Saying Goodbye to Petunia

Posted on February 3, 2023 by Thistle

Today, we have an emotional goodbye.

Little Petunia came home with us on December 27th. I wasn’t planning on bringing in another foster in 2022. Dexter and Deedee went into the shelter for surgery and adoption in mid-November, and at the time, we told the foster office that we had about three more weeks that we could welcome more kittens. But mid-November is when kitten season finally starts to slow here, so there weren’t any good foster candidates that we could bring home before Laurence returned home from college over Christmas. Since Laurence’s bedroom doubles as the foster room when he’s not home, we said we’d be back to fostering in mid-January.

Honestly, it took me by surprise how forlorn I felt after only three weeks without any kittens to care for. Laurence hadn’t even arrived home yet, and I was pining. After he was home, my attention was obviously diverted for a bit, but even then, I missed having kittens around. It’s not just that they’re cute and fun. They’re that, yes, but fostering is far more than playing with animals. Many fosters start on medicine for worms, fleas, upper respiratory infections, diarrhea, etc. You have to watch to make sure they’re eating enough, they’re gaining weight, their poop is the right consistency and color, they have enough energy, and more. As the foster parent, you’re the one who can provide information to the shelter about these animals that adopters might need to know. No one knew, for instance, that Dexter and Deedee had mild cerebellar hypoplasia before we got them home. Not every kitten is going to be on the brink of death like some we’ve had, but every kitten is going to need monitoring. Additionally, as a foster parent, it’s your job to socialize the animals so that they make good candidates for homes, and to provide info about their personalities and needs for potential adopters.

Point being, these kittens are a big part of my life, and while fostering is a volunteer job, I find purpose and satisfaction in it. I know I’m doing good for these animals. And so after a full six weeks without fosters – even with Laurence home – I cracked. Little Petunia was a singleton who was supposed to be with us for two weeks while she gained weight. We could put her in Jason’s room since the foster room was occupied, as she was a singleton. (Why not my room? Mine has carpet. Otherwise, we would.)

We thought, from the description on the foster list, that Petunia was a relatively healthy kitten, but when we picked her up, it turned out she had diarrhea and a stubborn upper respiratory infection that took three rounds of different antibiotics to clear. In those early days, she was clingy and cuddly and sweet. She got so lonely if she had to stay in her room, so we often ended up bringing her to other parts of the house with us, curled up on chests or perched on shoulders, as we did other things. Our cats were very interested in her, even Jojo, who hates 99% of other cats. She wasn’t the foster that I got emotionally closest to, but she was the first one that made me think, wow, she’d fit right in with our household if we didn’t already have seven. (No, I didn’t consider adopting her for a second.)

Her cuddliness was a ruse, though. Turns out, she’s a devil-kitten. Kidding. Really, any kittens that aren’t feeling well are going to snuggle a lot, as close to your skin as possible, because they’re running fevers and feel cold. Never assume a sick kitten’s personality is their true personality! Once Petunia started feeling better, it turned out she was a fearless adrenaline fiend who loved to run, explore, and jump out at you to scare you (and herself). Now, this little girl was incredibly well-taught by her kitty-mother and siblings, because no matter how into her wrestling she got, she never used claws and never bit down even if she put her mouth on your fingers. She was an angel masquerading as a devil, the sort of daredevil who would thrive on midnight horror movies and the biggest rollercoasters if she were human. And when she tired of play, she’d curl right up against you to snuggle while she slept.

Cats are social creatures, and kittens need playmates. The first time I was told that two kittens are better than one, I thought someone was just trying to pressure me into getting more cats. They were right, though. Kittens shouldn’t be singletons. They need other kittens to wrestle, to teach, to learn from, to groom, to snuggle with. Without another kitten, Petunia had to do all that with us instead. She took three times as much attention and energy as other batches of kittens, who could keep each other warm and entertained. I don’t mind, but I do hope that she goes to a home either with another kitten, or at least with other animals to make friends with.

I know this post is long, so I’m going to end with a funny little story. We can always tell when a foster is ready to move on when they begin to escape. With Petunia’s unique circumstances, she stayed with us a lot of the time. In the evenings, she’d be in my room (all the other cats kicked out) for a pre-bedtime play-and-snuggle before I went to sleep. Earlier this week, I got up from where Jason and I were talking and scrolling Tiktok (yes, we’re old!), and didn’t see Petunia on my armchair, which is where she usually settles in after she’s done playing. I realized I hadn’t heard her playing for quite some time. We looked around, but she wasn’t anywhere in the room. It turned out, she’d slipped through the door about an hour earlier, and she’d spent the entire time that we thought she was in with us out in the wider house, exploring and interacting with our cats. The scamp! Thankfully, none of our cats reacted poorly. They’re pretty used to seeing her around, but you never know what will happen when they start interacting. That’s why it’s meant to be monitored! Oh, Petunia! Hopefully this little girl finds her forever home quickly!

