Water Kittens

Posted on July 10, 2023 by Thistle

The day after our dear friend Chris passed away, grief was fresh but elusive (because my brain doesn’t process grief linearly, and instead waits to latch onto something seemingly inconsequential to grieve over). I felt both restless and absent, my brain buzzing and numb, my body twitchy and exhausted. When the foster email list came through, I latched onto it. Can’t process grief? Why not rescue some kittens so that your grief energy at least has an outlet? No, that’s probably not the healthiest method of dealing with my shit, but it’s also not the unhealthiest – it’s certainly better than getting drunk or sleeping all day – and in the meantime, some kittens get rescued. I can put some good out in the world while occupying my brain and body with something other than restless don’t-know-how-to-grieve.

Enough of that. Meet Puddles and Droplet, the newest temporary members of the household. They’re 4-5 weeks old and just weaned from bottle to gruel (a mix of kitten milk and wet food). Both little girls are so very sweet and have clearly never known anything but love from humans before. Likely bottle fed from pretty early on in their life. Both love to be cuddled and to have their bellies pet. Puddles (no orange spot on the forehead) goes into crazy zoomie mode, running around like mad. Droplet started equally energetic, but after about 24 hours, she developed a severe illness that caused her to lose a massive amount of weight. It was the worst case we’ve ever had and we weren’t sure she was going to make it before we could get meds for her. Thankfully, we were able to get her vet care yesterday, and both girls began a medicine regimen (Puddles as precautionary, since the two are always together). Droplet rallied a little yesterday, gaining back a tiny bit of weight. She’s not out of the woods yet but I hope we can help her to fully regain her health!

They’ve only been with us for a few days  now, and yes, their cute little personalities – not to mention the focus to care for a medical crisis – help to heal the soul. Honestly, I think that Chris would have loved that I’ve channeled that grief into saving these little babies. He would have approved, he would have heartily recommended that I write in to get them that day, even if I did so with my brain numb and my heart on hiatus.

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SC – All the Books, 6mo In

Posted on July 9, 2023 by Thistle

For the last five years or so, I’ve been averaging around 50 books a year, down from the few years before that when I was reading about 70-75 a year, down from the horrific early days of blogging when I was gorging on 150-225 books yearly and feeling sick all the time from it. So far, 2023 is shaping up to be mid-level when it comes to reads – not quite as low as the past few years, but not quite as high as the years before that. I’ve finished 32 books at the six month mark, abandoned one, and culled another 34 from my potential list of reads. This is actually the first year I’ve ever tracked culled books (because sometimes they go off my list in less than a page of reading), so I have no idea how this compares to normal. I just thought it was an interesting thing to look at. Likely I’ll never do it again in later years, heh.

Anyway, my year in reading has been dominated by dark books – mysteries, thrillers, dark supernatural, horror, etc. It’s almost like I’ve been RIP reading all year. Just what I’ve been in the mood for I suppose. My favorite by far in these last six months has been Hide by Kiersten White, with a few others rounding out other standouts: The Books Eaters, Good for a Girl, The Spare Man (all from January!); and two runner-ups: Nettle & Bone, The Last Remains. Until June, I was actually reading about 50/50 physical and audio books, but I’ve struggled to get into any audiobooks I’ve had since early May. My strained relationship with Audible hasn’t helped.

As for my Priorities list for the year, I’ve done pretty well with it. I’ve been able to cross off 23 titles (15 read, 7 culled, 1 with a new publishing date in 2024). Of the remaining 11, 6 have release dates after June, 3 are sitting on my shelf waiting for me, 1 isn’t available through my library, and 1 I’m still on the hold list waiting my turn. Not too shabby. Of course, I’m not a huge fan of having so many physical books on my TBR (5, plus a 6th on Audible). I usually don’t like to buy books before I’ve read them except in special circumstances, and I’ve let myself go overboard a lot over the last year. It’s unfortunately lead to several culled books that I paid for and then didn’t read. Sigh. My virtual TBR has grown quite significantly as well, sitting at an extra 20-25 books beyond my Priorities list.

