City of Nightmares, by Rebecca Schaeffer

From Goodreads, because this is hands down one of the most intriguing descriptions for a book that I’ve ever laid eyes on: Ever since her sister became a man-eating spider and slaughtered her way through town, nineteen-year-old Ness has been terrified—terrified of some other Nightmare murdering her, and terrified of ending up like her sister. Because in Newham, the city that never sleeps, dreaming means waking up as your worst fear.

Whether that means becoming a Nightmare that’s monstrous only in appearance, to transforming into a twisted, unrecognizable creature that terrorizes the city, no one is safe. Ness will do anything to avoid becoming another victim, even if that means lying low among the Friends of the Restful Soul, a questionable organization that may or may not be a cult.

But being a member of maybe-cult has a price. In order to prove herself, Ness cons her way into what’s supposed to be a simple job for the organization—only for it to blow up in her face. Literally. Tangled up in the aftermath of an explosive assassination, now Ness and the only other survivor—a Nightmare boy who Ness suspects is planning to eat her—must find their way back to Newham and uncover the sinister truth behind the attack, even as the horrors of her past loom ominously near.

Normally, I wouldn’t include a book description that’s that long, but this is worth it. And it does a really good job of showing the kind of writing in City of Nightmares. I added this book to my list after reading just the first half of the first sentence, and I wasn’t disappointed. Sure, the first 50 pages or so were a little slow as the world and characters got built and backstoried. Though honestly, I was reading those first 50 pages in snatches between doctor’s appointments and such, so the “slowness” might have been entirely coincidental/mindset. I kept pushing through because I expected it would be worth it, and once I had time to really sit and read, I finished the book in under two days.

There are two things I want to say about this book. The first is that I’m incredibly happy that such a book exists. Some years ago, I had an idea for a novel about a society where people are given medication to cause them not to dream, because somehow (I hadn’t figured out how) a hole had opened up between the dream world and ours, and dreams started coming through to our world in all their various forms. There was more to it that I had planned out, but 1) this was past when I’d given up fiction-writing, so I never did much with it, and 2) I realized quickly that this wasn’t the kind of book that I’d write well. So it was an idea that went to the wayside, an idea I loved and wished to exist in the real world. Now it does, and Schaeffer created it in so much gloried detail that it’s everything I could have wanted and more!!

The second thing is that this book is more than just its plot. Yeah, the plot is incredible. It keeps you on your toes, and there are moments less than 50 pages from the end that had me saying “Oh fuck” aloud. However, this is the best kind of book, where the thematic elements are just as important as the story. This is a book about fear, empowerment, agency, and choice. It’s about friendship and non-romantic intimacy and trust. It’s about the worst elements of human nature, and the way society progresses when those toxic elements are given form, whether that form is literal (a person becoming a nightmare creature) or less tangible (like in media or politics).

Honestly, while I enjoyed reading the book, it was only after I finished and I began thinking back through it that I realized just how much Schaeffer layered into these pages. I’ve had experiences both through blogging and through book clubs where a novel has been good – or even just okay – on reading, but through analysis, writing, and/or discussion, that initial impression has vastly improved. This is one of those times. I had no idea that I was getting more than a fascinating fun story when I went into City of Nightmares, and now I can’t wait to approach the forthcoming sequel** with more focus.

PS: Noteworthy fun fact – this is my 11th “City of __” book read since I began blogging 15 years ago. Some of those are repeat authors, so Schaeffer makes the 8th author of a “City of __” book that I’ve read in that time. “City of __” is therefore the most common novel title template that I’ve recorded on my blog. Huzzah!

**Apparently this series is a duology. I thought City of Nightmares was standalone when I started, but by the end, I realized it must be part of a series, and GR lists book two as the conclusion of the sequence.

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Sunday Coffee – The Valentine’s Litter

It’s that time again – new foster babies! Meet our newest trio: Huey, Dewey, and Louie. These three little boys are quite young, only about four weeks old when we picked them up on Valentine’s Day. They have fluffy little round bodies (no starvation or weight issues, hurrah!!), triangle tails, and uncoordinated little pounces. It’s adorable.

Now, normally kittens this young wouldn’t be separated from their mama yet (or they’d still be on a bottle). I don’t know the story behind these little ones, but at four weeks, they were already weaned and eating wet food, likely by necessity. On the plus side, they’ve had no trouble eating. On the negative side, their bodies aren’t fully prepared for non-milk food, so they’re suffering a little bit of poop issues. Couple that with the fact that they’re in the early stages of using the litter box, and it’s been a messy few days.