Posted in Personal | Tagged | Leave a comment

January 2023 in Review

Posted on February 1, 2023 by Thistle

January was lovely. Honestly, I’m not used to January being a mostly-good month. My depression cycles – which have remained fairly consistent since I was about 13 or 14 years old – usually involve me having a great first 2-3 weeks of January and then crashing hard somewhere around the 18th of the month. (Yeah, it’s so regulated that it’s almost always within a day of the 18th specifically!!) I don’t know if it’s getting older and closer to menopause or peri-menopause (you notice this started not long after puberty!), or if several years on the right anxiety medication is smoothing things out, but I didn’t really have a crash this year. I had a week toward the end where I didn’t feel great, though that was right in line with PMS, so I don’t really count it. Is that all TMI? I don’t care. I have a female body, and the older I get, the more ridiculous it seems to hide talk of what every female body goes through. So anyway, it was a lovely month for the most part, and a really good start to the year. I feel good about 2023 so far and I hope that continues! The last two years were a bit rough for me and I’d love for 2023 to be a good one! [Pic: A random January photo of my bonded kitties, Atticus and Jojo, snuggling.]

Reading and Watching
After barely reading anything for months, January started with a bang! I read 7 books this month, and really enjoyed them! Trying to pick a favorite is agonizing! There was a Cosmere book, two books that were new volumes of old comfort series, an incredible nonfiction (a rarity for me), and two books far out of my comfort zone that completely blew me away. How do you pick a favorite out of all that?? There were all sorts of favorites here! So honestly, I’ve decided to reserve judgement, and call my favorite of January as a TBD, to look back on in a few months while all these incredible books aren’t still swimming around so close to the surface of my brain.

House
Oy. It’s been a saga this month, mostly because the folks who “fixed” the bathroom in December had to come out and re-fix it three times. And then the drywall guy had to fix something else that the plumbers should have done. Literally they didn’t connect the overflow drain pipe to the pipe underneath. They left a two inch gap. WTF?? So it’s an ongoing mess that’s been a constant source of construction – floors ripped up, holes in the wall, only one usable bathroom – for almost two months now. UGH.

(the former brown walls in my room)

Other than that, Jason took a week off work mid-month, and we repainted and rearranged my bedroom. That was one of my bonus goals for 2023, so yay for getting it done! At least one room went to plan! (PS – I still need artist suggestions, though!)

Goals
I don’t usually expect to finish goals in January, but I did actually manage a couple! Our garage is cleaned out, including the last two large items I wanted to sell or give away to friends (rather than leaving on the curb). My bedroom is also done, which I’ve already talked about. Other than that, I made normal progress toward goals: my first monthly photo book ordered, personal and group photoshoots done, used up some wax melts, etc. I feel good about the progress made this month!

The Ferals
Two cats TNRed this month! Unicorn and Feather will both have safer, happier, healthier lives going forward. Hopefully, they’ll all end up friends (including Lord Grey) and continue to use our home as their base so we can care for them.

(look at those beautiful ear-tips!)

We’ve also continued to foster Petunia, who needed three rounds of different antibiotics to treat her upper respiratory infection. She’s finally symptom-free, though, and this kitten – who was only meant to be with us for about two weeks when we got her right after Christmas – will be going in for surgery and adoption this Friday! There haven’t been a lot of cats on the foster list lately, so we’ll probably take a week to do some deep cleaning, in preparation for kitten season, which will be here any minute.

Health/Fitness
This month has mostly been about managing my health without the proper medication. Back in November, my doctor wanted to move me from the 5mg to 7.5mg level of Mounjaro, after about 12 weeks at the 5mg level. Unfortunately, there was a national shortage on the 7.5mg dose, so we kept on the 5mg for another four weeks…only to have the shortage increase to include the 5mg when I needed my refill in late December. I had to drop back to the 2.5mg level for four weeks. That is the beginning “pre-therapeutic” dose, and while it did really well for me in the beginning, it’s not meant to help longterm.