A lot of the TBR growth, both physical and virtual, is because of Nowhere Bookshop, which is probably my favorite new book-related find of 2023. I adore the shop, and yes, I buy too much when I go there! It’s also gotten me out of my comfort zone with my first ever “blind date with a book” purchase, as well as a “no pressure” book club (just a chat hangout deal). Other fun stuff for the year include switching over from GoodReads to StoryGraph, and the kinda-monthly book-based subscription box from the Year of Sanderson kickstarter. (I say kinda-monthly because several of the boxes have been delayed due to manufacturing timing.) I’m really enjoying these boxes and look forward to the rest of the packages. The two remaining books coming as part of the kickstarter are the two I was most anxious to read, too.

Speaking of most anxious, the books I’m most looking forward to reading in the second half of the year are:

  • Defiant, Yumi and the Nightmare Painter, and The Sunlit Man (Brandon Sanderson)
  • System Collapse (Martha Wells – the next Murderbot!!)
  • Mister Magic (Kiersten White, seems to be in the same style as Hide!)
  • The Running Grave (Robert Galbraith)

I’m sure more will be added to that list eventually. I’m still watching out for some of my favorite authors/series for when their next releases will be!

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The Kitty Tattoo

Posted on July 7, 2023 by Thistle

Back in 2015, I decided that I wanted to get a tattoo across a particular part of my back – sort of between my shoulder blades but slightly lower, at a spot where I tend to hold a lot of my stress. I was just starting with yoga that year, and realized through a long series of events that when that part of my back was touched, my body would almost instantly relax. Whatever the tattoo would be – and I had no idea what at that point – I wanted it to represent a place of happiness and a deep rooting into my soul.

That was, of course, eight years ago, and I never figured out what I wanted to do until very recently, when I saw a viral tiktok video about someone who had done a sleeve make up of hexagons. Each hexi was then filled by a different tattoo artist, so the sleeve ended up both an amalgamation and a tribute. I loved this idea and immediately began thinking about hexagons and my cats, and the way they all have linked to each other over the years. Some have bonded very closely with a single cat, avoiding all the others, while some have kept on their own and others have tried to bond with everyone. I cut out a bunch of hexagons from an index card and began planning things out, to see if I could make an accurate representation of their interrelationships.

The hexi part was new, but I’d already planned to get an arm tattoo involving nine paw prints for my nine cats (including those deceased), and to fill in each paw print with rainbow as they reached the end of their tenure here. I even had an artist picked out to do this, though I hadn’t written him yet. But after the TT vid, and my playing with the hexis, I found that I could very easily and accurately represent the various relationships the cats had to each other, and it formed a bit of a constellation. I could imagine different artists doing portraits of each cat, all in different styles that would represent their personalities. My cats have been an integral part of my mental health journey, especially in learning how to be vulnerable and open myself up to love and the grief that inevitably comes with love, and suddenly this felt more fitting to be on my back than on an arm or leg.

Now, I am not an artist, not by any stretch of the imagination. I can download a hexagon and plug it into Acorn nine times, and arrange them in the formation that I want. That’s about it. I printed the idea and kinda scribbled around it some approximations of where I wanted tattooing to go, in henna-like patterns that the artist I’d chosen (Vinny at Buddha Box) does a lot of. I wanted him to build on that, and after a few back-and-forths over email, he created a pattern that was not exactly what I originally had in mind, but honestly better. The relationship and ratios were the same, but the hexis had transformed into intricate framing that made the whole thing mine and not a direct copy of a TT vid. Heh.

I got the tattoo done on the last day of June. It was incredibly painful. They said the spine would be the most painful part, but honestly, I didn’t mind that part at all. The parts closest to my shoulder blades were the most difficult, and the last parts he did were all very painful because my skin was very irritated already at that point. I have hella nerves in my back, extremely sensitive to the lightest touch, so it doesn’t surprise me that there was a lot of pain there. Thankfully, Vinny worked very fast and the entire tattoo was done in 1.5 hours!! It was so much cleaner and more delicate than my previous tattoos (the most recent of which was blown out horribly and badly scarred, ugh). It’s also the first time I’ve had plastic covering, ink-leaking, long-term special care instructions, etc. (Should I have gotten decent after care instructions with my other tattoos? Yeah. This is why I didn’t go back to that shop. All they told me was “don’t scratch it, it’ll be fine.”)

