Back in 2015, I decided that I wanted to get a tattoo across a particular part of my back – sort of between my shoulder blades but slightly lower, at a spot where I tend to hold a lot of my stress. I was just starting with yoga that year, and realized through a long series of events that when that part of my back was touched, my body would almost instantly relax. Whatever the tattoo would be – and I had no idea what at that point – I wanted it to represent a place of happiness and a deep rooting into my soul.

That was, of course, eight years ago, and I never figured out what I wanted to do until very recently, when I saw a viral tiktok video about someone who had done a sleeve make up of hexagons. Each hexi was then filled by a different tattoo artist, so the sleeve ended up both an amalgamation and a tribute. I loved this idea and immediately began thinking about hexagons and my cats, and the way they all have linked to each other over the years. Some have bonded very closely with a single cat, avoiding all the others, while some have kept on their own and others have tried to bond with everyone. I cut out a bunch of hexagons from an index card and began planning things out, to see if I could make an accurate representation of their interrelationships.

The hexi part was new, but I’d already planned to get an arm tattoo involving nine paw prints for my nine cats (including those deceased), and to fill in each paw print with rainbow as they reached the end of their tenure here. I even had an artist picked out to do this, though I hadn’t written him yet. But after the TT vid, and my playing with the hexis, I found that I could very easily and accurately represent the various relationships the cats had to each other, and it formed a bit of a constellation. I could imagine different artists doing portraits of each cat, all in different styles that would represent their personalities. My cats have been an integral part of my mental health journey, especially in learning how to be vulnerable and open myself up to love and the grief that inevitably comes with love, and suddenly this felt more fitting to be on my back than on an arm or leg.

Now, I am not an artist, not by any stretch of the imagination. I can download a hexagon and plug it into Acorn nine times, and arrange them in the formation that I want. That’s about it. I printed the idea and kinda scribbled around it some approximations of where I wanted tattooing to go, in henna-like patterns that the artist I’d chosen (Vinny at Buddha Box) does a lot of. I wanted him to build on that, and after a few back-and-forths over email, he created a pattern that was not exactly what I originally had in mind, but honestly better. The relationship and ratios were the same, but the hexis had transformed into intricate framing that made the whole thing mine and not a direct copy of a TT vid. Heh.

I got the tattoo done on the last day of June. It was incredibly painful. They said the spine would be the most painful part, but honestly, I didn’t mind that part at all. The parts closest to my shoulder blades were the most difficult, and the last parts he did were all very painful because my skin was very irritated already at that point. I have hella nerves in my back, extremely sensitive to the lightest touch, so it doesn’t surprise me that there was a lot of pain there. Thankfully, Vinny worked very fast and the entire tattoo was done in 1.5 hours!! It was so much cleaner and more delicate than my previous tattoos (the most recent of which was blown out horribly and badly scarred, ugh). It’s also the first time I’ve had plastic covering, ink-leaking, long-term special care instructions, etc. (Should I have gotten decent after care instructions with my other tattoos? Yeah. This is why I didn’t go back to that shop. All they told me was “don’t scratch it, it’ll be fine.”)

Incredibly grateful that my friend Stephanie went with me. (Drove, in fact, because a back tattoo can make your reaction times slower if you’re in pain afterwards.) She helped to keep me distracted during the last agonizing sections of the tattoo, telling me stories and giving me updates of how much was left without me having to ask at all. She also took pictures with the stencil on so I could see the placement, as well as pictures while I was on the table (above) and standing afterwards. It was perfect and she was the best person to have there with me. And bonus – she was able to get some piercings at the same time because there was a no-show no-call dropped appointment at the same time!

It’s no surprise that I chose to focus on this tattoo for my July self-portrait. I set up my room with the right colors and lighting, then pulled out tripod, camera, and my 50mm prime lens. In former self-portraits, I’ve focused more on up close photos due to focusing issues, but this time I set to auto-focus and hooked up my phone so that I could see what my camera saw before each shot. This allowed me to get into various positions to best showcase the artwork.

Other than the fact that the Dial-and-Aquaphor combo has caused my back to erupt in rashes that I had to minimize in post production (and also frickin’ itch like crazy!!), these photos came out so beautifully! One of the best things about tattoos, imo, is that they help to celebrate the body despite its perceived imperfections. I don’t mind the curves and lines, when said curves and lines act as canvas. It’s a whole new level of body celebration.