(hikes of January)

And it didn’t. Through most of January, I struggled with hypoglycemia and blood sugar issues, and it was difficult to keep my weight stable. Thankfully, I was able to move back up to the 5mg level in late Jan. There’s been no nausea side effects the way there was in the 16wks I was on this level before, so yay for that! On the downside, while this has re-stabilized my blood sugar, it hasn’t truly induced weight loss again, so I’m still sitting around the same place I was at before Christmas. I’m thankful that I kept any regain to the ounces rather than pounds, but I’m also looking forward to continuing forward with a higher dose in the future. Hopefully this whole shortage thing is resolved soon! As of today, my total loss since late August is around 16.5 lbs.

Favorite Photos
Because I’ve been posting my group and personal photoshoots in their own posts over the last few month, I’ve decided to exclude the favorites from those from my monthly review. So the following are the photos outside those shoots that are my faves.

Clockwise from top left: Unicorn’s Big Stretch; nectarine blossoms under freezing rain; a message found in the crook of a tree; game night with my lovely friends (Jennine, Sisa, Alia)

Highlights of January
Once again, it’s been a lovely, lovely month!

  • Kickoff of the Year of Sanderson!
  • spending time with my brother and baby sister before they both leave SA
  • playing Cat Lady (board/card game) with Jason and Laurence
  • Lord Grey mewing at me and almost approaching me, within 3 feet! Then eating in front of me when I was standing not 5 ft away!
  • all the stuff for the Gutter Glitter photoshoot, even overcoming the embarrassment of people staring at me
  • the Mr Brown Can Moo rap (ha!)
  • an incredible exchange with creatives Reneé and Zara at Mildfire
  • connecting with another cat rescuer on my street
  • nerdy board game nights – I know I say this just about every month, but these nights truly are highlights of each month!
  • being able to help out several friends in need
  • bowling with friends even though we’re all awful at it, heh
  • getting my first Chatbook that documents Jason’s and my first cruise in 2012
  • my Hoid box arrived!!
  • celebrating my uncle’s 60th birthday, including seeing several of my aunts for the first time since pre-pandemic!
  • silly photo session with Sarah, followed by drinks at Mildfire, where my dad and stepmom just happened to be when I arrived, and where I also got to talk to Reneé about setting up more photoshoots
  • all of Petunia (my foster kitten)’s antics – she is the queen of bleps!
  • our Roomba. That was an expense I didn’t know we needed and I’m so happy we bit the bullet and went forward with it.
  • kind interactions with an Etsy seller who accidentally sent me the wrong item

Coming up in February
Valentine’s, Galentine’s, hopefully more photos! J and I have plans to visit an interactive art museum sometime near mid-month as a Valentine’s date (we never go on the day itself – too crowded!), and perhaps we’ll start work on rebuilding our garden towards the end of the month (prime planting time in south Texas!).

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

The Spare Man, by Mary Robinette Kowal

Posted on January 30, 2023 by Thistle

Tesla Crane is on her honeymoon, a cruise to Mars. She revels in her anonymity with a spoofed ID and appearance, no bodyguards to surround her and give her away. But only a few days into what’s meant to be a glorious trip, there’s a murder right outside her cabin door, and her spouse is arrested for it.

This book is well beyond my comfort zone. I don’t generally read science fiction, especially space-based sci-fi, but this one is set on a cruise ship, and long time readers will know that I love a cruise setting!! Plus, I follow the author on TikTok and her writing content is awesome. And I also read that Sanderson/Kowal duet The Original back in 2021, and that was really great. All good motives to get out of my comfort zone, and I’m glad I did, because reading The Spare Man was a very interesting experience.

I am the sort of reader who tends to be drawn more toward fluid writing, atmospheric tone, and life just exploding from the page. I’m less drawn toward writing and storytelling that is more technical and/or precise in nature, like this one. This kind of writing, while excellent, often doesn’t engage my emotions as easily, and so the experience of the book doesn’t stick with me. This is the first time that I’ve read a book so skillfully done, technical layers built on top of each other so well, that before I’ve realized what happened, I’m emotionally invested in everything from the characters to the setting to the plot. Most of the books I’ve read that focus on this precision tend to hit one note, with built-in layers to give it depth. The Spare Man was more like multiple melodies being played simultaneously, each masterfully done on its own, but somehow blending into a larger creation. A book is often greater or lesser than the sum of its parts; The Spare Man felt like exactly the sum of its parts, which is both mind-blowing and unique, at least for my experience. I loved it.