Incredibly grateful that my friend Stephanie went with me. (Drove, in fact, because a back tattoo can make your reaction times slower if you’re in pain afterwards.) She helped to keep me distracted during the last agonizing sections of the tattoo, telling me stories and giving me updates of how much was left without me having to ask at all. She also took pictures with the stencil on so I could see the placement, as well as pictures while I was on the table (above) and standing afterwards. It was perfect and she was the best person to have there with me. And bonus – she was able to get some piercings at the same time because there was a no-show no-call dropped appointment at the same time!

It’s no surprise that I chose to focus on this tattoo for my July self-portrait. I set up my room with the right colors and lighting, then pulled out tripod, camera, and my 50mm prime lens. In former self-portraits, I’ve focused more on up close photos due to focusing issues, but this time I set to auto-focus and hooked up my phone so that I could see what my camera saw before each shot. This allowed me to get into various positions to best showcase the artwork.

Other than the fact that the Dial-and-Aquaphor combo has caused my back to erupt in rashes that I had to minimize in post production (and also frickin’ itch like crazy!!), these photos came out so beautifully! One of the best things about tattoos, imo, is that they help to celebrate the body despite its perceived imperfections. I don’t mind the curves and lines, when said curves and lines act as canvas. It’s a whole new level of body celebration.

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Goodbye to the Double Trouble Singletons

Posted on July 5, 2023 by Thistle

Well. After six weeks, our little posse of kittens is gone. Some of what’s in this post is repeat of earlier posts, but at this point, I don’t know what I’ve said where, so I’m just going to write as I wish and if I repeat myself, that’s just too bad. Heh.

Juice arrived in late May, 3.5 weeks old and bottle-feeding every four hours. From the moment he arrived, he was pure chaos. We had to wrap him up in a blanket in order to feed him because he was so exuberant that he couldn’t keep the bottle in his mouth. Even after his claws could physically retract, he never learned how to pull them in completely. When he weaned onto wet food, he ate by face-planting into it and sucking it up like milk. He needed so many baths from food-covered face, neck, and feet, not to mention diarrhea-covered tail, butt, and feet. Like with food, he struggled to learn how to properly aim in the litterbox, and at times, would decide to go in a different spot altogether.

It did get better as he got older, though not as quickly as with other kittens. Juice was a bit…slow. Honestly, for awhile there, we were concerned he may have had a head injury or some kind of nutrition-deficit-based brain damage. He didn’t show neurological signs of trauma, but he didn’t learn nearly at the same rate as most kittens. I mean, there’s a joke in the cat world that there’s kitten-dumb, and then there’s orange-kitten-dumb. Orange cats all seem to share a single brain cell, so they rarely have a smart day. Juice wasn’t even orange-kitten-smart. No thoughts at all, just pure vibes. All he wanted to do was wrestle, on his back, getting his belly pet while he clawed and bit at the hand that pet him. I’m sure he’ll grow into a calmer being as he gets older, but likely there will never be any kind of complicated thoughts there for him. He’s just…Juice. Shrug.

But speaking of orange cats, we have the other half of our foster duo, Florence. When she dropped into my lap, she was scared-feral (rather than aggressive-feral), no experience with humans and probably separated from her mother too young. Flo is an intrepid explorer, and I suspect she explored a bit too far, leading her to the road, where she almost got hit by a car before she was rescued. Once in human care, she was extremely timid, quiet and cuddly and compliant. The vet tech we first saw wondered when she would develop the wild-orange-cat gene. Turned out that would be about a week after she arrived, when she was healthy enough and comfortable enough to come out of her shell.

