November 27, 2009 – Several things came together to start my original weight loss journey. I’d joined an exercise challenge in early October, but hadn’t done well because my body weight was the highest it had ever been and exercise with any impact was HARD. So on that day, I got rid of my treadmill and bought an elliptical instead. Later that day, I went out with three friends, one of whom had been learning about intuitive eating. Between the exercise challenge to push me, the elliptical to help me exercise, and the advice on eating intuitively, I began to lose weight. The first fifteen months were very slow, until I discovered new things about health and nutrition, and after that, it was all downhill (in a good way!).

In 2010, on my first weight loss anniversary, I was down 15 lbs. In 2011, I was down a total of 66 lbs. 2012: -95 lbs. 2013: -105 lbs. 2014: -99 lbs. That’s about when I started struggling with stress and binge-eating and regain. The numbers got worse. 2015: -50 lbs. 2016: -35 lbs. 2017: -29 lbs. Never fully up to that highest weight again, but far closer than I ever wanted to be! And now it’s 2018, year nine, nearly a decade after I began. I truly wanted to have some major improvement between last year and now, especially since I wouldn’t be moving across the country halfway through the year again. Alas, my 2018 total clocks in at -29 lbs, exactly the same as last year.

2009, 2014, 2018

There is no possibility that I’ll be back at goal weight by next year’s 10th anniversary, which is what I was hoping the last time I really posted about this anniversary a few years ago. It’s just not possible with my body. But once again, I’m going to try really hard to make SOME improvement. I want good news to report. I want to be closer to my eventual goals:

• to be healthy, mentally and physically; to eat fruits and vegetables routinely, to make better food choices as a matter of habit, and to have my weight be in a healthy range
• to be strong, both in my heart and in physical strength, to be able to do things like pull-ups and headstands and crow pose and running
• to be athletic, whether that’s in running or dancing or yoga or a number of other possibilities, and to be seen as such when I enter gyms, sports stores, etc
• to fit into my smaller-sized wardrobe again, including my wedding ring, favorite pair of jeans, favorite t-shirt, and Harry Potter jacket; and to be able to shop in regular stores and at thrift stores again
• to match my outside to my inside so that I feel comfortable in my own skin again, and no longer feel the need to hide, and to no longer be self-conscious in public or around friends and family
• to be uncomfortable going long periods of time just sitting/lying around again, because my body will be used to activity and movement even when I’m not exercising
• to be unafraid to try new things, especially physical things or things that will put me under scrutiny