There are so many things I could discuss about this book. Gender is approached in a fascinating way – not just that folks have pronouns attached to their names, but they are described by the narrator in a way that has no indication of typical gender markers. As a person who has grown up in a generally binary culture, it was difficult to form mental pictures of characters without those gendered touchstones, which challenged me to examine even further my already-liberal views of gender. Disability and mental health were also heavy focuses, as Tesla suffers from various physical injuries and pain from a former traumatic accident that also gave her anxiety, panic attacks, and severe PTSD with flashbacks. Her physical condition is ever-present in the text, just as it is ever-present with Tesla herself.

Then there is the dog. Y’all, I’m not a dog person. I mean, I’ve known dogs that I love and enjoy being around, but it’s not like with cats. I love every cat. I see photos of them and just melt. Dogs are…just dogs. But Gimlet, Tesla’s service dog, wormed her little way into my heart in the same way she wins over just about everyone in this book. I’ve read plenty of fictional dogs before, and I can’t remember another that I loved like this one.

Of course, the book isn’t perfect – no book is, right? There are a lot of unanswered question (even minor ones) that I wish I had answers to, some of which aren’t even related to the mystery! (Highlight to read, contains very minor spoilers: What did Jalna want to talk to Tesla about in the theatre? What did “hourglass” mean, and did it have any significance? Who was the Mx Smith asking about tee time, with the freckles and red hair? Why is Annie’s cruel and out-of-character outburst in the theatre never addressed? End.) It’s possible some of these have answers and I just missed them, particularly towards the end when I was reading far faster and later in the night than I should have been. It’s definitely a book that would benefit from reread.

Perhaps I’ll do that sometime. I know the audiobook is supposed to be good, and read by Kowal herself. And then I can find out how Mx is pronounced. Heh.

Posted in 2023, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Sunday Coffee – Brain Offline

Posted on January 29, 2023 by Thistle

This morning, I’m meant to be driving out to Inks Lake, my favorite state park, with a friend to go hiking up to the waterfalls. Only we had to cancel because suddenly there’s meant to be storms and pouring rain, so now I’m here, drinking my coffee, trying to think of something to write because in all honesty, I usually pre-draft or at least pre-plan much of what I talk about on Sundays and just finish up over coffee.

It’s been one of those weeks that feels endless but also like it didn’t happen. Last weekend was a blast. Unicorn had his Freedom Run and then I went to hike a new-to-me park with my group. That same evening, I went to my uncle’s 60th birthday party and got to see some aunts that I hadn’t seen Thanksgiving of 2019!! Then my friend Sarah and I had our Big Tree photo session on Sunday with drinks afterwards. But then the weekend ended, and since then, I’ve been in a time loop.

Rain, rain, rain. We need it, but oh man it can be exhausting. I edited the weekend photos, caught up on little things that I’d neglected over the weekend, searched for artists, binged-watched TV reruns for no reason, caught up on podcasts, did a puzzle, and barely left the house. It was a lot of busyness to mask the not-great I felt. I won’t say it was bad, because I generally have a dip or crash in January, and this was definitely a dip year. I appreciate not crashing. But it’s been a bit of a nothing week, so I have nothing really to write about. Things move along, as they do, and sometimes you just don’t have much to say, no?

I realized while searching for an old post on my blog the other day that I’ve been writing these Sunday Coffee posts for 8.5 years now. I mean, I used to do Sunday Salon posts, during the original Zen Leaf years, before I took the show offline for a year or 18 months. When I re-created the blog in August 2014, I started doing Sunday Coffee instead, and it’s remained consistent, if unpredictable (heh). I was surprised by how long it’s been, mostly because in my head it still feels like 2018. It’s hard to imagine that I’m so far out from the horrific year we lived in Boston! But hey, that’s a subject already hashed over too many times, and I’ve meandered enough in this midway-through-coffee mess of a post, so I hope you all have a good week. Mwah!

Posted in Personal | Tagged | Leave a comment

Fall Whimsy…in January

Posted on January 27, 2023 by Thistle

Back in November, my friends and I had planned an autumn photoshoot at the Big Tree, as a celebration of fall, nature, and majestic places. Obviously, that didn’t work out, and due to fire, we ended up going to a different park for our photos. The results were beautiful, but I still wanted to go back to that original idea.

