Quarantine Diaries – Week 15

Posted on June 26, 2020 by Thistle

We have officially passed the 100th day since COVID19 came to the San Antonio community (March 13th). In the beginning, we did well. Recently, not so much. Sigh.

It’s been a particularly difficult week for me personally, as I’ll discuss below in my “this week at home” section. Mostly, this involves having to go back into full(ish) lockdown measures for safety’s sake, even as too many folks in the city go around as if covid doesn’t exist.

Again: If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

This week in numbers
Another record-breaking week. As expected. We started out with 5550 cases and 92 deaths, and continued the trend of exponentially increased numbers:

  • Friday, June 19th: 5962, 96 deaths (+412)
  • Saturday, June 20th: 6344, 96 deaths (+382)
  • Sunday, June 21st: 6882, 97 deaths (+538) – a new daily record high
  • Monday, June 22nd: 7156, 97 deaths (+274)
  • Tuesday, June 23rd: 7467, 100 deaths (+311)
  • Wednesday, June 24th: 7814, 104 deaths (+347)
  • Thursday, June 25th: 8452, 104 deaths (+638) – now this is a new daily record high

So that gives us 2902 new cases this week – daily average now 415 – with 12 new deaths. Hospitals were up to 628 patients last night (a month ago, they were below 90), while 202 are in ICU and 94 are on ventilators (more than our previous total hospital admissions). It is bad, bad, bad.

Keep in mind this is one county – not a full state (Texas is getting about 5500 cases daily now, and has far more total cases as a state than most countries in the world) and not even a fraction of the US as a whole. One county/city. It’s BAD. So bad, in fact, that one of our health authorities came straight out and said we’re currently running on the worst-case-scenario formerly predicted by statistics models back in March. The one that predicts we’ll have over 100k cases in SA by the end of August.

This week in San Antonio
We were really doing so well compared to other urban areas around the country. We really were. But at the beginning of this week, we were named 4th highest hot spot in the US, and that moved to 3rd highest by Wednesday. Other cities around TX are actually putting San Antonio up as a health travel warning. It’s not just us – Austin, Dallas, and Houston are doing just as badly – but again, our local officials’ hands are virtually tied. The governor came out this week and scolded Texas. Bad Texans! We shouldn’t have high numbers! If we don’t get better, he’ll have to do something about this! (While refusing to do something now, while refusing to mandate masks, ironically, because “Texas is too big to have a statewide order because each area is unique in their situation,” though each area isn’t allowed to mandate them either…) The most he’s doing is yanking alcohol permits from bars for 30 days if they are reported for violations. Oh, and he says we’re “pausing” the reopening of Texas, even though he’s already opened ALL businesses and there’s nothing left to pause! Literally, that’s it. Great leadership!

No one should be surprised. Hell, Prump decided to defund Texas’ covid tests this week (along with other hotbed states) because the high numbers are making him look bad. This is REALLY not the time to have a narcissistic a-hole who doesn’t care about lives in charge. But there you go. He really thinks less testing will “improve” the situation, or at least, will improve his “ratings.” Meanwhile, we have cases breaking out all over: the blood bank, food bank, dozens of HEB employees (70 in June alone so far), and who knows about businesses that refuse to report! Seriously, I read some stats this week on our situation: a quarter of all our covid deaths have been in the last two weeks alone, and in the same time period, hospitalizations have gone up 600%!

So we do what we can. The governor allowed one tiny new privilege to local communities: the ability to limit gatherings to 100 people. Of course, this restriction has so many exemptions (churches, amusement parks, pools, childcare, camps, sports, zoos, rodeos, carnivals, etc etc) that the ONLY things I believe that are ACTUALLY restricted are 5Ks/etc and protests. Go figure. (Btw, amusement parks actually opened here this week, claiming they had a lot of “safety measures” in place…but really, do you think they’re going to sanitize rides between each go, while hundreds of people wait packed in lines, most of them not wearing masks? No thank you!!) And of course, the new masks-in-businesses order went through this week. This has led to more violence, including the county judge (who initially went up against the governor re: masks) being assaulted at a local Lowes when he tried to intervene between a belligerent maskless customer and the employee being bullied. (The attacker turned himself in a day later and was only given a misdemeanor charge at the judge’s request.)

Last but not least, we have a unique circumstance arriving in San Antonio this week. Every year, the Saharan dust storms travel across the ocean and reach the Gulf shores. For several weeks, the air quality goes down sharply, and people are subjected to all sorts of breathing problems. We’ve already been warned that the Saharan dust can cause symptoms similar to those of covid, but there’s really no way to tell exactly what’s the source of your symptoms without a test. That’s going to put even more strain on a testing system that’s already booked a week in advance and which the Prumpster has now defunded… Plus, now we hear that the dust is thicker than has ever been recorded. Because 2020, right?

This week at home
I didn’t know, when I went on a 3-mile rainy hike with a group of four other ladies on Friday, that it would be my last group hike. I had six more scheduled for the last 1.5 weeks of June. But we all discussed the situation in town here, and decided not to schedule any new hikes in July. And then decided a day later to cancel the rest for June, too. The previous two weeks of hiking had been marvelous and a great way to re-connect with people again. And now, because people are acting like babies here (refusing masks, not social distancing, hosting big gatherings, etc), we’ve lost this physical and mental lifeline once again.

