as I get shoes specifically meant for wider feet! (Also, getting fit by the Fit ID 3D scanner was far more accurate and efficient than I expected! Thanks, Fleet Feet!)

Today is Global Running Day. It’s burning up outside and it has rained a lot which means muddy trails and high humidity (as of 6:40am, 73 degrees with 97% humidity, ugh…). Still, I plan** to go out and run. I’m going to go to my favorite trails and run a route that I used to run back in 2011 to 2014, exactly one mile. Maybe I’ll choose to go longer once I’m done. But I know I can run that mile. I know my body can handle this. I’ve learned that my body can handle ANYTHING.

**unless it actually starts storming before I can, which is a possibility. In that case, I’ll just have to do my running inside and postpone this route-run until another morning.

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May 2020 in Review

Posted on June 1, 2020 by Thistle

(Zoom graduation!)

As my long-time followers will already know, May is always a tough month for me between the weather getting insanely hot and my personal PTSD issues. It was particularly tough this month as quarantine stretched into its third month, with all five of us cooped up day in and day out in this house. The kids have been at home daily for longer than the average summer break, and summer break has just begun. Everyone is stepping on each other’s nerves and struggling a bit with the new reality. Thankfully, we got through school okay – a question, as at one point Ambrose was set to fail several classes because he hates online school, and some of those classes were necessary for him to graduate. Whew! Now we just need to make it until August, when hopefully everyone will get to return to school like normal.

Reading and Watching
I’m still majorly in a book slump. I did manage two books this month, both by the same author: The Sun Down Motel and Broken Girls by Simone St James. They hit on the creepy/paranormal streak I’ve been on for months, so they were perfect for me right now. In TV/movies, my family watched Onward (pretty good) and Wendy (interesting with an ending I disliked), and I binged-watched Upload, a show I found fascinating (and ended on a MAJOR cliffhanger!).

Goals
Just like in the last few months, these are mostly on hold due to covid and quarantine protocols. We did make some good progress on our financial goals, though. Not only have we been able to make a few extra payments into our consolidation loan (paid it down by almost a quarter of the total), we decided to borrow from our 401K to pay it off completely. This will decrease our bi-weekly paycheck by about the same amount as our minimum payment to the consolidation loan, but it’ll get paid off much quicker and with only a 4% interest rate as compared to an 11% rate. We’re also now looking to refinance our cars, which have insane interest rates that should/could be much lower. And while quarantine is hard on us mentally, it has been really good for finances – less impromptu work lunches out, far less gas costs and mileage on the cars, less eating out generally, less “fun spending” like movies. Jason’s team has been told they’re work-from-home until September minimum, so we plan to make good use of the savings to pay off as much debt as possible.

I also finished Couch to 5K this month, which was a pretty big accomplishment!! I’ll talk about this a bit more in a future post.

Health
As mentioned above, this is the worst time of year for me between PTSD triggers, school ending, and the rising heat. I have not coped the best this May, though I’m proud to say that my insistence on substituting iced coffee for wine over the last six months has paid off, and my triggered anxiety no longer made me long to lull the feeling with alcohol. Yeah, I drink way too much iced coffee, but that’s a far better habit to have.

I didn’t do as much running as I wanted in May, mostly due to insanely hot/humid mornings and the massive amounts of rain/flooding this month. Pre-quarantine, I used to run around my living room on foul-weather days, but with everyone home, I can really only do that in my bedroom, and the small space makes that difficult. I really need to transition to indoor exercise generally for the space of the next few months, and I’m finding that hard. I like walking and running and hiking outdoors.

So things didn’t go quite as well as I’d have liked them to in May. I’d planned to track calories, but only managed to do so about 2/3rds of the time. I only managed 20 days of exercise, for a total of just under 13 hours. My mileage was pitiful – only 24 miles – but that’s what happens when you have to hide from the temps. (I need a treadmill!) I certainly did a lot more strength training this month than in previous months, thanks to reintroducing yoga as well as taking up boxing and some attempts at calisthenics. But generally, I’m just “holding steady” (literally weighed in the same to the ounce from 1st to 1st) and trying to take care of my mental health more than my physical health as quarantine approaches its 100th day in June.

Highlights of May
May is one of those months where it’s often hard to see the positive purely because I’m stuck in my own head. I tend to withdraw from the world more than I should, and see too little around me. I have to make a concerted effort to look at the positives. My daily photo project in 2020 is helping – I’m able to look back on images, and I’m making more effort to notice things on an everyday basis – so here is what I saw as highlights this month.