It’s a good thing I live in a place where I can recreate fall photos in January, yeah? I mean, in all honesty, the leaves don’t even start changing color here until late November, and it rarely looks like picturesque autumn in town for more than a few days. So we were always going to have to put our own spin on the theme.

Unfortunately, due to timing and illnesses, only my friend Sarah was able to participate in the shoot. So in a way, this was completely new to me – the first time I did a shoot for an individual, giving them direction without them having other folks around to influence and shape the photos. Sarah did an amazing job, both in taking direction and in making suggestions, and we had a really fun morning together.

My former friend-photoshoots have been prop-heavy, but this time I wanted to keep it simple. I brought a bag of leaves (the same kind as the Big Tree sheds, so no worries about that!) and a handful of scarves that I recently took home from my late grandmother’s collection. Sarah brought a couple different sweaters and jackets to switch around, and then we took photos in different spots all around the tree. There were portraits and leaf-throwing shots and flowing scarves. We got a few shots together as well.

The whole morning was laid back and fun. After the shoot, we went to my favorite coffee shop, Mildfire Coffee, which is where I previously had that lovely interaction a few weeks back. Reneé, one of the two I mentioned from that former encounter, was working that day, and my dad and stepmom happened to be in the café at the same time. Some small-world moments that made the day extra awesome. Sarah and I got drinks and spent some time chatting afterwards, which honestly is the best part of doing all this with friends! As a side note, it makes me think back to 8-9 years ago, when my social support system was so very small and too many of my people were moving away (because I live in a military town, and that happens). I had no idea just how much my life would change when I first attended a hike hosted by a Meetup group just over three years ago.

Anyway. These photos came out gorgeous and I had so much fun editing them. It’s just what I pictured, without knowing exactly what I was picturing, when I first thought of this shoot last fall.

Posted in Personal | Tagged | Leave a comment

Good for a Girl, by Lauren Fleshman (audio)

Posted on January 25, 2023 by Thistle

Subtitled: A Woman Running in a Man’s World

Fleshman is a retired world-class professional runner, and this book is both her memoir and a treatise on the way women are approached and treated in the sports and running world. In particular, she takes us through the way the industry has changed over the last 30 years, both in good ways and in not-nearly-enough ways. Along the way, Fleshman discusses biology, puberty, eating disorders, athletic apparel, press coverage, professional contracts, injury, and the state of being female in the competitive sports world.

Let me preface this review by saying that my running days were amateur at best – I never even broke a 30-min 5K let alone the 15-min mark of the elite female runners – and that with the badly-healed, arthritic bone in my left foot, it’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to run in any capacity again. So why read a running memoir? Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m just drawn to running nonfiction (particularly by women), or if I’ve just stumbled upon quite a number of good ones that address a wider scope than just running itself. As a fat, no-longer-running, middle-aged woman, I still found this book relatable. I may not have ever been anywhere near a professional athlete, but I did compete (in swimming) through my adolescence, and beyond that, I’ve lived as a woman through roughly the same time period as Fleshman (who is two years younger than me). I’ve watched the way various women’s sports have changed over time, and also the ways that the perception of women’s sports have stayed the same. If you see the inherent problems in women’s teams being fined for not wearing bikini bottoms, or the various controversies over whether female tennis players must wear skirts, or even the stark difference of both outfits and performance standards in male vs female gymnastics, there is something in this book for you.

I really enjoyed the book, and I’m generally not a memoir person. Fleshman integrated the memoir and non-memoir portions really well, probably because she lived through the environment she’s critiquing, so they dovetail perfectly. She also did an excellent job of acknowledging her failings – the times when she judged others in secret, the later-in-life realization that her fight for women ignored intersectional aspects, the moments that she let her desire to succeed win over her decision to make healthy physiological choices. All these things made up a perfectly imperfect narrative that was quick and easy to listen to.

There was one particular line that I actually stopped my audiobook to transcribe, because it impacted me more than I can describe, given the very fretful relationship I had with my body for almost 15 years post-first-pregnancy:

Women face immense pressure to experience pregnancy like leave-no-trace camping, with the goal being zero evidence on the body that it occurred at all.

It’s not really about running, and it’s only tangentially related to women in sports, but I think that’s a quote that could resonate with nearly every mother I’ve ever known. Immediately on hearing this, I decided that I must set up a personal photoshoot for my own scarred, damaged, never-be-the-same belly, in defiance of the pressure so many of us feel. Even if I’d gotten nothing else from Good for a Girl, that one sentence would’ve made the listen worth it.

