December is always a very quiet time for me. Usually, I have a pretty crazy November, and by December, I just want to sit back with rereads and relax. Sometimes I reread books I haven’t read in a long time. Sometimes I reread books that I read earlier in the same year. December was a lovely combination of rereading Carry On and re-listening to Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, followed by starting a re-listen of The Way of Kings.
Mostly, though, December was all about putting 2015 behind me. For a long time, I’ve felt like I was hiking up a steep hill with rocks in sacks hung over my shoulders to weigh me down. When the hill was very steep, it was a struggle for every step – but the funny thing about hills is that eventually there’s a peak, and usually the slope evens out and becomes far less steep as the peak approaches. For a time, it looks like there’s no grade at all, while you still feel the upward struggle. This is where I’ve been over the last few months, feeling like I should be having an easier time of things, and yet still stumbling and falling every few days.
I don’t know if I’m over the peak now, but I felt a kind of click when I woke up on Friday morning. I’d dreaded January 1st. I didn’t feel ready. The road didn’t feel like it was flattening out. It felt like there was more distance upward to cover. Maybe there is, but on Friday morning, there was a distinct change in landscape. It felt like a new year, like something had changed. It’s too early to know for sure if something has, but even the idea of change is a much-welcomed relief. I’m so ready to be done with the old.
And so I spent the day welcoming in the new year. Six friends came over for brunch and we ended up talking for four hours over coffee, juice, fruit, breakfast tacos, egg muffins, baked oatmeal, fried potatoes, and lemon blueberry muffins. I was so caught up in everything that I didn’t even remember to get a photo of us this time!
This is how I want to spent 2016. I want to cherish my time with friends and family. I want to relax and socialize and heal. Regardless of whether or not I’m past the peak and ready to make my journey down the other side of this ridiculous mountain, it’s time to start pulling rocks out of these damn sacks and slowly releasing the extra weight off my shoulders.
The Zen Leaf 
It sounds like you already are pulling the rocks out of those damn sacks and that the extra weight is being taken off your shoulder as you write. Let the healing continue.
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That’s definitely the goal. Hopefully by all the self-pondering, I don’t drop those rocks on my feet. Ha! 😀
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“For a long time, I’ve felt like I was hiking up a steep hill with rocks in sacks hung over my shoulders to weigh me down. When the hill was very steep, it was a struggle for every step – but the funny thing about hills is that eventually there’s a peak, and usually the slope evens out and becomes far less steep as the peak approaches. For a time, it looks like there’s no grade at all, while you still feel the upward struggle. This is where I’ve been over the last few months, feeling like I should be having an easier time of things, and yet still stumbling and falling every few days.”
This is a brilliant metaphor, exactly what I’ve been trying to describe about my own year. I had a couple of good moments last year, but they were very stressful and exhausting moments that I think really brought me down for the rest of the year. Like you, though, I felt something shifting as I neared the end of the year… something very subtle.
I hope we both can take charge of 2016. In fact, I’m certain we can.
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Definitely, Adam! We can do this. 🙂
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I felt that shift too, and it felt wonderful. Even today, during my first big test, I felt in control. That isn’t a feeling I have associated with work in a very long time. I know that every day will not be like this, but I feel ready to tackle anything that comes my way. I didn’t feel like this last week at this time.
I do so hope that you have reached that peak with no more upward climb, no matter how slight. 2016 will be our year!
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Yes. We should definitely make this our year. 🙂
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