Did you notice that I’m drinking iced coffee instead of hot, the way I said I would be? No, I’ve not already fallen off the bandwagon. (Heh.) But I am extremely anxious at the moment, and clearly I have successfully transferred my anxiety-coping-technique to drinking iced coffee, because this is what it’s going to be! On the other hand, I have a feeling I’ll be breaking the habit soon anyway, because:

The last two days have been whirlwind. After Thursday’s gigantic daily spike in covid-cases and the news that SA is currently on a course to reach full capacity in the hospital within two weeks, Jason and I began to talk. I’m immunocompromised in more than one way, and we have one child working 40+ hours a week at a Taco Bell, exposed to hundreds of people daily, many of whom still refuse to wear masks (not employees! just customers). It’s the end of June, and there is literally no reason for Ambrose, Laurence, or me to be in San Antonio right now. None of us are working or going to school. Jason’s parents live in northern Wisconsin, in a county that literally has only 31 cases and no deaths, with a 0.07% infection rate. (San Antonio, on the other hand, has a 4.25% infection rate, so it’s not just a population difference.) The entire state of Wisconsin, including metro areas, has a daily increase rate on par with San Antonio, so that really shows the difference. So Jason decided to talk to his parents, and they agreed that the three of us should come up to stay with them for the next month-ish.

I’m simultaneously relieved and wary of this decision. On the one hand, it means relative safety for at least three members of my family. It also means much more pleasant weather for exercise, which is always a plus. On the other hand, it means that I’ll be away from Jason and Morrigan and won’t be able to take care of them if they get sick. I also won’t be here if Ash takes a turn for the worse. And it’s a little weird to go live with my in-laws without Jason there, even if we’ve been family for 20 years. Above all these things, I don’t do very well with last-second changes of plans, so the last two days have been very anxiety-ridden.

Because we were leaving tomorrow.

Cue anxiety, hence the iced coffee, which is going hand-in-hand with insomnia. I’ve been scrambling to cancel/reschedule appointments, make packing lists, buy travel food, plan routes, choose a safe hotel for the one overnight stay, etc. I’ve also been attempting to get my boys to prep properly, when all they want to do is play Minecraft and watch Tik Tok.

And then last night, we all got sudden notices –> on our phones with an emergency warning after nearly 800 cases were reported in and our hospital capacity slipped down another 5%. So we’re no longer leaving tomorrow. We’re leaving now.

Wish us safe travels, and see y’all on the other side.

My stomach is in knots.