  • discovering Rae Carson has another book released in the Girl of Fire and Thorns world
  • my new Everpillow and Baloo weighted blanket
  • a much-needed chiropractor visit
  • xeriscaping the first part of my front yard
  • yard meetups with various friends and family
  • donating blood
  • fire pit nights with the family
  • a lovely Mother’s Day weekend
  • Morrigan got a new iphone SE so he joined Harry Potter Wizards Unite!
  • Ambrose and Laurence finished their AP tests and the rest of school, so school is 100% done until August!
  • all the various Zoom parties for graduations, birthdays, and weddings
  • boxing!!
  • binge-listening to the RLGS Patreon backlog
  • discovering lemonade cold brew
  • finishing C25K with Jason by my side

Coming up in June
My hiking group is reopening hikes in June, limited to five people each with masks and social distancing required. I’m sooooooo grateful for that. Even though it’s a bit of a risk, I need this so much for my mental and physical health. Our libraries will begin to open for curbside pickup in mid-June, which also makes me so happy. This book slump has gone on too long, and I know the libraries can help with this! One day, I’d really like to begin volunteering there again since I was unable to do so as planned re: covid. Other than that, we’re not planning much. Still hunkering down and trying to stay safe as the world goes mad around us!

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Sunday Coffee – Hail the Graduate

Posted on May 31, 2020 by Thistle

Fun little family history: My mom was born in 1957, and she graduated high school in 1975. I was born in 1979, and graduated high school in 1997. My middle son, Ambrose, was born in 2002, and he’s graduating in 2020. Ironically, there’s a good chance that he won’t carry on the tradition. He’s aromantic and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and definitely doesn’t want to have children. But I still think it’s a fun little accidental “tradition” in my family!

Class of 2020, though, eh? What a year to graduate! But all things considered, if one of my three children had to graduate in a year where they didn’t get to see their friends to say goodbye, they had no graduation ceremony, and the last few months of the school year were chaotic, Ambrose is definitely the best option. He has good relationships with his in-person friends online (Discord! Minecraft servers! Tik Tok! Text chat groups!) and doesn’t feel the need to be in personal contact with them. Prom, summa awards, senior awards, etc didn’t matter to him. He was never interested in the graduation ceremony and wanted to skip it anyway. In fact, the only thing that has bothered him about any of this was missing the last few months of the ping pong club he accidentally started** and having to do online school (which he hates).

These last few months of lackadaisical learning and not-really-turning-in-assignments notwithstanding, Ambrose is graduating as a summa student and is planning to go to one of the local community colleges that have a baking associates degree. As parents, Jason and I are trying to adapt to the lack of finality that usually comes with a graduating senior’s various ceremonies. Today we’re hosting a Zoom graduation party for him, where Jason insists we play too-many-repetitions of Pomp and Circumstance while Ambrose is forced to wear the horrid graduation gown for the camera. Ha! Last weekend, we took him down to the school to get a few grad-photos. We let him choose how quirky they would be, so in addition to his cap and gown and summa cord, he’s wearing flip-flops and his gold cloak. Because Ambrose.

It’s been a weird year. But regardless, we’re very proud of Ambrose and all he’s done in his school career – especially outside the traditional academic achievements. He’s saved all his earned and gifted money for years instead of spending it, learning how to budget for the future and items he particularly wants. He started clubs and gathered groups of friends who would be considered unpopular outsiders in most schools, and made them notorious and popular in unconventional ways. He has become a district-wide legend as “that kid who wears the cloaks,” and people spot him and point him out at UIL, sports events, etc. Ambrose has participated in UIL for various math and science categories for most of high school, and he was nominated this last year for homecoming and prom king. He’s kind to his classmates, has kept a sense of individuality that often gets dulled in a public school setting, reports bullies (of him or others) without hesitation, and been part of many clubs/groups from National Art Honor Society to German Club. And of course, he probably knows more about Star Wars than anyone I’ve never known, down to minutia of individual TV series and books, and editing Wookipedia articles. Heh.

Ambrose is an awesome kid. He’s got the best sense of humor of anyone I know, often in subtle ways that take a moment to register. He’s confident, willing to take risks, and ready to be out in the world on his own, in his own weird way. He’s awesome.

Congrats to you, Ambrose. Class of 2020 has a really good one in you.

