Wellness Wednesday #15: Reboot

buttonAs mentioned last week, in mid-November I realized I needed a wellness reboot. I want to be actively working toward my goals of strength, flexibility, kindness, confidence, and health. Some of these goals have suffered due to neglect and other issues, and I found four places where changes were needed.

What I’ve been doing: Basically ignoring everything and eating whatever I grab, regardless of hunger or nutrition. I’ve stopped eating freggies and real foods, and I splurge far more than is healthy. The plan going forward: I need to relearn how to eat for longterm  health. There are certain foods that I simply cannot indulge in because of their effect on my system – alcohol and gluten – so I’m cutting them out completely. I’m also trying to minimize sugars and flour, and I’m back to tracking calories. When tracking, the goal is to eat at maintenance level for my goal weight (roughly 1700-2200 calories, depending on exercise that day). Lastly, I must get in 3-5 freggies per day. (Notably: There are days/weeks when I’m unequal to tracking. Rather than push myself and disorder my eating further, my goal is to be mindful and try to maintain my weight during those times.)

What I’ve been doing: Almost nothing. Between crippling anxiety and depression, and this stupid ankle injury, I’ve gone about 18 months without regular exercise. The plan going forward: I bit the bullet and went to Airrosti for my ankle, and I bought a hybrid elliptical/bike (–>) for low impact exercise. The plan is to incorporate yoga (for strength, flexibility, and general wellness), more walking, and some moderate cardio a few times per week. Stretching, foam-rolling, and continued ankle therapy are musts, and I need to keep my fitness plans moderate so that I don’t overtrain like before.

What I’ve been doing: Floundering. Trying to do everything on my own. The plan going forward: I’m trying to find the right therapist for me, which has been really tough since moving back to Texas. Yoga, meditation, and daily focus on breath helps me outside of therapy. Furthermore, I’m trying to learn self-compassion and mindful non-judging, and indulging in non-food things. Furthermore, I’m now set up for massage twice monthly as a form of touch therapy.

Body Image
modclothWhat I’ve been doing: Alternating between an “I’ll wear/look how I please” attitude and crippling anxiety about my body, and dealing with the latter only by ignoring it or binging. The plan going forward: While I do want to love my body, I also need to separate that love from my need to take care of my health (mental and physical). I need to simultaneously nurture my body with positive reinforcement while also taking steps to improve it. This will involve focusing more on the health benefits of my food and fitness plans, minimizing scale usage, feeding myself body-positive messages, practicing mindful non-judging (again), and continuing to dress in ways that make me happy and confident.

True Confessions
When I decided to begin this wellness reboot in mid-November, I’d officially gained half my weight back. On the journey down, I celebrated that 50-lbs-lost line. Now, on the way up, that line is cause for mourning. Changing perspective, yeah?

50 50

The above pictures are after losing 50 lbs (left) and after gaining 50 lbs (right). It’s not a perfect comparison, but I admit to being devastated by how much bigger I look now than I did then. I checked my measurements, now-and-then. With this picture comparison, I thought they’d be larger now, or at least roughly the same. Oddly, I was surprised to discover how much smaller my current measurements are. Even on the smallest body parts (neck, arm, calf), I’m 1-1.5 inches smaller now. That’s a significant difference!

I checked, and the last time I had these current measurements, I weighed 10 lbs less than I did in the above picture. Considering my results at Siclovia said that 11 lbs of my regain has been muscle mass, I suppose that makes sense. And I guess that’s one little bright spot in the devastation that is 50 lbs regained.

About Amanda

Writing. Family. Books. Crochet. Fitness. Fashion. Fun. Not necessarily in that order. Note: agender (she/her).
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6 Responses to Wellness Wednesday #15: Reboot

  1. gricel says:

    I’m trying to get back on track myself. Too many changes and too many opportunities for over-indulgence at work have made it hard to stick to my health goals. Yoga has been the one thing that’s kept me going; though I haven’t seen a shift on the scale, I’ve seen a shift in my body (though, oddly enough, my shoulders have broadened considerably, as have my hips). I remember getting to my current weight about 5 years ago and being elated because I never thought I could get this fit, now it’s kind of disheartening to be back here. I know how you feel . Sending you lots of support for the coming months.


    • Amanda says:

      I would really like to get fully immersed in yoga. I was trying to, then sprained that ankle and every pose became hard! But I’m starting to be healed enough to work again, so I plan to start that 30 day yoga challenge again in January.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. steph20yh says:

    I know that we can never see ourselves objectively, but when I look at the two side-by-side pictures you posted, I actually think you look smaller and healthier in the one on the right! I wasn’t surprised when you said that your measurements backed up that assertion either.

    I continue to think that your weight loss story is a huge inspiration to anyone who has struggled with their weight (myself included!). I know you aren’t happy with where you are now, but I think that if you continue to focus on improving your overall health that’s the best thing you can do. Tony & I have lately been trying to be more active and incorporate more daily fitness into our lives (we eat pretty well, I think), and the thing that makes it different for me this time as compared to any other time, is that I’m not doing it out of shame or really with the goal to lose weight; I’m really just hoping to develop a healthier relationship with exercise and physical activity so that I can improve my overall fitness and feel better physically. I know it won’t be a smooth journey, but I honestly do think about what you’ve accomplished over the years and it reminds me that ANYTHING really is possible.


    • Amanda says:

      Aww that’s very sweet of you Steph. I often feel like a failure, and I have to tell myself that there were REASONS for regain, and that it doesn’t mean failure, just setback. I’m not good with setbacks, heh. 😀


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