I mentioned this past Wednesday that my new medicine has helped to regulate my body to a certain degree. I no longer feel like I’m fighting my body all the time. One major side benefit I didn’t realize would come up is an excess of energy. See, when you’re constantly battling your body, you don’t have the energy to do anything. Every day is a fight just to get the bare minimums done. I’m not talking about the fug of depression, or a lack of motivation. I’m talking about the need to be constantly vigilant, holding yourself together so your body doesn’t spiral out of control.
I didn’t realize just how much energy I was spending on keeping my body together. A single short trip out of the house would wipe me out. On the rare occasion that I managed to exercise three days in a row, I’d be flattened for a week. Sometimes I had to choose between setting rice to cook or calling to schedule a doctor’s appointment – I simply couldn’t do both. It was easier to skip scrubbing the bathroom or vacuuming the house because I just didn’t have the energy or time. And forget doing the things I wanted to do, like write. I blamed this on depression or the fifty million doctor appointments or my much-heavier body or many other things. I didn’t realize that the fatigue and lack of energy boiled down to the simple fact that I was fighting my body 24/7.
My first day on this medicine was March 4th. In the two months before that, I’d managed to write a measly 3322 words on my current manuscript-in-progress, most of them scrapped because they were just so bad. In the two weeks since I began taking it, I’ve written over 13,000 (good) words. This is despite several birthday parties, my kids being home from spring break, many doctors appointments, exercising nearly every day, getting all my chores done, running tons of errands, and taking time to crochet most days. I don’t have more time than before, and I don’t feel less depressed…but my brain has been freed from the prison of body-battle and can now focus on other things. And let me just be the first to shout HURRAH!!!!!