Performance: Normally, I’m not a fan of authors reading their own books, but Fleshman did a fabulous job reading hers and I have no complaints.

Posted in 2023, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

TNR: Unicorn

Posted on January 23, 2023 by Thistle

Two weeks back, Jason and I managed to catch and TNR a little calico girl we called Feather. Feather had brought with her two male cats, King and Unicorn. While King remains elusive, spreading himself around and getting food from every source he can find, Unicorn decided to continue hanging around and making himself comfortable in our yard. That was absolutely perfect for us, because it meant that we could trap-train him and get him in for TNR – as well as get a nasty-looking neck wound cared for!

Unicorn earned his name by being a rare male calico. For the most part, he’s white with black-tabby patches, but he has one orange-tabby patch on his back leg, which makes him a calico. Only 1 in 3k calicos is male – so rare that vets can work for decades without ever seeing one – and somehow we ended up with a feral male calico in our yard!! Male calicos are almost always sterile as well, because the only way they can have calico coloring is to have an extra X gene. Only 1 in 10k male calicos can produce offspring, which means that it’s unlikely Unicorn has been in any way responsible for the population of feral cats in our neighborhood. However, neutering is still recommended, because with the decreased testosterone levels, neutered male cats are less prone to fighting/aggression, which cuts down heavily on disease acquisition and spread. Given that Unicorn was following an unfixed female around, has a neck wound most likely from fighting, and chases any cat he sees, a decrease in aggression is a good thing!!

(trap training)

Anyway, we began trap-training Unicorn right after Feather was released, and he took to it immediately. At first, we tried not to let Lord Grey, our fixed feral cat, go into the trap to feed, but it became clear that this wasn’t going to work longterm and decided to focus solely on LG not getting trapped once we actually set the pressure plate. Furthermore, as Unicorn came to the yard more often, sometimes sleeping along the fence or just hanging out, he and LG began to interact more often. LG stopped running as much, and there were some standoffs that weren’t too aggressive. Soon, LG started staking his claim to our yard, getting the food first, and Unicorn would sit nearby, trying to pressure him into giving up the food. Not as if we didn’t put out a gigantic amount of food several times a day over the last few weeks – they both got plenty. But it has been interesting to watch them interact. Makes me wonder if they’ll end up friends once Unicorn’s testosterone levels fall away (about a month after neutering).

(LG was determined to eat first and wouldn’t let Unicorn into the cage)

By Jan 13, Unicorn was ready, but the vet didn’t have available appointments until the 20th, so we used that time to get him even more comfortable in our yard. Unlike Feather, who was super skittish and never** came back for food after her escape, we’d like Unicorn to remember this place as his food source. Community cats with a home base and dedicated feeders tend to fare better in the long run, and we’d like to welcome Unicorn into our fold. He’s so beautiful, with giant tomcat cheeks that indicate he’s probably at least a few years old, and I do think he and LG can become friends. We also tried to get him used to our presence, staying outside or easily visible in the windows when he was eating.

On the 20th, we took him in for his surgery, and then held our breath to hear what was going to happen with the nasty-looking neck wound. Fight wound? Bot fly? Burst ulcer? Not healing due to FIV or other immune issue/disease? I can’t tell you the relief when the vet called to say that neuter surgery went well and that they cleaned the wound to see that it was just from fighting, fairly shallow, and just very dirty. It should heal on its own, didn’t even need stitches. Hurrah!

(LOOK AT THOSE CHEEKS!!)

We picked up Unicorn later that day and learned that he had been “shockingly angry” with the vets. Doesn’t surprise us, tbh. He’s an old tomcat with a lot of aggression. Unlike most of the cats we’ve TNRed so far, he didn’t sit passively in the cage and stare at us wide-eyed if we lifted the towel to peek at him. There was a lot of hissing and spitting any time we checked on him, even after surgery when he was loopy on anesthesia. The boy was big mad.

Weirdly, though, the next morning he was perfectly calm. We opened the cage for his freedom run but he apparently didn’t realize it, so we pulled the towel back to motivate him. He sat there staring at us like he was terrified, but no hissing/spitting. After a moment, he backed away from us a little more, realized (finally) that the cage was open, and scrambled out and away. Ha! So far, I haven’t seen him return to eat, but 1) it’s only been two days, and 2) I haven’t been home much over those days so it’s possible he’s returned without notice. I’m pretty sure he’ll be back someday soon! *ETA: He returned for the first time that I saw the day after I posted this. Woohoo!

