Sunday Coffee – Muslim Culture Fest

Last weekend was my first proper girls’ day out in quite some time, and a great way to kick off October! October is generally a busy time for me. There are a lot of events going on that I love, and the weather is just starting to turn, which gives me a lot of energy. So when my friend Alia asked a group of us if we wanted to go with her up to Austin for the first annual Muslim Culture Fest, I jumped at the opportunity!

In the end, after expected last minute cancellations, there were half a dozen of us who ended up traveling up to Austin in two cars. I drove with Alia and Sisa because the three of us had more open plans and didn’t have to get back to San Antonio so quickly. The weather wasn’t super cool but also wasn’t tremendously hot, so it was a perfect day for the event. The Mexican American Cultural Center was kind enough to be a venue for the festival, which featured lectures, performances, food, art, and various small businesses.

I’ll be honest – I didn’t expect to buy much at this event. I’m not really one for buying things at festivals, beyond maybe a small souvenir. When I saw they had a henna artist, I knew that I would go for that, but I expected that to be all. Ha! There were so many lovely things and while I managed to hold back a lot, I did end up buying stickers, artwork, and perfume in addition to a henna design. Plus food of course. It was all just so lovely, and the venders and visitors were all the kindest people ever.

Alia, Sisa, and I stayed for about 5-6 hours, until the sun was starting to get really oppressive and we’d been on our feet long enough to feel tired. Other than wishing I had more disposable income – because there were sooooo many things I loved – it couldn’t have been a better day.

And to make things even better, the next day, a big group of us got together at our friend Lindsay’s house to watch Hocus Pocus 2 together. (It was adorable. I loved it and I won’t hear a negative word about it!) Two girls’ days out in one weekend?? Just what I needed after feeling so isolated and depressed for the last few months!

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The Change, by Kirsten Miller

Why do [women] keep going for thirty years after our bodies can no longer reproduce? Do you think nature meant for those years to be useless? No, of course not. Our lives are designed to have three parts. The first is education. The second, creation. And in part three, we put our experience to use and protect those who are weaker. This third stage, which you have entered, can be one of incredible power.

Three women, each at pivotal moments in their lives, discover that they’ve undergone a transformation. Nessa has always known this was coming; that when her world grew silent, she would hear the call of ghosts. Jo has spent decades at war with her body, until one day she embraces what she cannot change and learns of an immense strength. Harriett has lost everything, and finds solace in both nature and vengeance. The seeker, the protector, the punisher. Three women called to make the world safer for those without voice.

Oh my. This book. I hardly know what to say about it except that it’s incredible. Take the Golden Girls, add a dash of Hocus Pocus and a cauldron of feminist rage, blend it all together, and then bake to modern times. It had everything I could ever want in magical realism women’s fiction, and was written incredibly well, too. Even better, Miller had me questioning my instincts as I read, not with red herrings or misdirection, but with the same gaslighting that society already uses to get women to doubt their instincts. And yet, by the end, everything I’d intuited came to pass.

There is a mystery at the center of this book, a series of crimes that has Nessa seeking out those lost. However, this isn’t a book that reads like a mystery. It’s part old fashioned crime thriller, part coming of age, part mystery, part vigilante justice, part romance, part gender studies. But also none of those things. One cohesive whole that makes up its own genre altogether. It’s the first book I’ve read in months that I immediately wanted to own.

With everything going on in the world right now – the stripping of women’s legal rights in the US, the horrid brutality erupting in Iran, the increasing movement worldwide of anti-women hate groups, the pandemic-fueled rise in domestic violence, and so much more – it can be hard to read a book that features violence against women. Miller doesn’t make this easy, or gloss over this part. But she also gives back in these women and the folks, male and female, who help them. I can see people expecting this to be an anti-men book, but it’s not. It’s an anti-bad-men book. It’s a book that says monsters exist in many forms, and we are all so fed up with existing alongside them.

Stay away from [men] who seem driven by their desires. Don’t be one of the women who think they can feed those men. Those that do meet one of two fates. They either end up getting eaten – or they turn into monsters.

This review is only scratching the bare surface of what’s in The Change. Honestly? This just might be the best book I’ve read in 2022.

Trigger warnings: sexual assault, violence against women.