(Side note: Someone asked me on TikTok how kittens learn to use the litter box, and I thought I’d also answer the question here. It’s a relatively simple thing – it seems to be primarily instinct! Cats outside will dig and bury their waste to avoid leaving a scent for predators to find. Litter mimics that. A cat old enough to use a litter box doesn’t have to be shown how. When we’ve brought in fosters that are 6+ weeks old, we just put them down in the box to show them where it’s at, and that’s it. Done. We probably don’t even need to do that. With kittens at the age of this trio, where they’re literally learning how to eliminate without their mother stimulating them, they will mess up a lot at first as they don’t always make it to the box before going. As they get more control, the accidents lessen. If they’re consistently going in another place, you can move their waste to the box to teach them where the smells should be, but in all the cats we’ve helped, this has never been necessary. Notably, if adult cats are consistently going somewhere other than the box, there’s either a problem with the cat or a problem with the box, so it’s time to listen to that cry for help!)

Huey, Dewey, and Louie are loud, chaotic, and so fun to play with. They don’t yet know how to snuggle well (too active!), and you have to protect your clothes from paws that have stepped in both food and poop (sigh), but that’s just their age. They’ll grow out of it soon, just like they’ll grow out of those round bodies and triangle tails. (A pity – triangle tails really are the best!) Other than the brief week we had the Bistro Babies, who were mostly cared for by their mama, we haven’t had kittens this young since Shai and Hulud. Our fosters are usually 6+ weeks, because kittens at this young age are usually with their mom or on a bottle. Like I said, I don’t know the story behind how these guys ended up weaned and orphaned at this age, but it’s fun to spend time with littles again. They’ll be with us for at least a month, and as they started out fearless and happy to play with humans, they’re going to be the biggest snuggle-babies by the time we’re through with them!

PS – One little sad note: Dewey really misses his mom. One of the signs of distress that kittens show when they’re weaned too early is trying to suckle on things. Dewey will mew plaintively and try to suckle on his brothers’ necks, or my neck, or my fingers, and (weirdly) my eyelids. He can’t be comforted, because obviously there will be no milk forthcoming. And we have to try to keep him from suckling on his brothers, because if he suckles the wrong part (hem), it can lead to permanent nerve damage in said part and problems with incontinence. While the other two kittens seem less distressed about their separation – Huey is generally bigger and more physically developed, while Louie is a no-brains kind of kitten – Dewey is clearly upset and unwell, so we’re giving him all the attention we can.

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The Writing Retreat, by Julia Bartz

Alex has had writer’s block for a year, ever since she and her best friend Wren had a devastating friend-breakup. Now she’s been invited to her favorite author’s estate for a month-long intensive writing retreat, and she couldn’t be more excited. Except that Wren will be there too. Alex swallows down her hurt and bitterness, only to find herself in a situation far more nightmarish than she’s imagined.

Y’all. This book. When I say “over the top,” you aren’t even beginning to imagine the half of it. Seriously. When hallucinogenic sapphic demon sex is the least crazy thing on the list, you just kinda have to throw suspension of disbelief out the window and go with it. Buckle in for a wild, chaotic ride.

I don’t have much to say about The Writing Retreat. It suffered from a lot of overused thriller tropes, but there was enough fun in it to keep me reading despite that. The whole thing is beyond ridiculous, but also impossible to put down. I enjoyed it while rolling my eyes the whole time. Don’t know what else I can say. It was a chaotic mess, so much that it may have been great. So I guess I’ll say this: If “hallucinogenic sapphic demon sex” causes your ears to perk up, read this book. If it makes you cringe away? Don’t read it. Easy litmus test, I suppose? Heh.

Posted in 2023, Adult, Prose | Tagged , | Leave a comment

15th blogoversary: Hello out there…

Last week, I had a bit of a blogistential crisis when I realized I was approaching 15 years in this place. My data-oriented brain looked back over 2022 and ran some numbers: 144 posts; 41 (28%) that had comments; and of those, only 12 of them (29%, or 8% of my total posts) had comments from more than one person (excluding responses from me). Almost all of the comments came from a half-dozen readers. I was looking at those numbers and I thought – maybe it’s time to stop. Maybe 15 years is enough. Maybe it’s time to fully transition my social media presence away from this dinosaur platform onto platforms where I have more engagement, like Instagram or TikTok.