This has compounded on me personally because my exercise is being impacted in so many other ways. It’s now too hot to run outdoors morning or evening, and gyms are one of the worst spots for covid-spread, so Laurence and I have stopped going there, too. It’s making my anxiety worse, and my mental health is low this week. It doesn’t help that Morrigan is out there working in fast food 40 hours a week, and I have no idea how well he’s scrubbing up when he gets home at 2:30 in the morning. He’s in that age where he doesn’t really take this as seriously as he should, and of course there are four others in this house that may be affected. And now we’ve heard that there’s a possibility that Ambrose’s chosen community college may not open to students this fall. He’s already said that if that’s the case, he’s not going to do online school, but he’ll take a gap year instead. Online school is pretty much his worst nightmare. And since he didn’t get a job when Morrigan did, we’re reluctant to send him out to work, doubling our potential exposure rate. It’s a mess, and I’m not coping terribly well this week.

To complicate and worsen it all, Morrigan found out that his scholarship is not being renewed for next semester because he slagged off in his classes for the last few months. (I’ve so far resisted the urge to say, “I told you so.”) But because he has the luck of the gods and always has, he has the option to change his worse grades to pass/fail this semester because of the covid/online issue, and after that, his improved GPA will reinstate his scholarship. I just hope that he actually learns his lesson this time!! Also, while Ash’s energy and weight is up a bit, I noticed a few days back that his tongue has gone yellowish, indicating that he’s getting jaundiced again. He’s probably not drinking enough and will need another IV or subcutaneous fluids. Poor baby. It’s just been a mess here at home this week.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
I need these more than ever right now:

  • hiking in the rain! (Even if it was my last group hike for awhile)
  • awesome new outfit from Torrid, plus some new exercise tanks and capris from Lane Bryant and Superfit Hero
  • signing up for a year of personal coaching through Girls Gone Strong
  • cats on catnip (ha!)
  • one of the nearby Red Robin restaurants reopened for curbside pickup – they’d been closed since quarantine began, even after allowed to open, and I’ve been craving their fries so badly!
  • Jason and I went on a hike Wednesday evening, and it was a weird one where not a single person besides us were wearing masks, and we saw a woman jogging in shorts and a regular (frilly, lacy, sparkly) bra; a man with one hand wrapped up so much it was larger than a boxing glove; a man using a golf club as a walking stick; and a wild vole, which I didn’t even know we had in Texas!
  • the trailer is out for the new season of Unsolved Mysteries coming in July!

How are all of you? Tell me good news, if you have it!

Posted in Personal | Tagged , | 8 Comments

Wellness Wednesday – First Steps

Posted on June 24, 2020 by Thistle

There have been several big changes to my life this week. Covid has spiked so badly here that my hiking group has canceled the remaining June hikes and decided not to schedule any for July. That’s a big part of my exercise and social life extinguished. Furthermore, the covid spike means that it’s not safe to go to the gym anymore, so Laurence and I have quit going for the time being. That removes the possibility of treadmill runs, which while I disliked them were the only kind of running option I still had left. The weather is BAD here, with 80-degree-with-95-%-humidity sunrises and 90-degree-with-over-100-heat-indexes sunsets. So any running that doesn’t involve me doing mini-laps around my bedroom is out. Lastly, my coffee addiction has become bad enough that I can’t ignore it any longer.

(failed evening run)

It has understandably been a hard week, but I refuse to let 2020 get to me. Despite everything, it has been a good year, the best year I’ve had since before my family’s move to Boston in mid-2014. I’m taking mental health days when needed, and letting myself grieve, nap, shout at folks in my head about not wearing masks, worry, stay up too late looking at news, etc. But I also refuse to let those mental health days morph into weeks and months, not when I have the energy, positivity, and desire to channel my energy into something different.

So: running is out, hiking with my group is out, the gym is out, and coffee has entered a danger zone. It’s time for change. It’s time for First Steps.

(hiking together pre-covid)

Hiking
My friend Stephanie has finished moving into her new house, and wants to get back into doing some exercise on a regular basis. Tonight, we’re going to hike together, masks on. I hope we can do this a few times a week, or conversely, that I can buddy up with one or two of my other fellow hiker friends and do this a few times a week. If I have a relatively small set of people in my support-bubble of sorts, and we keep masks on, we should be okay. Furthermore, I can hike alone. There’s really very few locations that I feel safe hiking alone, so I’ll stick to them, but that’s okay. Something is better than nothing, and will make the larger group hikes sweeter when we can return to them.

Social
Well, if my group hikes are out again for the foreseeable future, I need a new way to socialize. Yesterday, I decided to call out to folks to see if they’d be interested in a virtual Zoom-based book club. I’ve run book clubs in the past, and I’ve wanted to start another one for years. A half-dozen folks responded, and I hope I can get us all together for this. Eventually we can move to in-person meetings, but Zoom will do for now!

Coffee
I’ve put this issue off too long. I know that coffee affects me, even before I had a major addiction to it. Over the years, I’ve seen time and time again that cutting coffee down to once a day often led to the ability to lose weight slowly. Since my rapid weight gain only started around the time that I began to drink coffee more regularly (and often twice-daily), and nothing else I’ve tried for the last six years has helped, I have a strong suspicion that coffee is the key thing holding me back. Starting this morning, I’ve switched back to hot coffee in the morning. I prefer iced coffee. I prefer it so much that I was drinking three times the amount of hot coffee I used to drink. I prefer it so much that I used it as a substitute for wine to soothe anxiety when I had PTSD triggers. I have no regrets about this last bit, but I need to move iced coffee back to the realm of an occasional anxiety relief rather than a three-to-four-times daily habit. This is the first step, with the goal of eventually cutting coffee altogether.

Girls Gone Strong
Other than the coffee situation, I’ve done EVERYTHING a person could possibly do over the last six years to attempt to get my body to budge and let go of weight. Eaten less, eaten more, giving up sugar, cutting carbs, cutting fat, cutting animal products, exercising more, exercising less, exercising differently, rebalancing hormones with the help of my doctors, dealing with mental health, tracking calories religiously, eating intuitively, etc etc. My long-time followers will know just how dedicated I am to my body and its wellness. A decade ago, after my eleven-year-long illness was finally diagnosed and cured, I spent 3.5 years losing 100 lbs (pic below), and then kept that weight off for a 1.5 years without any problem at all. I’m not saying it was easy – I lose weight very slowly, due to PCOS – but I’m a determined person and when I put my mind to something, I do it.