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Wellness Wednesday – Mournjaro

Last week, I said that I began talking with my doctor about medical intervention for weight loss. That was two months ago, and she told me about a new medication on the market, Mounjaro. This is a medication that is primarily used to treat blood glucose and A1C for people who are diabetic, and it can also induce weight loss. It’s similar to – but not the same as – the Ozempic that failed me so spectacularly in 2019 and 2020. We decided to give it a try, to see if I reacted better to it than I did to Ozempic, and I took my first injected dose on August 31st.

For the first four weeks, I was on a pre-therapeutic dose that was meant to prep my body for a therapeutic level. During these four weeks, I really only had a few mild side effects. If I went too long between meals, my stomach would ache with an almost nausea-like feeling, except that it was actually my body trying to tell me that I was hungry. The glucose-stabilizing effects of Mounjaro meant that I didn’t always feel traditional hunger signals, so I sometimes forgot to eat for longer than normal, and that “nausea” would remind me that I still needed to eat. I also had some abdominal cramping/bloating if I ate too much fiber or heavy fat in a single sitting, so I had to be slightly more careful about balancing meals.

As for how much I was eating, things stayed pretty similar to pre-Mounjaro. Breakfast remained the same, and at both lunch and dinner, I would eat a few bites less most of the time. Pre-medicine, I was eating 2-3 small snacks at different parts of the day, and post-medicine, this dropped to 1-2 small snacks. Altogether, I was eating about 90% of the calorie level I was at pre-medicine most days, and the kinds of foods I ate didn’t really change. In the last week of this trial period, the pre-therapeutic dose stopped really affecting me (as expected), and I returned almost to 100% of my calorie level.

This was a huge difference from my experience with Ozempic, which caused major food aversions and severely decreased appetite (cutting down by over 50%). Furthermore, in my two experiences with Ozempic, I gained a few pounds the first time and gained a ton the second, despite eating less than 1000 calories a day that second time! With Mounjaro, though, while eating maybe 200-300 calories less per day, I lost 7.5 lbs in the first three weeks. In the fourth week, when the medicine was only working a tiny bit, I didn’t lose anything. Obviously, the total loss is well more than the total calories not eaten, but I’ve always said that calories-in-vs-calories-out was a load of bunk, especially when something is OFF in your body. Clearly, the Mounjaro reset something right in my body!

A week ago, I took my first dose at the lowest therapeutic level of Mounjaro. For two days, I had some pretty severe nausea off and on, especially if I ate too much at any one sitting. Then the nausea went away, and I went back to eating the same way I had for most of the last month. There were some complicating factors in this past week that increased how much I was eating, and I’m happy to say that my body accommodated the extra volume of food with ease (no nausea!). And in five weeks, I’ve lost a total of 9 lbs now, all without major changes to what I was doing.

I feel better – not because of the weight loss, which honestly makes barely a dent in my body at this size, but in the stabilizing of my blood sugar. I love being able to go long periods without worrying if my blood sugar is going to suddenly drop on me. My anxiety has lessened, and the polyurea that I was seeing the kidney specialist about has almost disappeared completely. I sleep better, food tastes better (though this might be because we’re finally starting to make a dent in the long-entrenched thrush overgrowth!), and I’m in slightly less pain. If some nausea for a few days is the price to pay for that, I can handle that! I just hope the good continues, and doesn’t tip into the Ozempic Route!!

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September 2022 in Review

September just flew by! Maybe it’s because I was so busy with foster cats this month, but it felt like September was less than two weeks long. It’s strange being home without the kids. It’s changed things in more ways than I expected – like for instance, I haven’t even bothered to decorate for Halloween yet. I never would have waited that long if my kids weren’t around, and they didn’t even approve of me decorating for Halloween before October! It was just part of my personality with them, I guess. Or maybe the busyness from the kittens and the grief from having my aunt and my grandma pass away this month, plus no longer having kids at home, is causing more depression than I realize. In any case, I’m still adjusting to this empty nest thing, but it’s not as different as I expected (especially as Laurence calls home almost every night – I think it’s especially hard for him because his roommate never showed up and he’s up there alone!).

Reading and Watching
I expected this to be a big reading month, but after my third book, every other book I had out from the library was a bust! I did finally find a book I’m enjoying toward the end of September, but I’m not done with it yet.