Except…I don’t want to migrate. I still enjoy blogging, regardless of interaction. I like having a quiet space to post my book reviews, cat stuff, photography, and monthly wrap ups. I like the organization of the Zen Leaf. I like the wealth of memories and thoughts I’ve collected over the years. Since I gave up writing fiction in 2016, this is about all I have left of wordplay, and I do still enjoy writing, a lot. Yeah, back in 2008 when I started, this was all about connecting with other people and making likeminded friends across the world. It’s not about that anymore, with so few of us left, so I have to evaluate on new criteria – something I haven’t done in a very long time.

(figured a new header would be nice for 15 years!)

There isn’t really any question of me quitting outright, so the question became, do I take this blog private, and write only for myself? Or keep writing into the void publicly, with sporadic interactions with other folks? I thought about that, how it might change things for me. If I made the Zen Leaf private, I honestly don’t imagine there would be much of a change in how I use it. After all, over 70% of my posts get no interaction at all if 2022 is any indication, and that’s never stopped me from writing or posting. If I went private, I might be less formal in reviews of books I don’t like (ha!), but otherwise, I don’t see a lot of change. That left me teetering on a fence about what to do. Fifteen years is a long time, and it might be time for a clean break.

I decided to leave the question for a week and come back to it. There were drafts ready to go for most of the time in between, when I was going to be extremely busy, so I didn’t think much about blogging during that time. Then I finished another book, and came to do my post-book wrap-up admin here, adding it to lists and prepping a blog post for when I had a chance to review it. The date of that post would need to be after this blogoversary post, which I had yet to write. I thought – this could be the first post, the first book review, that would be private. Something in my gut tugged. The book itself wasn’t significant, but I would craft my words to review it, and even if those words are only read by five or six people, it still feels better to know that they are out in the world to be read, if people so choose.

That answered my question for me. If I don’t have any blogging angst and I do this because I enjoy it, if I don’t care that the majority of my posts don’t get any engagement, then it doesn’t matter if I continue publicly or privately. However, if it feels better on a gut level to keep going the way I always have? There’s no reason not to at that point. I can write for me and me alone, publicly. And for those half-dozen folks who have been here for so long, I still see you, and appreciate you, and know you’re celebrating 15 years with me. We might all be blogging dinosaurs, but we haven’t completely disappeared yet. Cheers!

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February Self Portrait: Valentine’s

One of my goals this year is to do a monthly personal photoshoot as a way to:

  1. get outside my comfort zone;
  2. practice taking portraits (particularly trying out posing techniques to understand better what works in front of the camera, so I can give instruction from behind the camera);
  3. try out new techniques, styles, and edits;
  4. and get a little more comfortable in my own skin.

Continue reading

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Sunday Coffee – In the Air Force Now (Again)

Back in August, I posted about Ambrose’s graduation from AFBMT. Originally, Ambrose decided to sign up for the Air Force with their best friend Tyler, and the two were planning to attend basic training together in some kind of buddy system. However, Tyler’s paperwork took much longer, and their approval into the AF didn’t come until long after Ambrose was done with basic and off to Korea. It was also long after the two of them had their proxy marriage ceremony in September. Finally, not long before Christmas, Tyler’s approval and ship date came through, and they started BMT right before the holiday.

We’ve known Tyler for a long time now. Ambrose and Tyler first became friends in 2017 when my family moved back to TX from Wisconsin, and Tyler’s mother was stationed in San Antonio. The two of them were always out together and we lived close together. The families all spent time with each other, until Tyler’s family relocated with the army to out in Alabama sometime during the pandemic. Until that move, Tyler was in our pandemic “bubble,” playing Dungeons & Dragons (and other RPGs) with Jason, Ambrose, and sometimes Morrigan and Laurence first over Zoom/Skype, and post-vaccine, at our house. Even after Ambrose left for BMT and Tyler was living across the country, Jason and Tyler continued to play their games through video-chat. So in a lot of ways, Tyler has been family for a long time, and their family considers Ambrose as part of their family too.

