It’s crazy to think it’s been seven years since I started on my weight loss journey. At one point in my life, I thought I was pretty much through with the weight loss portion and would be focusing on maintenance and learning to love my body from then on. Surprise! I’m not all the way back up to where I started, but it’s close enough to be depressing.

2009: Begin
2010: -15 lbs
2011: -66 lbs
2012: -95 lbs
2013: -105 lbs
2014: -99 lbs
2015: -50 lbs
2016: -35 lbs

I’m honestly not sure what to say here. I’m disappointed, depressed, and resigned. Another part of me is angry, determined, and wanting to push. I have so little strength these days. The last 3.5 years of my life have been pure misery and constant battle, and a body and mind can only take so much before they give out completely. I don’t expect the battles to end any time soon, which means I have no idea where I’m going to get the strength to improve my health either.

Funny to think that half of the last seven years were working in my favor, and the other half knocking me down at every turn. As I said, I don’t expect the misery to stop soon, but there’s a part of me that hopes the tide of crumminess will at least lessen at some point in the near future. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. And I want something to celebrate by this time next year. Frankly, I want to be done talking about weight loss!

Maybe by the time I hit anniversary #10 (Nov 27, 2019), I’ll be back to full maintenance again. Wishful thinking, perhaps, but I’ll just keep telling myself that, and trying to battle on.