Of course, it’s the start of TV season here, so a bunch of shows have started their new seasons, including the Great British Bake Off, one of my faves!

House
Other than the unexpected replacement of our dishwasher and garbage disposal, not much happened on the house front this month. We did some more work on the front and back yards, and finished converting the boys’ old room into a combo office/foster room. That’s about it.

The Ferals
I suppose I should label this “the fosters” by now, but I’m just going to keep as is, because who knows when I’ll end up with another batch of neighborhood kittens on my doorstep? Hopefully not, but considering how many community cats roam this area, I’m sure there will be some kittens in the future. In any case, we began fostering again this month. First there were Panini and her three little babies, who we had for a week before the stress of being near other cats was too much for Mama. Then we got a batch of kittens who ended up having a potentially deadly virus! They were on three different medicines, and a few times, had to be syringe fed. But I’m happy to say that they’re all on the mend and doing so much better than they were just a week ago!

(Austin, on the right, isn’t angry or scary – he just has a gremlin face. He was purring here.)

Health/Fitness
My health was focused on two things this month – the introduction of a new medication, which I’ll talk about more in detail in my upcoming Wellness Wednesday post, and a 30-day mobility challenge. This isn’t like other 30-day challenges, but instead a 1-2 minute functional movement exercise each day. This could mean doing a few cat-cow stretches one day, or rocking back and forth on your feet, or shoulder-flossing. They’re designed to loosen tendons and joints for larger range of motion, and are particularly helpful for people struggling with mobility (me!). I liked quite a few of the movements and will probably continue to do them for a bit, trying to incorporate a few into my week as I can (hopefully) incorporate more physical movement again soon.

Favorite Photos
It’s really hard to choose favorite photos when you have so many cute kittens in the house. You love ALL the photos, even the bad ones! Anyway, here are the ones that rose to the top.

Top row, left to right: baby Schnitzel; nap time with cats; crepe myrtle blossoms in the sunset

Bottom row, left to right: a sudden storm; empress leilia butterfly on my deck (which I actually edited into a postcard collage type photo!); my little gremlin-boy aka Austin

Highlights of September
This seems like a short list, but honestly, that’s only because “snuggling with kittens” was like 50+ highlights of the month. It’s the best thing ever to watch them run to you for pets when you enter the room, to have them purr and snuggle into your neck, to see their eyes light up when Jason gets home and they see him for the first time all day, etc.

  • Ambrose got married to his best friend, Tyler, via proxy marriage on Sept 1st
  • Lilo got adopted!
  • Cadbury mini-eggs adapted to become Cadbury “mini harvest handfuls”
  • pumpkin cream cheese muffins, mmm…
  • Ambrose was chosen as a Green Rope at tech school –>
  • snuggling with kittens – best thing ever!
  • discovering Countryle (like Wordle for geography)
  • first Halloween decoration
  • first weather front cool enough to leave the windows open overnight, near the end of the month
  • Brandon Sanderson got a tiktok!
  • the official GBBO tiktok responded to one of my comments, eek!

Coming up in October
It’s going to be another busy month. So many plans – possible corn maze and pumpkin patch, my first planned creative photo shoot, a Muslim-fest with friends, a Hocus Pocus 2 viewing with my hiking gals, maybe another haunted Halloween hike, Halloween in general… October is often a busy month here but it’s also a month that I tend to love and feel very energized by, so hopefully that’s true this year!

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Wellness Wednesday – the fatphobic rhetoric of “true” loss

About a decade ago, I met two different folks who had lost a large amount of weight. The first was a young woman who had lost about 40 lbs and didn’t really have much more to lose; the second was an older woman who had lost 150 lbs and still needed to lose another 100 lbs, and had plateaued there.

A few months after meeting the first woman, she told me that she hadn’t been able to lose any weight until her doctor gave her a medication that essentially caused her heart rate to speed up all the time, so she was always burning tons of calories. Despite this truth, she spent a lot of time telling people (in person and through blogging) that she’d lost the 40 lbs through strict personal discipline, healthy diet, and exercise. She claimed that if she could do it, anyone could.

