Originally I had another post drafted for today, but I’ve pushed it forward to next week. This morning, I need to express my utter despair. I don’t talk politics often here, and I’ve mostly tried to stay out of the political arena everywhere in my life over the last year. Last night just killed me, though. I’ve spent the last two days in a state of heightened anxiety, on the verge of panic attacks, because I knew this was going to happen. It didn’t matter what the projections and polls were saying. Our country is in love with reality TV and talk shows and the general nastiness that Trump embodies, and it doesn’t surprise me at all that he won.
Still, there was a part of me that hoped, a part of me that did my part at the polls and slowly died last night as the results came in. I finally went to bed around 11pm central because I couldn’t keep watching the nightmare unfold. I spent a restless night tossing and turning, dreaming about election stuff, fruitlessly hoping that I’d wake up to find that the winds had changed and Clinton pulled off a last second win. I knew it wouldn’t happen, but there was some part of me that believed we couldn’t really elect someone as dangerous as Trump.
I’m a fairly liberal person, but I’m not anti-republican. I’ve liked republicans in the past, and respected some of their candidates even if I didn’t vote for them. I even voted in the republican primary this year because I knew that race was going to be more important than the democractic one. I wanted two decent candidates this November. I wanted a choice I could live with no matter which side won. Now, I just feel vulnerable and in danger, because my family and I embody so many of the things Trump says he’ll destroy. Too many of my friends and family members are gay, trans, non-binary, non-white, not-Christian, and/or female. It’s not okay that we are all unsafe now.
Also not okay: the electoral college. For the second time since I became eligible to vote – and I’ve only been eligible for five presidential elections now – the electoral college has gone one way while the popular vote has gone the other. (At least as of 8am central – results not entirely final yet.) The system is outdated, and it’s not helping voters to feel like their votes matter. Not okay.
Alright. Rant over. I’m out.
Note that I do not publish or keep argumentative or degrading comments. This is my space and I will express myself how I wish. If you disagree, feel free to express that in your own space, not mine.
The Zen Leaf 
I had to go to bed, too. I had a brief moment of hope watching all the people visit Susan B Anthony’s grave, but when the results started coming in, I couldn’t handle watching it anymore.
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I feel the same. When they called Florida, I knew it was over. I feel a loss like I’ve never felt before when voting. It feels like a heaviness, as if we’re moving backwards and losing all the progress we’ve made. I can only hope for a moderating presence that will keep the worse at bay.
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We have had some hotly contested elections. Who can ever forget the debacle that was Gore/Bush 2000 after all? And yet, this one seems to have left people more fearful and emotional than I have ever seen. (It would be interesting to ask parents and grandparents if they see the same thing.) I mean, I actually shed tears on Tuesday night when it became fairly certain that Wisconsin was going to go red for the first time since Reagan. What other election has had people so emotionally invested – whether that emotion is fear, anger, or sadness? It is such a strange thing, and I am sure political scientists and sociologists are going to have a blast studying this election for years to come.
I do know that even though I am still struggling with the outcome, having taken the steps to donate to various charities, check out local chapters of other charities for future activism, to subscribe to various newspapers for better information, and some other very small actions, I feel better. I feel more involved. I feel like I am gearing up for a long vigilance, and I welcome the chance to be engaged in protecting civil liberties and human rights. I may not like how Tuesday turned out or the news that keeps coming out of Washington, but I have moved beyond grief to anger, and I suspect that anger is going to fuel me for a long time to come.
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