But then I gained 80 lbs in about 15 months with almost no changes in my habits. The two changes that I can pinpoint were that I began drinking wine a couple times a week, and I began to drink coffee regularly (often twice a day). All other changes from when I began to regain weight have since been dealt with and negated, but still I can’t lose weight. Even the alcohol thing has been nixed. I’ve had maybe a half-dozen glasses of wine since last June, and none for months now because I don’t like how it affects my body longterm. And who knows? Maybe now that I’m FINALLY addressing the coffee issue, things will improve. But it’s equally possible that I just need help, which is where Girls Gone Strong comes in.

(one day my GGS shirt will fit again!)

I’ve followed Molly Galbraith from GGS for seven years now, and I love their brand of women-helping-women. Twice a year, they open slots for personal training, a year-long intensive course in fitness, nutrition, mindset, and more. It’s expensive. Honestly WAY more money than I ever wanted to pay for this kind of thing. But I’ve done just about all I can on my own, and with running and group hikes nixed, Jason and I discussed the situation and decided that I should take the plunge. I’ve signed up, and the program starts Sunday. I’m nervous and excited in one. It’s another first step toward (hopefully) a healthier future.

Posted in Wellness | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Addiction

Posted on June 21, 2020 by Thistle

Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee.

I could end the post that way, but I won’t. Ha!

So…um…I made a mistake. Earlier this year, I talked about the experiments I was doing with coffee to see what, if anything, might be affecting my inflammation issues and inability to lose weight. Since I began drinking coffee more regularly around the time I began mysteriously gaining, it makes a lot of sense to test this. But it could have been a lot of things: the caffeine, the coffee itself, the acidity in heated coffee, etc. I decided to start by testing the last of these, and switched over to iced coffee in the morning. This was my mistake.

Prior to the switch, I drank a single cup of coffee in the morning, and then either a second cup or a tumbler of iced coffee around 2pm in the afternoon. But since switching, I drink TWO tumblers of iced coffee in the morning, and another in the afternoon, sometimes two… It’s NOT okay. And for the first time, coffee has become a serious addiction. I didn’t used to have a problem cutting back to a single cup in the morning and none the rest of the day. I liked the ritual of the coffee more than the taste or caffeine. But my body seems to have transitioned into a real caffeine addiction now that I’ve gone iced. I don’t know if the levels are higher or if it’s just the quantities I’m drinking or both. What I DO know is that sometimes if I don’t drink a cup in the afternoon, I end up with migraines in the middle of the night. Sigh.

So now I begin the work of cutting back. The subtraction of heat/acidity has made no difference to my weight/inflammation, and now I need to try eliminating coffee and caffeine altogether. Unfortunately, I first have to work to break the addiction. Aaaaand I keep putting that off, because addiction. Heh.

Wish me luck. The goal is to transition over the next couple of months. Slowly. But steadily. Hold me to it.

Posted in Wellness | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Quarantine Diaries – Week 14

Posted on June 19, 2020 by Thistle

It’s been a Week, y’all.

This might even apply to me at this point (sigh): If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

This week in numbers
We began the week at 3840 cases after a record high of 822 new cases in Week 13. We’ve also seen 82 deaths so far here in San Antonio. This week:

  • Friday, June 12th: 4012, 84 deaths (+172)
  • Saturday, June 13th: 4242, 88 deaths (+230)
  • Sunday, June 14th: 4393, 88 deaths (+151)
  • Monday, June 15th: 4437, 89 deaths (+44)
  • Tuesday, June 16th: 4876, 89 deaths (+439) !!!!!
  • Wednesday, June 17th:5142, 90 deaths (+266)
  • Thursday, June 18th: 5550, 92 deaths (+408)

Oh jeez. We had 1710 total new cases this week – that’s more than double our record number of cases last week (822), which was nearly double the previous record (435 – less than one DAY this week!) – and 10 new deaths. Literally the last 2.5 weeks of our spike has been a full HALF the number of our total cases since March 13th. Sigh.

And it gets worse. Our hospitalizations are up to 267 (formerly stable around 80), with a doubling in ICU and ventilator cases. The numbers are going up daily. Our positivity rate is up to 10% of tests, and our case doubling rate is dropping fast. All REALLY bad signs.

This week in San Antonio
As you can see, our city is in crisis. Things are getting so much worse. Every day I see more and more news stories about businesses shutting down due to outbreaks among their employees, and especially stories about various HEB employees around the city getting sick. HEB is our main grocery here, and they have been INCREDIBLE from the very beginning of this pandemic. They already had protocols in place from years back, and within days of our first case, they had their employees protected by masks, gloves, and plastic screens, plus markers on the floor for social distancing and limits on products that were being hoarded. I mentioned two weeks ago that the store has finally given up making masks mandatory for customers because of the trouble so many folks were causing (mostly white male folks, I’ll add). Far too many people have stopped wearing masks there, and as a result, the number of cases among HEB employees have gone from one every now and then to at least a dozen per week (33 of 57 local stores with at least one case as of 6/15, almost all of them in the last two weeks!). It’s shocking how inconsiderate people can be!!

(the last two weeks makes the rest of our pandemic look insignificant!)

So with all this spike stuff going on, there’s been a flurry of mask-related politics happening here. First, our county judge begged the governor to allow cities the freedom to make masks mandatory. The governor responded that he believes in “individual responsibility” – aka “no.” Texas (not just SA) spent another few days with record-breaking numbers of new cases, hospitalizations, and daily deaths, at which point the San Antonio mayor, along with eight other mayors around TX, again wrote to the governor asking him to let us mandate locally. Response was another big fat NO. In fact, on Tuesday, the governor came out and told the state that we shouldn’t worry about covid despite this spike because the situation is “under control” and there is “abundant hospital capacity” to treat us as we get dangerously ill.