A few years after knowing the second woman, she suddenly began losing weight again, and dropped off that last 100 lbs. She started facebook groups dedicated to healthy living, citing her own willpower and determination over many years to lose all 250 lbs. If she could do it, anyone could. Except that behind the scenes, she’d had gastric bypass surgery, and after a long plateau, further weight loss surgery that enabled her to lose again. She didn’t tell anyone this as she sold them her services in mentoring and coaching them.

Here’s the thing. Weight loss is HARD no matter the circumstances. It’s hard to do by personal habits alone, it’s hard to manage on medications that do weird things to your body, and anyone who thinks surgery is an easy route is deluded. But in our culture, weight loss achieved by anything other than personal dedication and willpower is considered “less than” and “not real” for no reason other than fatphobic rhetoric that says fatness is a personal flaw caused by laziness and bad choices. We need to stop that crap. Weight loss is hard no matter what, and frankly, even with medical intervention, it’s often impossible to sustain longterm. Those women I mentioned above should have been able to be honest about how they got their results. I don’t blame them for not admitting the full truth (though I don’t condone selling your results dishonestly for profit). The more of us who speak the truth, the more we can work to end that fatphobic rhetoric.

Once upon a time, I did lose 100 lbs on my own willpower and determination. It took over three years, and it was extremely difficult. A few years later, I began gaining weight out of nowhere for reasons my doctors and I still haven’t fully determined, though we have a better idea now. I’ve been unable to control my weight in any way since then, regardless of how I eat or exercise. Altogether, I gained 120 lbs in two spurts (70 then 50), and the last 50-lb spurt put me over a line where my body no longer functions well. There’s pain, there’s the beginning of problems in my blood work, etc. I’ve lost mobility, and I struggle to do very basic things due to pain.

So two months ago, I spoke with my doctor and the two of us began to make a plan to hopefully help me lose weight via medical intervention. Because frankly, I don’t care how I get back to a point where I’m pain-free again. I don’t need to be super thin – I just want to be mobile and out of pain, and to have my body back on the right track again, the way it was two years ago. I won’t let fatphobia or shame or a feeling of failure to do this on my own prevent me from getting there. And I’m not going to pretend I’m doing this by my own grit and determination. I need help, and there should be no shame or guilt in accepting that help.

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Sunday Coffee – Y’all, this has become ridiculous by now.

Oy. So I dropped off a cliff this week. I didn’t mean to disappear from the blog but wow it was a crazy week. It didn’t help that last weekend was insane between trying to replace the dishwasher and taking care of a suddenly-upset mama cat! That meant that I spent the early part of the week trying to catch up on my normal weekend stuff. Then I got new foster kittens who were sick and needed meds, which of course adds an additional load. (Not complaining – I chose them because apparently few foster parents are willing to take on sick babies – just meant some extra work.) Then my grandmother passed away this week, which was an entire complicated mess of feelings. (My mom has not once bothered to reach out to me since her little blow up in August. She didn’t bother to come see Laurence before he went off to college in Canada, and I can only guess that one of my siblings has told her that Ambrose has gotten married.) And then, at the end of the week, we discovered that the foster kittens weren’t just sick, but sick with a potentially deadly calicivirus, so we have to be on the look out for sudden fading kitten syndrome.

(Amarillo, Abiline, and Austin)

So yeah, it was a bad week, and then to make it worse, I tried out like five different books and they all weren’t for me, so I haven’t even been able to read. Boo! It’s always sad when you have a string of books you’re excited for and then discover they’re not going to work for you. (Whether that’s the book or your own mood!) Hopefully, the upcoming week will be better both in life and in books.

You know what I wish for? I want the weather to turn. It has been relentlessly hot here. Every time there’s a teaser in the forecast where it’ll only get up to 92 degrees and it may actually drop to 68 degrees in the wee hours of the morning, those teases go away as we get closer to the date. It was mostly in the high 90s this week, and though the mornings are now in the low 70s instead of the high 70s, that comes with a wave of extreme humidity that no one loves. By this point in the year, we usually have at least one brief cool front that gives us a hint of what will come, but I guess with it being ridiculously hot from April onwards this year, it should be no surprise that September is still miserable. There is a predicted brief front this week – lows in the low 60s and a few days where the high is only 89, but I’m not holding my breath yet. Fingers crossed, though!