Unlike Ambrose, Tyler invited everyone to their graduation. (Ambrose asked that no one come to theirs.) Jason and I got tickets, and Tyler’s family flew in from Alabama. The whole group of us spent a big chunk of Wednesday and Thursday hanging out, and it was so good to see not just Tyler but the rest of the family too. Lots of long hugs, lots of support, lots of happiness to join families. Because Tyler and Ambrose’s wedding was unconventional in a lot of ways – a proxy ceremony, so there was no event to attend, not to mention they’ve called it a platonic marriage/life partnership, and it was all very quick – we had no real idea of how comfortable everyone was going to be. But the family is so great, and they were all so happy to welcome Ambrose in, and excited to all be tied together legally. They’ve been so supportive of both kiddos and their continued journeys in career and life. Ambrose could not have chosen a better family to join, and I’m overjoyed to welcome Tyler into ours.

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Spells For Forgetting, by Adrienne Young (audio)

August hasn’t been back to the island of Saoirse since he left with his mother after he was accused of killing one of his classmates right after graduation. His mother is dead now, and her last request was to bury her ashes on the island. But when August arrives back in Saoirse, the island’s secrets start to emerge, leaving him embroiled in even more danger than when he left.

TW: child abuse, physical violence/assault

That’s a pitiful description, but honestly, the official blurb invested way too much into this book. It sounded so interesting, the premise was so good, and then it was a lot of setup for no real payoff. The magic and curses and folklore? Could’ve been cut altogether without really changing the story. Felt more like old wives’ tales that had no substance in them for 99% of the book. The murder mystery? Dull. Character development? There were like three (I think?) old ladies in this book and I have no idea which is which after an entire 12 hours with them, and they’re important to the story. The love story part? Straight out of YA angst with a thin layer of literary shine on it. (Especially after August shows himself to be a carelessly violent person just like his whole family line before him. We’re supposed to cheer for this guy? I’m so tired of toxic masculinity being praised because sometimes the guy is sensitive. Assault is assault, and if you can’t control your temper, I’m done with you.) It was just…not worth it. Disappointing. My first disappointing read of the year.

Honestly, I almost quit reading when there was less than two hours left on the audiobook. I’d already past the point where August is an asshole and somehow no one cares, and the climax wasn’t going anywhere. There’s this weird urgency to Emery’s discoveries – Emery is the love interest and other main narrator – as if something is going to happen right then, as if suddenly the one bit of maybe-magic is going to mean something, and then it didn’t, and we skipped to an epilogue? Or something? I don’t know. The whole thing just didn’t work for me. (Especially the chapter told from the point of view of the island itself.)

Performance: I originally got this book from BotM, but because I was feeling more like audio, I also grabbed that version from my library. I didn’t realize that it was read by nine different people! I’m not generally a fan of audiobooks that have so many narrators that I have to categorize them under the “multiple readers” header, and I can’t really review it because some were good performances, some weren’t, and I don’t know who was who. For the record, the nine narrators were: Emily Rankin, Dan Bittner, Mark Deakins, Kimberly Farr, Ari Fliakos, Dawn Harvey, Carrington MacDuffie, Kirsten Potter, and Oliver Wyman.

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Wellness Wednesday – Note To Self

One of the side effects of Mounjaro is that it slows gastric emptying, essentially making you feel fuller for longer. I don’t know how it does this, or what the point is in terms of what the medicine was originally designed to do (stabilize blood sugar, lower a1c). For me, the important part is that when your stomach takes a lot longer to empty, you have to be mindful of a few things.

1) Any medicine that is a timed release will work differently. The timing is based on normal gastric emptying, so if the release is meant to happen after the medicine is in your intestines, it might start in the stomach instead, and that will change the way your body absorbs it. For instance, when I had covid in November, the antivirals caused me to have much stronger side effects than normal because of when the medicine entered my system. I’ve also had to monitor my extended release anti-anxiety medicine to make sure it continues to function properly.

2) The slowing of your digestive system can cause cramping and abdominal pain if you eat too much fat or fiber. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced too much with regards to this because I’m pretty moderate (for better or for worse) on both fat and fiber.

3) If you eat too much in one sitting, you open yourself up to potential stomach pain, heartburn, and acid reflux.

Now, I’ve suffered from varying amounts of heartburn and acid reflux ever since my abdominal surgery nine years ago. I’m 99% sure that the doctor who did the surgery basically compressed my organs/muscles in a way that they press on my stomach, causing the above symptoms, as well as an inability to properly detect hunger cues. I never had any problems with those things prior to that surgery (minus pregnancy-related heartburn with my oldest child). I control much of the chronic acid-based symptoms through a combination of careful nutrition balancing and a doctor-monitored medicine regimen. About 50% of my days, I’m able to go without any medication at all, and the other half, I take a preventative. Only very rarely since I began the preventative last summer have I had any heartburn or acid reflux symptoms.