Flo alternated between bursts of crazy activity, often with a feisty, bite-heavy slant, and insistent cuddles that involved suckling on my neck. She slept next to me at night, except when she got too exuberant and I had to lock her in the bathroom for a few hours. When she was in a playful mood, she would puff up to make herself look big and scary for the toys or people she was wrestling. She bit and clawed too hard in the beginning, and had to learn appropriate boundaries (which tbh she’s still learning). It was easy to tell when she wasn’t feeling well because she’d become cuddlier for longer periods of time (often the entire night sleeping next to me without playing). Originally, she was meant to be in to the shelter around the 26th, but a few days before, developed a severe case of diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting. We actually had to get her tested for panleuk (eek!) but thankfully it was negative and we just needed a normal round of meds again. (Why do all the fosters always need multiple rounds of meds??)

Both Flo and Juice went in to the shelter on Monday. Both were up to 2.3 lbs and ready for surgery and adoption. Honestly, I had mixed feelings about letting these two go. Because they were separated and both needed full time care, I spent far more time with Flo while J spent far more with Juice. I never had a chance to connect with Juice all that much, but at the same time, Flo got overly attached to me. She believes I’m her surrogate mom, and she would get distressed if I wouldn’t let her suckle on me when she wanted to sleep. Poor girl is going to struggle to adjust, and poor Juice is going to be so confused as to what’s happening. But I’m also glad they’re off, because two in two rooms really was too much. This allows us a little break. Jason and I went into deep-cleaning mode on both our rooms so that 1) our other cats could enter them without getting sick, and 2) we could pick up more fosters when it was time. Now we just need some time to clean the rest of our poor neglected house before we bring in another batch to care for!

*****
Note: This was pre-drafted. I have a few more posts pre-drafted that will auto-post, but I may be sporadic after that. Last night, a longtime family friend passed away, and my best friend in the world became a widow. Chris was diagnosed with ALS almost two years ago, and it was an unusual case with very rapid progression. I spent yesterday afternoon holding Natalie, and shortly before midnight, she saw him into the next world. I never know how I’m personally going to react to grief, and in terms of the blog, that sometimes means too much writing, and sometimes means long breaks without. So whatever comes next, comes next. There are posts scheduled through this Sunday, but if I disappear after that for awhile, I’ll eventually be back.

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June 2023 in Review

Posted on July 3, 2023 by Thistle

Have you ever spent a long period of time just going through the motions, and looking back, it feels like you were sleeping/dreaming for most of that time? That’s what June felt like for me. Part of that was the hyperfocus on kittens, as well as one particular kitten causing me to lose sleep when she wanted to play at night. Partly it was that I spent the first half of the month trying to catch up from being gone (which honestly is still ongoing because KITTENS). Part of it was the heat, and the binging TV whenever I needed a break from kittens. I barely spent any time just to myself, or really in the moment (except in the moment with kittens). (Kittens is the theme of the month, obviously.) So the last month has felt like one big long dream that I can barely remember. Not a bad month, necessarily, but I feel like I need some real definitive sleep and awake time.

Reading and Watching
It has been incredibly difficult to read this month, what with taking care of two needy kittens. (See? This is the theme!) I barely managed a single book through mid-month, and only finished the last three in the last 1.5 weeks. For a time, I wasn’t sure I’d managed more than the one! I also abandoned my newest running memoir because 40% in, it sounded like one long advertisement for positive thinking from someone who had drunk very deeply of the koolaid, and I didn’t know how I could stand another five hours of that. Oh well. By far my fave book of the month is the one that I took the longest over reading – Every Gift a Curse.

On the other hand, TV was pretty much my go-to when I needed downtime. I finished watching the Junior Bake Off season that I’d been halfway through pre-cruise, binged my way through the new Manifest releases and Ultimatum: Queer Love, and tried out a bunch of new shoes with L (Schmigadoon, The Shrink Next Door, The Big Door Prize). We all went to watch the new Spiderverse in theatre, too, which was excellent except for the major cliffhanger none of us knew it would end on!!! Toward the end of the month, the new trash shows like Temptation Island and The Big D popped on, so yeah I’ve been watching those too. My brain has definitely needed no-thoughts time!!