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Sunday Coffee – Unexpected

Man oh man. So our weekend imploded. None of it is catastrophic levels of explosion or anything, just very unexpected. To start with, I went to unload the dishwasher yesterday morning to find it overflowing with water inside, not drained at all. We’ve had soooo many problems with this dishwasher, which we got in November 2020, that at first we thought the filter had gotten clogged again despite us rinsing every dish that goes in til it shines beforehand. But no. For the second time in less than two years, the internal pump had died. The first time – a month after we got the dishwasher – it was under warranty and we were able to get the part fixed for free. This time, it would’ve cost more than a new dishwasher to get the part and have someone come out to fix everything. And considering that particular dishwasher, which supposedly was a high-end, energy-efficient, super quiet blah blah blah appliance, had been a nightmare since day 1, we decided to just replace it.

So that was our Saturday – picking out, buying, replacing the dishwasher, which led to the discovery that our garbage disposal (which was probably as old as the 1997-house) was also starting to go. Rather than wait until this also broke down, we just went ahead and replaced it at the same time.

All that is enough for one weekend, but it gets better!

So far, fostering cats and kittens has been a mixed experience, especially fostering cats. The kittens have never had any real problems that we couldn’t handle. However, y’all will recall that we had one mother cat get extremely territorial and aggressive after spotting our household cats outside her room. She was semi-feral, so we didn’t put much weight on that. Sunflower didn’t mind our other cats, nor did Lilo, who was a mother cat. But all through this week, we’ve noticed a worrying trend in Panini.

Panini is a great mother who is very attentive to and protective of her babies. They’re all in their own room, but of course there’s a crack under the door, so the cats can sniff each other, plus they can see each other whenever we open the door to go in/out of the foster room. At first, this seemed to be okay. Panini didn’t like seeing the other cats, and she’d back up and sometimes hiss if she saw them. As her babies have started to get more mobile, though, it’s like her strong protective instincts have kicked in. She’s started to become terrified. We started putting a towel at the base of the door to prevent her from seeing the cats under the crack, but even the towel started terrifying her. Twice last night, she began to yowl and run around the room, knocking into walls, just absolutely freaking out. It wasn’t aggressive, just terror, the poor baby.

I had to write back to the animal rescue that I foster for to ask if I could bring the family back in, for Panini’s sake. I don’t want her to hurt herself. And Jason and I have decided that we can’t foster adult cats any longer – it’s too unpredictable, with our seven permanent cats in the house. Kittens are very flexible and curious. They don’t mind the smell of other cats so much. It’ll be much safer and less stressful for all if we stick to this. I will say, though, that I’m going to miss watching the Bistro Babies grow up, though. They’re so adorable and I’m absolutely in love with Schnitzel especially (he reminds me a lot of Hulud). It’s a wrench to give them up. But we’ve gotta do what’s best for Mom.

Keep your fingers crossed that we have no other disasters this weekend. Heh.

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The Ink Black Heart, by Robert Galbraith (audio)

When cartoonist Edie Ledwell is murdered, Cormoran Strike and Robin Ellacott are hired to find the identity of Anomie, the anonymous fan who has spent years torturing Ledwell online.

Yes, the author of this book is horrible, and in this particular book, she’s made a feeble attempt to whine about her own fandom turning against her online. She can claim otherwise and pretend that the book isn’t about her, but frankly, she used that excuse up with the last book, so no one is buying that bs. I debated whether or not to read this book, because she’s just so gross, and chose to do so under the same guidelines as I’ve chosen to read other authors. Many authors – especially of classics – are problematic, and yet I haven’t stopped reading their books. With modern authors, I’ve made it a policy not to begin reading new-to-me authors who are squicky. If I’ve already read and loved books by an author and then they turn squicky, I evaluate individually. In this case, because I loved the Strike series long before Rowling showed her true colors, I’ve decided to continue.

So. Ignoring the problematic author, I want to start by saying that this book was sooooo much better than the last volume in the series, which was written slapdash and meandering and scattered. The Ink Black Heart is longer, but feels half the size, because all the different parts come together well and the pacing is spot on. It’s clear that Strike and Ellacott are entirely out of their depths trying to figure this one out, and their progress is slow and painful at times, without ever reading slow and painful, if that makes sense.