However, since I began the Mounjaro, I’ve had to be super careful, especially about the fat content of my food. Heavy fats, particularly those from animal products, tend to cause more acid problems. Now, I already preferred the taste of leaner cuts of meat, but even 90% lean beef will periodically cause problems if I eat too much in one sitting. Forget cheese or eggs in more than small quantities.

I fucked up last weekend. We made one of my favorite meals, Cincinnati chili, and I kinda didn’t pay attention to the quantity I was eating. Those four weeks on the lower level of Mounjaro during the shortage was enough time for me to forget the Rules. So I ate way too much, including far more meat/fat than I should have. Afterwards, my stomach began to hurt, a lot. That’s when I realized that I’d fucked up. I didn’t realize just how badly until I woke up at 4am with severe reflux and had to spend the rest of the night propped up in a sitting position, with emergency meds to try to control it. Whoops!

Note to self: I don’t care how much you like a meal, over-eating is not going to make you feel good!

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Full Moon

Last night’s moon was beautiful. I do wish I had a better lens. My telephoto lens is on the cheaper end of lenses. It has a hard time focusing properly, and has a bit of lens creep. I don’t have a telescope or anything to take photos the easy way – I have to do it just with camera and tripod. One day, right?

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Sunday Coffee – Lockwood & Co

On Friday, I found out that there was a new Lockwood & Co series running on Netflix. I hadn’t heard anything about it and Netflix didn’t recommend it to me on my account, but I guess it had only released a couple days before that so I’m not too far behind. In any case, I loved Jonathan Stroud’s Lockwood books and was sad when the series ended, so I thought this might be a good way to revisit the series.

Note: I’m not Netflix’s biggest fan right now. I don’t use the service much anyway, but we keep it around because we share with our kids. We pay extra to have it on six screens, so each of the five of us can have it on our phones, plus on our TV. This whole “we’re taking away password-sharing” fiasco has really pissed so many people off, and even more, the whole walking it back without apology, pretending it was a mistake even though their US customer service was already trained on how to answer questions about college kids, deployed spouses, etc. Fiasco is such a mild word. It’s like they’re trying to go out of business. Again. I’m honestly not sure how long before they pull another stunt like this, so my goal is to get through any shows I have sitting around that I haven’t finished yet so I can cancel as soon as they do.

But back to Lockwood. I watched the first two episodes on Friday evening, and the rest yesterday. I’m generally indifferent on movie adaptations of books, unlike many readers. Sometimes I like the movie but not the book (like The Hours). Often the book is far better (like with the HP series). Sometimes seeing the movie helps me with a book I haven’t been able to get into yet (like Northanger Abbey), and sometimes the movie tells me that I was right to abandon the book (like The Great Gatsby). I don’t have any true preference on seeing the movie or reading the book first; it just depends. And I’ve always felt like most book adaptations would be far better in series format. So much more of the detail can be put in, there’s expanded time for rich settings and character development, backstories can be explored, and so on. I’ve loved quite a few mini-series – Jonathan Strange, Good Omens, Poldark (before it got rapey…) – so I was really excited to hear about this one. I’d long suspected Lockwood would be good as a TV show!

I loved it. There were a few things that changed, like aging up the characters a bit, but generally I thought this was a really well-done adaptation. I’m looking forward to the second season, but unlike other folks, I’ve read the books so I know what’s on the other end of that last cliffhanger! I’m good to wait for the next binge. Meanwhile, I think the guy who plays Lockwood did a fabulous job projecting Lockwood’s cocky arrogance with a hint of humanity underneath. Lucy is spectacularly spunky, and George’s character was changed a bit from his rather stereotypical book self, so a change for the better. It was also fun to see a few actors I recognized, like Mr Diggery from HP4. The one thing that kept throwing me off, though, was that three of the prominent characters looked so much like young versions of already-famous actors and actresses. Lucy was a dead ringer for a babyfaced Jennifer Lawrence. Quill Kipp is a teenaged Rufus Sewell. Lockwood looks like if Daniel Radcliffe and Tobey Maguire had a child together. I kept thinking I’d seen all three of them in former shows/movies, but no, it was just that uncanny resemblance. Heh. Last but not least, the show soundtrack is fire!

Has anyone else watched these? I highly recommend them, though if you haven’t read the books, that last cliffhanger is going to get you, haha! View the trailer here.

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