As mentioned last week, in mid-November I realized I needed a wellness reboot. I want to be actively working toward my goals of strength, flexibility, kindness, confidence, and health. Some of these goals have suffered due to neglect and other issues, and I found four places where changes were needed.
What I’ve been doing: Basically ignoring everything and eating whatever I grab, regardless of hunger or nutrition. I’ve stopped eating freggies and real foods, and I splurge far more than is healthy. The plan going forward: I need to relearn how to eat for longterm health. There are certain foods that I simply cannot indulge in because of their effect on my system – alcohol and gluten – so I’m cutting them out completely. I’m also trying to minimize sugars and flour, and I’m back to tracking calories. When tracking, the goal is to eat at maintenance level for my goal weight (roughly 1700-2200 calories, depending on exercise that day). Lastly, I must get in 3-5 freggies per day. (Notably: There are days/weeks when I’m unequal to tracking. Rather than push myself and disorder my eating further, my goal is to be mindful and try to maintain my weight during those times.)
What I’ve been doing: Almost nothing. Between crippling anxiety and depression, and this stupid ankle injury, I’ve gone about 18 months without regular exercise. The plan going forward: I bit the bullet and went to Airrosti for my ankle, and I bought a hybrid elliptical/bike (–>) for low impact exercise. The plan is to incorporate yoga (for strength, flexibility, and general wellness), more walking, and some moderate cardio a few times per week. Stretching, foam-rolling, and continued ankle therapy are musts, and I need to keep my fitness plans moderate so that I don’t overtrain like before.
What I’ve been doing: Floundering. Trying to do everything on my own. The plan going forward: I’m trying to find the right therapist for me, which has been really tough since moving back to Texas. Yoga, meditation, and daily focus on breath helps me outside of therapy. Furthermore, I’m trying to learn self-compassion and mindful non-judging, and indulging in non-food things. Furthermore, I’m now set up for massage twice monthly as a form of touch therapy.
What I’ve been doing: Alternating between an “I’ll wear/look how I please” attitude and crippling anxiety about my body, and dealing with the latter only by ignoring it or binging. The plan going forward: While I do want to love my body, I also need to separate that love from my need to take care of my health (mental and physical). I need to simultaneously nurture my body with positive reinforcement while also taking steps to improve it. This will involve focusing more on the health benefits of my food and fitness plans, minimizing scale usage, feeding myself body-positive messages, practicing mindful non-judging (again), and continuing to dress in ways that make me happy and confident.
When I decided to begin this wellness reboot in mid-November, I’d officially gained half my weight back. On the journey down, I celebrated that 50-lbs-lost line. Now, on the way up, that line is cause for mourning. Changing perspective, yeah?
The above pictures are after losing 50 lbs (left) and after gaining 50 lbs (right). It’s not a perfect comparison, but I admit to being devastated by how much bigger I look now than I did then. I checked my measurements, now-and-then. With this picture comparison, I thought they’d be larger now, or at least roughly the same. Oddly, I was surprised to discover how much smaller my current measurements are. Even on the smallest body parts (neck, arm, calf), I’m 1-1.5 inches smaller now. That’s a significant difference!
I checked, and the last time I had these current measurements, I weighed 10 lbs less than I did in the above picture. Considering my results at Siclovia said that 11 lbs of my regain has been muscle mass, I suppose that makes sense. And I guess that’s one little bright spot in the devastation that is 50 lbs regained.