The difficulty they’re running into, of course, is that they’re trying to track down an anonymous person online who has done a masterful job at hiding their identity from any kind of computer tracing. Anonymity is a major theme of the book, and honestly, the thing I liked best about it. Because despite Rowling having a whine about her fandom picking apart her beloved HP world and turning on her personally, the things she discusses in this book are the real problems of anonymous social media: internet trolls, and radical fanatics popping up in seedy corners everywhere. It goes into alt-right hate campaigns, white supremacist groups, the incel community, and violence against women, people of color, the disabled, Jewish folks, and anyone LGBTQIA+. There’s also a look at people who feed on social causes to win clout for themselves, exaggerating claims and capitalizing on folks’ knee-jerk reactions to -isms.

This last bit is where Rowling trips up a little. Because yeah, there are definitely folks out there who build themselves up online by exaggerating their illnesses, or claiming that their ideas were stolen by others, or picking apart popular media to the point of absurdity. Most people with invisible illnesses aren’t pretending, though, and they spend a lot of energy fending off the people who believe they are (including doctors!). Most people who spot problematic issues in popular media aren’t pointing thing out to attack the creator, but to bring awareness to biases we may not even realize exist. How do we learn and get better if we don’t examine these things?

Rowling’s bitterness at being called out on the fatphobia, antisemitism, ethnocentrism, and (so many other) inherent problems in the Harry Potter series becomes really clear, though, when she mimics the same call-outs for Edie Ledwell’s cartoon, The Ink Black Heart. There’s one character that speaks sense about it all, saying that Ledwell may not have meant for her cartoon to depict these things, but “we all need to examine our unconscious biases, right?” Bravo to that character! He’s exactly right! Except then, it turns out he’s one of the vilest kinds of human beings out there, undermining (if not entirely negating) the good things he says. Because any potential true criticism of the author must be brought down a peg or two, yeah?

By the end of the book, here’s how I felt: First, Rowling is a giant piece of sh1t who needs to sit back and do some really deep soul searching and personal education. Her biases and whining and poor-me attitude definitely peek through from time to time in The Ink Black Heart. On the other hand, 95% of the book could be read as if from an entirely different author, one not inserting themselves into the narrative. It was a fascinating, repellant, and alarming look at the way hate groups, conspiracy theorists, and extremists are using the internet as echo chambers to bolster their beliefs and create strength in numbers. As someone who personally fears the current rise of neo-n@zis, incels, and christian extremists, and who lives in a country that is a hotbed of these folks, the novel reads like warning bells. I can absolutely understand why people are skipping it, either due to the author or simply not wanting to read more about this kind of thing than we already see in the daily news. I, however, really enjoyed the book.

Performance: I love Robert Glenister, who reads these audiobooks, and thought he did a great job with it as usual. However, I don’t recommend this one on audio, or at least, not solely on audio. Many of the chapters are written as chats within a specific online game, and can happen up to three simultaneously. Glenister, of course, has to read them one by one, not simultaneously, and there are broad hints revealed in how these conversations intertwine that you simply can’t get on audio. Additionally, twitter feeds, tumblr posts, and youtube comments are often written out in sequence, and Glenister has to read every word, including the @ addresses in twitter replies and such. When you scroll through twitter, you learn to take in only the info you need, rather than every single character written down, so hearing it all spoken out got a bit confusing – a lot of extraneous info. I found that looking over a hard copy made the book much easier to understand during all of the social media portions.

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The It Girl, by Ruth Ware

Ten years after April’s murder, her killer dies in prison, still proclaiming his innocence. Hannah, April’s then-roommate and friend, is left uneasy. It was her evidence that put John Neville away, after all, and if he wasn’t really guilty, then she’s responsible for his false imprisonment – plus, it would mean April’s real killer is still out there.

I’m going to split this review into what I did and didn’t like, starting with the negatives.

The not-so-good: Once again, this thriller was filled with a lot of tired tropes, mostly around April herself. April is the quintessential it girl, as the title suggests. She’s wealthy, talented, smart, charming, and utterly repugnant. I don’t understand characters like this, or more accurately, I don’t understand what about them draws other people to them. In real life, everyone would have hated this girl. She’s mean, ruthless, unapologetic, backstabbing, self-serving, and whiny. There’s not a single redeeming quality about her. “Rich” and “pretty” and “smart” aren’t redeeming qualities. And yeah, people flock to those sorts of folks in real life, but only to get what they can from them, or to bask in reflected glory. No one actually thinks that they’re friends.