Goals
I spent this month surviving, not working toward goals. Other than the every-month kinds of goals (like printing photo books), the only things I crossed off the list were two new-to-me hanging event/locations: Hopscotch and a new tattoo shop! Both have been on the list for years, so I’m happy to finally get to them. I also finally revamped my bucket list to make this an ongoing, changeable format rather than trying to just update it every few years into new lists.

Health/Fitness
I was very happy to hit a few weight-based milestones, but otherwise, there has been almost no progress in terms of health. I haven’t exercised anywhere near as much as I liked (re: kittens and heat), and I’ve spent a lot of time napping. I miss being on a cruise, where I had to walk everywhere. Honestly, if I could spend a few years living on a boat like that? Absolutely I would. But I’m not going to complain too hard – this is the first year in several where my health has been relatively stable. I’m miles better than where I was at this time last year!

Favorite Photos
I didn’t take a whole lot of photos this month. It was very hot and I was very busy. Even my personal monthly photoshoot was done in a random, haphazard fashion that was quick, easy, and frankly boring. But here are the month’s highlights.

A baby anole whose body was no bigger than the top of my thumb (!!!); two extremely cute photos of Florence; and a laughing outtake photo of Reneé and Rozzie at Mildfire

Portrait of a cashier who ought to be a model; portrait of a child half in this world, half in the world of the fae; my one good photo from my rushed-and-aborted June self portrait shoot; “walking with his ghost” – a portrait of movement and reflections inside the dancing light room at Hopscotch

Highlights of June
Moments that floated out of the dreamlike fog, some of which still have to do with kittens:

  • being in the right place at the right time to save a kitten, and then the intake coordinator for fosters at ADL allowing her to become an official foster
  • Fleabag/Florence sleeping on my chest/neck at night
  • the sole random sunflower that began to grow in our front yard finally bloomed!
  • finally doing a tiny photoshoot (with L) in an area that caught my attention a few months back
  • getting photos printed for my giant US States Visited map!
  • hitting a new health milestone!
  • hanging out at Mildfire with L, Reneé, and Rozzie
  • Mysterium Park (new game that I love so much, though L hates it, heh)
  • my new zoom lens, so much better than the last two! (Including one that literally stopped working after half a dozen uses!)
  • pinball night with friends –>
  • Hopscotch!
  • my awesome Sel box from the Sanderson kickstarter, which includes a wax seal kit!
  • setting up next summer’s vacation with J, as well as a solo vacation this coming autumn
  • figuring out what I want to do for my next tattoo, finally! Then setting it up, and getting it done on the last day of June! I’ll write up a post about this once it’s healed enough to get good pics.

Coming up in July
It’s our second-biggest birthday month, but other than birthdays, it’s just heat heat and more heat. Given that June suddenly turned into a major heat wave with record-breaking temps, I’m a little scared of what’s coming…we were spoiled with a relatively cool April and May! My brother is also supposed to come visit sometime this month, so I’m looking forward to that. Plus a break from foster kittens for a bit. Maybe we’ll actually get our living room painted two months after we bought the paint for it!

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Sunday Coffee – Audible Scam

Posted on July 2, 2023 by Thistle

A few months ago, I purchased a book from Audible through one of their sales, for something like $7. Recently, I started listening to it, but it wasn’t catching my attention and I didn’t think it would do so in the future, so I went to return it. Now, Audible has been really convoluted and awful about returns the last few years. Half the time, I have to go through customer service to do a return for no reason at all. They claim it’s simply a policy change through Amazon, but it’s annoying every time and I’ve slowly started moving away from Audible as a source of audiobooks. The whole reason I ever felt comfortable purchasing audiobooks in advance was the return policy, because I’m sorry, a five-minute audio preview isn’t always enough to know if you’re going to like a book!

So for the last 18 months or so, I’ve been really choosy about which books I grab from Audible and I very rarely get anything on a sales deal unless it’s a book I’ve already read/listened to and I know I want. Yeah, if you have a $5 copy of an audiobook I loved through Libby, I might grab that up. But earlier this year, I let myself be tempted into buying two $5-$7 books, one by an author I knew, and one with a really amazing premise. That latter is the one I couldn’t get into, and went to return.

