I feel gross.
I feel dirty.
I don’t want to be seen.

Shame.
Ugly thoughts.
Loathing and disgust.

I hurt.
I am angry.
I am too overwhelmed to be angry.
I sink into depression.

I cannot move.
I cannot act.

I want change.
I am a traitor.
To myself.
To women.
To my beliefs.

I wrestle.
Two directions, both clenched.
Paralyzed into silence.