At this point, our county judge decided to exploit a loophole in the governor’s mandate, and put through an emergency order requiring all businesses in our county to require masks for customers. If you want to stay open, you must require masks, within five days of the order. HEB immediately complied – I think they were relieved to have something legal on their side – and then we just waited for the governor’s response. Texas is one of the top states in the nation for outbreaks at the moment, but so far Abbott has just been sitting back and letting the virus get on with killing us. Imagine my surprise and delight when he said he wouldn’t fight our new emergency order. Perhaps he just needed a way to save face while letting us do what we NEED to do. Either way, masks are in again, hallelujah!

Other notable local news this week:

  • libraries opened for contactless curbside service on Tuesday, yay!
  • all 4th of July firework displays and parades have been officially cancelled
  • both Texas NFL teams now have multiple players with covid, not long after they started group practices (you think?)
  • the governor announced that all public schools will resume as normal with no need for masks or general precautions in the fall, oy…

This week at home
My calendar is starting to look a lot like pre-quarantine. I have a dozen hikes scheduled for June (including three that I’m hosting!), multiple medical appointments for the family, Gavroche’s surgery, Father’s Day, family and friend socially-distanced hangouts, Morrigan’s work schedule (for car purposes), and a few online gatherings. It’s a bit nerve-racking to be going to so many places and to have so much exposure to people, especially with the spike we’re having here. But the thing is, it’s possible to do these things and stay six feet away from people and keep a mask on when you have to be closer. (You can even take 6ft-apart selfies, like these photos!) On hikes, I wear one of my Buff masks around my neck and pull it up any time someone is passing the opposite direction, or if the trail gets narrow and we have to be closer together than we like. It’s not comfortable to wear a mask around my neck in the heat, but I’m determined to do my part to keep everyone safe, and so is the rest of my hiking group! I wish everyone was doing the same!

(this is how you pandemic-hike!)

And beyond events and appointments, so much is happening at home right now: Gavroche is recovering well from his surgery this week. I’ve been working on a frickin’ kidney stone. (It’s my second, and this time hasn’t landed me in the ER with a swollen kidney at least! No one in my family has ever had a kidney stone, so why is this on me? I have a feeling it has to do with my antidepressant, because both times I’ve had one it was a few months after starting this particular medication at this same dosage.) Laurence has been going to the gym regularly to using the exercise bikes. I covid-cut my hair rather than risking a visit to the salon. Morrigan had his annual vision appointment to update his eye prescription. My sister Julia had a bike accident and ended up in the ER, but thankfully she only ended up spraining her wrist rather than fracturing it like they thought (and hopefully neither she nor my dad and stepmom ended up catching covid in the ER!). My sister Becky got a second batch of foster kittens. New neighbors are moving into the house next to us.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
Gotta find the positives. Gotta find the positives.

  • I hosted my first hike and it was awesome!
  • my covid haircut (ie DIY haircut) came out really nice
  • my sister Aaren adopted one of my sister Becky’s foster kittens, so we’ll get to watch her as she grows up!
  • my first test of agoraphobia came over the weekend when I drove myself 40 mins south to an unknown location to attend a leadership hike, and it was soooo worth it and I’m soooo glad I was able to do this!
  • finally got to pick up my library holds!
  • great new pride tank top activewear from Torrid arrived

Please tell me you are all doing better than we are and that your governors aren’t absolute idiots like Abbott…

Posted in Personal | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Little Eyes, by Samanta Schweblin

Posted on June 18, 2020 by Thistle

Translated from Spanish by Megan McDowell

Take Furbis, cross them with Alexas, and make them live-streaming to a single audience, then you have what’s known in this book as a kentuki: a robot “pet” that one person chooses to “keep” and one person chooses to “dwell” in. The voyeur and exhibitionist then find themselves in a twisted relationship. The technology is new, and exploding onto the scene all over the world. As you can imagine, this can lead down both positive and negative paths as people figure out what they can do with these kentuckis.

Little Eyes takes us down many of these paths. In fact, I’d say the book is less of a novel and more a collection of stories all on the same subject, with a few longer stories interspersed throughout. It is not a traditional beginning-to-end novel, and that may not sit as well with some readers. Because in the end, 85% of the book is made up of mini-stories that seem only to serve as “what if this is how the kentucki was used?” scenarios. Many (all?) of them are negative, from blackmail to aggressive, malfunctioning robots. There are only a handful of stories (five, if I remember right?) where we follow a longer narrative – and those are separate and individual from each other as well, with only a few chapters dedicated to each of their tales. I’m not saying this is a negative thing – personally, I quite enjoyed the formatting of this book – but I know some other readers may look back and be frustrated by the lack of story or cohesive narrative. I felt it was best to warn about the style up front.

As for me, I’d say that my thoughts are split at about a 30/70 ratio – 30% negative, 70% positive. Oddly, even though the split is more positive, I’m not sure that, in the end, I actually liked the book. I think the negative bits may have outweighed the positive. Without going into spoiler-details, here’s how I felt as I read Little Eyes:

  • I nearly stopped reading several times during the first chapter. It felt written in a way that was purely for shock value and to try to hook a different kind of reader than me. I found the concept of the kentukis interesting enough that I continued on to chapter two, but that first one irritated me a lot because it felt so unnecessary to begin that way.
  • A large chunk of the book was extremely engrossing. I found myself wanting to know more about all the little stories, and loved the way Schweblin explored the different paths that kentuki users took, both negative and positive. In the end, I couldn’t stop reading and finished the book in a single day.
  • There’s a great sense of time passing in the world and kentuckis becoming more and more commonplace despite not having an actual narrative time period in the book.
  • Schweblin basically built an entire world through individual stories, and I was split between thinking this was extremely clever and that this felt like polished notes on world-building rather than an actual narrative.
  • I was annoyed at the direction the longer narratives took. As each concluded, I began to feel like the author was pushing her own biases into the novel in a way that became too obvious and transparent. By the end of the last story – which I felt strained credulity for reasons I can’t give without spoilers – I was exhausted and irritated.