So of course, it says the book isn’t eligible for return. Usually, all of my books will say that because I have to contact customer service for 90% of returns these days, even though I literally return about 5% of what I purchase. But when I contacted customer service, I was told that only books bought with credits could be returned, no cash purchases.

Um, wtf??

I asked when that policy went into place, because I was certainly never told about it. The CS rep ignored the question and instead said it was now Audible’s policy to not give refunds for any titles purchased with money after 10/23/22. I know that’s not the date of the policy, though, because I last returned a cash title in January this year. Without a problem, actually. I didn’t even have to go though the help desk for that one.

This new policy really pisses me off, especially as Audible continues to push their daily deals, and they’ve added an “everything’s on sale” type sale once or twice a month. They’re trying to get people to buy without credits by having these prices lower than the credits, but then people are stuck with audiobooks that they may not like because they’re blanket-refusing to allow returns of anything purchased outside the credit system. It’s exploitative and manipulative, like Amazon in general. Absolute bullshit.

TBH, my response was, okay, I can’t return the cash title. Instead, I’m going to start returning books I bought with credits that I read but didn’t like. I’ve literally never returned a book that I finished before, no matter how much I disliked it. For me, if I read a book, to return it for any reason was dishonest. But Amazon doesn’t care about being dishonest to its customer base. That’s been clear for many, many years. So why should I care about them? If I don’t want to keep the book, why should I? Done. Returned. I’ll keep doing it until there are no more credit-purchases in the last year that I don’t want to own.

Beyond that, it’s time for me to explore other audio options. I know Spotify is trying to set up as a competitor for Audible. I don’t have a Spotify account, but maybe I should get one. A few people have recommended other services on other social media outlets (libro.fm, Libby, Scribd, Chirp) and I’m looking into any of those that are purchase services (I already use Libby for audio through my library). Unfortunately, I purchased an entire year of Audible credits up front so I have a bunch still to use. Def don’t plan to do that again, and I have about six months to use up the rest of my credits and decide where I want to move to. Slowly getting rid of all the Amazon-based services in my life, Goodreads, Audible…

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Zero Days, by Ruth Ware

Posted on June 30, 2023 by Thistle

When Jack’s husband is killed in what appears to be a meticulous hit man job, she becomes the prime suspect and goes on the run to get at the truth.

This book is exactly what it purports to be: an action movie in novel form. Predictable in a comfortable way, nonstop fast pace, not super believable, fun all the way through. TBH, I doubt I’ll even remember the book in a month. However, as someone overwhelmed by foster kittens, record-breaking heat, and a hip injury, I’m not complaining about a book that I could escape into the same way that I can by binging Law & Order episodes. I enjoyed the book for it being exactly what a suspense novel should be. (And for not having last-chapter/epilogue “twists” – I’m really glad these kinds of novels are moving away from that trope!)

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Wellness Wednesday – Precipice

Posted on June 28, 2023 by Thistle

In the spring of 1999, one of my French classes was visited by a professor to talk about a summer study abroad program to Bourges. It was exciting and fascinating, and I really wanted to do it. I came out of that class energized, but then my boyfriend at the time was unhappy about it, and I found out that I couldn’t get any non-loan financial aid for it. At that point, my scholarships and grants had covered all of my schooling, so I didn’t have any loans, and I didn’t want to take any. I gave up the dream of that program.

Maybe a month to six weeks later, my class was revisited by the professor, who brought one of the host parents with her and a slideshow of photos from Bourges. This internal fire lit inside me, and I knew I needed to go on that trip. I ignored my boyfriend’s objections, ignored my uneasiness in getting a loan, and I chose myself for the first time in my life. It felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, not knowing what was in front of me, and stepping forward instead of back into the safety of my comfort zone. I’d never, ever done that, and it turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.

I rarely get those moments of urgency, where I need to do something. The need often has nothing to do with true need – I didn’t need to study abroad for any practical reason, and it left me worse off financially – but with something more ephemeral. Yet it feels more urgent and important than true need-based decisions. And while I’ve rarely gotten these moments, I’ve never regretted acting on them, while I definitely regret when I don’t act on them.