But in fiction – especially thrillers – this happens all the time. No matter how often people are dumped on by the it girl, they keep claiming that she’s such a good person with a good heart. Same here. Hannah doesn’t even seem to like April, yet continues to claim that they’re best friends even ten years after April’s death. It’s ridiculous.

Beyond that, the whodunnit portion was extremely predictable, the police were incompetent to a point of disbelief in their investigation, and the killer’s supposed motives were less than compelling. Thriller/mystery-wise, this wasn’t very good.

The good part: Having said all that, I actually think I’m swayed into liking the book more than disliking it because the thriller/mystery portion was almost superfluous. This felt more like a book about a specific important issue, with the plot built up around said issue in order to address it in a non-threatening way. Maybe it wasn’t intentional, but my take on The It Girl was that it was a good about power dynamics between men and women, and the way women are gaslit by society. It’s a statement on not-all-men and on rape culture and the way women are dismissed when they report threats. Not to mention the way that they dismiss threats themselves because they’ve been taught that their instincts can’t be trusted.

Regardless of whether John Neville killed April, he was a big ol’ creepo. His behavior was very much not okay, and yet it’s dismissed as harmless, old-fashioned, or even helpful. For example, at one point he takes a package up to Hannah’s dorm room and enters the room when no one is home, without permission. He claims that he was simply being helpful because the package didn’t fit in her mailbox, but he literally broke into her room when she wasn’t home. Then got mad at her and called her ungrateful when she was upset that he did this. This sort of behavior, which begins with escorting Hannah to places on campus even when she doesn’t want him to, and escalates from there, so obviously crosses a line when viewed from a distance. However, Hannah keeps second-guessing herself about the thing Neville says and does, and his motives. She won’t report him, and the one time she tries, her fears are almost outright dismissed by administrators.

Of course, John Neville isn’t the only flavor of creepo in this book. On the flip side, you also have the advisor who holds exclusive parties for “select students” aka mostly pretty women with only enough guys to claim this isn’t what he’s doing. Everyone finds Neville a bit weird and creepy, but most find the advisor smart, charming, affable, and harmless. I can’t imagine just how many undergrads he managed to sleep with over his years.

Those are the things that made this book for me, those dynamics, those thematic elements. Reading for thriller alone? Not worth it. Reading for some depth, and this has plenty to find.

Posted in 2022, Adult, Prose | Tagged | Leave a comment

Sunday Coffee – The Cutest Menu Items

Meet Panini and her three little boys, Kimchi (orange), Gazpacho (black), and Schnitzel (brown tabby). It’s been a few weeks since we had fosters. Lilo and Stitch went back to the shelter in mid-August, and both have since been adopted (yay!). The rest of August was spent taking our permanent cats to the vet for their annual checkup, in addition to getting Laurence ready for his move to Canada.

Once Laurence had moved out, Jason and I set to making some changes in the house. Basic things – offloading some furniture that was no longer needed, rearranging rooms and such. The longterm plan is to convert the boys’ old bedroom into a combo foster room, office, and makeshift bedroom for when Laurence comes back in the summers. For now, the extra furniture (that we don’t need but can’t get rid of until bulky item pickup in late September) is set into one corner of the room, and otherwise, we’ve arranged it into a passable room for foster kitties.

And here we are! Mama Panini is super sweet and very lonely. She loves constant cuddles (to the point where we need to leave the room when the babies are hungry, because she’s more interested in pets than feeding, ha!). She’ll probably calm down after a bit, but for now she’s almost aggressively affectionate. The babies are absolutely adorable. Schnitzel loves belly rubs. Kimchi is very active and strong and loud. Gazpacho doesn’t like his sleep to be disturbed, and I caught him with a blep twice in his first day with us. They were a week old on Friday, when they came home to us, so their eyes are still closed and they’re more worm-like than kitten-like, and so adorable. They’ll be with us for seven weeks or so, until they’re old enough and weigh enough to be neutered and put up for adoption. Since they’re going to have constant human contact that whole time, from such a young age, they’re going to be extremely sweet just like bottle babies.

Oh it makes me so happy to have fosters in the house again! If you need me, I’ll be off petting babies!

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