It’s this last part that makes me unsure if I liked the book or not. The book grew so heavy-handed in such a sickening and hardly-believable way that it basically ruined my previous experience, which as I said was mostly positive after that first chapter. I’m walking away from the book in two minds, praising it for its forethought and originality and world-building, and disappointed that the author had to twist everything into something dark and morbid in what felt, to me, like a unnecessary bid to point out the obvious dangers of overtly-intimate technology.

Posted in 2020, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Home Before Dark, by Riley Sager

Posted on June 16, 2020 by Thistle

Maggie has grown up in the shadow of her father’s book, the one that claims that – true story! – their family lived in a haunted house for three weeks when she was five. The book is utter nonsense, she knows. At very least, she’d have some memory of the insane things that happened to her if they were true. What she doesn’t know is why her parents stuck to these lies for her entire life, or why they insist she not return to the house, or that she’s about to inherit the haunted ruin that her father has apparently never sold…

Why oh why aren’t there more books like this one? Mystery with a touch of paranormal, or even potential paranormal – it’s just perfect, and it’s what I’ve been craving for months and months. Please, if anyone has recommendations of books similar to this one or the two Simone St. James books I read in May, send them my way. I adore this sort of thing!! I’ve been personally looking forward to this book since I first heard about it in February-ish, and I joined that Book of the Month club purely to get my hands on this book before it was available elsewhere. It’s been ages since I took the risk of buying an unread book that wasn’t written by a handful of long-time-trusted favorite authors, and it was totally worth that risk.

Home Before Dark is written with alternating chapters between Maggie’s story – an adult overshadowed by her father’s supposedly-true-story fiction – and her father’s book. Both are told in first person, and Sager does a great job of making the voices completely different. He does a brilliant job at making the Book’s chapters a bit cheesy and written in a way that shows its author (Maggie’s father, not Sager) is not an experienced fiction writer. It hits all the classic first-time-novelist not-quite-edited-enough buttons. At the same time, the story told in that cheesy writing is disturbing and thrilling and creepy. It’s very much a paranormal ghost story that builds to some horrific climaxes. (Oh, the snakes, the snakes!!)

On Maggie’s side, the story is more nuanced. She’s trying to sort out truth from fiction. So much of her scant memory of the house is colored and influenced by what’s in her father’s book. She balances between anger at her father for never telling her the truth, and constant love for him and the need to not disappoint him, even after his death. The psychological balance is excellent. And once she’s at the house, she struggles to sort out true memory from what she’s read. This becomes even more difficult once the same ghostly phenomena from her father’s story begins. Maggie’s thoughts circle with increasing paranoia as her sleep is interrupted, as objects from the house disappear, as she sees shadowy figures at the edge of the trees outside her window. She doesn’t know if she’s being gaslit, going crazy, or if her father’s assertions that this was all a true story weren’t lies after all.

I’m not going to discuss what plays out in either Maggie’s story or her father’s book. Everything I’ve said so far is from early on in the book, so no spoilers. What I AM going to say is that this book did a fantastic job of mixing a whole bunch of interplaying stories with a great twist of paranormal (the Book), the potentially-paranormal (return to the house), and psychology (Maggie’s relationship with the house, Book, and her parents). I loved the ending, and all the little conclusions and discoveries along the way.

Posted in 2020, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Sunday Coffee – Covid Cut, plus Surgery

Posted on June 14, 2020 by Thistle

Well, it happened. I officially got tired enough of my current hair situation that I went the DIY route. Hey, I know, this is the whole meme-joke of quarantine, eh? I’ve reached the “cut my own hair” stage. But really, this isn’t actually a huge deal for me. I have massively curly hair and I’ve cut my own hair many times in the past. Usually people can’t even tell unless I really screw it up. (Ha!) I don’t do anything special with my hair or style it in any particular way when I cut it, either. Especially right now, when the goal is to grow it out long. The one thing I wanted right now but didn’t do because I’m not crazy is give myself bangs again. I stuck with trimming off the bottom couple of inches because they’ve gotten extremely damaged over the last two years. And then adding layers so that my head is not one giant ball of floof.

This first picture is when I had my hair (professionally) cut short in the summer of 2018. It was the first time in ages that I had bangs as well. Over the next year, I continued to grow it out long again, and in July 2019 (middle photo), I had the longer parts shaped to grow out and the undersides shaved really short. (It’s HOT in Texas!) The last photo is from late May this year. I wanted to see how long the shaved portion had grown out in the last ten months. Answer: a LOT. I was also happy to discover that this new growth is coming back with my lifelong spirals/curls rather than the waves that my hair has had since moving to Boston in 2014.**

My goal since 2018 has been to grow my hair really long again. The longest it’s ever been was back in 1998/1999 when it went almost to my waist. Back then, though, I was dying it and not taking care of it very well. Since then, I’ve managed to grow it out pretty long once, long enough to donate to Locks of Love in 2013. I’d planned for longer (and a longer donation), but my hair was getting difficult to handle. I thought this was due to length, but on examination of photos afterwards (right), I realized that I just needed to trim off the damaged ends (which appear to be a different color, because my hair lightens considerably when damaged). Note that this pre-donation photo in March 2013 is almost three years after any kind of cut and had grown out from a cut even shorter than the one pictured above from 2018.

