Sunday Coffee – Audio Recommendation Request

Posted on July 15, 2018 by Thistle

First off, Morrigan got in from Japan last night. I’ll be posting about that later this week with pics and all, but I want to give him a chance to recover from jet lag and choose what he wants to say about his trip. So that’ll come probably near the end of the week. For now, our airport selfie!

And in the meantime, I have a request from y’all. I’m starting to get a little of my reading mojo back, but I’m in the mood for one particular thing: health-related audiobooks. Health or weight loss memoirs, books about running or fitness, books about food history or health and nutrition…nonfiction, generally, but NOT in the diet-book or self-help genre. No books that try to tell me how to eat or give me a diet plan, or books that lay out a specific fitness plan, etc. Good examples of what I’m looking for that I’ve read in the past include: It was Me All Along, The Omnivore’s Dilemma, The Case Against Sugar, Elena Vanishing, and Real Food Fake Food.

Tell me – what’s your favorite health-living nonfiction? Go to town and tell me EVERYTHING!! 🙂

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Formative Books

Posted on July 13, 2018 by Thistle

We all have those books that changed the way we grew up, whether they were children’s books read to us or just something in school that made us see the world differently. I’ve been thinking about the books that influenced my world growing up and shaped how I see and enjoy things today.

The Egypt Game by Zilpha Keatley Snyder – This is probably the youngest book I remember as being 100% formative. I got my love of the almost-paranormal from this book. Plus I discovered, when I went back and reread as an adult, that many of my writing quirks came from Snyder’s writing. It had far more influence on me that I realized at the time.

The Eternal Enemy by Christopher Pike – In my early teens, I read a lot of cheesy supernatural books, but this one stood out. There’s one particular moment that I can’t reveal re: spoilers, and it changed the way I thought of personhood, identity, and consequences. Though I haven’t even seen this book since I was twelve or so, I still remember it powerfully.

Singularity by William Sleator – I didn’t read a lot of full on sci-fi as a kid, but I did enjoy the occasional Sleator book, and this one stood out from the rest. There’s a teen who spends a year following a very specific routine in terms of exercise, including running and calisthenics, and there’s still a part of me 25+ years later that thinks in terms of “running-pushups-situps” as the ultimate fitness advice. Ha!

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner – I read this one in school for my high school junior English class. While most people find Faulkner painful to read, I fell in love. I was experimenting with different writing styles at the time, and had never read anything even remotely resembling an experimental form. This book opened my eyes to writing that not only broke the rules but made up its own rules.

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath – I read this book when I was 20 and about to start my third year in college. In the past, I’d spent a lot of time emotionally connecting with music and song lyrics, but had yet to come across a book that spoke to me on an individual, personal level. That’s what The Bell Jar gave me – a chance to connect with books on a level that I’d never experienced before. The experience was profound and life-changing.

I’ve had influential books since I was 20, of course, and many of them have redirected my life in some way. But I always think of the formative period mostly being confined to childhood and adolescence, with a small snaking out into those college-aged years, and so this collection of five are really the Manda-canon of formative books.

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Wellness Wednesday – Fat, Thin, Female

Posted on July 11, 2018 by Thistle

I had a conversation with my sister this weekend that was similar to many I’ve had before. This particular sister is two years younger than me. In some ways, we’re extremely similar in our health. We both suffer from PCOS, insulin resistance, chronic insomnia, and other particular health conditions. To look at us, though, we’re completely different. Everything from our body shape to bone structure to our coloring is different:

(2012 – I was only 20 lbs overweight here)

Physically, we take after different sides of the family. Internally, we have remarkably similar hormonal structures that cause the same problems in both of us. We also share another thing in common: a difficulty in getting doctors to listen to us.

Continue reading →

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First Comes Love, by Emily Giffin (audio)

Posted on July 9, 2018 by Thistle

Family, torn apart by death, trying to cling together while all the resentments, regrets, and grief stuff every corner of every interaction.

This is one of those books that I have a hard time evaluating. On the one hand, the audiobook was engaging, the writing was excellent, the story interesting. On the other, I never particularly grew to like any of the characters, and there was no overall spark that will keep this book in my mind as years pass. So maybe I’ll just say that this was a good book, but I didn’t personally connect with it, though I can imagine other people doing so easily (especially if they’ve had any experiences similar to those in the book).