Two weeks ago, I came to another precipice. I was feeling a lot of wanderlust after our Alaska vacation. It was too short, and I was sick for the main portion of it. I wasn’t ready to come back to real life. (Or the Texas heat!) The cruise line we book through was in the middle of a big sale, and I decided to look into potential solo trips, possibly back to Alaska to re-experience the areas where I was sick and hadn’t done much. Wanderlust led me to exploring all sorts of destinations, most of which didn’t feel right. Eventually, I saw that there was a flash deal of “second passenger no charge” on a particular ship that made one-way trips up and down the Alaska coast. I thought that if I took two trips – one up and one down, so it would be roundtrip – I could just pay for my own passage rather than for double occupancy. Then I was annoyed that the price for me alone more than doubled the cost of each leg of the trip (aka I would pay more going alone than I would pay for both Jason and me to go). I guess the flash sale didn’t apply to solo travelers.

Now, if I’d called the cruise line, I probably could have worked with them. But again, I was frickin’ annoyed. I started researching the best cruise lines for solo travelers and then looking into those lines. I found some really awesome itineraries – and it opened my eyes to future possibilities on different cruise lines – but it wasn’t until I searched Virgin Voyages on a whim that I stepped out onto a precipice.

October. Round-trip from Barcelona, a week-long trip around the Mediterranean, hitting stops in France, Italy, and Spain. Here’s the thing – I’d seen a LOT of itineraries like this on various cruise lines, often for cheaper (because Virgin is an all-inclusive line that is higher tier pricing), and I hadn’t been interested in them. I’ve been to France and Italy. I’d like to see more places that I haven’t been to already. But this second I saw this specific trip on these specific dates, something inside me clicked. This was the one. This was right. This was important.

Y’all. I don’t solo-travel. I’m agoraphobic. I’m terrified to travel to new places alone. Every time I’ve traveled alone, it’s been to a place where I’m meeting up with someone, or a place that I already know. I’ve literally never traveled anywhere completely by myself. Flying into Barcelona, to a country where I don’t speak the language, completely solo, is terrifying. Even if Barcelona is cosmopolitan, even if it’s safe, even if it’s used to tourists. It’s terrifying. But the urge wouldn’t leave me, so I did a soft sign-up: a booking with a 24-hour hold where I would have to confirm before it actually went through. I had a day to decide to step off the precipice, or sink back into safety.

Long story short (too late!), I did it. I’ll be flying to Barcelona alone in October, traveling around the Mediterranean, on a new-to-me cruise line that brilliantly didn’t charge me any extra costs at all for solo occupancy. I won’t have Jason or my family to fall back on. For a week (or perhaps longer, so I can adjust to the time zone before the cruise portion starts), I’ll be completely reliant on myself for everything, for all the hard things, for all the new and unknown things.

When I read An American in Provence recently, I came across a passage that spoke to me (and ironically, came across it the day before I found this particular trip):

Who said easy is good? Easy erases experience! Easy paves the road from point A to point B without any discomfort, leaving you no room for adventure.

Well, y’all. I guess adventure is the choice I made this time.

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Yours Truly, by Abby Jimenez

Posted on June 26, 2023 by Thistle

The date of Briana’s divorce finalization is approaching and her brother is struggling on dialysis while he waits for a new kidney. Jacob’s ex-girlfriend began dating his brother only three months after their breakup, and he’s had to move to a new job to avoid them both. At first the transition is a disaster. He’s wildly unpopular in the new role, and his anxiety skyrockets. Briana despises him, thinking he’s trying to usurp her upcoming promotion, and when the two collide (literally), the situation grows even worse. So Jacob does the only thing he can think of, and writes her a letter.

This is a really cute little love story. It’s not really enemies-to-lovers, because all of the mishaps and misunderstandings in the early part of the book are pretty quickly explained away in the brief letter-driven portion of Briana and Jacob’s emerging friendship. Instead, this is a relationship that has other obstacles. A little white lie that turns into a fake relationship, a fake relationship that is more real to them both than either are willing to admit. Jacob’s anxiety disorder is a huge barrier, and Briana’s trauma over both her dad and her ex-husband abandoning her causes her to avoid romantic attachments regardless of feelings. Add in some other mishaps and miscommunications along the way, and you get a really sweet development of love over time, love that is never easy but is also very relentless.