Recently, the same trouble I was having in 2013 with my hair has come back. Now, I know better than to think this is just due to length! The ends were damaged. I needed a trim. But there was no way in hell I was going to a salon with San Antonio in its current covid state. After dealing with the worsening damage for the last few months, I decided to take the plunge and give myself a DIY trim (though again, I didn’t attempt bangs, even though I’d like those back!). I probably took off more than I needed to – four to six inches, instead of two to three – but the cut went fairly well. In the photo (left), not much of the curl shows yet because it takes a few days for my hair to realize that it’s not as heavy. In any case, I’m really happy with the way it came out, and I don’t feel like I need a professional to do anything to it at this time. Plus, it’s still long enough that I can wear it in a ponytail, AND it’s not so long that said ponytail lays on my neck and makes my skin too hot. It’s a San Antonio summer win-win!

In other news, Gavroche finally had his dental surgery this week. His whole life, he’s had problems with gingivitis, no matter how often he gets dental treats and such. He’s a cat, and cats don’t exactly let you brush their teeth! Several of his little teeth have fallen out on their own, and back in January, he was scheduled to get several molars removed. With Ash getting sick, though, we had to postpone the surgery. Then there was covid. Finally, when Gavroche’s lip swelled up again last week, we couldn’t put it off any further. He didn’t seem to be in pain and he was having no problem eating, but we didn’t want the situation to worsen. He went in Friday and came home that afternoon. The poor guy doesn’t like the stitches in his mouth, nor does he like being quarantined to the recovery room with Ash, but he began eating again right away and has been fine other than some mouth soreness and the irritation of stitches!

**Unrelated side note: I began drinking alcohol around the time I moved to Boston, and the alcohol changed the composition of my hair, causing it to grow wavy instead of spiraled. I very rarely drink alcohol anymore, especially in the last year, so my hair is returning to its former structure. This is a real thing that happens – I had no idea until I did some extensive research! I thought it was just age-related before. So just a little PSA: alcohol can do some really weird things to your body even if you’re not drinking it to excess!

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Quarantine Diaries – Week 13

Posted on June 12, 2020 by Thistle

So. I didn’t plan to be writing this week. I said I was going to start grouping these into several weeks at a time. We were doing relatively well here, though the spike in numbers during Week 12 was alarming despite the city leaders saying that these were due to backlogged tests. Unfortunately, the numbers kept growing. And growing. And growing. Last night, during the second city covid brief that we’ve had since the daily briefs stopped, the head of Metro Health came right out and said it: We are in a spike and at the beginning of a second wave.

Honestly, it’s not much of a surprise. I saw the photos from Memorial Day, the gatherings at beaches and rivers and tourist areas. I cringed with each new restriction the governor lifted in May. I’ve seen businesses grow lax with masks, some that were doing well a month ago not caring so much if people are wearing them now. People got complacent, and distracted, and involved with other things. Covid doesn’t care. And now, we’re in a spike. This time, unfortunately, San Antonio isn’t in a position to do anything about it, because all of our authority has been stripped by the state. So here we go.

With all the bad news re: covid, this notice is especially important:  If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

This week in numbers
We began the week at 3018 cases with 78 deaths. Week 12 had a massive 435 cases – our highest so far – but we were told the bulk of these were from state and local lab backups (due to universal testing of nursing homes throughout Texas). But as I said above, the numbers just kept rolling in.

  • Friday, June 5th: 3143, 78 deaths (+125 cases)
  • Saturday, June 6th: 3290, 78 deaths (+147)
  • Sunday, June 7th: 3311, 78 deaths (+21)
  • Monday, June 8th: 3333, 78 deaths (+22)
  • Tuesday, June 9th: 3518, 80 deaths (+180) <– No more backlog
  • Wednesday, June 10th: 3648, 80 deaths (+135)
  • Thursday, June 11th: 3840, 82 deaths (+192)

Altogether, we had 822 new cases this week and four new deaths. That’s almost double our previous highest week in terms of cases. Furthermore, during last night’s update, we were told that the last few days did not include any backlog. That means that in three days, we had 507 new cases – also higher than our previous highest week.

And it’s not just case numbers. In early April, we’d gotten hospitalizations down to around the high 70s/low 80s on average. Those numbers began to creep up in late May, and for the last few weeks, they’ve been skyrocketing. As of last night, we had 122 people in the hospital for covid with 54 in ICU. Both of those numbers are WAY up. The rest of our warning indicators in SA are also trending the wrong direction. Positivity rate (percentage of positive tests) has jumped up from last week. The epidemiological curve used to average daily cases based on date of first onset has gone from a downward trend to a neutral line, and we’ve been told that when the next batch of data goes through, it’ll be upward.

(hospitals as of 6/11)

It’s not just San Antonio. This is statewide (not surprised, given the governor’s orders). Daily cases in Texas are averaging 50+% more than they were a few weeks ago – in fact they just saw a jump from a previous daily high of 1940 up to over 2500 on 6/10, when it used to be news if they hit over 1000 several days in a row – and hospitalizations are up 36% since Memorial Day (as of June 9th – probably higher now). Health authorities in the large metro areas across the state have conferred and confirmed that they’re all seeing the same spike and upward trends as San Antonio. Unless people/government get their act together, this is going to get really, really bad.

This week in San Antonio
Our city leadership said at the end of our first 12 weeks dealing with COVID that we’d done a good job flattening the curve and were shifting into “repair the economy” mode. The shelter at home order expired and wasn’t renewed. I’ll be honest – the city leadership didn’t really have a choice in this matter with the governor taking control, and they certainly had other issues to tend to over the last couple weeks. But call it what you will, San Antonio has put forth a four-phase reopening plan for the little they can still control (aka city-owned properties and facilities). The library curbside opening (June 16) will be part of that, and city pools are set to open in early July (phase 3). Eventually, park playgrounds, basketball courts, etc will open in phase 4, but we don’t have a date for that yet. I don’t know if these dates/phases will change now that we’ve “officially” entered a spike/second wave.

