April is usually a difficult month for me. The weather changing from warm to hot, plus all the oak pollen that continues this month, typically makes for one depressed month. This year, I actually did really well in April. I only had one anxiety attack during the month, lasting about three days, but all the rest of the month was either okay to great. It was a very good month, all things told.
Crossed off a couple things from my list this month, mostly in going to new-to-me locations. It’s very hard for me to go outside my comfort zone, especially when it comes to new location and new places to drive to. But I visited the local meat market (one my family has literally intended to visit since we first moved here in 2006!), and also met my friend Nikki at a new-to-me restaurant in a new-to-me part of town (below). So I’m doing pretty well on that front.
This is another area that was excellent for April. I exercised on 23 days, including 22 yoga sessions and 35 miles walked, for a total of almost 22 hours of exercise this month. I averaged over 10k steps per day, an increase from previous months. I continued to track my calories every day this month, and ended up with an overall deficit equal to 3.5 lbs. But here’s the real kicker: my weight has continued to drop all month. Not much – from Apr 1st to May 1st, the drop is only 1.2 lbs – but that number is very deceptive. I’ve been dropping steadily since early March. To give a scope, I’ve been taking both weekly and monthly weight averages since we first moved back to Texas, and the graphs have shown a sudden change in the way things are going for me. While my weight only technically dropped 1.2 lbs in April, averages tell a different story: My average April weight is 3.7 lbs less than my average March weight. Sometimes averages tell more than the individual daily weigh-ins!
This shows every week’s average from September until now. Each graph line represents one pound. From September through January, my averages stayed steady within a two-pound range (area by the red horizontal line). Then around the week when my grandmother passed away, my averages bumped up for a little over a month (blue circle), staying in a two-pound range but over my previous range. Starting in early March (at the vertical orange line), my average week weights have gone down every single week. They are below where they have been since we moved to Texas, and they’re starting to creep down to levels I haven’t seen in well over a year. Yay progress!
My reading mojo has been really blah lately. I read five books this month, three of which were just okay. Of the two good ones, one was a reread of a favorite. So I’ve only had one new-to-me book that I’ve loved in the last six weeks or so. Clearly I need to spend less time finishing books that are just so-so for me, and more time looking for books that I’ll love! Favorite of the month (excluding the reread): I’ll Be Your Blue Sky by Marisa de los Santos.
Highlights of April
Always fun to look back on the best parts of the month! Especially when there are a lot of them. Things that called for celebration in April include:
- Easter with my extended family
- Atticus walking unexpectedly into our lives
- the district-wide book sale
- seeing A Wrinkle in Time in theatre finally
- finally walking to my old neighborhood and back, something I’ve wanted to do since we moved back to San Antonio last August
- breaking through a major barrier on the scale
- finishing the first tier in our landscaping project
- Trading Spaces starting up again (yay!)
- being able to re-rescue Jojo when the situation at the Cat Cafe blew up
- beginning the 100 Happy Days project
- area rugs in our living room after having hard floors for nine months (whew!)
- watching Atticus and Jojo bond with each other (below)
- Jason finding my mom’s tatting that had been missing since we moved here in August
- the new Harry Potter mystery game app
- meeting up with my college friend Nikki for the first time in 12 years
- Morrigan loved the college he visited this month (KU)
- Morrigan starting driver’s ed
Coming up in May
Confession: May used to be a really good month for me. However, I experienced a lot of trauma in May back in 2014, then more in May 2015, and more in May 2017. Because I have complex-PTSD, my body tends to hold on to trauma in my subconscious. Every year, I re-experience the physical demands of that trauma even without knowing exactly why/what I’m experiencing. This results in lots of panic attacks, anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, and other manifestations, completely unrelated to the present time. In other words, my subconscious is a bitch. No matter how much I prepare myself for the upcoming blows, they are deep-rooted in my nervous system and I have no psychological control. Eventually, my body will process this trauma and let go of it, but that takes time, and I fully expect there to be some really rough moments in May.
I’m going to do my best to keep myself together. Counter anxiety with logic, refuse the urge to drown my triggered state with food or alcohol, spend a lot of time doing yoga to keep my nervous system as calm as possible, etc. Nearly all the trauma occurred in the first half of the month, so I just need to get through the first few weeks and then (hopefully) I’ll be okay. Just…send a little positive energy out in the world for me, if you can, to help me through the next month. I appreciate it!!