**At the beginning of his senior year, Ambrose texted a code to Remind to join one of his classes, but got one number wrong in the code. He accidentally joined a ping pong club at some other school, and he thought it was so funny, he started telling people that he was in the ping pong club. It was a joke at first, but it turned out that his physics teacher loved ping pong. Ambrose, his close friends (known as the “sauce squad”), and this teacher began the club, shoving together science lab tables as ping pong tables. Over the months, the ping pong club grew to have dozens of members, and would often go on until after 7pm on Wednesdays as they had tournaments. By the time spring break came around and quarantine ended, they were talking about having to split tournaments due to too many participants. Ping pong became one of Ambrose’s favorite things in the world, and in typical Ambrose fashion, it didn’t matter how good he was. He just enjoyed it for the fun.

*****
Note: This post was pre-drafted before the current protests began. My heart is so heavy right now, and I know that it’s not even the slightest fraction of what someone without my privileges goes through on a daily basis. Nothing in our country is okay right now. I don’t talk very often about politics on this blog, but I couldn’t not address this. I stand as an ally in every way I can – vocally, financially, and with a determination to learn more so that I can root out any blindness or bias in myself. My heart is heavy for the families of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and the countless others who have been attacked and/or lost their lives due to the color of their skin.

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Quarantine Diaries – Week 11

Posted on May 29, 2020 by Thistle

It has been a whirlwind week, with the end of school, Morrigan applying for summer jobs (in this environment – eek), lots of virtual parties, and tons of insane weather. Summer is here, whether we like it or not (not, in the case of south Texas – 100+ degrees is NOT FUN, and we’ve already had those days earlier than normal). And people are pretending that the virus is gone. We’re about to enter some very dark times. You know this tarot card that says everything is fine? Everything is not fine. Not in the world, not in the country, not with this virus, not at home. Everything is not fine.

Note:  If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

This Week in Numbers
We ended last week with 2371 cases and 64 deaths. This week continued not only with another large jump in our numbers, but a continuation of the steady increase in hospitalizations we’ve had all month. Hospitalization numbers can’t be attributed to more testing or asymptomatic folks, so the steady increase all month is a worrisome sign (one that the city officials also agree is worrisome). By Wednesday, we had the highest number of hospitalized folks we’ve had so far, and that went even higher yesterday. Sigh.

  • Friday, May 22nd: 2392, 66 deaths
  • Saturday, May 23rd: 2418, 66 deaths
  • Sunday, May 24th: 2442, 69 deaths
  • Monday, May 25th: no data – holiday for city officials
  • Tuesday, May 26th: 2480, 69 deaths
  • Wednesday, May 27th: 2525, 70 deaths
  • Thursday, May 28th: 2583, 71 deaths

So that puts us at a total of 212 cases this week, and a total of 7 deaths. It’s a slight drop in case numbers, but a peak in hospital cases, and the largest weekly death total we’ve had except for that first nursing home outbreak.

This Week in San Antonio
In the same trend that’s been happening for all of May, the state governor decided that we don’t need to wait on real data to continue opening things up. He removed all air travel quarantine restrictions that have been in place for months. He also announced reopening of water parks (indoor and outdoor), driver’s ed programs, and food-court dining areas. Some of those reopened businesses – like driver’s ed programs – make social distancing impossible, and there’s still no mask requirement, just a “suggestion.” Basically, there is very little that isn’t openable here in Texas – pretty much arts concert halls and arcades and maybe thrift stores? I’m not even sure about the last one. And this comes amid giant outbreaks in certain parts of Texas (like the meat-packing plants in the panhandle) and the steady rise over the last month of hospitalizations in metro areas across the state, not just San Antonio.

(my meagre attempt to help the economy)

Unfortunately, the situation is being compounded by the high levels of unemployment – reports indicated that we went from 4% in March to 14% in April – and by the state blocking efforts by our local officials to continue to provide housing guarantee to renters (evictions can resume in June, the state says). Things are becoming overtly politicized here, as far as an idiotic county politician announcing this week that COVID19 is a democratic hoax to discredit Trump, and telling people that to be republican is to take off your masks and refuse to use social distancing. Sigh. She’s not the first person to say all this of course, but it still makes me so angry.