**The afternoon of Unicorn’s surgery, Feather came back to our yard for the first time since she sprinted out of it on her Freedom Run. She and LG had a little standoff in the yard, and then she ran when Jason brought some food out for the two of them. Hopefully she comes back again, and over time learns that our home can be trusted as a source of sustenance. And at least we know in the meantime that she’s alive and well! *ETA: She returned the afternoon of this post and had herself some dinner, hurrah!

Posted in Personal | Tagged | Leave a comment

Sunday Coffee – a quest for new art (Please help!!)

Posted on January 22, 2023 by Thistle

This week, Jason and I painted my bedroom. It was still mostly this horrible brown color except the one wall we had to fix when we redid the windows a couple years ago. In repainting, we also added a shelf high up on one wall, and rearranged the room so that it could better accommodate some things that I’d just been stuffing into my closet in the meantime. While we did all this, I decided it was time to do a bit of spring cleaning. Everything was off the walls and shelves, tucked into piles, so it was time to sort and decide what I still wanted, and what had outlived its purpose. This went from everything from extra yoga mats to artwork that had been hanging on my wall for five years but no longer really fit my aesthetic.

By the end of the project, this is what my room looked like:

A couple notes: First, on a purely color-based note, the doors/trim will eventually be repainted. They’re still the original almond that was here before, which matched the brown but just looks dirty and dingy against the blue walls. That will be a later project, though. Second, the blank wall behind the armchair has a set of wavy drop mirrors coming from Etsy to reflect the window-light and the accent wall across from them. Third, the blank space above the dresser will soon hold a cascade of scarves from my late grandmother’s collection.

Which leads me to the dark blue accent wall. Right now it is empty and dark and blank, a perfect canvas to decorate! What I would like to do on this wall is fill it with closely-set, framed pieces of art and photography, collected over time, as well as potentially some antique hand-mirrors, hanging skeleton keys, etc. Some might actually be photos that I take, but I mostly want to focus on discovering and supporting small artists and photographers selling locally or online. I have very specific tastes that I’m aiming for, and this collage shows a general idea of that, but the problem is that I’m really no good at finding artists. Mostly, I come across them on the recommendations of friends! Like, I absolutely adore the Jennifer Gordon artwork that accompanied the old RIP challenges (back in the 2009/2010 era!) and used to have several framed pieces from her etsy store, but that store no longer exists there doesn’t seem to be a way to purchase on her website. (Don’t ask why I got rid of my original prints. It’s a long story that had to do with subsuming my personality in 2015, and I still regret it.) I never would have discovered Gordon’s work if not for my online friends, so if you have any artists you love, please send me links! Obvs I won’t be buying an entire wall’s worth of art right away, but my birthday is coming up in March so I’d love to be able to put links out for folks before then! Even if you don’t think the artists you love fit the aesthetic, please leave as many links as you like! I always appreciate discovering new things.

Posted in Personal | Tagged , | 4 Comments

The Book Eaters, by Sunyi Dean

Posted on January 20, 2023 by Thistle

Excerpt from the book jacket: Out on the Yorkshire moors lives a secret line of people for whom books are food, and who retain all of a book’s content after eating it… Devon is part of the Family, an old and reclusive clan of book eaters. Her brothers grew up feasting on stories of valor and adventure, and Devon – like all book eater women – was raised on a carefully curated diet of fairy tales and cautionary stories. But real life doesn’t always come with happy endings, as Devon learns when her son is born with a rare and darker kind of hunger – not for books, but for human minds.

TW: abuse in many varieties, violence/gore

That description is slightly misleading, mostly because Devon discovers misery long before her son is born. It also doesn’t do justice to the complexity of this story. The book eaters live in this world, but apart from it. They look like humans, but aren’t human. Not only is their biology vastly different for all it mimics humans, but they have strange physical constraints (example: they literally cannot write in any form), no knowledge of where their species came from (though there is religious-like lore), and their diet of books eventually breaks their minds down as they try to hold more and more information inside. For the most part, book eaters keep away from humans so as not to draw attention to their oddities and differences, but by the time this book begins, there’s been a political upheaval in their Family system, and Devon finds herself living out in the open world, her son in tow. And that makes for an incredibly intriguing story.