A few points of interest outside our numbers this week: The local blood bank announced that from June 8 to August 31, anyone who donates blood will be eligible for a free covid antibody test. // HEB, our local grocery store chain, expanded its store hours (not all the way back to normal yet, though). // The Alon HEB, where my father and stepmother shop, disclosed that one of their employees was tested positive for COVID. Generally, HEB has been good about announcing when they’ve had employees test positive, which is good because state law says businesses are not required to disclose this at their establishments. !!! Ugh.

This week at home
Like the city, we’ve been shifting into longterm mode here, though we’re going about it a lot more carefully! Morrigan began working a full time summer job at Taco Bell (where they’re actually doing a great job taking care of their employees!) on Monday. My hiking group resumed hikes with a max of seven people per and all social distancing/mask rules in place. I had my first group hike with them on Friday and have several others lined up. Laurence and I signed up at Planet Fitness on the Sunday after reviewing their safety procedures and how crowded they were (aka not crowded at all) and have been going there to exercise now that it’s 100+ degrees out. I returned to my chiropractor for a second visit since quarantine began, and hesitantly (and after checking safety procedures) went in for a much-needed massage. Jason finished his dental procedures that started IN JANUARY finally. Gavroche is going in for his dental surgery today. Morrigan will see the eye doctor next week. One of these days – probably after this spike is under control – we might actually go get haircuts.

Again, we’re continuing to be careful. We scope out businesses before we use them and stick to those that are taking good care of their customers and employees. We consolidate errands and try to go out as few times as possible. Jason remains our household designated grocery shopper to protect as many HEB employees as possible. We always use masks in situations where social distancing isn’t possible, and we avoid crowded places. If we want to eat out, we use curbside pickup, and we’ve been trying to patronize as many local small businesses – especially black-owned businesses – as we can. Sadly, some of our favorites (like Instant Donuts) are permanently closed. (They made the BEST donuts and kolaches, and the family who owned it were so nice. Boo.) But we do what we can. And if things get too bad out there again, we’ll shut even that down. This is the new reality. The disease isn’t going away any time soon, and people need to adjust or it’s just going to keep getting worse.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
Looking back on the week, I realize that quite a lot of stuff happened, much of it good. I’m still feeling a lot of quarantine-fatigue and heat-depression (it got up to 105 here one day this week!), and I would give just about anything to have one day home alone in silence. But all in all, I’m okay. We’re okay. Happy things:

  • first group hike since March
  • ordering fun things from small online businesses like Lipslut and Superfit Hero
  • printing photos for several photo frames that I’ve needed to fill for MONTHS
  • Ash gained a little weight this week, getting up to 10.8 lbs for the first time since he got sick in December!
  • trying out the Eritrean-Ethiopian restaurant here in SA (fairly new, and delicious!)
  • conquering my fear of running on the treadmill in public
  • my friend Stephanie closed on her new house and became a first-time homeowner!
  • discovering a fun visualization for a mileage goal (color in the numbers/miles shoe)
  • a fun and silly new patchwork bucket hat
  • Ambrose made us crepes with homemade lemon curd for dinner one night
  • zuppa inglese from a local small business (pictured above)
  • watching all the changes coming in wake of the protests worldwide, and doing all the things I can do from home to help

Y’all – I don’t know what’s going to happen this week. I don’t know if it’ll be like this week, so much stuffed into it that I need to post again on Friday rather than grouping together several weeks of quarantine diaries. I’m going to take this one as it comes and just see what feels best at the end of Week 14. Hope you’re all doing well. So many states have cases back on the rise again. Please keep yourselves safe!

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Sunday Coffee – Favorite Photos of May

Posted on June 7, 2020 by Thistle

Last month, I lamented how difficult it was to get a good spread of photos while in quarantine. I entered May determined to see more. Consequently, I had a lot more photos to sift through to choose my favorite dozen, and the choice was far more difficult.

As always, these photos were taken by me with no filters on them. They are not necessarily the best photography – they are simply photos that appeal to me for one reason or another.

Top left: a majestic photo of Jojo. Bottom left: a multicolored blooming in the garden. Right: an array of bags I’ve crocheted in the past (I just really love the colors in this photo)

Top left: s’mores over the firepit. Bottom left: native flowers at Eisenhower Park. Right: Atticus in ultimate love-mode

From left to right: shadows on an evening walk; layered lemonade cold brew; Morrigan and me after we finished digging up the first xeriscaped section of the yard

Top left: Mildfire Coffee, the first business I’ve personally gone to since quarantine began (love their colors AND their coffee). Bottom left: Nimi sleeping in the sink (a habit she’s picked up this month!). Right: hipster soup (aka homemade vegan, gluten-free, coconut-ginger-lime sweet potato soup with lentils and kale)

As a bonus, I’m including my three favorite photos of May taken by Jason.

From left to right: the family sheltered in the bathroom during a tornado; boxing in a dress (ha!); a grad photo that seems to get the real feel of the quarantined-class-of-2020

*****
I might be absent from the blog for a little while to focus on other things. There will still be an occasional post or two, and I’ll be keeping track of covid-related happenings for my next quarantine diaries post. But generally I feel like my voice and time would be better spent in other places right now. Stay safe out there.