Can I just take a moment here to address the rational side of human beings, regardless of your political leanings? Please, stop listening to politicians of all parties. Please, stop listening to the media regardless of whether you lean left or right. Find someone you know and trust who works in the medical industry: a doctor, a nurse, a janitor, a secretary in a clinic, a security guard in a nursing home; it doesn’t matter – just a person in close contact to medical facilities that are dealing with COVID19 on a daily basis. Talk to that person, talk to several people, and learn the truth of the seriousness of this virus. Get their recommendations and follow them, NOT politicians or media pundits. Let’s take the politics out of this discussion. Please.

Other noteworthy news from this week: We’re starting to see MIS-C show up in kids who have been exposed to COVID19, regardless of whether or not they actually contracted COVID19. // There have been reports of changes in rat behavior in urban areas due to limitations on the amount of garbage restaurants can throw out – the rats have taken to cannibalism and eating their young, as well as aggressive behavior toward humans, in their search for food. // Local restaurants have begun putting meat surcharges on meals due to virus-related meat shortages, and the cost of beef has tripled in stores.

On a personal note, I wanted to have a little rant against our country judge, who participates in the daily news briefs regarding COVID. The man is old and a bit out of date with modern data, and keeps saying stupid stuff like we don’t know how asymptomatic folks spread the virus (we do!). At least once a week he goes on a rant where he fat-shames people and blames those with underlying metabolic health conditions for their situation. He genuinely believes that overweight and obese people are just lazy and negligent of their health, and says this virus – and the fact that it’s worse for people with underlying conditions – should be a wake-up call for those of us who “refuse” to take care of our health. It makes me want to punch someone (aka him), especially when he also discusses where he eats out every single day as his contribution to the economy. How is THAT taking care of his health? The man is lucky enough to have good genes, while some of us work our butts off at eating right and exercising a lot and STILL suffer from obesity and metabolic disorders. Ugh.

This Week at Home
School officially ended yesterday, though my boys finished last week with the last of their AP tests. Thankfully, neither of them had items at the school to get from lockers and such. They did have to do a book drop-off for textbooks and library books, and Laurence needed to pick up his yearbook. Some other student who clearly wasn’t paying attention got in line right behind us at the school, not observing the six-foot rule. Laurence turned around, surprised to see her right behind him, and stared at her until she realized and backed away. He wasn’t intending this, he was just surprised, but it made me laugh. We also took solo graduation photos of Ambrose this week, and will be having a Zoom grad party for him on Sunday.

Speaking of Zoom parties, we had quite a few of them this week. My sister-in-law’s boyfriend just got his bachelor’s degree, and we had a Zoom party for him. On the weekend, Jason and I attended a live-streamed wedding for one of his co-workers. In a couple days, we’ll have a Zoom birthday party for my nephew’s first birthday.

Not all has been virtual, though – I got to meet up with my dad, stepmom, and sister this week at their house (yard!) over the weekend, and then my mom and stepdad came over on Wednesday to have a yard hangout here. It’s the first time I’ve seen my mom since January! I’m glad there were enough breaks in the storms we had this week (hail, tornado over our house…) that we could arrange that meetup!

(my awful attempt to get a pic of all of us at once!)

Sadly, my mom did relay a bit of news that I find disturbing. First: My aunt is re-opening her private daycare/school in June, and even though the state has mandated that school employees wear masks, she’s already told the parents enrolling their kids that she and my mom (her other teacher) will not be wearing them under any circumstances. OMFG I want to scream. Second, my mom declared this week that she and my stepdad would not be getting a COVID vaccine for a few years. They’ll let “other people” be guinea pigs for it. Shouldn’t surprise me – she’s anti flu vaccine too. Oh, my family…

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
Many of my happy things this week were already discussed above (Zoom parties, yard hang-outs, grad photos, etc). Here are some other nice things from the week:

  • given that my hiking group is setting up tiny hikes again in June, I ordered two more Buff face masks because they are so much better than traditional masks for exercise!
  • making fun sketch/drawn goals for the summer break
  • awesome deals at Torrid! (Even better, discovering that the dress I bought has POCKETS!!)
  • getting my boxing area set up (thank you Jason!) and feeling like a badass when I throw punches
  • having safe spaces to shelter –> when the tornado rolled over us, plus not getting any damage to the house/yard during the tornado or hail storms
  • playing Scattergories with the boys using all-new-made-up categories
  • live-streamed yoga practice (Yoga With Adriene)
  • uptick in Wowbrary items through the library system

How are the rest of y’all holding up? It’s been a bad week throughout the US (both with the virus and beyond it), and I hope people are okay. Sending y’all love and hugs.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , | 4 Comments