The Book Eaters is told in two parallel lines – the current timeline, and a series of flashback chapters that take Devon from her childhood self to her current-day predicaments. You see through her eyes the constraints on women in her society due to their rarity (and thus value), with all the strictures placed on them because they have value. Women are a commodity not to be wasted, so they must not be indulged, given choices, or allowed to make any but the most minor of decisions. When you value a thing too much, you put it in a box where it can’t get harmed. But women aren’t things, and when you put them in boxes, they break. The Families are okay with this as long as it’s the spirit and heart that are broken, making their women weak and pliable. As you can imagine, Devon is different than the norm.

I think my favorite thing about this book is how rich the world-building is without every aspect being explained. Why can book eaters not write? It’s a question never answered, one of many. The point is not to discover where these creatures came from, or what their purpose is, or whether their mythos is in any way rooted in truth. They exist, and like humans with their cultures and beliefs and limitations and problems, obstacles and barriers also exist. The unknown and the unknowable also exist. For me, that’s what makes the book so rich. It doesn’t feel like the author doesn’t know and therefore won’t tell you, nor does it feel like these random bits are in the story purely to move the plot along. They simply enhance the world, create potential complications, and bring a very alien creature into a space where they’re extremely relatable to the reader despite having a second set of bookteeth and ink that runs through their veins.

While this book appears to be standalone – I can’t find any evidence that it’s meant to be the first in a series – the end is a bit unsettling. The rest of this paragraph contains very, very mild spoilers not regarding events but the tone of the book, so I’m going to white it out. Highlight to read: The climax and tension build all the way through the last few pages, and even once you know where things are headed, there’s always uncertainty for the future. There are some really disturbing moments through the climax – disturbing in the implications of what they might mean for the characters going forward. It feels like there could be a whole host of questions that could be addressed in further volumes, or potentially a complete standalone with an ending that simply says life will never be even remotely simple for these creatures who are alien in our world. End mild spoilers.

I loved this book. Loved the writing, the fabric of the world, the use of queer characters without that being the focus of their stories or personalities, loved the complexities that inherently come with living in a world that isn’t meant for you. I loved the focus on family, both good and bad, and the discussion of the cost of love. There were definitely some unsettling and gruesome parts of the book (see trigger warnings), but it all felt appropriate in context and never glorified or overemphasized. Altogether, it was a rich book that I would guess will stick with me for a long time.

Posted in 2023, Adult, Prose | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

January Self Portrait: Gutter Glitter

Posted on January 18, 2023 by Thistle

Part of my goals this year is to move forward with photography (in many different aspects). With a nod toward that goal, I decided to emulate a TT creator who chose to do a self portrait each month of 2022. By doing a personal self portrait each month, I can explore different themes and styles (in shots, costume, and edits), improve at creative portraiture, and personally get more comfortable in my skin as my body image has really suffered since Ozempic caused massive weight gain in late 2020 through 2021.

Last weekend, I took January’s photos, a shoot I called Gutter Glitter after a song from Switchblade Symphony. There were two locations that inspired these photos, a drainage ditch and an industrial park, both of which I pass regularly as I travel back and forth to the animal shelter that I foster through. I had the idea to contrast an ethereal/fantastical costume with the grimy reality that is litter, graffiti, runoff, and rust. Concrete and metal vs gossamer and light.

Let me just say that this is one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever forced myself to do. No one expects a person to dress up like they’re going to Ren Faire, smear glitter haphazardly across their face, and then walk down a busy public street in an industrial area, or jump into a drainage ditch. Believe me, you get a LOT of stares. Jason came along with me, because frankly, I needed the moral support, plus I didn’t feel safe going into that situation alone, and he made a great stand-in model for focusing my camera! We went to three locations – the two mentioned above, plus a utility pole at the edge of my neighborhood. (At a four way stop. Where I was close enough to each car to see the baffled and/or bemused expressions on every person’s face.) It was right around sunset, so there was perfect golden hour light to take these photos, which get progressively darker as we went along. (And hey, at the last stop, the stares went so far as to involve an old man across the street watching us and laughing!)

Uncomfortable? Yes, I was! But honestly, the longer the night went on, the more comfortable I got, even with the old man laughing at me in that third location. A lot of the photos weren’t great – I’m not very good at posing for the camera, never have been! – but there were several dozen that came out phenomenal. Once I got them edited, I had a really fun and creative story to tell.

What should I do in February? Any suggestions?

*****
OMG. I found out four days after this photo session that there was a drug-deal-turned-shooting at the halfway point between my second and third location, while we were driving from the gutter to the industrial park. We were literally driving by as the shooting happened. Holy f*ck…

Posted in Personal | Tagged , , | Leave a comment