 

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Quarantine Diaries – Week 12

Posted on June 5, 2020 by Thistle

It was a tough week, not as much for me personally as it was for others because I have the privilege of pale skin, but as a whole in our country. This is only compounded by the potential threat of additional covid spread through protests – protests that I believe are absolutely necessary and right, but I also know just how difficult the decision has been for some people to weigh potential exposure against standing up for justice and the rights of all black Americans. I’ve been trying to be mindful as I post this week here and on social media, and I wanted to address that from the start. I hope that you are all safe. From covid, from the police, from homegrown white-nationalist terrorists, from the chaos that is being incited in cities across the country by agitators that don’t care about George Floyd or any of the million others suffering daily under this burden and injustice. Please be as safe as you can be. Get tested if you’ve been out. My thoughts are with you all. (And yes, more than just my thoughts, but I don’t feel the need to air all my personal contributions because this is not about me.)

Especially important in a hard week:  If your mental health is at a point where you cannot bear to hear more about quarantine stuff, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of positives and highlights and Nice Things. We all need some of that right now!

This Week in Numbers
We ended last week with 2583 cases and 71 deaths, plus the highest daily numbers of hospitalizations we’ve seen in San Antonio so far.

  • Friday, May 29th: 2636, 72 deaths
  • Saturday, May 30th: 2825, 73 deaths (highest daily increase to date, re: backlog)
  • Sunday, May 31st: 2830, 74 deaths
  • Monday, June 1st: 2839, 75 deaths
  • Tuesday, June 2nd: 2882, 75 deaths
  • Wednesday, June 3rd: 2953, 78 deaths
  • Thursday, June 4th: 3018, 78 deaths

Total of 435 cases this week – our highest weekly total ever – and 7 new deaths. Early in the week, we were told that there was a heavy backlog of tests (~6k) from mid-May that were just now coming through, which were reflected in a few days of major number spikes this week. The high case number this week isn’t necessary reflective of current cases. However, the fact that our hospital numbers have remained at record highs is definitely worrisome, especially now that the state is essentially 100% open again.

Additionally, I’d like to address the racial disparity among COVID cases here, especially as our mayor stated outright that any lack of change (regarding equality, police brutality, and other race-based differences in our city) should lay on his shoulders. The disproportion is particularly striking when it comes to this virus. Our city is a majority-Hispanic city, with 64% of the population, while we’re 25% white and 6% black as our three largest racial groups. Our COVID cases, however, split as 67% Hispanic, 22% white, and 9% black, and our death rates are 54% Hispanic, 21% white, and 22% black.  THIS IS NOT OKAY. There is a lot of reasons behind the disproportion and I’m not going to go into them all here (that would be several blog posts!), but this is a disparity that needs to be addressed not just in San Antonio, but across the nation.

This Week in San Antonio
My favorite news of the week is that the libraries have announced their initial reopening plan! On June 16th, book drops and curbside pickup of holds will begin. There are a few other services open at specific locations by appointment only as well. As books begin to circulate in and out of the library, hold lists will start flowing again. There still won’t be indoor service at this time, but I’m happy to have the partial opening!

San Antonio passed the 60k mark of tests this week (roughly 2.5 million folks in the general area), and they say they have a 60% recovery rate now, the highest it’s been. (Not sure how they’re counting recoveries with asymptomatic folks, though.) It’s another good sign to counter the continued increase in hospitalizations. The city is also on the lookout for the new spikes that are all but inevitable given the close proximity of those out protesting (masks on – yes for most – but social distancing impossible) and the discovery of the first positive case of an employee at an HEB meat-packing plant (a major congregate setting that will now undergo universal testing).

Metro health began a study this week to try to determine how widespread asymptomatic cases are in the city. They’ve chosen randomized addresses within each city district and are asking those households if they’ll participate in voluntary testing. The goal is to finish by Monday and test the percentage of asymptomatic community spread. It looks like they’ll be testing roughly 700-800 people, a very small sample, but it’ll give them an idea of what they’re facing in the community at large.

In the meantime, the state made new changes and announcements again this week. In the next couple weeks, the few businesses that couldn’t open before can now open up. Most businesses can have 50% capacity, and restaurants are moving up to 75%. I believe all capacity limits have been removed from essential businesses including grocery stores (?), and from salons and beauty care businesses as long as they keep up social distancing rules. Groups outside the home are now allowed to congregate again with a max of ten people to a group.

This Week at Home
Life seems to be moving almost back to normal here. Jason is officially on work-from-home until at least September, but that’s not all that different from normal given the nature of his job. The local grocery store has given up making masks mandatory for customers because of the small percentage of selfish assholes that continue to make trouble. People are using park playground equipment despite signs, caution tape, and other barriers erected to prevent use and a city order of closure. Morrigan interviewed for and got a job at Taco Bell that he’ll begin on Monday. My friend Stephanie came over to hang out a few hours, inside the house rather than out in the yard. I’ve scheduled some appointments next week that aren’t strictly necessary. Everyone is still taking all the precautions, but we’re personally starting to loosen up our home’s restrictions a bit.

Now that it has been 12 weeks of quarantine, the daily COVID briefings from the city leadership are moving to twice-weekly updates. I’m also going to be moving from weekly posts to every few weeks unless things get crazy again.

Positives and Highlights and Nice Things
The world doesn’t feel like a very good place right now. It’s been hard to see that many bright spots, but I’m trying:

  • lemonade cold brew, my new favorite drink that I just discovered this week
  • finishing Couch to 5K!
  • Zoom party for my nephew’s first birthday
  • Zoom party for Ambrose’s graduation
  • joining and being welcomed wholeheartedly into a slow runner’s community
  • making a new PR mile time on level ground (as opposed to mostly downhill) on Global Running Day (pic above)
  • hanging out with Stephanie (and watching all our cats run to her when she arrived because they’ve really missed her, especially Jojo)
  • a funky giant mushroom in our yard – I’m always so tickled by these things

Take care of yourselves, everyone.

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