This summer has been very tough for me so far. First my uncle was diagnosed with late stage terminal cancer. Then we discover $20K worth of damage and enter a large legal fight with a construction company. Our house gets torn apart and we’ll be living in temporary accommodations for the next month or two. An online friend of mine passes away. The boys get out of school but immediately start an insane summer schedule involving summer school, drivers ed driving appointments, band camp, study abroad, and a whole lot of doctor visits. I think I’ve had something to do every single day since June began, never at the same time or in any consistent pattern.
No routine. This is not good for me.
Heat – over 100 most days, waking up to 80 degrees – is not good for me.
Construction supplies took over our house. There’s no place to exercise but outside, and it’s too hot out there. The kitchen barely exists. There’s no place to cook real food. There’s no place to relax, there’s no place to read, there’s no place to walk in circles to work off some energy. THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ME.
I’ve eaten out almost every day this month, and for the first week, we ate out for every single meal. I’ve exercised only four times this month, including only one (short) yoga. I’m not bothering to count calories or make vegetables to go with meals. I’ve been drinking far more wine than is good for me, and indulging in tons of ice cream, Oreos, chips, and cereal. I’m just too exhausted and OFF to do anything. Nothing is happening. It’s all just a holding pattern, and the less routine, the less possibilities, the worse my mental health and willpower are holding out. My body hurts, I feel sick all the time from the gross food, and I just want the opportunity to get back to normal again. Summers are always difficult for me, but this is abnormally so. And I don’t see any changes in my external situation for at least another month, probably two.
Somehow, I’m going to have to internally regroup despite everything and at least stop making things worse.