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Sunday Coffee – So Many Movies

Posted on July 8, 2018 by Thistle

For years and years I’ve said I’m not really a movie person, and that’s generally true. I’m not sure why this year is different, if it’s my mood or the movies that are coming out, but either way, I’ve been watching tons this year and have a long (for me) list of upcoming releases that I just can’t wait to get to.

Already watched this year, in theatre: The Darkest Hour, The Post, A Wrinkle in Time, Book Club, The Neverending Story (!!!), Adrift, The Incredibles 2. Note – I usually see maybe one movie a year in theatre. Maybe.

Movies watched at home (recent releases only): Forever My Girl, The Greatest Showman (wish I’d seen this one in theatre!), Coco

Backlogged films that I need to see: Tully, Mary Shelley, Leave No Trace.

Movies coming out that I need to see this year: The Little Stranger, Crazy Rich Asians, The House With the Clock in its Walls, Can You Ever Forgive Me, The Hate U Give, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms. Maybes: The Sky Who Dumped Me, The Darkest Minds, Peppermint, Fantastic Beasts 2.

(mom-and-sons movie selfie at Adrift)

Those are just the ones I know about so far. Twenty-three on that list, and growing all the time. That may not seem like a lot for most people, but it’s astonishing to me. The last time I can remember a year with a lot of releases I wanted to see, there were five, and that was pretty crazy for me then. Twenty-three is pretty much unheard of for me. Think of this: Back when Netflix first opened as a movie rental mail order thing, Jason and I bought into the single-movie-twice-per-month deal (the cheapest). After about six months, we canceled it because we’d seen everything we’d backlogged for almost a decade. This is how infrequently I think about movies that release. So this year is peculiar, and hey, I’m going to take advantage of it! Hopefully I’ll get to see everything on my list that I want to see!

Please note: It’s not that I have anything against movies, because I don’t! I just didn’t grow up with many movies so it’s never been this big thing for me. Plus I spent about a decade unable to go to the theatre because I had all these little kids on my hands all the time, so I got out of the habit of even considering the theatre as a destination. Heh.

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Off to Japan!

Posted on July 5, 2018 by Thistle

And he’s off! For the next week and a half, my oldest son will be in Kumamoto, Japan – so excited for this opportunity for him!!

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June in Review

Posted on July 3, 2018 by Thistle

The month started with a bang: Going to Houston to visit my uncle (who has late-stage cancer). Discovering that our roofers several months ago not only didn’t do the job we paid them to do, but their negligence caused about $20k worth of damage to our house. Having those roofers belligerently deny any responsibility, and having to go through mediation about it all. This isn’t really how we expected our month to go, and honestly, it never really got much better. We’re currently in a state of limbo with half-constructed rooms. Fun! Add to that the boys getting out of school, the extreme heat, bad insomnia, and the many, many appointments that I have to drive my kids to every day, and I’ve basically been a hyperactive zombie who’s half-asleep all month.

(our current kitchen situation)

Goals
What goals?

Health
For the first week of the month, I traveled, lived out of a hotel for a bit, didn’t exercise once, and literally had to eat out every meal for a week. It was not what you’d call an auspicious beginning for health-related stuff this month. Not much improved after that. I basically stopped tracking calories, eating produce, and exercising. I ate tons of junk and drank far more alcohol than normal. Exercise this month: exercised on ten days, for a total of only eight hours. I did only four yoga sessions and walked only nineteen miles. Total regain: 5.2 lbs.

(International Yoga Day – one of my only yoga sessions this month)

In kinda-better news, I finally had my sleep study. Unfortunately, that turned up no issues, and my neurologist is stumped, and still no one has any idea why I’ve had continuous severe insomnia for seven years straight. I’d really like to be able to sleep again. I have appointments coming up for my regular doctor and my OB/Gyn, so I guess I’ll see what they say next. I’ve also started looking for an endocrinologist, because I have a feeling this is a hormone-related issue.

Books
What books?

