Back in June 2012, I was near the end of my weight loss journey, but stalled due to a stress fracture in my leg. For twelve weeks, I wasn’t allowed to exercise, and I basically maintained a steady weight in that time. I still had another 20 lbs to go, and was so frustrated with the stall. But I was also at a really good size for my body, and I lot of my online support group was telling me that I should be satisfied with where I was at instead of wishing I could just get on with things. I can see their point, but at the same time, I was not where I wanted to be. So at the time, both to remind myself and as a rebuttal, I wrote the following “I’ll know I’m done…” list. Looking back on it now cracks me up. The following is that list, with my commentary six years later.

***
I’ll know I’m done…

…when I no longer feel the compulsion to step on the scale daily and see the numbers decrease.
***I doubt this will ever go away no matter what. (The stepping on the scale bit anyway.)

…when I can see my collarbones completely and distinctly.
***This would be awesome again. I did get there before.

…when I regain my normal body shape, somewhere between hourglass and upper triangle.
***This never would’ve happened without abdominal surgery, and even after regaining post-surgery, my body shape has stayed true to me.

…when I shop for clothes I love and that fit my style, rather than for clothes that make me look thinner or fit a certain number.
***Lularoe has made this happen for me regardless of my size – this can no longer be a “final” goal, ha!

…when I feel attractive or sexy again, and don’t mind dressing up.
***Ditto the last entry.

…when I stop measuring my food.
***Turns out that I go on and off measuring my food regardless of size.

…when I look thin (ie “normal”) in pictures even in funny positions/angles or in awkward-fitting clothes.
***Again, this was more about surgery than size, but it would be nice to be there again. It just won’t be as difficult this time.

…when I look in the mirror and feel satisfied with what I see.
***Ironically, this is 75% of the time now despite regain. All down to surgery.

…when I can go to the doctor without worrying about stepping on their scale.
***I can do this now, but it has more to do with finding a decent doctor who isn’t going to berate me about my size.

…when I fit into my wedding dress again.
***Ditto surgery. Turns out it was all just that extra skin on my belly.

…when I look at pictures of me next to people of all sizes, big or small, and feel okay with my size in relation to them.
***I miss this one. I did get there at one point though.

…when I no longer think about food constantly – planning out meals, ideas, snacks, and times, etc.
***Again, I don’t think this will ever go away.

…when I feel confident in public without constantly verifying the lay of my clothes, my posture, etc.
***I’m already confident and never worry about my clothes anymore. Ditto surgery and Lularoe.

…when I’m comfortable taking a single picture, rather than multiple shots, and don’t worry how it’ll turn out.
***Broken record time: surgery. It’s not as good as it once was, but I’m pretty happy with (most) photos these days.

…when I look at those pictures afterwards and am satisfied (not asking to be happy constantly, just satisfied).
***Same.

…when I stop comparing my current self with old pictures.
***Ha! Now I compare myself to a different set of old pictures.

…when I can honestly say I’m a success story.
***I’d like to get there one day.

…when I feel and look fit and healthy, rather than super-thin.
***This photo from 2014 embodies this 100%. I do want to get back there.

…when I no longer care if I lose another pound, because I’m happy just the way I am.
***I do hope that I’ll get there one day.

*****
So as it turns out, most of what I had to do to feel like all the things on this list was undergo abdominal surgery and then find a clothing brand that I love. Heh. I’m so far from goal now that I couldn’t even begin to think of a replacement list. Perhaps one day.