I think my favorite thing about this book was the incredibly realistic depiction of an anxiety disorder. As someone who has an anxiety disorder, I could relate to so many of the things Jacob went through. His agonizing debate over the appropriate thing to bring for a lunch with a colleague. His need to research a restaurant menu and decide his options prior to any dinner out. His fear of new locations and the parking situations that they bring up. This last one in particular – I wrote down a quote that went with it because it was perfect and I wish all my friends and family would do this exact thing for me! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve avoided going to places because I didn’t know what the parking situation would be like!

“I have to go take a picture of the driveway,” [Briana] mumbled, getting up.
“The driveway?” [Alexis] asked.
“He needs to know where to park. It’s a thing.”

That. That right there is god-tier love. The fact that she did it for Jacob without him even asking her to? Thoughtfulness to the extreme. It was little moments like this that made me fall in love with this book.

As romances go, this was a very light-on-the-spice kind of book, more love story than romance in the traditional published sense. It was also (obviously) a little deeper on the thematic elements, giving it a roundness that I appreciated while still reading like a perfect comfort book.

Posted in 2023, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Sunday Coffee – Hopscotch!

Posted on June 25, 2023 by Thistle

A few years back, my cousin’s daughter posted photos on Instagram for this place called Hopscotch. It looked awesome, so I went out to investigate. Hopscotch is an interactive and immersive art museum with modern artists and ever-changing exhibits. I’ve wanted to go for years! The biggest thing that has held me back is that it’s located downtown and I hate driving downtown. I always forget that even in my home city, Lyft is an option!

Anyway, Jason and I were meant to go to Hopscotch for Valentine’s Day, we had tickets and everything, but that was the week of Tyler’s AF graduation and several other events, and I ended up having a massive flare that left me unable to use the tickets, so we held off. General busyness kept us from going for the next few months, so in May, we decided on a weekend in June, bought the tickets, and planned not to let anything get in the way this time!

Last weekend, we got a Lyft downtown, and our little adventure began! Hopscotch is built into what was clearly an old bank. One of the exhibits was even inside the old vault. Upstairs, there’s a bar and food area with art all around, and when it’s your ticket time, you head downstairs into the main museum portion. There’s a giant ball pit with rainbow lights zipping through, a “color therapy” room that was so intense that I actually think I burned my eyes (!!!), and then you enter a circle of exhibits, going from room to room until you’re back in the ball pit area.

The exhibits change depending on what artists are featured, with a few permanent structures (like the ball pit and the rainbow cave). Some rooms were filled with murals the size of entire walls. Some had swirling digital art that reacted to your movements. There was laser spray paint and optical illusions and a maze of clear walls with messages of unity and human rights written in many different languages.

In one room, you picked up an old fashioned payphone to listen to secrets others had submitted, and there was a number to call to submit your own. The rainbow cave is made entirely of upcycled plastic bags, thousands upon thousands of them, representing the number of bags used every few SECONDS in the world. Oy.

Some rooms appealed to us more than others, as you might imagine, as would be the same for any visitor. Then after we were done downstairs, we got to experience one last immersive exhibit back on the main level, a delicate light show in the dark, constantly moving, with mirrored walls so distant in the lights that you only caught brief flashes of your own silhouette. The slow walk through the maze of these lights led us out into the gift shop, where I promptly found a sticker for my planner, a pin for my hiking bag, and a comfy shirt that says “love is love is love.” I also met an incredibly kind cashier who could easily have been a model, and they were sweet enough to let me take a few photos.

It was a lovely experience over all. Not super expensive (I think our tickets were $12 or $14 each?), and I was happy to spend the extras on drinks, merch, and Lyfts to/from the exhibit. I can definitely see going back again with friends, maybe with new artists featured in places, and seeing new things that I didn’t discover on my first walk-through.

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