Highlights of June
The gems of the month were easy to spot amid all the muck…

  • seeing The Neverending Story in theatre with my cousin
  • LuLaRoe orders – my clothing happiness pretty much kept me sane this month
  • discovering Lush shampoo bars
  • coming home one day to find my two youngest sons dressed in dozens of layers of clothing –>
  • my cousin Jen’s party mid-month
  • some of the ridiculous dinner conversations that had everyone in the family laughing so hard our stomachs hurt

Coming up in July
More construction!

Also, I’ve decided that I need to talk to my doctor about my antidepressant. Not only have I lost all sense of smell and taste in the last few months, but I recognize that I’m having mania symptoms (bipolar 2 mania – not traditional mania). Sometimes it’s hard to tell because they intersect with my coping mechanisms during grief and chaos, of which there’s been a lot over the last few months! June has made it clear for me, though. I need to get off this medicine. I see my doctor later today, and hopefully soon I’ll be transitioning to something that will help me far better!

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Sunday Coffee – Halfway Point

Posted on July 1, 2018 by Thistle

Since we’re now halfway through the year, I thought I’d do a quick halfway point check-in. I’m going to skip the rougher parts (those can be seen in individual month check-ins) and focus instead on my best-ofs for the year.

Movies
I’ve seen a lot more movies than normal this year – more on that next week – and my favorite by far has been The Greatest Showman. I’ve been obsessed with that movie and soundtrack for the last month or two. I wish I’d seen it in theatre. It’s odd, because I don’t normally like musicals at all! This one just hit all the right buttons for me. Runner-up was hard to pick because I’ve seen a lot of good ones this year. I recently finally got to watch Coco, and that actually brought some tears to my eyes (hard to do for me). I’m tentatively calling that as my runner-up for the first half of 2018.

Books
As you know, I’ve barely read a thing this year. Only 23 in the first half of the year, and of those 23, only a small handful stand out as wonderful. One, however, stands out far above the rest. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine was by far my favorite book of 2018 so far. Choosing a runner-up was more difficult, because I really did read some phenomenal books in there. It seems my memory is doing that silly thing where books go in and go right back out, though, so I’m choosing my runner-up based on being a book I loved and that actually stuck with me all these months later: Consider the Fork.

Discoveries
I think there’s no denying that my favorite new thing of the year is LuLaRoe. I mean, that wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world, was it?

Highlights
Despite the rough, there’s been a great number of wonderful moments so far in 2018. My oldest son finished driver’s ed, scored amazing on his SAT, and was one of six kids in the city chosen to represent San Antonio on the trip to Japan this summer (he leaves in just a few days!). My middle son also finished driver’s ed, got inducted into the National Art Honor Society, and is spending the summer basically apprenticing (for money) under our contractor friend, since he (my son) wants to do construction or cabinetry as a career. My youngest was in the school play and is now taking an optional summer school class in theatre so that he can start more advanced when he begins high school in August. Jason is doing very well at work, getting more and more responsibility, and is highly valued (unlike when he was at his previous company, which dropped him for no reason about this time last year). I’ve had some personal breakthroughs with regards to my health, and while I’m not doing anywhere near as well as I’d like, I’m doing better than I expected. Plus I’ve gotten to catch up with several friends this year that I hadn’t seen in years!

Additionally, our family (accidentally) adopted two rescue cats this year, saving both of their lives, and they became a bonded pair. Financially, while we may be struggling now as the insurance argues over who’s responsible for this current damage, we’re doing much better than we started the year, now that our Wisconsin house is off our hands and we (at one point) had our massive credit card bill paid off. I’m sure we’ll get there again after all this insurance stuff goes through. Jason has booked us on a cruise for September, which I’m really looking forward to, and we’ve almost finished xeriscaping our front yard (stalled when the indoor work began!).

Sometimes it’s hard to see all the progress we’ve made in our lives this year, with all the negative hanging over our heads, but we’ve really done a fantastic job moving forward in 2018. Now we just need to get over the hump of the summer and back to making this a really incredible year!

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Goal Clothes

Posted on June 29, 2018 by Thistle

So it’s no secret that I’ve been obsessed with LuLaRoe, and that I have weight loss goals. I decided to combine those two together! It’s been awhile since I made goal outfits of any kind, but recently I did that. These aren’t end-goal outfits or anything. They’re ones that almost fit and will likely fit when I can lose maybe 10-20 lbs. I can wear them now, they just don’t fit the way I like. Here they are:

First photo, from left to right: This is a LLR Perfect T, size medium. I normally fit a large to extra large depending on material. As you can see, I can wear this shirt just fine. However, I don’t like the way it feels. The sleeves are tight and there’s too much pull under the arms. The fabric thins out when it stretches across the bust and shows my bra a little. The length is not quite as long as I like it. Wearable, but will look much better when it fits properly! That shouldn’t take very long – it’s the closest to fitting well.

Middle photo: This is a size medium Carly dress. Oddly, a medium Carly is generally the size I wear! I’ve noticed that Carlys seem to be a bit inconsistent, though. I have a large that fits like an XL and an XL that fits like a medium. In any case, this medium Carly fits more like a small or XS. The sleeves are super tight and dig in where it meets my side. The fabric stretches really bad across the front, making it semi-transparent. The whole shape of it just looks odd on me at this size, which is not normal for Carlys for me. Given that this is an oddly-put-together Carly, I can’t say exactly when it might start fitting properly.

Third photo: This is an XL Julia dress. The Julia is one of the LLR pieces that run very small and you’re supposed to size up 1-2. I bought this one for the design (raglan sleeves!), sized up 1. Again, I can wear it, but it’s tight all through the top and it shows off every lump and curve. I look stuffed into it. This one will take the longest time to fit into of these three, the most weight to lose, but I’m hoping to be there by Nov/Dec when the weather is cool enough for these longer sleeves.

Then there are these two pieces, which I photographed together (though I’d never wear them that way – talk about pattern clash!). The shirt is an XL Randy. I have another one in this size that fits perfectly, but this one is very tight and shows off all my lumps, haha. (The picture looks much better than it does in real life, I promise! The shirt rides up with every step I take!) I’m hoping it’ll fit by the time late fall/early winter comes around.

The bottom is a 2XL Azure skirt. The Azure seems to be a weird piece. Recommendations all over the place is to size down, which would put me in an XL. I bought a 2XL (not pictured) just to be safe, and it fits, though slightly tighter than I like. Still, it’s wearable. So I went ahead and also got this 2XL in the patchwork design (one of my favorite LLR designs I’ve ever seen). Only when it came, the waist was at least two inches smaller than my other 2XL and the skirt was about two inches shorter as well. The only way I can wear this one is if I pull it all the way up to my bust-line! This, like the Julia, will take some time to truly fit into. But I definitely need to get there! It’s too awesome not to wear one day!

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Wellness Wednesday – Another Reminder

Posted on June 27, 2018 by Thistle

As I’m pretty much trying to at least maintain this summer, with everything else going on, I decided to keep reminding myself that things could be worse, and keep myself motivated to stay the course, even if that course is just maintaining for now.

Me, at my heaviest, in 2009. I was miserable. I’d gained 60 lbs in the last year and was far above the heaviest I’d ever been before that (about 40 lbs higher than ever before!). I was still sick and didn’t know what was causing all the problems. By the time that all got figured out, I’d pretty much given up.

Me, at my lowest (post-pregnancies), in spring 2014. You can just see the difference between the way I felt in 2009 vs how I felt in 2014. Not only was I 100-105 lbs lighter, but I was fit, healthy, and happy. According to my BMI, I was still technically overweight (by one pound), but I didn’t care. Totally satisfied with where I was at and how I looked. I felt amazing.

Me currently, about 30 lbs under the the first collage of pictures, and about 70-75 lbs over the second set. This is where today’s reminder comes in. First off, while I’m only 30 lbs under that first set of photos, I’m a lot smaller than I was then. I’ve built a lot of muscle over the years, which means my body composition is very different. Second, the abdominal surgery I had in 2014 made a huge difference in my body shape, and even at this much higher weight, I’m not nearly as self-conscious about my body as I was pre-surgery. In fact, I’d say I’m less self-conscious now than I was 70 lighter and pre-surgery. Third, I’m not doing that thing where I wear whatever happens to be around just because I’m obese. I’m wearing things I love and things that work well for my body. So even if I’m not as small as I’d like to be, I still think I look just fine. That’s a major psychological difference this time around.

It may be several years before I can get back to my goal weight, but in the meantime, I want to remember just how far I’ve come, and how far I haven’t fallen, mentally and emotionally, as my weight increased this time.

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